by Penny Jordan
A hectic hour-and-a-half followed. Cassie had carefully memorised as many of the names on the guest list as she could; some were familiar to her from the financial press, and with Joel at her side to smooth the introductions she found herself beginning to relax a little as she responded pleasantly to questions about how they had met, and the success of her company.
Once everyone had arrived she and Joel circulated separately and Cassie became involved in a group which included Peter Williams. She was listening to someone talking about the difficulties of finding new and challenging computer games when she remembered that she had not locked her desk drawer, something she always did when she was working on a new game. Excusing herself she hurried into the study, removing her desk key from the small pot beside her computer terminal.
She was just about to lock her desk when she heard the study door opening behind her. Thinking it was Joel she didn’t turn round until she felt a hand on her shoulder, her senses telling her instantly that it did not belong to her husband. When she turned round it was Peter Williams who stood in front of her.
‘Working on something new, Cassie?’ he enquired curiously, his glance sliding from her face to the closed desk drawer. ‘Strange how things work out isn’t it? If I hadn’t been so reluctant to take you to bed no doubt that new game would have been money in my pocket and not Howard’s. You’ve even turned out to be quite a little beauty.’ His arm slid round her as he spoke and Cassie froze instinctively. Peter had obviously been drinking and she wasn’t sure he was entirely sober. Bitterness and weakness scored unattractive lines alongside his mouth. How could she ever have contemplated marrying him, she wondered looking at him, even to save Cassietronics?
‘Come on, you can’t tell me that Howard will miss one kiss? After all you owe me that much, Cassie.’ His hot breath fanned her cheek and Cassie tensed against a wave of nausea, longing to be free of him and yet sensing that to fight would be to only exacerbate her situation.
She was just about to ask Peter to set her free when the study door opened again but Cassie’s initial flood of relief was superseded by a sharp pang of fear as she recognised the anger in Joel’s expression.
Peter had obviously seen it too because he released her straight away. ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ he whined backing away. ‘She invited me in here, Howard… Said she wanted to show me the new game she was working on.’ Peter laughed nastily, ‘Perhaps she’s regretting marrying you already umm? You should have waited for me, darling instead of rushing headlong into marriage with someone else…’
‘Get out.’ Joel held open the door and Peter half lurched through it, turning to give Cassie a bitter smile before Joel slammed the door closed.
‘You just couldn’t resist it could you?’ he demanded, advancing on her. ‘You’re all the same…just like my mother… One man isn’t enough for you. Well if you think I’m going to stand idly by and let you take Williams as a lover…betraying me the way my mother betrayed my father… Is that why you stayed with me the other night, Cassie… Let me take your virginity…because you knew you couldn’t dangle Williams on a string much longer without letting him become your lover…because like my mother…you wanted the insurance of a legal father for any b…’
The sharp cracking sound of Cassie’s palm against his lean cheek silenced the bitter stream of invective. Her skin stung from the hard contact with his and she was breathing heavily. Violence was something she abhorred and yet she had had to stop him…stop him before he could accuse her any further. She felt almost physically ill that he could even think such things never mind practically accuse her of them, and for one mad moment she contemplated telling him the truth, but then sanity intruded. Although adult, Joel was still suffering from the wounds his father had inflicted on him as a child, and was beyond comprehending reason or logic, and yet why should he continue to denigrate his mother and her whole sex, when in reality… She looked up at him and found him glaring furiously back at her, breathing harshly, the red imprint of her hand slowly fading from his skin. The blow had probably hurt her more than it had him and yet she had an overpowering urge to reach out and smooth away the red marks; to place her lips to his skin and…
Pushing away the thought Cassie said huskily, ‘Joel, you’re quite wrong. Both about me and about your mother. Peter followed me in here—I don’t know why, you may believe that or otherwise as you choose, I won’t make any other explanations or apologies because I don’t consider them necessary…’
‘So I’m wrong about Miranda am I?’ Joel taunted her. ‘And how did you come to that conclusion…what lies has she been telling you, Cassie, what sob-story… The facts speak for themselves don’t they? She’s married to her Italian lover and my brother…or perhaps my half-brother is dead because of her…’
‘Joel, you’re not being logical,’ Cassie interrupted sharply, knowing she was being cruel, but determined that he should be made to see the truth. ‘Andrew died on his way to see your mother yes, but I’ve heard that he was always a reckless driver.’ She had had that information from Mrs Pollit who, it seems, had never approved of him; and that he’d been drinking. ‘Chances were that he would have had an accident of that sort anyway…the fact that he was on his way to Italy when it occurred was simply…unfortunate…’ Before he could speak, she continued. ‘The only reason your mother stayed with your father, Joel, was because of you…because she loved you very much…not because of what he owned, or her own status, or any other reason. Your father threatened to tell you that you weren’t his son if she didn’t stay. He blackmailed her, Joel, and for your sake she gave in…’
He went white and leaned over, gripping the side of her desk, his harsh, pain-filled ‘No,’ shuddering down her spine. The anguish in that denial would haunt her dreams for the rest of her life, Cassie thought achingly, wondering if she had done the right thing. Dark blue eyes burned into grey and she could almost feel Joel willing her to retract.
‘If my father said that perhaps it was because he had good reason to suppose it was the truth…’
‘Even if your mother had not told you that it wasn’t, one look at the family portraits in the long gallery would be proof enough,’ Cassie said quietly. ‘Oh, I know you have your mother’s colouring, Joel, but physically you are very like some of your father’s ancestors…’
His face still white, he stared at her and then without a word turned on his heel and left the room.
Cassie stayed where she was for several minutes before moving, worn out by the trauma of what had occurred. Did Joel believe her or would he simply go on denying the truth? It wouldn’t be easy for him to accept, she acknowledged, and yet she sensed that until he did, until he came to terms with the fact that both his parents were humans, with human failings, he would continue to be tormented by the past.
It was only when she had said ‘goodbye’ to the last batch of guests that she realised Joel appeared to have gone. She had been so busy circulating and talking that she hadn’t realised he wasn’t about until now. A quick check of the downstairs room confirmed his absence. Could he have gone upstairs? Cassie frowned, hardly likely.
Putting on her coat she hurried round to the garages, her heart plummeting when she discovered that his car was gone, despair quickly giving way to anxious dread as she remembered how Andrew had died. Joel too had been drinking… and worse must be feeling emotionally disturbed. Anxiety gave way to guilt and Cassie paced the house, aching with restless energy long after the catering staff had gone.
Where was Joel? She rang his London flat, something she would never normally have done, too concerned over his safety to worry about what female might answer the ‘phone, but the receiver remained lifeless. No one was there. What ought she to do? Ring the police? And say what? Darkness fell bringing with it a cooling breeze, but Cassie was unaware of the drop in temperature. Where was Joel? What had she done? She ought never to have spoken.
It was gone one before she finally sat down, subsiding on one of the settees in
the salon and drawing herself up into a tiny ball, her eyes glued to the telephone, imagining with every heartbeat that it would ring and some impersonal voice on the other end would tell her that Joel had been involved in an accident.
At last she dozed off, exhausted by worry and fear, vivid images of Joel injured perhaps even dead, tormenting her shallow rest. And it was all her fault. All of it.
CHAPTER TEN
‘CASSIE.’
The low murmur of her name and the fingers resting on her shoulder brought her out of sleep. The room was in darkness, and her body felt stiff and cold. Even so hope flared warmly inside her, making her voice tremulous as she whispered, ‘Joel? You’re all right?’ Tears flooded her eyes and she could hardly speak, her muffled, ‘Oh thank God,’ making the fingers on her shoulder tense slightly.
‘You were worried?’
The curious inflection in his voice brought her back to reality, her body tensing as she tried to uncurl it and stand up. Her legs had gone semi-numb and as she tried to move she cried out in momentary pain as the blood started to flow back to her numbed limbs and they refused to support her when she tried to stand up.
‘Cassie… Relax, it’s all right…’ Joel’s arms came round her as he supported her weight, her head cradled against his shoulder. ‘You ought to be in bed,’ he told her and despite the darkness Cassie could sense him frowning. ‘What were you doing sleeping down here…’
‘It was an accident…I was…I was worried about you,’ she admitted huskily. ‘I…’ she broke off to shiver involuntarily, remembering her torturing fears. Joel’s arms tightened round her immediately. ‘I’ll take you upstairs,’ he offered. ‘You’re frozen.’
Cassie knew that she should ask him to put her down, but the temptation to simply curl into his warmth and remain held in his arms was too much. She closed her eyes the better to savour the familiar scent of him, lost in a wave of yearning so intense that she didn’t even realise they had reached her room until she felt the bed depress under her. Joel reached out to snap on the bedside lamp and Cassie recoiled from its brightness almost instinctively curling herself into a small, tight ball, her back to Joel and the lamp.
‘You can’t go to sleep like that,’ Joel objected, and it seemed to Cassie in her sleepy state that there was an undercurrent of concerned tenderness to his protest. ‘You’ll freeze… Here let me help you…’
Firm hands rolled her over, but Cassie kept her eyes squeezed tightly closed. Fear and nervous exhaustion were both taking their toll; the day had been difficult enough without the added trauma of their quarrel—a trauma she had brought entirely on herself, she reminded herself self mockingly. But at least Joel was safe… As she remembered her fears, her body trembled, her fingers reaching out to grasp Joel’s wrist, instinctively seeking the reassuring contact of his warm flesh.
‘What’s the matter? Light too bright?’
It was easier to agree than to explain the heart-swelling relief his presence brought her, reassuring her that he was alive and well and so Cassie simply nodded, keeping her eyes closed.
She felt the velvet blackness against their lids when Joel snapped off the lamp, and her skin prickled tormentingly as he murmured, ‘There, that better?’
He was talking to her as though she were a cherished child, Cassie thought wonderingly, realising for the first time that something had changed, that his manner was different. She opened her eyes trying to sit up and discovering that Joel was sitting on the bed next to her.
‘Joel…’
‘Shush…don’t talk now,’ he told her. ‘You’re practically asleep. Let’s get this off for you…’
His fingers moved deftly over buttons and fastenings and Cassie simply lay there, letting him take control, soothed by the cool comforting drift of his hands against her body, too emotionally drained to do more than give thanks that he was safe.
Her nightgown was a sliver of sea-foam-green silk, and she shivered as she felt the cool brush of it against her skin.
‘This can’t possibly keep you warm,’ Joel’s voice was husky, brushing arousingly over her raw nerves.
But Cassie managed to say valiantly, ‘It isn’t designed to.’
‘Then there isn’t much point in my putting it on you is there?’ His voice was still husky, vibrating with a warmth that stirred a heat in the pit of Cassie’s stomach. She kept her eyes closed as Joel pulled back the covers of her bed, and she slipped gratefully beneath them. Her sheets felt cold against her naked skin, tiredness pressing heavy weights down on her eyelids. She could hear vague sounds of movement, elusively familiar and yet somehow alien. There was a cold rush of night air as Joel lifted the covers a second time and she made a small murmur of protest.
‘It’s all right, Cassie.’ His voice soothed and relaxed her and she made no protest when his arms came round her, drawing her back into the warmth of his body. In her half-awake state it did not seem at all strange that Joel should be in bed with her, warming her with the heat of his body, comforting her with the heavy thud of his heart under her cheek. As she drifted off to sleep she curled closer to him, murmuring soft sounds of pleasure, feeling the tension of the day slide away from her.
* * *
SHE WAS AWAKE EARLY, disturbed by the unfamiliar weight of Joel’s arm beneath her breasts, his breath warm against the back of her neck. As she wriggled slightly away from him the events of the previous evening came storming back. She turned her head silently studying his sleeping, vulnerable features. A shadow darkened his jaw, and she reached out tentative fingers to touch the dark stubble, feeling it prickle against her skin. His eyelashes were long and thick, his hair ruffled. As though he missed her presence in his arms, he frowned and rolled towards her, his arm moving back from her waist to just below her breasts, his palm warm against the underside of one as his fingers cupped gently round it. He made small sounds of pleasure in his sleep, throwing one leg possessively across her body, pinning her to the bed. How she loved him, and how impossible that love was. Why had he stayed with her last night? Sighing, Cassie tried to view her future without him, and succeeded only in re-awakening the aching pain she had grown to live with recently. Her head nestled against his shoulder and if she turned her face towards him her lips were almost touching the strong, corded column of his throat. Almost instinctively Cassie found she was doing just that. His skin tasted warm, and faintly musky. Her tongue delicately explored the texture of it, her fingertips unconsciously stroking through the fine dark hair covering the exposed portion of his chest. The warmth of his body so close to hers made her ache in the pit of her stomach and she trembled drawing back from him, knowing that she could not trust herself not to betray her feelings if she stayed where she was. As she raised her head the dark lashes lifted, densely blue eyes trapping fleeing hazel ones.
‘Don’t stop,’ Joel murmured softly, watching her intently.
‘You were awake.’ She said the words almost accusingly, colour storming her skin. Her tongue flicked nervously over her lips and caught the taste of him. Joel’s concentration focused on her mouth, his hand lifting to thread through her hair. She knew that he would kiss her and that she ought to move but she couldn’t. The touch of his mouth against hers, initially fleeting, almost testing, aroused a storm of need inside her, her lips clinging softly to his as her fingers curled tightly against his skin. His mouth moulded hers, gently at first, and then with growing passion as he found her lips warm and pliant beneath his, his teeth tugging, erotically inflicting tiny darts of pain that his tongue soothed as her lips parted for him.
His arms tightened possessively round her, his body pressing hers down into the bed, so that her own arms had no place to go other than round him, the harsh abrasion of his hair-coarsened flesh against her soft breasts accelerating the pace of her breathing until her body arched in mute invitation glorying in the downward sweep of his hands as they stroked and explored her feminine curves.
Joel groaned deeply in his throat as her hands slid over
his back and down to his waist, the urgent movements of his body against hers making Cassie shiver in responsive pleasure.
‘Touch me, Cassie,’ he pleaded hoarsely against her mouth. ‘I want to feel your hands on my body, your mouth against my skin.’
Mindlessly Cassie responded, allowing him to lead her deeper and deeper along paths of sensual discovery, expressing her love for him with every caress of her hands and lips, the hoarse groans of pleasure lost against her body with every heated thrust of Joel’s making her almost feverish in her desire to please him. He was so strong, and yet so vulnerable, trembling almost beneath the lightest touch of her hands. The harsh clamour of the front door bell intruding on their privacy shocked Cassie into tense stillness, her eyes shamed and wary as she avoided Joel’s. What must he think of her? Instinctively she moved away from him, covering her nudity, hearing him swear briefly as he got out of bed.
Cassie had no idea who could be calling so early in the day and she lay, frozen beneath the bedclothes as Joel pulled on the clothes he had discarded the night before.
‘Cassie…’ he paused by the door, but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him, and then the bell pealed again.
‘You’d better go and answer it.’ How cool and composed she sounded, in direct contrast to how she felt.
She heard Joel open the door and then the sound of voices, indistinguishable to her other than a low hum of noise. Curiosity drove her from her bed and into her bathroom, where she showered, quickly dressing in pretty cotton jeans and a matching shirt.
The study door was open when she got downstairs and she walked in, coming to an abrupt halt as she took in the scene there. Miranda was standing within the circle of Joel’s arms, smiling up at him while Nico looked on indulgently.
Completely bewildered Cassie stared from Miranda to Joel. Smiling tearfully Miranda broke away from her son and stretched out her arms to Cassie. ‘Oh Cassie, my dear, what can I say?’ she asked softly.