by Jen Talty
“And my sister might still be alive.”
To be killed another day. He felt his lungs constrict as though someone just slammed their fist in his gut. He could barely breathe. His muscles tensed and quivered under his skin. The blood in his veins raced through his body in a panic. He could feel a cold sweat start to bead at his hairline. Taking in a short breath, he tried to calm the sense of dread circling his mind. Now was not the time to fall apart. He couldn’t go back to that place.
“No way of knowing that for sure. A lot of what ifs there.”
She scrunched up her face in frustration. “Are you sure the cop didn’t know? Have you talked to him?”
“I did a little digging on my own, digging that could get me in trouble.” Another lie, but he couldn’t have her pushing him. He glanced to the sky and followed a path to the Big Dipper. “If she’d told the cop about the restraining order, maybe he could have done something.”
“If that’s the case, then the system sucks.”
“Parts of the system are a pain in the ass, even for us cops.” He felt as though they were talking in circles and wondered if it was best to be quiet for a while. He wouldn’t be able to change her mind, and he truly believed part of what she was saying was right.
Maybe Hannah would still be alive if he’d done things differently.
Or maybe she’d be dead, but not because of something Frank did.
Or didn’t do.
He shook that thought from his head. Dangerous territory for him. Glancing at his watch, he realized Andy should be home any minute. The thought of leaving them alone didn’t sit right in his stomach.
“I can’t take this waiting anymore,” Lacy said after a few moments of silence. She rose and started pacing. “It’s five to nine. They should be here by now.”
“Technically, his visit goes till nine.”
Abruptly she stopped and glanced over her shoulder with narrowed eyes.
“Just trying to help.”
Shaking her head, she let out a heavy sigh and continued pacing. He watched her go back and forth in a five-foot path near the front of the trailer. She stopped every so often and stared down the road.
He couldn’t blame her for being so out-of-sorts. If he didn’t know Brad was there, he’d be just as paranoid, but if something bad had happened, or anything remotely suspicious, Brad would have called. “Relax, Lacy. Let’s talk about the wedding. My parents’ backyard sound good to you? Next Saturday?”
“Sure,” she said, stepping out into the grassy roadway. “Whatever you want.”
“Come on. It’s your wedding, too. You’ve got to have something to say about it.”
“I honestly don’t care because it doesn’t matter. Just make the arrangements and I’ll show up.”
Damn, that was cold. He ran a hand across his head and stood. Slowly, he made his way across the yard. He gripped her arm and pulled her to his chest. “It does matter, if you want Ms. Lazzery to buy it.”
Her eyes widened. “Low-blow.”
“But true.” He kissed the bridge of her nose feeling her tense, but once again, she didn’t push him away. “We should meet with my parents tomorrow. Invitations, dress, suit, and all that other stuff we need to figure out.”
“You realize how pathetic I’m going to look. I have no family. No friends. Who the hell am I going to get to be my maid of honor or whatever you call it?” She pursued her lips, but again, she didn’t budge.
He pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist. She was skinny, but her body was firm, muscular. Perfect. Her palms rested on his chest as if she wanted to step away, but she leaned into the embrace instead.
“Patty? Maybe?” he offered.
“She’s not overly excited about this.
“I’m sure she’s not, but she’s one of my best friends and is family. She’ll do it with a smile. Or my mom would do it.” He slid his hand up her back and through her hair. It felt soft against his fingers. “Just you, me, and my family. Maybe Reese and my boss, Jared. Nothing big. We don’t even have to do invitations, but we need to make it seem like we care.”
“I know.” She rested her head on his shoulder, completely caving into him. “I don’t want to feel safe here.”
“In my arms?” he questioned, feeling the flutter of his heart against his ribcage. He didn’t want to feel comfortable either. He didn’t want to feel as though he could love her because she was going to hate him in the end.
“Something like that.”
“Let’s just take everything one day at a time, and always put Andy first.”
“Sounds good to me.”
Just then, Ms. Lazzery pulled onto the road. Frank took the opportunity to tilt Lacy’s head and plant a soft kiss against her moist lips. She tasted like strawberries and felt like cream in his hands. “Andy’s home,” he whispered.
“Thank God.” She practically jumped from his arms and raced toward the car. “Andy, I missed you,” she exclaimed, yanking him from the back of the car.
“Geez, Aunt Lacy, chill out.”
“Sorry.” She stepped back and appeared to study Andy.
“Have a good time?” Frank questioned.
Andy shrugged. “It was okay.”
“Why don’t you go on in the house and let me talk with your aunt for a moment, okay?” Ms. Lazzery said stepping around the hood of the car. “I’ll be stopping by tomorrow to chat.”
Andy nodded and moved quickly toward the trailer. Frank held his hand out for a high-five and Andy slapped it good and hard. However, he seemed to be forcing his smile. “Catch you later, dude.”
“Sure thing,” Andy said, opening the trailer door. “Wait. Did you do it?”
“Do what?” Frank questioned, feeling his stomach take a roll.
“You know.” Andy rolled his eyes. “The love crap.”
“Yeah,” Frank said, fighting the smile forming on his own face. “Made a fool of myself, but she said yes.”
“Cool.” Andy disappeared into the house appearing to be just fine.
“Let me be the first to congratulate you,” Ms. Lazzery said. “Andy talked about the possibility the whole way to his father’s and the whole way home, but never mentioned it to his father.”
“That really doesn’t surprise me,” Lacy started, “how did things go?”
“I think you should ask Andy that.” Ms. Lazzery didn’t show one ounce of emotion in her response. The consummate professional. Frank couldn’t even read her body language.
“How do you think Andy did? Feels? I just need to know how he is emotionally. He can be so sensitive.” Lacy’s voice trembled. She sounded almost desperate.
Ms. Lazzery approached and put an arm around her shoulder. “I really think it was a nice visit. There were some awkward silent moments, but overall, it was just pleasant. Keep things as normal as possible for him for the next few days. After I chat with his doctor, we’ll set up another visit.”
Frank saw that coming and there wasn’t anything he could do, but maybe postpone it. “Lacy and I will be getting married this weekend.”
“Why the rush?” Ms. Lazzery lifted a brow.
“We want stability for our lives and Andy’s. I think settling down in Frank’s apartment before school starts would be good for Andy.” Lacy’s off-the-cuff response startled Frank. It made sense, but he was surprised she came up with it so quickly.
“You understand I’m a tad skeptical about all this.” Ms. Lazzery arched a brow. “You realize getting married doesn’t necessarily mean a stable environment for a child, and you’ve opened yourself up for a more thorough investigation by the entire system. The courts are going to want to visit, watch, and talk with family and friends. Are you up for that?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Frank said.
“Lacy?” Ms. Lazzery questioned.
“I want to make a life for me and Andy, and that includes Frank. I know it seems kind of sudden. Okay, it is sudden, but we know it’s right for all of us. For
the first time in my life, I’m not running away from something. I know exactly what I want.”
Holy shit, can she lie or what? Frank couldn’t help but get all choked up over that one. Her tone was strong and confident. She acted like a woman who would stand by her convictions with all she had.
Ms. Lazzery smiled. “Mind if I drop by your apartment and check things out?”
“Not at all.” Frank reached for Lacy’s hand. Surprisingly, it didn’t tremble when he laced his fingers through hers. “Is there any reason why Andy couldn’t spend the night at my parents’ with my little brothers?”
“Lacy has custody at this point, so it’s really up to her and her judgment. She would have to report that to me, and honestly, I’d like to meet them, but I can’t see how it would be a problem.” Ms. Lazzery moved to the driver’s side of her car. “I’ll be in touch so we can talk about Andy’s progress and his next visit.” She pulled back the car door. “If he acts out, or says anything that bothers you, don’t hesitate to call me. I’m on Andy’s side.”
“Thanks,” Lacy said, leaning her shoulder against Frank’s arm.
Frank pulled her close as he watched Ms. Lazzery drive away. “You okay?”
“Not sure. Lying shouldn’t be that easy.”
He had to agree with her on that point, but it really didn’t matter. “Remember, this is all for Andy.”
“Yes, it is. I’m going to go check on him.” She glanced over to Frank. “Thank you for being here.”
“You’re welcome.” He watched her walk toward the trailer. The glow of the moon shined down on her long hair. He couldn’t move; he could only stare at the lovely vision moving gracefully under the starry sky. His heart thumped hard in his chest. This would be the woman he would spend the next few years trying to make happy. He wondered if he was up for the task.
Something told him that if he wasn’t careful, he might just learn to care about her. Care in a way he wasn’t prepared for or ever planned on.
Damn fucking stupid. Never think with your dick; it only gets you in trouble. Or in Frank’s case, married.
* * * * *
Frank had waited until he saw Brad’s plain four-door sedan pull into the trailer park before he took off for the night. He didn’t think Taylor would be doing his own dirty work this late in the game. Too much at stake.
But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t get someone else to do it. Therefore, Frank would rather have someone watch Lacy’s place than stay parked at Taylor’s, just to be on the safe side. Besides, Frank had something he had to do. He’d signed up to take his fitness test, which required him to swim in full gear. He knew he could do that. No problem. Being in the water wasn’t the issue; it was being under the water that was causing him such a headache.
He checked his oxygen tank one more time before hoisting it over his back and adjusting the straps. He opted to wear half a wetsuit. The water wasn’t that cold and he needed to keep his wits about him. He figured if he were a tad chilly, he’d feel alive.
“Shit,” he mumbled. That made no sense whatsoever. Dead people were cold. He should want to feel warm.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Patty’s voice rang out. “Are you insane?”
“Pretty much.” He stood awkwardly considering he had on his flippers. He adjusted his mask over his eyes and then tossed the little flag attached to a small rubber float into the water.
“You realize that not a single boat will see that thing.”
“I’m not going far from the dock, so stop worrying.”
“You’re going to kill yourself before you get the chance to have a flipping honeymoon.”
“You going to stick around and watch?” Diving alone at night wasn’t the most brilliant plan he’d ever concocted, but he had to prove to himself he could do it. He stood on the dock and stared at her. She didn’t move a muscle, but a slow understanding materialized in her soft blue eyes.
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Thanks.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “The goal is to stay under.”
“Got it.” She had moved herself to the edge of the dock and kicked off her shoes. “I should only worry if you come up quickly.”
“I wouldn’t worry, just get the fuck out of the way because I won’t be such a nice guy.” He shoved the mouthpiece in place, closed his eyes, and let his body fall backward into the dark, chilly waters of Lake George. Don’t panic. Whatever you do, just don’t fucking panic.
With his arms floating at his sides, he blinked his eyes open and stared through the water at the stars and the moon. So far he was relaxed and all was good. Okie-dokie. Just roll. He flicked on the flashlight and turned. The seaweed reached up at him. His pulse increased, and sudden urge to surface danced in his mind. Not this time. Tucking his chin to his chest, he surged forward and slightly down. He kept telling himself the seaweed couldn’t hurt him
The seaweed hadn’t killed Hannah.
She had drowned.
And it was all his fault.
Fuck me. He stopped swimming and tried desperately to control his breathing. Tapping the regulator a few times, he double-checked the gauge, just to try to calm his nerves. He’d only been under maybe five minutes and he was already falling apart. He had to be able to dive. Go to the bottom, and not just twenty feet off his dock. Just do it.
He glanced at the stars for support. Do it. He flipped his body and raced to the bottom. Some of the seaweed smacked against his mask. The acid in his stomach churned like sour milk, but he was able to push both hands into the mushy bottom and then once again flipped his body toward the sky.
Just do it. Ten times. That’s all.
About two feet from the top he repeated the motion, making himself swim diagonally. Each time he surged for the bottom, he made himself go just a little deeper. Just a little further away from shore. The flashlight didn’t do much but make the dark water seem darker. Meaner. As if it could swallow him whole and not give him back to the air.
He counted each time his hands felt the bottom until he hit ten. His pulse was wildly out of control. He was out of control, but it was a start. He was underwater and hadn’t panicked.
Not really anyway.
Repeat. Do it again.
He allowed himself a slight break as he floated somewhere between the bottom and the stars. Using his flashlight to look around, he figured he was about ten feet from the surface—give or take a few feet. He had his bearings. That was a good sign.
He made a quick kick and started for the bottom again, this time heading for shore and going much slower. The slower he went, the harder his heart pounded in his chest. His lungs felt like they weren’t getting enough air, but at the same time, they felt like they were about to explode.
On the fifth time to the lake’s floor, his senses started to play tricks on him. He could hear Hannah. Weird, he could barely remember what her voice sounded like. As he plowed through a large patch of tall seaweed, the vision that had haunted his nightmares flashed in his mind.
He felt his body rub against the slimy green stuff. It seemed like it wrapped around his body, pulling him toward the bottom. He heard a voice shouting at him. He couldn’t make out the words, but the voice was distinct.
Lacy.
Fuck.
He knew what was happening, but couldn’t stop it. He twisted and turned trying to find the surface, but instead he found himself stuck in a death grip by weeds that had sprouted hands. Lacy’s voice got louder and louder. She was calling for him. Crying out as if in pain. As if she too was drowning.
No! This wasn’t going to happen. It wasn’t real. None of it. He pulled his knees to his chest and flapped his arms so he’d sink to the bottom. Once he felt his feet touch the floor of the lake, he straightened them, surging him toward the top. He swam frantically to the surface following the light of the moon.
Within moments, he broke through the surface as if he’d jumped through a glass window. Immediately, he spit out the mouthpiece and sho
ved his mask to his forehead.
“Longer than the last time,” Patty said. Something oddly comforting in the way she spoke to him when she disagreed with him. It was neither condescending, nor supportive. It was just her being real.
With slow, deliberate strokes, he swam the twenty-five feet to the dock. For good measure, he dunked his head before hoisting himself up on the dock. He shed the oxygen tank, his wetsuit, flippers and mask. He snagged his towel and then sat down next to Patty, dangling his legs in the water. “That sucked.”
“Hey, you went under and stayed under.” She kicked the water up and he watched it as it splashed.
There was a time he loved the water.
“Did you go to the bottom this time?”
“A few times.”
“Then what happened.”
“Same fucking thing as the last time I tried this. I panicked,” he admitted.
“Why don’t you do this stuff during the day?”
That certainly was a valid question, but it didn’t make sense to overcome a fear of dark water during the day when the water was crystal clear and he could see at least twenty-five feet or so to the bottom. “I just need to do it this way, okay?”
“Sure, but promise me no more dives alone.”
“I knocked on your door, but you didn’t answer.” He wasn’t lying, but no way was he letting one more day pass by without at least trying. “I’ll be doing this every night until I get married.”
“Why not after? She can watch you then.” This time her tone was snide.
“Don’t be a bitch.”
“I’m not, just calling it like I see it.” She poked his shoulder. “You need to tell her.”
“Nope, I don’t.” He leapt to his feet. If he ever told Lacy the truth about who he was, it wouldn’t be until after he saw Taylor put behind bars and custody of Andy handed to her on silver platter. “What I need to do is get back into the water.”
“Right now?”
“No time like the present.”
“Fine. You’ve got one hour. Then I’ve got to get some shuteye.”