She’d quite overlooked the fact that she’d be forced to entertain Lady Darleston while the gentlemen were at their port and cigars. ‘I can’t, Lyle. How can I exchange pleasantries with the woman when I’ve intimate knowledge of her husband? I’m not that good a liar.’
‘Why is it different from any other time? You’ve poured tea for countless of my lovers’ wives, sometimes for their daughters too.’
Emma glowered at him. ‘Do you think I enjoyed being made complicit in your infidelities? I hated it. I hated that you were always sneaking away. I kept waiting for the time when someone would expose you.’
‘I’m not asking you to become bosom friends with the woman, just to act normally.’
‘I can’t, Lyle. This time it’s different. It’s not just about your actions. I’ve wronged her. God help me, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t think of her at all.’
Lyle crouched by the side of her stool. She suspected that had she been any one else he would have shaken her. ‘What – what do you think you’ve done? For heaven’s sake, so what if you’ve observed us fuck? It’s not as if you could have done anything to prevent it. Emma, do you want give your sister free rein to share her sordid assumptions? You must go down.’
In her guts she suspected it was already too late. ‘They’re not assumptions.’ She hid her head in her hands, and only peeped through her fingers when he didn’t reply. He’d left her side and wandered over to the window. She watched him tweak the curtains and look out onto the grounds. Maybe he sought a sign of Darleston’s whereabouts.
‘Lyle?’ She rose and pattered towards him.
‘What do you want me to say, Emma? Am I supposed to give you my blessing? You shy if I so much as reach out to you.’ He did just that, forcing her into a retreat. ‘Yet you happily slip into my lover’s arms. I know I’ve had a hand in arranging it, but it still smarts to hear it.’
‘I didn’t mean it to happen.’ That wasn’t entirely true. She’d longed for Darleston’s embrace, even if she hadn’t anticipated ever consenting to it. ‘I only meant to kiss him. I wanted to know how it would feel. Please don’t be vexed with me. He’s the only one … the only man, the only person even, that I’ve ever wanted to reach out for. I told myself I would never let myself care in that way for anyone again. I’m sorry I don’t feel that way about you.’
‘I’m not.’
Mouth agape, she stared at him.
‘What I mean is that it would have been frightfully awkward. I can’t satisfy you. What I’m saying is that I’m not interested in you like that. I know Robert is. It’s probably a good thing. It’ll keep us safe. At least it would if it wasn’t for his wife. I don’t think he expected to see her here. There’s nothing but bitterness and resentment left between them.’
‘You’ll let me share him?’
Lyle shoved his hand into his hair, making a mess of his queue. ‘I’ll try.’
Emma knew that the pact would have been cemented better with a cuddle, but she still couldn’t bring herself to engage with Lyle in that way.
‘Why is she here? Is he certain that she’s responsible for all those nasty letters to the newspapers? She seems pleasant enough.’
‘Appearances are often deceptive.’
Yes, they were. Hadn’t she learned that, only that morning, when she’d unwittingly thrown herself at the wrong man?
Lyle’s brow rumpled. ‘What is it that’s so amusing? I can’t see anything to laugh about.’
‘Only that I kissed the wrong man this morning. I meant to kiss Darleston, but I didn’t. I kissed his brother instead.’
‘Love really is making you blind if you mistook one for the other.’
‘They’re identical,’ she protested, contemplating Neddy’s features with her mind’s eye. ‘And I was harried.’
‘Looks are all they have in common. It’s miraculous that you didn’t receive far more than you bargained for. Darleston may be known for his perversity, but it’s Neddy that the society mamas warn their daughters about. He’s purportedly seduced half of London.’
‘More rumours. Hearsay. Besides, he didn’t do anything ungentlemanly.’ Unlike Darleston, who had been delightfully crude and wicked. If she closed her eyes tight and squeezed her thighs together, she could almost recapture the feel of him swiving her. ‘Where do you suppose he is?’
Lyle shook his head. ‘If you ever let me escape this room then I’ll consider going looking for him. My absence will hardly be commented on since it’s so routine.’
‘You’ve an inkling?’
‘Not really. I thought to wander over to the cottage to see if he’s with Ned.’
‘You don’t think he’s left, do you?’
Lyle shook his head, although the action lacked decisiveness. The way he then wrung his hands as he waited for her to return to their guests ahead of him also magnified her twitchiness. Emma didn’t presume to know her husband, not really. The last few days had taught her how little they had ever discussed. She knew virtually nothing about his childhood. Had no idea why the love between the two men had petered out in the past, only to be rekindled so brightly on reacquaintance. None of it made sense. ‘Where do you know him from?’ she asked, lingering at the top of the stairs. She didn’t really want to go down to sit between Lady Darleston and Amelia.
‘We lived within a half-hour walk of one another as children. I often spent time with both Robert and Neddy.’
‘So you were just boys when you knew him before?’
‘Men,’ Lyle corrected. ‘Don’t make the mistake of thinking we didn’t know what we were doing. It wasn’t some childish game we shared. We were old enough to be considered adults. Nor did we drift apart, Emma. Our families intervened.’
The sharp hurt that filled his eyes made her spontaneously reach out. There were scars rent across her husband’s soul, perhaps as wide as those across her own. She’d just never known it.
‘I never stopped loving him, though there were plenty of nights stuck in that hellhole that was India when I truly believed he’d abandoned me for ever.’
‘He’s not gone. He hasn’t abandoned us,’ she said, unsure if she believed the words herself.
Lyle gave one slow blink and then straightened his shoulders. ‘Of course not. Lady Darleston wouldn’t still be here if he’d fled. Whatever she wants, she must want it badly to have pursued him thus far. I don’t think she’d sit down to dine and calmly let him slip away. He’s with Neddy, I’m sure of it. They always pull together in times of crisis.’
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The crumbled remains of pork pies and apple cores lay between them on the upturned base of an old beer barrel. Darleston hung his arms over one of the low supporting beams that crisscrossed the interior of the barn. Only in the very centre, where the boxing ring was marked out with hay bales, was there any real space. They had three lanterns lit, barely enough to eliminate the shadows from a four-foot circle. The wax from the cheap candles lent a sour note to air already perfumed with straw and body odour.
Neddy worked diligently, stuffing straw into hessian sacks that he’d then hang from the rafters as punching bags. A row of similar fake torsos already swayed upon meat-hooks.
‘What do I do?’ Darleston asked his brother. They’d already been over the point a half-dozen times. ‘I’m not even sure whether to believe she’s increasing.’
Neddy looked up from his work. Bits of straw clung to his red hair and dust coated the front of his waistcoat. ‘I don’t think it’s something she’d make up. Besides, a lie would be obvious enough within a few months. You may as well accept it as fact. What you need to prove is that you’re not the father.’
‘Prove it!’ Darleston slammed a fist into one of the hanging bags, which left his knuckles stinging.
‘That one is grain. That’s why it smarts. It toughens the knuckles. Further along is gravel.’ Neddy took hold of Darleston’s hand and inspected the scuffed and reddened skin for damage. It was a minor bruise, nothing tha
t wouldn’t fade in a minute or two.
‘Ned, we’ve had no contact since February. What’s there to prove? She’s clearly not four months gone.’
‘I hear you.’ Neddy released his hand and resumed his packing. ‘So find out who she has entertained. We both know there are a few obvious candidates. One of the pair she arrived with would be my first bet.’
Darleston continued to massage his knuckles, which just seemed to aggravate the throb. ‘Mine too, but there’s no way to prove it, not when she’s prepared to swear otherwise until she’s blue in the face.’
‘Now you’re being ridiculous.’ Neddy cast the three-quarters-filled sack to one side and came to lean upon the barrel. He glumly prodded at one of the browning apple cores. ‘I know this has taken you by surprise and you’re worried that she’ll learn about your current indiscretions, but you’re not so naïve that you can’t handle a matter such as this. We all know servants talk. Especially –’ he widened his eyes for emphasis ‘– when you wave blunt in their faces. Speak to her maid. Find out where Lucy’s been staying and who’s courted her. Provide incentive enough and she’ll give you the precise date of her mistress’s last menses and who was in her bed a fortnight after.’
Ever practical, that was his brother. Always ready with a plan of action, even if he did normally go off at half-cock. ‘Ah, you’re right. I do know it. I know her maid too, if it’s still the same one. It’s just …’ He shook his head. There were spectres he didn’t want to raise. Any sort of conflict with Lucy would rapidly turn into a full-on war. He knew what she was capable of. He’d been on the receiving end these last few months. ‘I’m just wary of her dragging Lyle and Emma into this.’ Lucy would delight in destroying them.
‘Rob, you embroiled them in this the moment you started dallying with them. I have to say, though, I’m impressed.’ He jabbed his knuckles into Darleston’s shoulder in a friendly punch. ‘Husband and wife – that has to be a first even for you, especially given Emma’s reputation. You’ll have to tell me how you did it.’
‘Don’t be perverse, and keep your voice down, Ned. I don’t mean it to be some passing fling, and someone might overhear you.’ No, he’d been building plans for the future, far-fetched, idealistic dreams, but wonderful nonetheless. Why shouldn’t they all settle down together and be happy? Really only Lucy stood in the way of that. Yes, Emma was still taciturn and nervous, but he knew that given time and plenty of gentle coaxing she’d truly open up to him, perhaps even to Lyle too. He wanted that, wanted it so badly that it caused an ache in his guts that threatened to bend him double. After Giles had tied the knot, giving him to know that there was no chance for them – he’d been kidding himself for years that there ever had been – he hadn’t thought he’d feel so strongly about anyone again. He’d wanted love, but he’d feared it in equal measure. He and Emma were alike in that regard.
He’d taken a chance on Lyle, because he owed him. Plus, the sparks that burned brightly in their youth still remained. Now rekindled, they burned brighter still. As for Emma – she’d intrigued him from the outset. He didn’t understand how she’d come to be the way she was. Rather he knew that he loved and admired her as herself. Whether her touch was tentative or bold, he wanted her. If he had to spend the rest of his days tied to a bed, spread out for her in a way that ensured he didn’t return her touch, then he’d do it. Even if, by God, he’d prefer that their lovemaking be more robust.
‘Rob, you do realise that Lucy won’t care one whit about your relationship with Lyle? She’s never been bothered in that regard. It’s mere ammunition for her cause. Emma will be another matter altogether. If she garners so much as a whiff of evidence against her, she’ll make the woman’s life living hell. We both know how she’s acted in the past. How many of your past lovers has she scarred?’
The reminder did nothing to ease his stomach cramps. If anything the pain simply spread up toward his head. Lucy was irrational and frighteningly possessive, even of his friends and their relationships with other women. She insisted on being the centre of attention. She’d never been concerned about his meddling with other men, but if she so much as caught him eyeing up a pretty girl, then she’d see the woman ruined.
‘I know it, but I can’t seal the mouths of everyone around me. Lord knows, we’ve been discreet. At least I thought we had, until her sister started bleating.’
‘Amelia suspects?’ Neddy’s surprise doubled his doubts over the care they’d taken to avoid discovery. Then again, he hadn’t precisely hidden his interest in Emma. That had been part of the initial plan of courting her after all, to draw attention away from him and Lyle. This all made it sound horribly premeditated, which in no way reflected his actual feelings for her. The fact was he’d fallen hard and fast, and he didn’t want to give her up, not for a single minute. However, he couldn’t allow Lucy to hurt her.
‘How so?’ Neddy asked. ‘She’s been here the last few days, crowing over the fighters and generally getting in the way, when she wasn’t busy playing Bathhouse and Quernow off against one another. I’m surprised she’s had time to pay you any regard.’
‘I don’t think she has paid me any regard, but she seems to feel slighted by her sister and is evidently looking to retaliate.’
‘Then you’d best prepare yourself for the worst.’
‘Hm!’ Darleston turned his back to the barrel and crossed his arms across his chest. He’d relished life the last few days more than he’d done for years. He supposed it was too much to hope that such merry times would last.
Neddy circled around to face him. In the dim light, with his normal easy-going smile replaced by a frown, it truly felt like looking into a mirror. Even the pain he saw reflected in the black of his pupils was the same. The only difference lay in the source of that pain. He knew his own. He’d never enquired too deeply into his brother’s.
Neddy reached out and squeezed his shoulder. ‘At least you’re not entertaining thoughts of running.’
‘What would be the point?’ He shrugged off the hold. ‘Credit me with a little more bottom than to leave them to face her mercy alone.’
‘I wasn’t suggesting you would.’ Clearly hurt by the rebuke, Neddy stuffed his hands into his coat pockets. ‘I only wish you’d shown such fortitude in the past, so that a life of heartache might have been avoided. You really ought to have refused her hand.’
The topic had come up so often he saw little point in retreading it. Yet he still found himself defending himself. ‘I don’t recall being given a choice.’
‘Oh, come on. What was dear mama going to do to you? She wasn’t about to let her eldest son starve to death by cutting you off. It would have been an idle threat anyway. The title will be yours. The estates and all the coin are entailed down to the last bloody farthing. She wasn’t going to expose you and risk forfeiting that to the crown.’
Grumbling annoyance at the accusation brought pain to Darleston’s chest that he tried to relieve by coughing. It didn’t work, just making him sound consumptive. At least he wasn’t bringing up blood. ‘Perhaps not, but I had no real concept of what I was getting myself into. I’d met Lucy twice and had barely spoken to her. There was nothing to indicate she’d be such a venomous harpy.’
Neddy gave a nod. He turned away and began lifting the filled sacks onto empty hooks. ‘Speak to the maid. Don’t let her ruin you. You know my opinion on your preferences, but if you can make this arrangement of yours work, then all well and good.’ He frowned. ‘Well, mostly well and good. You realise this way you’re saddling me with the burden of continuing the legitimate line.’
‘Only if I ensure that Lucy doesn’t get her way. I suppose I ought to get to it.’
‘And I ought to rest. I’ve a fight to oversee tomorrow. I best check Harry’s seen Jack off to bed too.’
Darleston lingered outside the barn after he and Neddy said goodnight. Bright stars filled the heaven. Across the fields, lights gleamed in the windows of Field House. He’d go up to the ma
id’s room once everyone had settled for the night. That wouldn’t be for another hour or two. Meanwhile, he was torn between seeking out Lyle and Emma to reassure them, and wariness over drawing any attention whatsoever. He lit a cigar and watched the smoke curl away. A baby – God pity the poor mite in having Lucy for a mother. He’d never met a more self-centred woman. He prayed one didn’t exist.
Ten minutes later he spied a figure heading towards him. Darleston stubbed out his cigar and strode to meet his lover. Even from two field-lengths away he recognised Lyle’s striding gait. Closer to, his coat and blond curls provided further identification. They met where the stile crossed the bramble-entwined hedgerow. A tiny brook babbled over a rocky bed nearby, filling the twilight with a gentle music.
‘Rob?’ Lyle’s shadow extended halfway across the field. ‘You are still here. I feared …’ He heaved a sigh of relief. ‘I … We weren’t certain what you’d do.’
The way Lyle’s broad shoulders were hitched with tension spoke volumes about how precarious their relationship was. He thought they’d built a relationship upon trust, but now he wasn’t so sure that trust was mutual. Lyle might have forgiven him for what had happened years ago, but he remained wary over the present.
‘Did you really believe I’d go, without a word?’
‘Of course not.’ The tick in Lyle’s jaw said otherwise. ‘Emma’s worried. That’s why I came out to look for you. She’s fretting.’
Naturally, what woman wouldn’t? Somehow they all expected the worst of men, particularly one with whom they’d been intimate. He rubbed his brow, irritated to think that she’d even considered him so despicable as to run away now that he’d worn down her defences enough to indulge in pleasure. Damn! He wasn’t so jaded that he had to resort to such measures to whet his palate. He hadn’t gone to her offering reassurances because he was trying to protect her – Lyle too, for that matter.
‘Lucy remains?’ he asked.
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