“I was worried about Jesse,” Herb said, “and to tell you the truth, I still am, now more than ever .”
“Well, keep your beak out,” Billie snapped, pointing an angry finger at her new acquaintance. “I mean it; my son’s an attorney .”
“Okay, Billie, okay, calm down — ”
“I won’t calm down,” Billie said even louder. “My son’s an attorney! He’ll sue you !”
“Shshshshshsh , Billie, people are staring .”
“Don’t shush me, my son will sue you…he’s an attorney !”
Herb saw Sarina and Jesse approaching and said, “I apologize, Billie, your son doesn’t have to sue me .”
“He will, y’know !”
“I know that .”
“He’s an attorney !”
Herb nodded as Sarina and Jesse stepped up behind Billie. “That’s what I’ve heard, Billie; let’s not worry about it .”
Billie glared at Herb. “I’m not worried about a damned thing, mister .”
Chapter Eighteen
Sarina
N ot only were children’s books a combination of Sarina’s two favorite media, literature, and art, but there was something about their attraction to children, the importance of a timeless story or a lesson well-learned, that gave the work greater import, for Sarina anyway .
Where’s Grandma? was well underway. The script was done and most of the illustrations were coming along. Sarina had sketched out every illustration, then went back and painted all of the backgrounds first. She worked with well-watered acrylics, which had the look and feel of watercolor with a lot more control of richness and depth and detail .
Sarina loved to paint even more than she loved to write. As much as she thrilled to see that curser stream across the computer monitor, words giving shapes to sentences, thoughts becoming reality, painting was ten times that experience and more. Words represented objects, Sarina had often reflected, but painting presented those objects. It just felt more direct to Sarina in a way she never really understood and couldn’t explain, though her parents had never tried to stifle her artistic impulses .
So when Sarina was sitting at her drawing board painting, it was like she was drifting back in time to a simpler life, the world of a happy child for whom no tragedy had come. Sarina thought of her own childhood, the voices of her parents ringing in her ears of how proud they were, how beautiful her paintings were. When she painted, even to that day, Sarina felt as if her parents were drifting somewhere over her shoulder, looking down and smiling as they once did, proudly sharing their congratulations and encouragement .
I hope she likes it, Sarina thought of Jesse and the new book, to whom the book would also be dedicated. She thought about all the other kids out there who would read the book, who would gain some kind of understanding of dementia in their elders, how it would alleviate some of the fright and misery from that unfortunate but increasingly common family experience. This book is as much for them as for Jesse or even for me, Sarina realized, discovering only then her years-long attraction to her career. She knew her work had always been a way to work out her own sorrows, to console herself with uplifting tales and cheerfully courageous forest creatures. More often than not, Sarina saw herself as the sassy little sheep or the stubborn, courageous stick bug. With this new project, Sarina found herself thinking of little Jesse. But the rest of the children—all the kids who bought her books and the books she wrote and illustrated for others—they were legion. They suffered just the way Sarina had, lost in just the way Jesse had. And they would know people suffering the way Billie was, and they mattered. Each and every one of those kids mattered; all kids mattered .
She looked down at the greens and blues mixing right on the paper as she dragged the brush across it. Sarina could see the wonder it must have inspired in her readers, the same sense of mystery that it always inspired in her. It was a way to heal, to communicate, to love those she would never know or see. And for Sarina, that was truly magical and she felt honored to be a part of such a proud tradition .
But that jangling phone shocked her again, jarring Sarina out of her artistic revery. “Hello ?”
“Miss Dunne? Sarina Dunne ?”
“That’s right .”
“This is Jack Davis. My wife Melanie and I were visited by your grandmother not long ago ?”
The memory of the friendly couple quickly came back to Sarina. “Yes, of course. How are you both ?”
“We’re quite well, thank you. We were actually calling to see how your grandmother was doing. Is she all right ?”
“Oh, how sweet of you. She’s…she’s getting along. Thank you so much for asking .”
A strange little silence passed before Jack Davis went on, “That’s just great; we’re so glad to know. We didn’t mention it before, but Melanie’s aunt had a similar…faced similar challenges. And we found a lovely place for her in Pioneer Square. It’s really very nice .”
“Oh, that’s…that’s very sweet of you, but we’re doing just fine for now .”
“Well, um, okay, but it really is very pleasant. Perhaps you’d like to take the information down, for later use…in case you need it .”
Sarina wanted to put the man in his place for his presumptuousness, but she knew his heart was in the right place, and that her own heart was in a place of stress and strain, of increasing doubt and denial. So it only seemed right to politely write down the name and phone number of the place he recommended: Pleasant Hills, in Pioneer Square .
But she ended the call quickly and had no intention of using the information, sticking the paper onto the corkboard near a cancelled check and a reminder to call the dentist .
The next week Ty was back doing another shift at the station. She’d seen him over the previous break, but it had been two days since he’d seen either Sarina or Jesse, but both girls were eager to plan a surprise visit .
Jesse cackled with glee to see Ty in the station house. He was in the kitchen cooking lunch for the crew, and he stepped out of the kitchen in an adorable apron which read, Firemen like it hotter! Ty smiled to see them, to Sarina’s instant relief, as Jesse threw herself into his arms. She spun his daughter around, her little legs shooting outward as he turned on his heels. He slowed and she fell into his embrace .
“What are you two doing here ?”
“It’s a surprise,” Jesse said .
“It certainly is,” Ty said, turning to Sarina. “A very, very pleasant surprise.” Sarina wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw the redheaded female firefighter roll her eyes and turn away. Ty said, “Let me introduce you — ”
But Simon Davis slipped up and took Sarina’s hand, gently kissing her knuckles and smiling with as much smooth sexuality as he could muster. “Davis,” he said in what Sarina knew had to be a forced, fake accent, “Simon Davis, at your service .”
Ty chuckled. “Guess there’s no reason to introduce Simon. That’s Pat McQuinn on your left.” Sarina turned and smiled and the redhead smiled back, but Sarina knew right away there was no friendliness in it. The reasons seemed instantly clear to Sarina. Any woman who worked in such tight proximity with Ty would have to be attracted to him, and a quick glance at her pale hand revealed no ring and no tan line. Of course she’s going to be territorial, Sarina instantly knew, though she had no way to know how much any of them knew about her and Ty, and so just how territorial this woman was likely to be .
Sarina met the rest of the crew, in addition to the station dalmatian Domino, who was the instant target of Jesse’s cuddling affection after her father. Sarina enjoyed the warm smiles of most of the crew and noticed a distinct lack of discrimination against her on their part. If they knew about her and Ty, it didn’t seem to mean much to any of them .
Except the woman, Pat, who smiled at Sarina and said, “We’re just about to eat. Help me set the table?” But Sarina knew enough about the politics of womanhood to know that it was more than just an innocent invitation .
Once in the kitchen,
Pat began unpacking the dishes and handing them to Sarina. “So, you’re dating Ty?” Sarina wasn’t sure what Ty had told her, and she didn’t want to betray him even unwittingly. After Sarina’s silent response, Pat chuckled just a bit, only enough for Sarina to know that she wasn’t amused. “Hey, you’re a lucky girl, that’s all I’m saying. But just between you and me, I don’t take kindly to firebugs…none of us do .”
The threat was both clear and confusing. But before Sarina could address what she saw as an insult, she had to figure out what the hell this woman was talking about. “Firebug?” Sarina repeated. “I’d never set fire to anything. Is that what you think is — ?”
“It means you’re a fireman fucker, sweetheart.” Sarina still wasn’t sure what Pat meant, much less how to take it. “Oh c’mon! You get him three or four days a week, then run around behind his back for the rest of the week. And y’know what? It’s fine, if that’s what you both want to do; I really don’t care. But there’s a child involved !”
“Okay now you listen to me,” Sarina rasped, unable to withstand anymore. “First of all, what happens between me and Ty is absolutely none of your business. Second, if you must know, I’m interested in more than just half of Ty’s life. Third, not only am I very concerned about Jesse and her happiness, but I’m sick of other people using that poor girl for their own ends while they blame me for doing the very same thing! If you want to chase me away from Ty, it’s got nothing to do with Jesse, and we both know it.” The two women stared each other down. Tension swirled in the air that you could cut with a knife. Pat had experience on her side, the familiarity of working side-by-side with Ty over time, and the home-court advantage. She lived in that firehouse half her life, and this was Sarina’s first ten minutes there. She’d already wound up in a fight with one of Ty’s coworkers and an undoubtedly popular one at that. Sarina’s cheeks were starting to flush, her heart beating a mile a minute .
How dare that bitch accuse me of running around on Ty. It’s sad when a woman’s jealousy gets the best of her. It’s definitely not worth starting a fight with someone like that. Well guess what, sweetheart, I’m here to stay, so you better get used to it .
Chapter Nineteen
Sarina
S arina waited for Herb Johnson to come over from next door to stay with Jesse for the rest of the night so she could go home and take care of Billie. The King living room had a quiet pallor Sarina recognized. It was a sad hollow silence in the house which could only come with the painful absence of those central to life in that house. It was more than just an emptiness, more than just the darkening of the afternoon and approach of another gloomy dusk .
It was loneliness, it was aching, it was heartache, and Sarina hated the idea of leaving little Jesse to it even more than she hated the idea of going home to a similar, shadowy quiet .
Jesse’s mouth tucked into the corner of her cheek as she reasoned things out in her budding brain. “What if you just came to live here with us ?”
Sarina was taken by surprise, but she couldn’t admit to being totally blindsided by the notion. She’d thought about it herself several times, more and more as the weeks were progressing. But she was still unsure as to how to answer the question, to herself or to Jesse .
“Gee, Jess, I-I’m not sure what to say. I guess if you’re just saying, y’know, what if , then I guess I’d say I think that’d be pretty great. What do you think ?”
“Same thing,” she said with a shrug, palms up at her sides to demonstrate the obviousness of her position. “This way you could be here when I come home from school…and in the morning when I go to school too .”
“Yeah, that’s about right. And, of course, there’s more to it than that .”
Jesse pondered the cryptic clue before guessing, “Because you’d have more kids, brothers and sisters? I think that’d be even better !”
Sarina coughed up a surprised chuckle, and it came from the very bottom of her heart. “I think that would be pretty cool too, Jess, really really cool! But what I mean is, y’know, Billie, my grandma. She’d be with us too .”
Jesse seemed unfazed, her big blue eyes wide and untouched by cynicism or jadedness. “Of course,” was all Jesse said. Sarina savored the rush of warmth as it pulsed through her—the certain recognition of a reward to her years of sorrow and solitude and servitude. Jesse added, “What else would you think ?”
“Nothing,” Sarina said through her joyful tears, gathering in the corners of her eyes. “That’s all I’d ever want, Jesse, for us all to live together as one big, happy family .”
Jesse smiled. “Okay then, so just…stay. We’ll send Mr. Richards home and you can go get Billie .”
Sarina couldn’t help laughing. “It’s not that easy, Jesse .”
“Why?”
Sarina started to explain, her mouth forming the first few syllables. But nothing came out. How do I tell a child that love is never easy, that these things don’t just happen by themselves, that happily-ever-after is a legend that only a few ever realize? I can’t, I can’t, and I won’t .
“Well, um, I have a townhouse, for one thing. We have furniture, and…and…and it’s just more complicated, that’s all.” Sarina was worried about saying too much, about involving little Jesse in a campaign of her own. It didn’t work for Gram, Sarina knew, and it won’t work for Jesse .
God bless her for caring enough to want to try .
“So, you really love your grandma, huh ?”
“I sure do,” Sarina said, “more than anything. She’s the only family I have. And she’s so dear and close to me. I-I know how it is to lose people who are close to you, y’know? You know how that feels.” Jesse nodded, and Sarina went on, “It’s like somebody punched you in the stomach, huh? Then punched you again, ‘til you couldn’t breathe. Like that ?”
“Just like that,” Jesse said .
“Yeah, but I don’t wanna feel that way anymore. How about you ?”
Jesse shook her head, lips pouting, cheeks puffy. “No way !”
“And I sure don’t want to make anybody around me feel that way; even more I don’t want to do that. You ?”
“’Course not !”
“Me neither! So I just wanna say, if I can ever avoid doing that, I sure will. I won’t ever abandon anybody that I love: not my grandma, not your daddy, not you .”
Jesse bit on that, eyes rolling in her young, pretty face. “So…you love me and my dad ?”
Sarina smiled. Well, the cat’s out of the bag. But why not ?
“Sure I do,” Sarina said, gently touching Jesse’s cheek in a way her father did. “I love you, Jesse, and I love your dad, very much. But can you do me a favor?” Jesse looked around with smiling intrigue and leaned toward Sarina. “Let’s just keep that as a little secret for right now, just between us ?”
Jesse nodded and gave Sarina a little conspiratorial nod. They were in the sisterhood of secrets, and it bound then together as friends, as allies, and hopefully as family .
* * *
T he Fairmont Olympic Hotel was stately and gorgeous, with strong pillars and beautiful windows. It looked like a palace or the capitol building of some foreign government. Sarina knew it was expensive, beyond the salary of a public servant like Ty. But she also knew that this was a man of great resource, who could afford to live in some luxury without having the need to flaunt it or to exploit it…or anybody else. Ty was above that; he had no needs which couldn’t be seen to by a parade of adoring women or men. His friends adored him, women craved him, the whole world seemed to step back when Ty King walked through the room—a single and respectful step back .
Maybe he invested wisely, Sarina couldn’t help but wonder. Maybe he’s got friends in the hotel business. Maybe he just knows where and when to spend his money .
But Sarina didn’t think about it long. For all the luxury he seemed happy to present to her, Sarina knew this wasn’t a man who cared too much about money or any of the things it could buy. He knew what rea
lly mattered; he dedicated his life to the safety of others. For a man like Ty, the Fairmont Olympic and the Space Needle, these were things to be experienced and enjoyed. Ty clung to nothing superficial, Sarina knew. He did cling to things more dear, and more painful, but the pleasures of life seemed to pass by around him, unable to touch him or to be touched by him. It was his world, Sarina knew, and the world knew it as well .
The bell staff bowed to him, the girl behind the registration desk smiling her prettiest smile. Sarina could sense her envy, her desire for Ty. And Sarina couldn’t deny the little, private satisfaction she enjoyed, knowing that she would soon be in bed with that incredible man, and that she had plans in store, things that cute registration clerk had probably never dreamed of .
But Sarina hadn’t been able to think about anything else. Since being with Ty before, it was hard to focus on anything else. She couldn’t stop remembering those eyes, that cock, that power and stamina that sent her body tripping over the edge and into the abyss, falling and rolling and tumbling in the midair of her orgasmic ecstasy. She wanted to make that leap yet again, and she wanted to make Ty do it too .
But Ty had plans of his own, and Sarina knew him well enough to know that, like the rest of the world, one respectful step back was required for a man of his size and power. But unlike the rest of the world, Sarina was intimate, and she was the only one who was. There were no other women, and there wouldn’t be any other women if Sarina could do anything about it .
And she could .
She knew he was ravenous for her, and she was happy to both satisfy and deny him. There wouldn’t be any stopping him, but that was the last thing on Sarina’s mind. She just wanted to parade her feminine, sexual energy and make him salivate. In the elevator, on the way up to the room, she bit her lip and playfully grabbed his ass. She moved in closer, still holding him tight and whispered, “So, you think you’ll be able to handle me, baby?” Ty chuckled and moved closer, their bodies pushed against each other, and kissed her passionately. Sarina gently pushed him away. Suddenly, there was a bing and the doors of the elevator opened to their floor .
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