by Ami Van
He walks out of the clubhouse in time to see Tucker and Atticus leaving in the cargo van instead of their bikes.
CHAPTER 35
Minx
She can hear the sound of gravel being crunched under tires coming from behind her but her head was too heavy to lift off from the side of the building. She was cold. Maybe too cold to even move, even with Maddox’s riding jacket wrapped around her. It’s mid May and it felt like she was sitting outside in the middle of a December winter storm.
Tired. She was just so tired too. And filled to overflow with so much...thoughts and emotions. So many things to say, to yell, but she didn’t know who to speak them to.
“Mercy,” a voice calls her from behind.
And yet...she was still too tired to move.
She hears a set of feet moving before she sees it planted in front of her. Knees bending, she sees Tucker’s bearded face in front of her.
“I fucked up,” she says. It was the first thing that came to mind. “I’m so fucked up, Tucker.”
“This is my fault,” he tells her. “If I had been who you needed me to be, none of this would have happened.”
For an instant, she hated that her brother was back in town. Because now, instead of just her that was hurting inside. He was hurting too. Yet, this moment was like a dam that’s just crumbled. There was no stopping the flooding that was happening now.
“The first night they took me, they tried to rape me. I put up such a big fight that it became entertaining to them to just beat the shit out of me instead,” she spills. “I’m not sure how long it was like that before they finally got to it. It was always three. The first time I had sex, I was raped by three guys. For hours, they took their turn and when they were done, that was the first time they put me in the dog kennel.”
“I don’t even know how long the routine went on, Tucker. I was in that basement with no sunlight. Days turned to weeks and then months. It was always Diaz and then the kennel. Or two of the three and then the kennel. When they got tired of that, they’d starve me like the bitch they’d call me. They’d put me in a pit with a few other girls and then they’d make us fight for their leftovers.”
“My God, Mercy. I’m so fucking sorry,” Tucker says to her. Her brother’s big calloused hands were shaking as he wipes away the tears from her face.
“I should have stopped fighting. They would have lost interest and just killed me. Instead...I’m this fucked up person who held Maddox back from having his own life and family for eight years. And I practically killed Austin. Austin died for $500 because Diaz wanted to hurt me.”
Tucker lifts her chin up and forces her to look at him. “Diaz is a sick fuck. What happened to Austin is all on Diaz. No one else. Let him carry that sin, Mercy. If you want to lay blame on someone, it should be me,” her brother tells her.
“No,” she whispers. “You’re my brother, the one person I love more than anything else. You’re big. And you’re strong and fearless. All I ever wanted was to be just like you. But I’m not. I’m weak. And I’m so fucked up in the head. I fucked up and killed a man tonight. And all I can think about is that...he’s out of his misery. He’s free of his pain and suffering...and I’m not,” she tells him.
Tucker pulls her into his arms and sits on the ground, holding her. “Mercy, you’re stronger and braver than I’ll ever be. You don’t need to be like me because you’re better than me. So much better. We’ll get through this. Whatever it takes. I’ll be right here with you. I’ll give everything I got to be the brother you need me to be.”
“Take her home, Tuck. I got this.”
She turns around and sees Atticus standing next to Maddox behind her. She didn’t even know he was here.
Tucker picks her up and carries her to the van, putting her inside and strapping the seat belt around her before closing the door. Her head leaning against the window, she closes her eyes. Now that all of that was out...she just felt...emptied out.
They’d been driving for a while before she feels Tucker’s finger tucking a piece of her hair behind ear. She turns and looks at him. He gives her one of those familiar hair tousles like he used to when she was a kid, watching him work on his bike with their dad.
“Before we get back to the house,” Tucker starts. “That thing with Dakota is nothing you need to worry about. Samantha was his old lady from seven years ago. She’d left and married some hot shot banker in Manhattan and he hadn’t spoken to her since. I don’t know why she’s here and neither does he. I don’t usually step into any of my brothers’ business but you’ve already had a rough night.”
“Is she still there?” she asks.
“I don’t know. He’s told her to leave and he’s given the brothers an open pass on her. That should speak volumes, right?” he asks.
“I guess walking away without waiting for an explanation wasn’t too smart. I don’t know anything about this relationship thing,” she admits.
“I’m the wrong person to ask for advice on that. But if he weren’t a good guy, trust me...I’d kicked his ass by now,” Tucker says.
She actually snorts at him.
“Listen,” he starts. “If you need to go back to see that therapist, then don’t hold back and do it. Do it for yourself. Matter of fact, whatever you want to do for yourself. You do it. You can stop holding back. You can stop thinking you’re holding everyone back too. You’ve done too much and you’ve lost even more. Live, Mercy. Live for yourself.”
“I don’t know how,” she admits to her brother. “I’m just so tired of trying to figure that out.”
“That’s our problem isn’t it? I lived freely without giving a damn about anything or anyone else. You gave too much of a damn and lived for everyone else instead of yourself. That’s something we’ll work on. Together. You cool with that, sis?”
She actually smiles. He hadn’t called her that since she’d told him to stop calling her that when she’d turned 13.
“Yeah. I’m cool with that,” she replies.
CHAPTER 36
Dakota
For the first time in his life, he knew what it’s like to sit on pins and needles. For the record. It fucking sucks. He finishes off his beer and slides it into the trash from his usual seat at the bar counter. Tristan and Kyle sitting on each side of him. The two of them didn’t know what was going on either. Yeah. He’d asked them. More than once. Tristan didn’t even know that Tucker and Atticus had left together.
He scans the room for the umpteenth time to make sure that Samantha’s ass was gone and stayed gone. One of the club girls gave her a ride back into town where, hopefully, she doesn’t stay.
“Aren’t you remotely curious why Samantha’s here?” Kyle finally asks. He knew he’d been wanting to ask the question since he came to sit down next to him.
“No,” he answers his friend bluntly.
“Why not? You were head over heels for the woman. Everyone in here at one point or another was jealous of you being with her,” Kyle continues to push on.
“Whatever was there isn’t anymore. Seven years is a long time to get over shit,” he answers.
“She’s divorced now,” Kyle tells him.
He was going to ask how he knew but Kyle probably already ran a tech check on her. He was sure of it. He scoffs. He didn’t hate her when she’d left. He hated himself that he wasn’t good enough for her to stay. But once he was over it, he’d wish her well and that was that.
“Think that’s why she’s back?” Tristan asks. “Because she wants to get back on your bike?”
“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to nor plan on putting her back there or anywhere within a 10 mile radius of me,” he answers with a sigh.
His mind was still wondering what was going on with Minx while these two kept yapping about a past he didn’t care to reminisce about.
Jessa hands him another cold beer from behind the counter and he takes it, finishing half in one gulp.
He was put out of his misery when he sees Tucker wa
lking inside the clubhouse through the front door, one hand in his pocket. The other hand with a cigarette. He was walking in alone. Without Minx or Atticus.
“We all need to talk,” he says as soon as he reaches them.
“Me too?” Kyle asks. Though he sits at the table in meetings, he wasn’t an officer and didn’t usually sit in until after the officers met.
“Yeah. You too. You’re family, kid.”
Tucker walks back through the front door and heads to the big oak tree. The same one Minx had sat on that first night they came into town. Tucker walks right over to the swing and sits on it, looking up to check and see if it was going to hold his weight.
“What’s going on?” Tristan asks.
“Minx killed someone tonight,” Tucker blurts out, bending forward to rest both of his elbows on his knees.
“What!” he exclaims.
“Jesus Christ,” Kyle says. “In self-defense?”
“No. It was the guy who killed Austin. Diaz paid him $500 and a chance to wear the Reapers’ cut for the job,” Tucker answers, staring at his feet. “Maddox saw the surveillance footage, found the guy and was keeping him about an hour away from here where he was torturing and punishing the guy. When Minx left here tonight, she caught sight of him and tailed him.”
“So, he let her kill the motherfucker?” he asks Tucker.
“No. It’s not what happened. Something inside of her broke and shattered tonight,” Tucker says, raking his hand through his thick hair. “She killed him out of anger. Out of hurt. But shit...honest to god, I think she killed him to put him out of his misery because she couldn’t do that for herself.”
“What?” he asks.
“Are you saying she’s...that she wants to hurt herself?” Kyle asks.
“Not in that way,” Tucker answers. “She’s been hurting. She’s been living a long time with self-loathe.”
Everyone was quiet and patiently waits as Tucker pulls another cigarette from his pack. Kyle takes one too.
“Full disclosure,” Tucker says. “She spilled everything to me tonight. Everything. Atticus already knows so he doesn’t need to hear this again. I don’t think he wants to. But Dakota, you and Tristan should know so you get my next move. And Kyle, you’re family.”
“Okay?” Tristan says. “How bad?”
“As bad as you think and probably worse,” Tucker answers with a deep sigh. “They beat her and when that got old, they raped her. She was 16 and raped by Diaz and two others. Multiple times. Multiple occasions for far too long. They stripped her and made her sleep in a dog kennel. They starved her and if that wasn’t enough, they’d put her in a pit with others and made her fight for their leftovers.”
“Oh god,” his own words come out as a whisper. And images of the women in that basement comes flooding back. Tristan turns his back and he sees his cousin taking a moment to collect himself.
“She fought and waited for me to come save her and I never did. She’s lived this whole time hating herself for putting up a fight. In her mind, if she hadn’t put up a fight, they would have just killed her,” Tucker continues.
“And she thinks that’s better than where’s she at now?” Tristan asks, his back still turned.
Tucker nods. “She hates herself, man. She thinks she held Maddox back from his own life...and now, she thinks Austin died because of her. She thinks things would be better if she’d just died and she thinks she’s too fucked up in the head. How do I live with that? How do I leave her like this?”
“You want to take the vote on settling here?” Tristan asks finally turning around. “And it’s not just you that left her, brother. We all did. Even after just hearing all this shit, I still see her as the little kid sitting on Theo DeMarcus’s back while he fixes a Fat Boy.”
“I want to take the vote,” Tucker says. “And if everyone’s not on board, I’m willing to step down. It’s not an ultimatum to anyone. It’s an obligation to my kid and my sister. The cut gave me a lifetime of good memories but on top of their misery so don’t hate me for choosing them for once.”
“Then when do you want to call the meeting?” he asks.
“There’s an option to still have both,” Tristan says. “Call the meeting. Get a vote on who wants to stay and who wants to continue as Nomad. Those who stay will have to get nominated and voted on their new ranks. Those who stay Nomad will need the same.”
Tucker nods. “For us to stay and establish a charter here, we’d still need votes from the other charters.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” he says to Tucker. “You’re on good terms with everyone.”
“Will one of you tell Atticus the plan?” Tucker asks. “Dakota, a word.”
Tristan and Kyle take the hint and starts heading back to the clubhouse.
“You know I don’t usually step into personal business with you or anyone but she’s my sister. And she’s been through hell. Now that you know everything, I need to know where you stand. She’s not in a good place right now and if you don’t want to stay, then now’s the time to leave. When everything is raw, so she can start healing everything altogether.”
“Tuck, I love Mercy. We don’t have that much time together under our belts but it’s the truth. I know she has a hard time believing me because I can’t give her answers that she needs. But now that I know what your move is, I’m all in. I think I might have stayed behind even if you hadn’t made this choice. She’s worth it,” he tells his friend.
“Damn, brother,” Tucker says before he gets up out of the swing and walks over to him. In a surprise move, Tucker gives him a pretty damn hard punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of him. “Biggest fucking hooligan in the bunch and you had to pick my sister, didn’t you?”
“Fuck!” he growls. Tucker smacks him on the back and grabs the back of his neck even though Tucker is shorter than him by at least five inches. “Are we good?” he asks Tucker.
“Yeah. We’re good,” Tucker says. “I already told her about Samantha. Put that fire out for your ass. Figured it’d be better for her not to have to deal with that after what happened tonight.”
“Thanks,” he mumbles. They were walking towards the house when he sees Maddox on Minx’s Suzuki pulling up behind Atticus. The two stands on the porch and waits for them.
“Take her out on a nice date or something. Many nice dates. My sister’s never even had a boyfriend before and now she’s got an old man,” Tucker says shaking his head. “Christ, Dakota.”
“How is she?” Atticus asks.
“I left her when she stepped in the shower,” Tucker says.
“I didn’t think shit would go down like this,” Maddox says. “This is on me. I wasn’t paying attention.”
“No, man. This is on me. All of it,” Tucker says. “I’m trying to make it right. You’ve done more than I can even imagine for her.”
“What she said isn’t true. She never held me or Austin back from anything,” Maddox says, patting his gloves against his thigh. “She gave me the family I wanted. Her and Austin were always enough. This whole place is as big as it is because it’d be able to hold our families here when we were ready for that.”
“The problem is getting her to believe that,” Tucker says.
“She’s fucking stubborn as shit,” Atticus says. “Always has been.”
“Yeppp,” Maddox sighs and walks into the house.
The house was quiet inside and he quickly takes the stairs to her room. Opening the door, he finds her curled up in bed with the covers up to her neck, her back facing him. Not surprising.
“Hey,” he says. He takes off his cut and his boots before getting in bed next to her. When she doesn’t move, he wraps an arm over her and places a kiss above her ear.
“I heard what happened,” he says. “I’m here.”
“Why?” she finally speaks. “Why would you want to be?”
“Come on, Mercy. You know why. I don’t figure you to be one of those irrational women who likes to speak in cir
cles for reassurance. I know you’re going through some real shit right now. But you don’t ever have to worry or ask why I want to be here.”
She stays quiet.
“You’re worth it,” he tells her.
She finally turns in his arms and faces him. The covers still up to her chin.
“How can you be so sure?” she asks.
“I know you don’t see what I see right now. But if you’re going to continue telling me that you love me, then you’re going to have to trust how I feel about you too.”
“I killed a man tonight,” she tells him quietly.
“I know,” he says. “And you’re here, not crumbling in my arms. You’re strong, Mercy. We just need to find a way for you to see that.”
“I should be feeling guilt,” she admits.
“You’re overwhelmed with too many emotions right now. Your fight or flight is kicking in and letting you feel the emotions you need to keep you together. That’s my best explanation,” he tells her. He was pretty sure the guilt will come. He’d be here when it does.
“I might have killed before too. I just never stayed to find out and it was never anything like this,” she says.
“You thought you were doing him a favor,” he says.
“I saw Maddox. I saw how pissed he was. How badly he’s hurting. Maddox wasn’t going to go easy on him just like Diaz never went easy on me,” she tells him.
“Mercy, I know you can’t stop feeling the way you feel overnight or just because I’m telling you to. But give yourself a chance. You deserve it.”
She was quiet for awhile before her stomach growls in the silence. He chuckles before pulling her in even closer and giving her a kiss.
“Come on,” he says. “I think I saw a couple of steaks in the fridge. I can cook one up for you,” he tells her.
“None of the bikers in my books know how to cook,” she tells him.