The Lazy Girl's Guide To Magic : The Complete Series

Home > Fantasy > The Lazy Girl's Guide To Magic : The Complete Series > Page 13
The Lazy Girl's Guide To Magic : The Complete Series Page 13

by Helen Harper


  Winter walked round, stood beside me and stared down at him. ‘Matthew Bellham.’

  Bell End nodded vigorously. ‘Yes, yes! That’s me. Have I been reported missing? We’ve been held here for days against our will.’ He held up his wrists. ‘Untie me!’

  ‘You’re a Practicus,’ Winter murmured. ‘Although you’re clinging on by the skin of your teeth after several complaints against you. It’s been alleged that you were responsible for the attack on several young Neophytes last year.’

  I watched Winter. ‘I thought you didn’t know him.’

  He raised a shoulder. ‘I looked him up after your enquiries.’

  I was impressed. There must be benefits to being a workhorse who jumped on every little detail.

  ‘So?’ Bell End yelled. ‘Those were trumped-up charges!’ He jerked his chin in my direction. ‘She has kidnapped me.’

  Winter knelt down and I wondered if he was going to free him. Instead, he returned the gag to its original position. ‘He’s quite annoying,’ Winter murmured.

  I could only agree. Winter straightened up. ‘So,’ I said, ‘they broke in. I went to confront them and,’ I shrugged, ‘they ended up like this.’

  He nodded as if I’d just told him that it was raining outside. I let out a silent sigh of relief. I hadn’t realised how important it was that he believed my version of events until right at this moment. ‘It’s smart that you didn’t tell the police. We need to keep this within the Order.’ He looked around. ‘Where are the herbs they were carrying?’

  I pointed to the side table. Winter picked up each bag and examined it carefully. A muscle throbbed in his cheek. I hoped that it wasn’t me he was angry with. Returning the herbs, he moved to Alice. She was still shying away. Winter gently unfastened her gag and tilted her head towards him. ‘You were here to bespell Eve Harrington.’ It wasn’t a question. ‘Tell me why.’

  Alice wouldn’t meet his eyes; she was genuinely afraid of him. I glanced at Winter with renewed interest. Apparently his reputation was greater than that of a talented investigator who worked too hard.

  ‘Come on, Alice,’ he coaxed.

  It looked as if she would remain as stubbornly silent with him as she had with me but then her chin wobbled slightly and her shoulders dropped. It all came pouring out. ‘It was Diall,’ she said, referring to Eve’s mentor. ‘He told us to come here and sprinkle around enough herbs to attach themselves to Eve so that she could be tracked wherever she went. We knew there was only a short window of time when we could do it.’ She flicked her eyes towards me. ‘We thought she was still out at work. Our intention was not to hurt anyone.’

  Considering how much of a fight the pair of them had put up when I’d confronted them, I found that difficult to believe.

  ‘What reason did Diall give for this?’ Winter asked. There was a dangerous edge to his voice that made me step backwards. No wonder he was a skilled investigator; all he had to do was ask a question and his air of menace encouraged immediate and full disclosure. Handy trick.

  ‘He wanted to know what you were doing,’ she admitted. ‘By tracking Eve we could track you. He’d found out about the binding spell that was going to be put on you and he knew its terms. There was no chance that you’d work separately.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t know where Eve Harrington is. If you’re worried about her, I suggest you start questioning that one.’ It was obvious she meant me. I snorted. I wasn’t the evil witch around here.

  ‘Why, Alice?’ Winter probed. ‘Why did he want to know what I was up to?’

  She looked away. ‘Diall said you were getting too big for your boots. That you had your eye on the Ipsissimus’s job and that you had to be watched. He thought maybe you were passing Order secrets to the military and that you were plotting to bring down the Order once for and all.’

  This time my snort was much louder. You only had to meet Winter for a minute or two to know that was about as likely as a snowman enjoying a sauna. Alice Fairclough’s reluctant tone suggested that she knew it was bullshit as well.

  Winter leant back on his heels and rubbed his forehead. He was probably as dog-tired as I was. We’d both been to hell and back only a few hours ago and now I was bringing him conspiracy theorists and kidnap. Yep. He was definitely ruing the day he met me – and that had only been Thursday.

  ‘When is Ms Harrington due back?’ he asked me.

  ‘Monday.’

  He absorbed this and stood up.

  ‘Can I ask a question?’ Alice said. We both looked at her. ‘Why do you smell like a toilet?’

  I rolled my eyes but Winter didn’t react. He replaced her gag and nodded in the direction of the kitchen. I did as he requested and walked in with him. Harold emerged from underneath the sofa and joined us then Winter shut the door.

  ‘The legal thing to do is to inform the Order and the police immediately. You could get into a lot of trouble for holding these two here, Ivy. You’ve also made me a co-conspirator by default.’

  I folded my arms. ‘They’re dangerous,’ I protested. ‘As soon as I let them go, whether it’s to the police or the Order or the damn Knights of the Round Table, Eve will be at risk. So will I. And so will you. She says it was Diall who put them up to this and maybe it was but we don’t know if he was working alone. There might be others who want to silence us. The entire Order might be compromised. Not to mention that it’s highly suspicious that all this stuff with the sceptre and the attempt on our lives just happened too. They might not be related, there’s no proof, but it’s a hell of a coincidence. In fact…’

  Winter put a hand on my arm. ‘I was going to let you keep going until you ran out of steam,’ he said drily. ‘But I was worried that you’d not taken a breath and you’d end up passing out.’ He sighed. ‘What I said was that telling the Order and the police would be the legal thing to do. It wouldn’t be the right thing to do.’

  I blinked. ‘Are you also saying that I’m right?’

  ‘Don’t let it get to your head.’

  I held up a hand towards Harold. ‘High five!’ Harold started washing his ears.

  Winter gazed at me expressionlessly. ‘We need to keep these two here until we know what’s going on. I’ll set up a perimeter spell. If anyone comes looking for them then we’ll know who it is and we can use it as evidence against all of them.’

  Huh. That was actually a good idea. ‘Brill.’ I pressed my lips together.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘I suppose now you want to go all gung-ho and storm off after Diall.’ My muscles screamed their reluctance to do anything other than have a hot bath and go to sleep.

  ‘You’re right, that is what I want to do – but it’s not what we’re going to do. Both of us need to be fresh and alert for our next move.’ He ran a hand through his hair. ‘If we go out again now, we’ll end up making mistakes which could cost us dearly.’ He paused. ‘I’ll sleep on your sofa. That way if anything untoward happens at least there will be two of us to deal with it.’

  I squashed down my sudden, inexplicable thrill of glee. ‘Brutus will want to talk to you all night.’

  The corner of Winter’s mouth crooked up. ‘If I can handle you, I can handle a snarky cat.’

  Famous last words. ‘I should tell you that my boiler’s broken so it’s pretty cold in my flat.’ I twiddled my thumbs. ‘And there’s no hot water.’

  Something akin to despair crossed Winter’s face. ‘No wonder it was freezing when I was there before. I’ll fix it.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I’m a witch of many talents.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘And so, apparently, are you.’

  I felt a twinge of suspicion. ‘What do you mean by that?’

  ‘Fairclough might only be Adeptus Minor,’ he said, ‘but she scores higher than almost everyone else in magical aggression. You did well to bring her down.’

  I wasn’t blushing. Nope. Not even a tiny bit. I coughed. ‘Well, then. I’ll give this lot some food and we can go.’

&nbs
p; Chapter Thirteen

  For once, I woke up early without using an alarm clock. I wiggled my toes, enjoying the warmth both inside and outside my duvet, and listened. In the other room, Winter appeared to be having a fruitless argument with Brutus.

  ‘I’ve given you lots of attention. Now let me have some peace.’

  ‘Pet.’

  ‘The last time I did that you scratched me.’

  ‘Pet.’

  ‘Fine. But keep those damn claws to yourself.’ There was a pause followed by a hiss of pain. ‘You little bastard.’

  I could almost hear Brutus sniggering. I grinned and pulled my aching body out of bed. If I thought I’d feel refreshed after a good night’s sleep, I was sorely mistaken. I hurt more today than I had yesterday. How was that even possible?

  I yanked on some clothes and padded into the living room. Winter, whose hair was adorably mussed up, handed me a cup of coffee. ‘I hope you don’t mind,’ he said. ‘I made myself at home.’

  ‘Not as long as you bring me hot drinks,’ I said cheerfully. I was particularly enjoying the fact that he was wearing casual jogging bottoms and a tight T-shirt that he’d pulled from his gym kit in the boot of his car. It made a nice change from his immaculate suits. Not to mention that his new attire showed off a great deal more of his body than he normally displayed. ‘You can make me breakfast too, if you like.’

  ‘I would but all that seems to be in your fridge is a wrinkly apple and three slices of rather unappetising looking pizza.’

  I immediately brightened. I’d forgotten about the leftover pizza. Yum. I took a gulp of coffee and headed into the kitchen to heat it up. Brutus followed me, giving me a baleful glare.

  ‘My sofa,’ he hissed. He was obviously annoyed that Winter had dared to stretch out and sleep on his territory.

  ‘It’s not your sofa. I paid for it.’

  ‘My sofa.’

  ‘You really don’t need to repeat every single thing several times over, you know. I’m perfectly capable of hearing you the first time.’

  He jumped onto the counter and, with his eyes fixed on me, pawed at the cup of coffee I’d just put down. Before I could stop it, it slid onto the floor. The cup smashed and I yelped as hot coffee splashed over everything, including me. Brutus twitched his whiskers and sauntered away while Winter, alarmed, ducked his head in. ‘What happened? Is everything alright?’

  ‘It’s fine.’ I grabbed a cloth and began dabbing ineffectually at the mess. In the end, I gave up. There were more important things to worry about. ‘Look, I keep thinking about the sceptre. It doesn’t make sense that Diall or anyone else would go to this much trouble for it. Unless the ulterior motive was to kill you, stealing it was pointless. And frankly, there would have been easier and more reliable ways to put us both down than a sewage tsunami.’

  Winter gave me a grim look. ‘I’ve been thinking the same thing.’

  ‘Do you think—’ I began, before hesitating and cocking my head. ‘Hang on. Can you hear that?’

  Brutus, from the corner, arched his back. With dilated pupils, he leapt onto the floor and darted for the front door.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ Winter said. ‘I know who this is.’

  Puzzled and more than slightly wary, I followed him. From the other side of the front door there was a faint scratching sound. Brutus was now on full alert, the fur across his spine on end and his tail puffed up like an old-fashioned feather duster.

  ‘Winter,’ I cautioned.

  He turned and grinned at me, his features suddenly boyish. ‘Don’t worry.’

  I watched as he unbolted the door. Brutus scarpered to the other end of the small hallway, his claws scratching the wood floor in his haste, although he was obviously determined not to hide. A moment later, with a small kittenish meow, a white, long-haired Persian strolled in, head butting Winter’s legs and demanding attention. My mouth dropped open. ‘Is that…?’

  ‘My familiar.’

  I scratched my head. ‘I thought you lived on the other side of town.’

  ‘She’s pretty smart. I called to her last night after you went to bed.’

  This was some dedicated moggy. Despite her fluffy, delicate appearance, her temperament was clearly similar to Winter’s. She also had extraordinarily blue eyes to match his.

  ‘What’s her name?’ I asked, finding my voice.

  ‘Princess Parma Periwinkle.’

  I tried very hard not to giggle. It didn’t work.

  ‘I’ve had her since I was ten,’ Winter informed me sniffily. ‘When my magic abilities first appeared. I was rebelling against my parents and I had a vivid imagination.’

  ‘Mmm.’ The fact that familiars live far longer than normal house cats means that their names are often amusing – but rarely on this scale.

  Winter pointed at Brutus, who was still glaring suspiciously at the princess in question. ‘Like you can judge.’

  True. ‘Is she here to stay?’ I enquired.

  ‘It makes sense. If I’m going to hang around here until this mess is sorted out, she should be here too. She can give Harold a break as well.’

  ‘Brutus and I are thrilled,’ I said drily. Actually, I was; it had been reassuring to know Winter was here all night. Plus, a problem shared was a problem halved and all that. The presence of Bell End and Alice in Eve’s flat bothered me less now that I wasn’t the only one who knew about them.

  ‘Anyway,’ Winter said, while Princess Parma Periwinkle made a move towards a very unhappy Brutus. ‘What were you going to say?’

  My attention was momentarily diverted as I watched my cat decide what to do next. He threw me a look. ‘Bitch,’ he hissed. Then, seemingly without another thought, he flopped down on the floor and presented the new arrival with his belly.

  Winter lifted an eyebrow. ‘You didn’t do that for me.’

  Recovering slightly, I gazed at him mischievously. ‘I will if you want me to.’

  Winter seemed on the verge of responding, his blue eyes darkening, then he shook himself. ‘We have work to do. There was something you were going to say.’

  I took a deep breath. ‘Yes. But you’re not going to like it.’

  His good humour vanished in an instant. ‘Go on.’

  ‘We can assume that the sceptre wasn’t the real target.’

  ‘Agreed.’

  ‘If we assume that you weren’t the target either but just a bonus side scheme for entertainment…’ Winter’s eyes flashed ‘…then there’s another motive behind all this.’

  He smiled. ‘You see? You’ve been thinking about this all night, haven’t you? This is why this line of work is so satisfying. The more you chew over a problem, the more interesting it becomes. When a possible solution emerges, even if it’s at three o’clock in the morning, the feeling is like no other.’

  I stared at him. I’d slept like a baby; the idea had come to me while I was brushing my teeth. ‘Yeah,’ I said unconvincingly. ‘Sure. Anyway, you’re the lead investigator when it comes to theft and missing objects. So if you’re out of the picture, the Order would have to scramble to find a replacement. Maybe the trap was simply to clear the field for more theft.’

  ‘You mean the sceptre was stolen in order to cover up something more valuable being stolen?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  The colour drained from Winter’s face. ‘The wards,’ he said. ‘Maidmont and the other librarians were going to reset the wards across the whole building. Yesterday afternoon, while we were being half drowned in the sewer.’

  ‘Yeah. It would have been the perfect opportunity for a thief to steal something else from the library. The question is, what is more valuable than the sceptre and worth all this effort?’ I already knew the answer but I wanted to hear Winter confirm it. If it was true, then all hell might be about to break loose.

  He clenched his fists. ‘The Cypher Manuscripts.’

  I sighed. Arse. ‘Great minds think alike.’

  Unfortunately, Winter didn’t pause to mak
e me another coffee. He all but sprinted for the car. The only way I delayed him slightly was by reminding him that I needed to check on Harold, Alice and Bell End. All the same, he tapped his foot impatiently while I gave them food and water and a loo break then ensured everything was shipshape.

  Princess Parma Periwinkle, whose name I was going to have to change soon because it was such a mouthful, nudged Harold with her little pink nose before settling into a comfortable spot in the corner to watch the trussed-up pair and let him have a break. Eve’s cat didn’t quite roll over the way Brutus had but it was a close-run thing.

  When we eventually set off, Winter tossed me his phone and told me to get in touch with Arcane Branch so they could send someone round to keep an eye on Diall. I jabbed in the number and leant back, kicking off my shoes and propping my feet on his dashboard as I waited for someone to answer.

  ‘Ivy,’ Winter said stiffly. ‘Just because we have come to a truce after our shared near-death experience, that does not mean you can get away with whatever you want.’

  I turned to him. ‘What do you mean?’

  He gestured in irritation at my feet. I waggled my toes in return. Winter was not amused. Unless I almost drowned again, I reckoned I’d used up all his goodwill towards me. For the sake of a quiet life, I dropped my legs to the floor. We had more important things to worry about.

  ‘I’m sure you don’t permit your customers to treat your taxi like that,’ he said,

  Actually, it was much better for me when my passengers were more relaxed. Before I could say as much to Winter, someone finally picked up the phone. ‘Arcane Branch, Practicus Smythe speaking. How may I help you?’

  I put on my poshest voice. ‘Oh, good morning, Practicus Smythe. How charming to talk to you.’ Winter gave a long-suffering sigh. I ignored him. ‘I am here with the esteemed Adeptus Exemptus Raphael Winter.’

  I could almost hear Smythe sitting bolt upright. ‘Winter?’ He coughed. ‘Yes, of course, what can I do for him?’

  ‘He would very much like it if you could send someone around tout suite to Adeptus Diall. He needs to be brought in for immediate questioning.’

 

‹ Prev