by Greyson Mann
At least I’ve got Sam pulling the sled by himself now. I told him what good exercise it is. And I pointed out a few muscles in his wiggly back that I hadn’t noticed before, which made him pretty happy.
So after Chloe hopped off, we met up with Willow. And when Sam saw her, he started flexing his muscles and stuff. I think he was trying to look tough, but he just looked like he had to pee.
That was when Eddy Enderman teleported to us out of NOWHERE. I almost jumped, but I tried to play it cool.
“Ah, hey, Eddy,” I said.
And he was like, “Hey, Gerald. What’s with the sled?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that. I mean, Eddy’s not big on snow. So I didn’t want to talk up my sled like it was the best thing ever. Even though it kind of is.
Before I could answer, my big-mouthed best friend answered for me. “He’s going to play Santa and use the sled as a sleigh.”
Well, I almost blew up with embarrassment right then and there. PLAY Santa, he said. Like I was some little kid or something! I REALLY couldn’t look Eddy in the eye after that.
But this is why Eddy is the coolest kid ever.
He didn’t make me feel dumb about the Santa thing. Instead, he asked a very good question—a question that I hadn’t even thought of yet.
CRUD.
No, I told him, I did not have any reindeer yet.
And then he kind of shrugged. At least I think he did, but since I was staring at his legs, I couldn’t say for sure. Then he told me that he had a wolf that liked to pull sleds. “You can borrow her if you want,” he said.
And then he was gone.
Willow and Sam stared at me like I’d just taken down an Ender Dragon or something.
“Did Eddy Enderman REALLY just offer you his wolf to pull your sled?” asked Willow.
Now it was my turn to play it cool. I just shrugged and said, “Yeah. No biggie. We’re friends.”
But inside? I felt like I was going to blow sky high.
With JOY.
And now that I’m home, I can’t even THINK about going to sleep. So I’ve been counting sheep. And reindeer. And reindeer-wolves.
Now that my plan is rolling forward, Christmas can’t come soon enough!
DAY 17: SUNDAY
So I invited myself to Ziggy Zombie’s for a sleepover last night. I really try to avoid those kinds of things, because hanging out with Ziggy at school is WAY more than enough.
But I needed to scope out the joint—er, his house. I had to figure out a plan for coming down his chimney and stuff. I mean, Christmas is only ONE week away! And now that I’ve got a suit, a sled, and a reindeer-wolf, I’m starting to take my job as Fake Santa pretty seriously.
Right away, Ziggy wanted me to listen to his new “Moans and Groans” playlist. That’s not really my kind of music, but I didn’t figure Ziggy had a lot of rap in his collection. So I said sure, as long we could listen to it in the living room.
Pretty soon he was dancing to the music—if you can call it that. Mostly he just staggered around the living room with a goofy grin on his face.
That gave me time to check out the fireplace. And do you know what I saw crawling out of that thing? A HUGE HAIRY SPIDER.
Yup, I almost screeched like a ghast in the Nether.
Until I saw that it was LEGGY, Ziggy’s pet spider.
I’m not a big fan of Leggy. See, he spins these webs all over the place, and for some reason, I ALWAYS get stuck in them. So sharing the chimney with Leggy is just not going to work for me on Christmas.
I told Ziggy that. He had to turn down his music to hear me, but he said he knew JUST how to keep Leggy out of the chimney.
Then the zombie poured a bucket of lava into the fireplace. As if FLAMES shooting up the chimney was going to make it easier for me to come down. Sometimes I think that zombie has a head full of rotten flesh instead of brains.
Then I remembered what Willow said about potion of fire resistance. Could she brew me up some of that stuff? I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it, because Zoe suddenly zoomed into the living room, riding her pet chicken.
Why can’t zombies have NORMAL pets, like squids?
Anyway, Zoe was so FAST on that chicken—like a tiny spider jockey. But she kept getting too close to the lava in the fireplace. Ziggy told her to slow down, but she listened to him about as much as my sisters listen to me. Which is not a lot.
Then Ziggy said if she stopped riding around like a crazy zombie, he’d tell her a secret.
I thought that was a GREAT idea, until I heard what he said. (Zombies really don’t know how to whisper.)
After he told Zoe the big secret—MY big secret—he grinned at me and tried to wink. Or maybe he just had a twitch in his eyebrow.
Either way, I did NOT smile back. Partly because I had just gotten stuck in one of Leggy’s cobwebs, and partly because now that Zoe knows Santa is coming, there’s no backing out.
Not even if the chimney is full of cobwebs.
Or shooting flames of lava sky high.
I’m in this thing now. And there’s no turning back.
DAY 19: TUESDAY
You know, you just don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.
That’s what Cate said after Dad made her break up with her boyfriend Steve. I’m not really sure she ever HAD Steve. See, he was human and a miner.
And everyone knows that miners and mobs don’t mix. (Plus, I saw him hanging out with some redheaded girl in the village once, but that’s a whole other story.)
See, I THOUGHT I had a plan for Christmas. I had my Santa suit. I scoped out at least one chimney. And last night, I even talked Willow into brewing me a potion of fire resistance. I’m not crazy about drinking something with a bunch of slimy magma cream in it, believe me. But a Santa’s got to do what a Santa’s got to do.
But this whole time, there was one thing I kind of took for granted. (That means you don’t really appreciate it while you have it.)
SNOW.
Yup, the white stuff that hit me in the forehead eighteen days ago is starting to MELT. And what’s Santa without snow?
Boy, I did NOT see this coming. Someone really should have warned me.
It was almost IMPOSSIBLE to pull Chloe to school on the sled last night. At least, that’s what Sam said when he finally gave up and plopped down onto his butt on the grass.
Chloe got mad at first, but when she saw that he wasn’t getting up, she finally crept off in a hissy huff. She said she’d have to come up with something ELSE we could do for her.
But I can’t worry about that right now. Because without snow, I can’t use my sled on Christmas. And it’s only SIX days away!
What is this Santa supposed to do? WALK from house to house? Ride Eddy’s wolf? Bounce across the plains on Sam?
I actually thought about that last idea for a while. But then I thought of all the ways Sam could wreck my plan. He’d probably want to come down the chimney with me, and that slime would get stuck for sure.
He’d probably drink all the hot chocolate the kids left for Santa, and then he’d have a gas attack before we could make it back up the chimney.
Yeah, Sam would give Santa a bad name. Kids would be holding their noses and begging him NOT to come back next year.
And that would be the end of my new career.
So . . . I decided to go with a different approach.
Dad once told me that ancient humans used to do “rain dances” to make it rain here in the Overworld. When I asked if that actually worked, Dad said he wasn’t so sure.
Well, that was a good enough answer for me. I decided to try a SNOW dance. What does this creeper have to lose?
This morning after school, I crept outside while my family was sleeping. I stood under the rising sun and started moving and grooving. Let me tell you, I boogied my butt off. I did every single dance move I could think of, and that was A LOT:
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I tried out some of Mom’s Zombie Zumba.
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I pulled out my best hip-hop. (When a rabbit went by, I even squatted down and bunny-hopped.)
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I performed Dad’s Moonwalk (until I realized that the sun in the sky might not appreciate that).
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I did some breakdance moves across the porch. (Actually, the only thing I BROKE was one of Mom’s flowerpots, but my landing was pretty impressive.)
I was hurting after that crash landing—I’m not gonna lie. But I got up anyway and did the Stanky Legg with my one GOOD leg.
And the whole time I was dancing, I stared at the sky and hoped for another miracle.
But nothing came down. Nothing except a couple of crumbly dead leaves that I must have bumped loose from the roof with all that dancing. And the forecast called for sunny skies ahead.
Did I do the wrong dance? Who knows. It’s not like I can check out a book on “Snow Dancing” from the school library.
But if this dancing thing doesn’t pay off, I’m going to have to figure out something else. FAST.
DAY 21: THURSDAY
Did I mention that I’m running out of time?
“Don’t panic, Gerald,” I keep telling myself. “Keep it together, dude.”
But that’s hard to do when Christmas is creeping closer. And there’s still NO SNOW on the ground. In fact, the grass is as green as a slime on a sunny day. It’s SO annoying!
I’m starting to think I have to give up on the sled thing and find another way for Santa Gerald to travel. I could really use some time to THINK about that. But Mom’s decided that we’re going to make a different kind of apple dessert every night. As a family. Before school. Which seriously cuts into my thinking time.
And really, how many different kinds of apple dessert can there be? I made the mistake of asking Mom that, and she started listing them off. Which just ate up more time. Big mistake.
Plus, Chloe has decided that since Sam and I can’t pull her to school on a sled anymore, I should pay for her silence in a different way—by doing her MATH homework every morning when we get home.
At first, I thought that would be a cinch. See, I’m a whiz at math, and Chloe, well, isn’t. But then I realized that if Chloe started turning in GOOD work, her teacher would know right away she was cheating and probably bust us both. So I’d have to do BAD or so-so work, and that was going to take a lot more time.
I fumed about that while I stole a few apples to save for kids’ stockings. I had just stuffed the apples under my itchy wool sweater and was creeping back to my room.
And I really hoped Chloe wouldn’t see me, because the last thing I needed was for her to bust me doing TWO sneaky things.
Instead—and this was the best part of my whole day—I busted HER doing something, or at least planning something.
See, her friend Cora Creeper had just shown up to walk to school with her, and they were talking in Chloe’s room. I heard Cora say something about “scoring a new, faster ride to school,” and then Chloe hushed Cora, and they both started laughing. Well, I’m no dummy. It was the hushing and the laughing that kind of clued me in. Chloe was UP to something.
Dad always says that two wrongs don’t make a right. But I got to thinking—if CHLOE did something wrong and got busted, then maybe HER wrong would cancel out MY wrong. And she wouldn’t be able to hold the sled thing over my head anymore.
Like I said, I’m pretty good at math—maybe even better than Dad.
So I’m going to keep an eye on my Evil Twin, night and day. If she’s doing something wrong, I’ll bust her.
Plus, I gotta say, I’m kind of interested in this faster ride to school. Because this fake Santa NEEDS a fast ride, now that my sled is gathering dust in the garage.
Did I mention I’m running out of time???
FOUR days ‘til Christmas.
And counting . . .
DAY 22: FRIDAY
Chloe was sure in a hurry to leave school this morning. She pretty much threw her backpack at me, told me to do a good job on her math homework (translation: do a BAD job, like she would), and then took off toward the minefields. Why wasn’t she going to Strategic Explosions class?
Then it hit me. This was IT—Chloe was about to do something sketchy. And I wasn’t gonna miss the chance to bust her doing it. No, sirree.
I made Sam come with me, because every good detective needs a sidekick. Plus he’d be the perfect witness for Chloe’s evil doings. Sam would tell my parents exactly what he saw, and everyone KNOWS Sam can’t tell a lie.
But then Willow ended up coming too, because she and Sam are pretty much joined at the hip. (BARF.) I hoped she at least had a potion of invisibility or something in her backpack.
By the time we got to the minefields, we couldn’t see Chloe anywhere. But when we crept toward the nearest cave, I could HEAR her voice coming from inside.
I’d know that voice anywhere. (It’s the second most annoying sound ever. The only WORSE sound is Ziggy Zombie smacking on his flesh sandwiches. EWW.)
Then we heard something else—the screech of a cave spider. Now if you ever tell anyone this, I will deny it. And I’ll never write another word in this notebook again. But here’s the truth: I was so scared that I ALMOST blew up. The only reason I didn’t is because Sam pretty much jumped into Willow’s arms.
And that made me laugh. And the only creeper who can laugh and blow up at the same time is Cammy, the Exploding Baby.
Sam almost knocked Willow over, and then he was so embarrassed, I thought he’d melt into a million mini slimes.
But when we saw what was making the sound, we all forgot about Sam’s moment of shame.
See, it wasn’t a spider at all. It was a MINECART squeaking and squealing on rusty wheels. Chloe and Cora and a few other creepers pushed that old minecart right out of the cave.
Was THAT Chloe’s new, faster ride? It looked like it was going to break into a gazillion pieces. But it didn’t. They pushed that cart all the way to school and then hid it in the trees by the sledding hill.
After Chloe headed home, my friends and I got a closer look at that minecart. And I knew they were thinking the same thing I was, because pretty soon Willow asked, “Do you think Eddy Enderman’s wolf-dog could pull this cart?”
Yup, I do think so.
And I’m going to ask Eddy tonight at school, first chance I get.
DAY 24: SUNDAY (MORNING)
Ziggy says that tonight is what’s called “Christmas Eve.” He said human kids are nervous on Christmas Eve because they know Santa is coming. Well, I’m here to tell you, SANTA gets nervous too. My insides are all fizzy and sloshing around, like one of Willow’s potions.
Maybe it’s because Eddy Enderman met me at the sledding hill this morning with his wolf-dog, Pearl. And I don’t think she likes me very much. She sniffed one of my green feet, and just when I thought she was going to lick it, she GROWLED instead.
Eddy said not to worry—that if I feed her enough skeleton bones, she’ll do whatever I want. I ALMOST asked him where he got those skeleton bones, but I didn’t. I just tried not to think about it as he showed me how to put on Pearl’s harness.
Luckily, Chloe and her friends hadn’t moved the minecart from its hiding spot. Maybe it was because they couldn’t figure out how to pull it. I mean, not everyone is friends with an Enderman with a sled-pulling wolf-dog, right?
Anyway, pretty soon, I was sitting next to Eddy in that old minecart, which could have been a pretty cool moment—if I weren’t having a TOTAL FREAKOUT.
Because driving that minecraft sleigh was a whole lot harder than it looked!
If I tugged the reins attached to Pearl’s harness to the right, she would SORT of go right. But she wasn’t big on going left. Which meant I’d probably just end up riding around in circles on Christmas Day.
Eddy hung out with me as long as he could, but when the sun started to come up, he hopped out of the cart and was by Pearl’s side in flash. “See ya tonight, Gerald,” he said as he grabbed Pea
rl’s collar and teleported away.
Then it was just me sitting in that minecart, wondering what in the Overworld I was getting myself into.
Twenty-four hours ‘til Christmas. And counting . . .
DAY 24: SUNDAY (NIGHT)
You know what? If I could ask the real Santa for one Christmas wish, I’d wish for new FRIENDS. Because mine really STINK!!!
I don’t even know where to start. Every time I try to write about it, my insides boil up and start to fizz over. I haven’t blown up yet, but if Sam apologizes even ONE more time, I will, I swear.
It was all in place. Every. Last. Detail.
I got dressed in that dumb Santa suit, right down to the high-heeled boots that made it hard to creep ANYWHERE without making a bunch of noise. And I turned my itchy wool sweater into a sack for carrying apples.
Then my friends came over so we could plan my route—you know, like which house to go to first. I asked my friends to pay up the emeralds they owed me, because I’d finally glued my piggy bank back together. And everyone KNOWS you don’t deliver goods until your customers pay up.
Well, that’s when the WHOLE thing fell apart.
Sam said that he’d been so busy pulling my sister around to school, he hadn’t really had time to babysit his brothers. So he didn’t QUITE have the eighteen emeralds he owed me.