‘When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras?’
‘Yes. Only, in this instance, it is a zebra. You’d expect a convulsion in a child to be a disruption of the brain’s electrical signals, not a lack of oxygen because the heart is not functioning properly.’
‘Will he need a pacemaker?’
‘I’m just on my way to discuss that with a cardiologist and refer him. Then I’ll speak to the parents and preferably the boy as well.’
‘He’s young to have to face something as serious as this. Only Alice’s age.’
‘I don’t like being anything less than honest with my patients. Often they cope better than their parents.’
‘I’d better not keep you.’ Pip looked pleasingly reluctant. ‘But I’d better head back to the salt mine of Emergency. My lunch-break seems to be vanishing way too fast.’
‘I’d better not keep you either, then.’
‘No.’ But Pip was smiling and neither of them moved.
The days were disappearing way too fast for Toni at present, thanks to their busy and often clashing workloads. They’d managed only three dates in the last two weeks.
‘I enjoyed the movie last night.’ It wasn’t hard to sound sincere but the enjoyment had come more from holding Pippa’s hand than anything he’d seen on the screen. He could almost still feel the delicate length of her fingers and the smoothness of her palm.
‘So did I.’
‘You cried.’
‘It was a sad movie.’ Pip grinned. ‘And I saw you wiping your eyes so don’t try to deny it!’
‘Hey, I’m Italian—what do you expect?’ Toni allowed himself to relax into the pleasure of Pip’s company for just a second longer. It couldn’t last, of course, as they were both expected elsewhere. ‘Are you busy tonight?’
Pip grimaced. ‘I’m on till 11 p.m.’
‘Tomorrow night? Ah, no!’ It was Toni’s turn to look frustrated. ‘I’m on call. Friday?’
Was it wishful thinking that made Pippa’s face light up with pleasure?
‘Yes, I’m free on Friday night.’
‘Well, we’ve done the eating out and the movies. I think it’s time to go dancing.’
It had to be the most sensual activity Pip had ever experienced.
They were both fully clothed and in public but the touch of Toni’s hands and body couldn’t have been more arousing.
Or more frustrating.
Pip had to exert enormous self-control not to simply drape herself over the man she was dancing with, close her eyes and think of nothing but the feel of him. She didn’t dare raise her face to look at Toni in case he guessed what she was thinking.
What if he didn’t share this level of attraction?
He hadn’t made any attempt to kiss her yet, so maybe he didn’t.
The chill that ran down Pip’s spine at the thought made her realise just how close she was to falling in love with Toni…if it wasn’t already too late. Memories of the agony in the wake of the failed relationship with James sounded a warning, but Toni already knew about Alice, didn’t he? He liked her.
And Alice thought Toni was ‘hot,’ although she had been disappointed at news of the relationship’s progress at breakfast-time today. Pip let herself twirl to the music and used the memory of the conversation to try and distract herself from the unnerving level of desire the activity was generating.
Shona had smiled at the news that Pip was going out for an evening of dancing. ‘I think you’re being swept off your feet—in more ways than one.’
‘Hmm.’ Pip had unsuccessfully tried to hide a smile. ‘Maybe it’s got something to do with that Italian passion. It is kind of irresistible.’
Alice’s jaw had dropped and her eyes had been like saucers. ‘Are you and Toni…you know…like, doing it?’
‘Alice!’ Shona had been shocked.
‘That wasn’t what I meant,’ Pip had said reprovingly. ‘You can be passionate in ways that aren’t physical, Alice.’
‘Like what?’
‘About things. Values. Toni’s passionate about what he does for a job, which is why he’s so good at it. And he’s passionate about the importance of families.’
‘Why?’
‘I think a lot of Italian people place more value on their families than other cultures.’ But Pip understood where a lot of Toni’s passion in that area came from by now. She couldn’t imagine how hard it must have been, growing up feeling such a lack, but it said a lot about Toni’s personality and strength that he had chosen to dedicate his medical career to the care of children.
‘So you’re not doing it, then.’ Alice sounded bored.
‘Mind your own business,’ Shona scolded. ‘It’s time you got ready for school, in any case.’
She gave Pip a curious glance when Alice stomped from the room.
‘It’s good if you’re not rushing things,’ she said. ‘If something’s worth having, it’s worth waiting for.’
Pip’s response had simply been a noncommittal sigh. It was none of Shona’s business either, and Pip wasn’t about to confess her growing frustration to anyone. Imagine if her mother could read her thoughts right now, as Toni’s hand slid to the small of her back and pulled her even closer.
‘So…’ His voice tickled her ear. ‘What shall we do next, Pippa Murdoch?’
‘Ah…’ Oh, God! Had her thoughts been transparent in her body language, even though she had tried to dampen them? Pip shuddered to think what Toni might think of her if she told him exactly what she thought they should do next.
She could swear his smile was knowing as the music finished and he led her back to their table, but his tone was perfectly innocent.
‘On our next date,’ he added belatedly. ‘Assuming you want one, of course?’
‘Mmm.’ Pip had to quell the disappointment of knowing this one was nearly over. ‘Of course,’ she echoed.
‘What’s left on our list?’ Toni leaned forward so that, for one heart-stopping moment, Pip thought he was about to kiss her. Then he smiled. ‘Ah…yes. The walk. Forest or beach?’
‘Ah…a beach would be nice,’ Pip said faintly.
‘Then again—’ the look Pip was receiving made her wonder if Toni shared her thought that a beach might not be private enough ‘—maybe you could come to my house. I could cook for you.’
There could be no mistaking the underlying invitation. Toni could do a lot more than cook for Pip. What he was really asking was whether she was ready to take their relationship to the next level.
Pip was more than ready.
‘I’d love that,’ she said.
So the invitation had been issued and accepted. Something new came into the atmosphere between them and Pip knew exactly what it was. Anticipation. The kind of anticipation that gave her a peculiar feeling deep in her abdomen, like a lift dropping far too quickly. Was it possible that the reality could be a disappointment?
Not if the kiss she received when Toni took her home that night was anything to go by.
As a first kiss went, it couldn’t have been more perfect.
Toni had climbed from the driver’s seat to open her door, as he always did, and he had taken her hand to help her from the low sports car. What had not become customary was the way he kept hold of her hand to keep gently pulling until she was in his arms. So close, it was inevitable that his head should dip and their lips graze.
And then he let go of her hand and cradled her head instead, renewing the contact and taking it deeper.
So deep that Pip felt herself drowning in that kiss, her lips clinging to his as though they were the only solid object that could save her. Melting inside at the first silky touch of his tongue.
Wanting more.
So much more.
The invitation had not only been issued and accepted. The agenda for the evening had just been clarified.
‘You cooked pasta?’
Toni’s shrug was eloquent. ‘Hey, I’m Italian—what did you expect?’
‘I had no expectations,’ Pip responded. Which was perfectly true in regard to food at any rate. ‘It looks delicious.’
‘An old family recipe. Let me get you a glass of wine, Pippa.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Are you happy to stay in the kitchen? I may need to stir things occasionally.’
Pip sat down on an old spindle-backed wooden chair. ‘I love kitchens,’ she said warmly. ‘They’re the heart of a house.’
‘They are!’ Toni’s smile gave Pip a very pleasurable glow at having said exactly the right thing. ‘A place for family and food. What more could anyone need?’
Pip wasn’t going to answer that one. She had been waiting days for this evening. Days in which the impossible had happened and the level of anticipation had heightened until Pip was as nervous as she had ever been on any date. ‘This kitchen is gorgeous,’ she said hurriedly, looking around at the old furniture with its polished wooden legs on a slate floor. At the row of gleaming copper pans hanging in front of an old, coal range. ‘Your house is gorgeous.’
‘Not what you expected?’
‘No.’ Pip had parked in front of the stately old home in a well-established suburb with some trepidation. ‘I had imagined you in a townhouse, for some reason. All modern and sleek and low maintenance.’ Not in a house with a huge garden that was crying out for a whole family.
‘I love old things.’ Toni was pouring two glasses of red wine. ‘Traditions. I’m not sure of the word I need. Solidarity, perhaps? Things that have stood the test of time. That you can depend on.’
‘Trustworthy?’
‘Yes.’ Toni handed Pip her glass and their hands touched. Pip’s glance flicked up just as he ran his tongue over his lower lip. ‘Are you trustworthy, Pippa Murdoch?’
The question seemed important enough to give Pip a frisson of something she couldn’t identify. Or maybe it had been the glimpse of the tip of Toni’s tongue that had undone her completely. Strangely, it had vanquished her nerves but her voice still sounded a little wobbly.
‘Completely,’ she said.
‘I thought you might be.’ Toni bent his head and kissed her. A lingering kiss that promised much more than it had time to deliver. Then he smiled at her. ‘Are you hungry?’
Pip had never felt less like eating but Toni seemed to accept her vaguely strangled assent and turned back to the stovetop.
‘How is Alice?’
‘She’s fine. Gone to a sleepover birthday party she was very excited about being invited to. Apparently Dayna is one of the “cool” girls at school.’
‘Like your friend Catherine was?’
‘Lord, I hope not!’ But Pip smiled. Fancy Toni remembering a detail like that from a conversation that was now weeks old. He really did listen, didn’t he? As though whatever she said was important to him. She liked that. Very much.
‘And your mother?’
‘She’s OK. I think she’s lost a bit of weight recently. I’m watching her colour carefully, too, because I thought I caught a hint of jaundice, but she hasn’t mentioned any abdominal pain. She’s gone out tonight, too, with a friend. To a movie, I think.’
‘Not a sleepover?’
‘No.’ Pip laughed as she watched Toni grinding black pepper over the saucepan. He swapped the grinder for the bottle of red wine, sloshed a good measure into the sauce and then moved to top up Pip’s glass.
Maybe it was the mention of sleepover parties that had increased the electricity in the air—reminding them both of that unspoken agenda. Or maybe it was the combination of red wine and the rich aroma of a creamy pasta sauce. Pip found herself holding her breath as she watched Toni slowly put the bottle down on the table. With his hand free, he touched the loose waves of Pip’s hair, lifting the weight from her shoulder and letting it drift through his fingers.
‘Beautiful,’ he said softly. ‘It catches the light.’ He lifted another handful but this time he didn’t let it spill. Instead, he held it clear as he reached down to kiss the side of her neck. ‘You are beautiful,’ he murmured.
Any hope of being able to eat a single mouthful of the food Toni was preparing evaporated. Somehow Pip found her arms around Toni’s neck, being lifted to her feet, a trail of kisses leading from her neck to her lips.
It was several minutes before she could take in enough air or the inclination to speak.
‘I think,’ she whispered then, ‘that you should turn that stove off for a while.’
The sauce did not get reheated that night.
Hours later, when Pip returned to the kitchen to collect her car keys, the sight of the abandoned meal reminded her she hadn’t eaten. She was not remotely hungry, however. How could she be when she had never in her life felt this kind of satisfied glow?
The knowledge that every conceivable desire she might have had just been so completely fulfilled.
Toni had surpassed every fantasy of what he would be like as a lover. His kisses…his touch…his ability to take control and yet to be so astonishingly gentle at the same time had been a revelation.
It had only been with the greatest reluctance that Pip had finally extracted herself from the bed with the antique brass bedhead.
‘Stay, cara.’
‘I can’t. Not tonight. I’m expected home and it’s too late to ring.’
‘Your mother won’t approve?’
‘It’s not that.’ Pip fastened the catches of her bra that felt curiously too small. The lacy fabric grazed oversensitised nipples and made it impossible not to remember exactly what it was like to feel the caress of Toni’s lips and tongue. Even his teeth. ‘Next time, I’ll stay,’ Pip promised. She picked up her jeans. ‘That is, if you invite me again.’
Her wrist was grasped so fast Pip gasped. Then she let out a small shriek as the ensuing tug had her tumbling back amongst the rumpled bedclothes. Against the smooth skin of Toni’s chest where she could feel his warmth and smell the sheer maleness of his body.
‘How could you possibly think you wouldn’t be, after that?
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Pip murmured mischievously. ‘Maybe it wasn’t so good for you.’
‘Then you weren’t listening to a word I said,’ Toni growled.
Pip grinned. ‘You were talking in Italian.’ And how sexy had that been? Pip hadn’t needed any expertise in another language to guess the meaning of those phrases, but Toni wasn’t to know that.
‘Then next time,’ he announced, ‘I will speak in English.’
‘No.’ Pip returned a final, lingering kiss. ‘I don’t want anything to be different. It was just perfect the way it was.’
The echo of those lyrical phrases was still with Pip as she let herself quietly into her house. She could have stayed with Toni. She supposed. Shona would have understood. But what if Alice had become ill during the night and she had been absent? Selfishly ensconced with a lover? The idea of being in a relationship intense enough to include overnight visits needed a bit of time to get used to. For all of them, she suspected.
Was that why Shona was still up? Pip hadn’t expected to see the kitchen light still on. Or to hear her mother call.
‘Pip? Is that you?’
‘Yes, I’m home. Are you all right, Mum?’
The silence made her frown. Pip dismissed her plan of going straight to bed where she would have used the darkness to relive every moment of the last few hours and keep that satisfied glow alive. Instead, she moved towards the kitchen.
‘Mum?’
Shona was sitting at one end of the table. She looked as though she had been crying.
‘Can you sit down for a bit, Pip? I need to talk to you.’
CHAPTER FIVE
THE sensation of fulfilment vanished utterly.
‘What’s wrong?’ Pip asked sharply. ‘Has something happened to Alice?’
Shona shook her head. To Pip’s horror, a tear escaped and rolled slowly down her mother’s cheek.
‘You’re not upset that I’ve been out with Toni, are you?’
Shona smiled through her tears. ‘Oh, no! How could I be? This is the best thing that could have happened. For all of us. Especially now.’
There was an undertone to Shona’s words that Pip didn’t like. She sat down on the chair closest to her mother.
‘I don’t understand, Mum. What’s upset you so much?’ The brightness in Shona’s voice was forced and made her words sound anything but casual. ‘I had an appointment today. At the hospital.’
‘What? Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I did tell you that I was being sent to see the surgeon again.’
‘You didn’t say when. I would have come with you.’
‘I know. I didn’t want you to, love. And, anyway, that was a couple of weeks ago. I’ve had lots of other tests since then.’
A sense of foreboding took hold of Pip. ‘But why didn’t you say something?’
‘I didn’t have all the information. And you’re so happy at the moment. I didn’t want to spoil things.’
Foreboding became dread.
‘Tell me,’ Pip said slowly, ‘what the surgeon said.’
Shona wiped away the last traces of her tears as she took a noticeably deeper breath. ‘They found something on the ultrasound and I got referred to another doctor. In oncology. I had an MRI scan today.’
‘Oh, my God!’ This was unbelievable. Pip had floated through her day at work, in excited anticipation of what she had known would happen between herself and Toni tonight, totally oblivious to something major happening in her own family. How selfish was that? ‘And?’ she prompted her mother.
‘And I have cancer,’ Shona said calmly. ‘Of my pancreas.’
The bottom was falling out of Pip’s world. She could hear an odd buzzing in her head and she felt faintly nauseated. She could never have anticipated being blindsided like this. To find her mother had exactly what she had feared most when she’d taken Alice to that first appointment with Toni. The fear had been dismissed. It couldn’t be happening again—to Shona instead of Alice.
‘It’s at something they call Stage llA. I’m not sure exactly what it means, although they did tell me. It went over my head a bit. Apparently it’s past the stage where I could expect any kind of cure, though.’
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