Twisted Lies 4 (Dirty Secrets)

by Sedona Venez

  My mouth went dry. For the first time in my life, I was thinking about a future with children… with Core. “Maybe. I’m just so afraid that I’ll be a cruel monster like Grace. I would never want to do that to a child. So I decided a long time ago that I didn’t want children.”

  My life growing up had been an emotional roller coaster, all due to Grace. Dad had done the best he could to shield me from her verbal and emotional abuse, but still, it just hadn’t been enough.

  “Grace was a bitch. You’re nothing like her.”

  “I hope not.” My pulse sped up. “She never loved me or my dad, and it changed us for the worse. We both morphed into people who lived just to please her—hoping if we changed, if we could be everything she wanted, she would love us. It took me years to learn that loving myself was good enough.”

  “Loving yourself is important, but having the right man to love you for who you are is important, too. And a partnership of equals? That’s icing on the fucking cake.” Jade paused. “Just think about it, okay?”

  “I will.” I bit my lower lip, changing subjects. “I spoke to your mom today. She’s holding up well. But how about you?”

  “Stressed about being here while she’s being chased by the media every day. But she’s right; staying in New Zealand is best until all this shit dies down. That said, it helps that Cate is getting the brunt of the bad press and not Mom. Did you watch that freak show she orchestrated on Monday?”

  Cate had called a press conference, tearfully announcing she’d called off her engagement to Bigsby because, according to her, “Like the good citizens of New York, I, too, was duped by the former mayoral candidate.”

  I snickered. “Hell yes, I watched it. In typical Cate, over-the-top, diva fashion, she gave a television performance worthy of an Emmy.”

  Jade laughed. “I guess I’m not the only actress in the family. Well, enough of my family drama. It’s late… and you need to wrangle yourself a bad boy.”

  “Damn right I do. I’ll call you later.”

  “Hopefully with good news that you and Core fucked it out, and there’s a happily ever after,” Jade replied. “Call me and let me know either way.”

  I ended the call, letting out a sigh of despair.

  Jade was right. I wanted—no, I needed more with Core than sex. Deep down, I was a woman who wanted to be cherished and cared for. And given a chance, Core wanted to do both. Even though I knew he wanted more from me, from us, together we were facing a whole new set of challenges.

  Can I trust him after he’s manipulated me? The answer was unclear, and the only way I could find out if he was a man of his word was to break down the walls I’d built around my heart, allowing him to get close.

  But I was afraid of letting Core into my life.

  I was afraid of letting him see me weak and vulnerable.

  I was afraid of getting attached and then losing him.

  I was just so afraid of getting hurt. I knew it was going to happen—with Core or with someone else—but I was still terrified.

  He’d wanted a chance to redeem himself in my eyes—a do-over.

  Would it be so bad if I just gave it to him? Especially when he had the courage to ask for forgiveness?

  I was far from perfect, and I damn sure couldn’t promise him that I wouldn’t make mistakes. All I knew was that any man I let into my life would have to have the strength to forgive me when I said I was sorry.

  Not only that, but he would also have to have the ability to move forward without holding a grudge, leaving the past in the past.

  In the same vein, the man I was with would have to be courageous enough to ask for forgiveness. Given that I knew how hard that shit was to do, I would respect him even more when he was able to admit his blunders—like Core had.

  My pulse raced at the thought of belonging to him, and deep down, I wanted him. I walked into the penthouse.

  Shit. Am I really doing this?

  What would my reaction be if he changed his mind and he wasn’t interested in a relationship with me anymore? Relief? Hurt? Anger? All three? The fucked-up part is I have no damn clue which of the three I’d feel.

  I’d either have the pain of opening up and maybe getting hurt or have the pain of shutting down and being alone. There was no pain-free choice.

  No one was in the living room, so I walked farther into the apartment, moving toward two male voices. One was distinctly Core’s, and the other sounded like Ram. I hesitated outside Core’s office, shamelessly eavesdropping on their conversation inside.

  “Ram, the clock is ticking,” Core stated. “And we have to get our shit together for our meeting with Bigsby today. Did you scan the perimeter of our meeting location with the drone?”

  Ram shot back, “Of course we did, Core. This is not my first mission. I know what the hell I’m doing.”

  “I just want to be sure we’re ready for anything during our meeting. I don’t want any surprises,” Core grumbled.

  A shiver ran down my spine. What if things go wrong at their meeting with Bigsby?

  “We’ll be ready. Our game plan is airtight. Once you hand over the ledger and recording to Bigsby, our sniper will pick him off, and then our cleaning crew will take care of the body. Kevin will be handling the surveillance remotely. Rocco and Max will be sniper A and B. And I’ll have your back on the ground during the exchange.” Ram paused. “That means we won’t have anyone to guard Sin during our meeting. What are you going to do about her security?”

  I frowned at the mention of my name.

  “This penthouse is an impenetrable fortress, but I’ve asked Zuri to stay with Sin just in case shit goes south at the exchange.”

  “Bro? You actually think Sin will just sit here twiddling her thumbs and wait for you to get back?” Ram argued.

  I snickered under my breath. Ram was damn right. There was no way I was sitting out this faceoff.

  “If I have to handcuff her ass to the bed, then that’s exactly what she’ll do. I can’t risk putting her in even more danger.” Core’s voice got louder.

  “Core, calm the fuck down.”

  “Ram, I can’t risk losing her. My mother and Maya are gone because I couldn’t protect them. I’ll be damned if I lose another woman I care about.”

  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Core really cared about me. Then it dawned on me just how much I cared about him… so much that I’d risk my heart just to have him in my world.

  “Core, bro, you’re not going to lose her. Besides, from what Max told me about how she handled herself with Jaxon, she’s one tough chick.”

  I smiled at Ram’s words. He was right; I was tough, but I knew I wasn’t invincible. Jaxon had taught me that shit… more than once.

  “She got lucky. That fucker could have hurt her.”

  “No. Not lucky. She’s brave, Core. And now she knows enough about you and our world to understand exactly what she’s getting involved with.”

  Between how efficiently he’d handled the cleanup of the Jaxon incident and what I suspected he’d done to Bigsby’s lackey, I knew exactly the type of man Core was. He took care of his own, no matter what it required. And that was the kind of loyalty and protectiveness I knew firsthand, given my feelings toward everyone in my inner circle. My friends had my back, and I had theirs, no matter what.

  “Yeah. But what’s fucking with my head is that she didn’t know the truth when she got involved with me,” Core snapped. “Maybe if she did, she would have walked away from me.” He paused. “Shit. All I can think about right now is that maybe she should have hightailed her ass away from me a long time ago. If she had, then her life wouldn’t be in fucking jeopardy right now.”

  My heart thudded with joy. Core was truly bothered by the fact that he hadn’t been upfront with me from the beginning. The man had a conscience when it came to me and the damage he’d done.

  But Core was right. Maybe if I had common sense, I would have walked away from him, but I wouldn’t because I was just as fuc
ked up in the head as he was. I wanted Core, and I wasn’t walking away from him, not anymore. I’d made up my mind to see this thing with him through before I walked toward his office. But now, after I’d overheard his conversation with Ram, I was here to stay by his side for as long as our relationship lasted.

  I stormed into Core’s office. Ram stared at me while Core’s eyes narrowed at my presence.

  “Core…” I started and then stopped when something on the television flashed, catching my eye. “Do you see that?” I pointed to the television. “The news ticker on the TV says there’s breaking news on Bigsby Calhoune. Can you turn up the sound on the television?”

  The three of us stood before the flat-screen with our eyes fixed on the news anchor.

  “We have breaking news,” the anchor said. “New York mayoral candidate Bigsby Calhoune has been charged in one of the nation’s largest sex trafficking rings.” The hypnotic, repetitious evenness of her voice continued. “Federal authorities just announced charges against Calhoune and forty-three others in a conspiracy that allegedly trafficked hundreds of women throughout the United States. Now let’s go to Anne, who’s on location outside of Calhoune’s campaign office. Anne, any sign of Mr. Calhoune?”

  Anne smiled with excited eyes. “No. But we’ve just gotten word that Bigsby Calhoune is a fugitive and on the run. The former mayoral candidate is now on the Most Wanted list. Back to you, Jessica.”

  Core turned off the television and stared at Ram. “Well, we already knew the Feds were going to make this announcement, but now we have the news sniffing around for a scoop on Bigsby. So this is bound to turn into a media free-for-all. We know that Bigsby is dead set on getting back the ledger and recordings, so he’ll show up for our meeting today. We just have to be ready to take him down. No errors.”

  Ram nodded. “Got it. I need to catch a couple hours of sleep. I’m going to bed. I’ll see you both in a few hours.” He strode out of the room.

  Core eyed me. “What are you doing up?” He leaned against his desk, crossing his beefy arms.

  I locked eyes with him. “I couldn’t sleep. But that doesn’t matter now. I heard your conversation with Ram about Bigsby.”

  “Eavesdropping, huh?” Amusement danced in his eyes.

  I threw my arms up in the air. “Of course. I’m not going to lie about it. There’s no shame in my game. I’m nosy.” I invaded his space, giving him a peevish look. “So what?”

  “So now that you know what’s going on”—he gently grabbed my face—“take your sexy ass to bed and let me handle this shit,” he stated flatly before his hands fell away.

  I cupped his cheek. “Baby, I don’t take orders. You should know this by now.” I tapped his face hard before letting my hand drop. “But since I like you so much, I’m going to be clear so we don’t have these communication issues again. I don’t like you woman, me man caveman shit. Now I’m not asking you to get all poetic while communicating with me, but I—”

  Core’s eyebrows drew together. “Good, because that shit isn’t happening.”

  I blew out a breath. Patience, Sin.

  My gorgeous lover was going to take more work than I’d envisioned, but I was up to the job.

  “Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted…” I pursed my lips. “I don’t expect you to be poetic. Shit, you’re incapable of not grunting every other word.”

  He grunted.

  I shook my head in dismay. “But I do expect you not to bark orders at me. I’m your equal, and I expect to be treated as such. Now, I’m capable of being reasonable, contrary to your belief.”

  He snorted.

  I scowled. “So if you think I’m in fucking danger, communicate with me in a way that won’t make me want to smother you in your sleep.”

  The vein along his jaw pulsed. “Do you even get that I’m worried about Bigsby trying to hurt you? Sin, you mean the world to me.” He fiercely looked at me, his words barely above a whisper. “I wouldn’t survive losing you.” His own admission appeared to surprise him.

  The tender affection in his words and in his eyes washed over me, making me feel cherished and desired. I hadn’t realized until now that I’d needed to hear him say how much he wanted me.

  He glanced at me with pained eyes. “So if you’re expecting me to apologize for wanting to protect you, that’s not going to happen.”

  I sighed, grabbing his hand, kissing his fingers one by one. “I get it, but you don’t have to be so fucking abrasive about it. That’s all I’m saying, Core.”

  “I’ll work on my delivery,” he answered. “But you’re not going to the meeting.”

  “I’m going, Core. We’re partners, remember? In business and…” I paused. There was a flutter in my belly. I was nervous about uttering my next words, but I had to push myself not to play it safe… to believe that everything would be all right… that he wouldn’t make me regret giving him all of me—heart and soul. “Now in life. Fifty-fifty. And I’m not going anywhere, McKay.” I stared at him. “I’m yours, mind, body, and soul.”

  He fisted his hand into my hair at the nape of my neck—a sign of his possession. “Sin, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “The hell I don’t.” My heart raced, bracing for the impact of telling him the truth. I bit my bottom lip. “I’m a hard woman, Core. What man will take the risk of loving me?”

  “Me. I know who you are, Sin. You hide yourself with men who have no chance in hell of getting your heart or loving you. Give us a chance. Let me in.”

  I licked my dry lips. “I’ve spent my life hiding from relationships so I could feel safe. But I don’t want to feel safe anymore. I want more with you. But I’ll walk the fuck away from you, from us, if you ever lie to me again.”

  He released my hair. “I never lied to you, Sin—”

  I held up a hand. “If you ever lie to me or are deceptive in any way, I’m gone. The only way this can work is if you go all in with me, because I fucking love myself too much to accept anything else. And even though you’re a pain in the ass and way too cocky, I think every bit of the work our relationship is going to take is worthwhile.”

  “I belong to you, mind, body, and soul. And now that you’re mine, I’m never letting go.” He kissed my jaw, down the column of my throat, and to my collarbone. There was more tenderness, passion, and meaning in those precious, gentle kisses, and they claimed me like no words ever could.

  “Good, because I’ve decided to keep your crazy ass.” I kissed him hard.

  “Really? Decided? You had no choice, woman. Now let’s get the formalities out of the way. You belong to me and no other… and I belong to you.”

  I frowned. “You’d better. I’m selfish, and I don’t share.”

  “There’s no other woman for me. I’m a mean SOB sometimes, but you’ll deal like I can deal with your crazier-than-hell attitude.”

  I grinned. “Oh, fuck off, McKay. I don’t have an attitude. I’m Brooklyn sassy.”

  He arched a brow.

  “Well, I am.” I ran my tongue over his firm lips.

  I had let go of the terror. He was the man for me, the man who destroyed the fear.

  “And for the record, I accept everything you’re offering, McKay.” I flattened my hand on his stomach. “There’s no other man like you. I know this. And I’m crazy turned on right now.” I ran my palm along his muscular thigh.

  He regarded me with half-open eyes. “Like how turned on?” he demanded with a rasping voice.

  I desperately wanted him. I stared at him, wondering how the hell this shit happened.

  “Like on-my-knees hot,” I blurted out without blinking. There was no shame in my game. I asked for what I wanted always. And I wanted him… now. I ran a hand over his crotch and winked. “Let the fucking commence. And I plan on keeping you busy until it’s time to meet Bigsby.”

  He took my mouth with a kiss that sent me barreling into another world. His kiss left me with no doubt of his dominance as he explored my mou
th with a thoroughness that rendered me breathless. His tongue tangled with mine, leading me in an erotic, sexy dance that made my senses reel.

  I followed where he led with every stroke of his tongue on mine. I felt the power of his possessive seduction in every cell of my body.

  Core broke off our kiss before standing, and in one sinuous motion, he lifted me and placed me on the edge of his desk.

  I licked my bottom lip with anticipation as he shoved up the hem of my dress, grabbed my thighs, and pushed them wide open. I shivered deliciously as cold air brushed against my womanhood before he slid a hand between my legs, pinching my clit.

  My lips parted. “Yes. Harder,” I whispered.

  He squeezed my thigh hard and then soothingly rubbed it.

  “Ready to fuck, McKay?” I licked his lips and unzipped his pants, grabbing his cock. “Impressive.” I bit his lower lip. “I want you—now.”

  The sultriness of the air skimmed across my skin. All the fun and games were over. This was the truth. There was no compromising.

  “I’m never letting you go,” he growled.

  I reached up, digging my fingers into his hair, scratching my nails across his scalp.

  He carried on. “This will never work until you trust me, giving me your submission, surrendering your heart, body, and soul, as I am willing to do for you. Trust is the only thing that can keep us together. Trust that you accept the man I am. And trust my acceptance of the woman you keep hidden.”

  I calmed my breathing. He’d stripped away my mask, leaving me bare, vulnerable, and raw. For the first time in my life, I would have a protective, caring man who would cherish me for as long as I allowed it. And I was pretty sure I wanted forever.

  “And what if the woman you think I am isn’t there?” I paused. “I’m more than what you see.”

  “That’s what I’m counting on. Nothing is perfect. I’m far from it, but I’m half the man without you.” He grabbed my face between his callused hands. “On your knees, darling. Now.” He tilted his head. “Submit to me.” His voice was hard and unyielding.

  “Submission,” I whispered as if rolling the word over my tongue like a fine wine. “And do you think you’ve earned my submission?”