Drea rests her head against mine, clearly not thinking anything of my affection. “Never.”
“Am I interrupting something here?” Xavier’s voice makes us both jump, and we dissolve into giggles like fricking precious cinnamon rolls. He smiles at Drea, then me, and in a flash my insides turn to mush and I wish I hadn’t sat with her.
“We saved you a seat.” I grab my jacket and stand to put it on, and he closes the space between us.
One arm slips behind my back while the other cradles my cheek, and from the look in his eyes I think he’s going to lay one on me right here. His lips press against mine, soft and warm and minty, but are gone far too quickly. “Thanks,” he says.
Drea’s got a smirk on her face that makes me blush.
“Not a word,” I say as I sit back down.
“Oh, I’ve got far more than just one word.” She shifts in her seat so her back is to the side of the bus. “Morning, Xavier. Have a good night?”
He gives me a questioning look and I shrug. “It was pretty good, yeah.” The corner of his mouth quirks, his eyes roaming my body, and I play with the zipper on my jacket. I’m not inexperienced when it comes to guys but one look from him makes me feel things that I’ve only dreamed about.
“Morning, everyone!” Bruno’s deep voice booms from the front of the bus. “Thanks for coming out. We’ve got a good crowd here today so that park will be clean in no time.”
The adults cheer, and Drea and I burst out laughing.
Bruno holds up a clipboard. “Just a couple things to go over. Be sure to sign in before you get off the bus. Pinnies are in the boxes on the front seat. I know they’re god-awful but they help me keep track of you and they help you stay visible. Other than that, please remain seated until we stop and no smoking on the bus.” He doesn’t say anything about funny business, and I can’t help it, I peek at Xavier out of the corner of my eye.
He must have noticed it too because he’s watching me with a devilish grin. I swat his arm across the aisle and he catches my hand, bringing it to his lips.
“Girl, you are in trouble,” Drea whispers.
“I know,” I whisper back. He holds onto my hand, and they dangle in the open space between our seats for everyone to see. But my concern about us is starting to fade. So what if we look like we come from opposite worlds? I may have more money, but he’s by far a better person, and that has to balance things out.
The clipboard works its way to the back of the bus, and Xavier releases my hand to sign in. When he hands it to me, I glance at the top of the sheet and it’s like everything freezes. Blood roars in my ears, drowning out the chatter around us. My hand grips the clipboard so hard I start shaking and my vision blurs with tears.
No.
We can’t be going there.
The words at the top of the page swim but I already know what they say. I scribble my name and address on the line below Xavier’s and it registers that I should memorize his address and look up where he lives, but the thought flits in and out of my brain. I’m too focused on the name of the park.
I hand the clipboard to Drea, who doesn’t seem to notice that I’m freaking out.
“Damn, you didn’t tell me you’re a rich girl.” Her voice is teasing, but her smile falls when she looks at me. “I’m just kidding. I don’t care where you live.”
I shake my head, and she touches my arm.
“Seriously. Couldn’t give two shits.”
“I—I know.” My eyes follow the clipboard as she hands it to the person in front of us.
She watches me for another beat before settling against the side of the bus and staring out the window.
But I can’t relax. I’ve avoided this park for over four years, ever since the horrible moment that changed my life. I’ve refused to let myself think about it, even in the darkest parts of the night when I can’t stop the memories from overwhelming me, and now we’re going there.
For three hours.
With the two people I never want to find out about that day.
By the time we arrive, I’m shaking. Drea, Xavier, and I are the last ones off the bus, and I grip the back of each seat to steady myself as we near the exit.
Xavier touches my back when we step into the bright sunshine. “What’s wrong?”
“Forgot to eat breakfast and now I’m a little shaky.” It’s a weak lie but the only thing I can think of. After so many years, I cannot believe I’m here.
“I don’t think I’ve ever forgotten a meal,” Drea says. “Xavier, you must have really showed her a good time last night.”
My mouth falls open and Xavier smiles, but neither of us say anything.
She smirks. “That’s what I thought.”
Xavier wraps his arm around my back, pulling me close to his side. “Do you want me to find you something to eat? There’s probably a vending machine or something around here.”
I shake my head. “I’ll be okay.” I do not deserve someone so sweet.
We wait near the bus while Bruno explains to the Weekend Crew how to pick up trash with a stick, then he heads our way. “You three are the only ones from the weekday group, so how about you stick together?” We nod and he points to the equipment. “You know the drill. You’ve got more freedom today so be back in three hours and please return with trash in your bags.” He gives a knowing look to me and Xavier. “And no funny business.”
I smile and press my hand to my chest, pretending to be shocked. Which isn’t much of a stretch right now. “Bruno, I thought you knew me better than that.”
He roars with laughter. “Girly, I know you’re a teenager and you got eyes for this one. That’s all I need to know.”
Drea bursts out laughing and I can’t help but join her. “I promise to make good use of my time,” I say.
Bruno walks away and Xavier nuzzles my neck. “This should be fun.”
I may be a Broadway-level performer, but pretending to have fun here might be my biggest challenge yet. We walk along a paved path that winds through trees stretching high into the sky. Most of the Weekend Crew is already combing the underbrush for trash, so we walk until their voices fade away.
And keep walking.
The trail grows steeper and the ground at the edge drops off. A brick wall wide enough to walk on separates us from the steep drop-off and Xavier jumps on it.
Drea and I both shout.
“Wait!”
“Get down!”
He peers into the ravine before turning around, arms spread out wide. “What? The view’s amazing.” He kicks at the wall. “This thing isn’t going anywhere.” He gestures for me to join him. “Come up here with me.”
“Be careful,” Drea says.
But I can’t move. This isn’t the exact spot where it happened—it was another quarter mile up the trail—but everything’s rushing back to me. Cody’s scream, Blake jumping over the edge after him, the ambulance that carried them away.
The horrible things I said at the hospital.
Xavier steps off the wall but I still can’t breathe. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He lifts his hand to my face and I lean into his caress, wanting to feel anything but the guilt that’s overpowering my senses.
“A little boy died here,” Drea says, snapping me out of my daze. She’s staring farther up the trail, closer to where Cody fell.
Shock slams into me. How can she know?
“He was friends with my cousin. He was walking on this wall and fell.”
Xavier goes still. “Cody McMillan?”
We’re both startled, but he’s looking at Drea and doesn’t see my reaction. “How do you know that?” she asks.
“I’ve known his brother, Blake, half my life.”
My breath stops.
“Wow,” she says. “That’s terrible. Siblings aren’t supposed to die.” She stares into the trees and the memory of Blake’s horrified shouts mix with the image of Xavier defending his sister’s honor and I don’t know how much longer I can pretend to be okay.
>
Xavier takes my hand and squeezes. “Blake was with him when it happened. Tried to save him but it was too late.” He looks into my eyes. “I can’t even imagine what that must have been like.”
Awful. It was awful. The only reason Cody fell is because I made Blake walk slower so I could kiss him. The moment I pressed my lips to his, Cody screamed and our lives changed forever. Xavier’s still watching me and I realize I haven’t spoken since he stepped off the wall. “It’s horrible.”
“It gets worse,” he says. “This girl was with them when it happened and she blamed it all on Blake. Even though it was an accident.”
And just like that, my world implodes. Being snowboarding friends is one thing, but if Blake and Xavier know each other well enough that Xavier knows about Cody, then it’s only a matter of time before he pieces everything together and wants nothing to do with me.
“What?” Drea shouts. “What kind of person does that?”
This girl.
He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand and I feel like I’m going to be sick. They can’t know this. How does he know? “Blake just calls her the Snow Bitch. I guess they were friends, but after that day she turned into an evil monster.”
“So his brother dies and this crazy chick blames him and—” she stops. “I don’t get people.”
“Me neither,” Xavier says. He tucks my hand against his chest, lost in thought, and despite his grip on me, it feels like everything is slipping away. Soon he’ll connect the dots and he’ll be gone from my life.
Drea’s pacing along the low wall, shaking her head. “How do you—” she pauses to look at us, then stares out at the trees in the ravine.
She’ll be gone too.
When I first met Drea and Xavier, I figured talking to them would help pass the time while I was stuck in community service, but they’ve quickly become the most important people in my life. And seeing the looks on their faces as they think about what I did—not knowing it was me—makes me regret every horrible thing I’ve ever said or done. I can’t take it back, but I can vow to never be like that again. To try to be a good person.
But starting over is impossible. Everyone at school already hates me and I don’t think I’m lucky enough to find two more people like Drea and Xavier.
“We should probably keep moving.” Xavier lowers my hand and continues farther up the trail, closer to where Cody fell. When we reach the spot where Blake and I’d been standing, my knees give out. Xavier catches me before I fall, his arms hooked around my waist.
Drea rushes to my side. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod, but everything is blurry. This is why I haven’t come back here. I blink away tears and stand upright. “I guess I’m hungrier than I thought.”
Xavier dips his head so he’s looking in my eyes. “Should we just hang out here?”
“No!” I lower my voice. “No, let’s keep moving. I’ll be okay.” The last thing I want is to sit at the scene of the crime for the next hour.
They exchange puzzled looks but start walking. We don’t find any trash until we’re well past the spot where Blake jumped over the edge to save his brother. Where he lifted an unconscious Cody over the edge of the wall, both their bodies bloody. Where I stood, panicked and unable to do anything but cry, while Cody took his last breaths. After we called for help, there was nothing to do but wait and replay the day over and over. People gathered around us, trying to help the broken boy on the ground, but all I could think was that if Cody had stayed home, if it had been just me and Blake like I wanted, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.
Unfortunately it didn’t come out that way in the hospital.
While we paced the hall waiting for his parents, I tried to comfort Blake, but he kept brushing me off. Looking back, I get it, but at the time I didn’t know how to compartmentalize my emotions and I erupted. I told him that if his family had money, Cody would have been with his nanny instead of us and this never would have happened. The look on his face shamed me to my core, but it was too late. I couldn’t suck the words back in, and we never spoke again. We started eighth grade hating each other, and shortly after that I declared myself head of the Snow Bunnies, Austin and his friends the Moguls, and Blake and his friends the Ski Bums.
Standing here now, at the epicenter of where my life first shattered, I can’t help but wonder if it’s too late to go back.
The next couple hours feel like they last forever. The only highlight is that Xavier can’t seem to stop touching me, dropping little kisses and caresses whenever Drea isn’t looking. And sometimes when she is. But each time his lips brush mine, my stomach twists tighter because each minute that ticks away brings us closer to the moment he discovers I’m Blake’s Snow Bitch.
When we get back on the bus, I sink against Xavier’s side, soaking in as much of him as I can. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer.
“You gonna tell me what’s wrong?” he whispers into my hair.
I shake my head, blinking back fresh tears. “It’s just been a long day.”
He grips my shoulder and it feels like he’s holding me together. I’m not sure how my life got turned so upside-down. It’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience where I’m looking down at myself and wondering how everything led to this moment. To me and this boy who I never should have met, sitting on a bus at the park where I destroyed everything.
Back at the parking lot I say goodbye to Drea and she reminds me about coffee on Tuesday. My casual smile takes all my energy. The more time I spend with her, the sooner she’ll find out the truth, but I don’t cancel like I want to.
Edge Rule #8: Protect yourself so you don’t get hurt.
Xavier leads me to my car and turns me so my back is against the driver door. He grips my shoulders lightly, concern heavy in his eyes. “Will you please tell me what’s going on?”
I try to avoid his eyes but he cradles my cheek so I can’t turn my head. Those damn tears burn again but this time I can’t hide them.
“You’re scaring me.”
“It’s just been a long day.” I turn my head to kiss his palm, and he exhales.
“You sure that’s it?” His brows furrow and I can’t escape those dark eyes that seem to look into my soul. Except if he could see that far, he’d be running away as fast as he could.
“Yeah.” I lean in and kiss the edge of his tattoo. “I promise.”
He pulls me against his chest and we hold each other as the parking lot empties. So many things bubble to my lips—confessions, excuses, lies—but I don’t say any of them.
“The Chain Gang isn’t going to be the same without you.”
“Hey.” He pulls back to look at me. “This isn’t goodbye.”
Then why does it feel like it?
I pulled myself together enough to kiss Xavier goodbye. We promised to text this week and at the very least, go snowboarding next Saturday. It sucks that I may not see him for a whole week, but the odds of him figuring out that I’m the Snow Bitch before then are low, so at least I’ll get to see him one more time. I just have to get through the week.
The photo of Miss Simpson and Cally’s dad is still on my phone, but I’ve almost deleted it several times. The rush I felt when I took it has long passed, and now it just makes me feel dirty. To think I used to get off on this crap. If I’m trying to make amends with Cally and Blake, outing her dad will make that impossible.
After the lamest Saturday night in my existence—do other people do homework before Sunday night?—Dad called before I went to bed, demanding I come over for lunch. This means I won’t get on the slopes at all this weekend, but the idea of meeting my half-sister pushes away any irritation. Now I’m sitting on my bed trying to put together an appropriate outfit to meet The Seconds.
The only thing keeping me calm is knowing that this other woman—Dad’s girlfriend person—is probably even more nervous. It’s a little surreal to think all my questions might be answered today. Even the ones I’d rath
er leave unknown.
Mom’s at the kitchen island reading her tablet when I come downstairs. “Where are you off to?”
“Meeting friends for lunch,” I lie. The lunch part may be true, but this will not be friendly.
“I’m glad. You’ve spent so much time in your room lately I’ve started to worry about you.”
“Well, there was the whole grounding thing…” And my pathetic lack of a social life.
She waves her hand, dismissing my words without looking at me. “Right. Please be home for dinner. I’d like to catch up.”
Isn’t that what we’re doing right now? For once I manage to catch my words before they fly out of my mouth. “Sure.” I grab my keys from the counter and enter the address Dad gave me in my navigation system. His new neighborhood is older and the houses aren’t as big as ours, but it’s still nice. When I pull into the driveway of a brick two-story home with mature trees and a porch swing, everything stops.
My breath.
My pulse.
The only thing that speeds up are my thoughts, which are screaming to back out of the driveway and pretend I don’t know this house exists. A curtain in the front window moves and I take a deep breath. It’s too late to back out now. I turn off the car and head to the front door, drawing from the hurt and anger that’s built up over the past months and bracing myself for whatever lies inside.
What I’m not expecting is the burst of energy that greets me.
“Hi!” A girl half my height with long blond hair, blue eyes, and fairy wings twirls inside the open doorway. “I’m Piper Douglas! You’re Brianna Vines! Mom and Dad are in the kitchen!” Every sentence is punctuated with a punch in the air like she’s holding a magic wand, and the last one feels like it shoots straight through me.
Mom and Dad.
But she doesn’t have our last name.
“Hi.” My voice lacks her enthusiasm, but I can’t help but smile. She’s my mini-me. My zest for life may have faltered over the years, but I used to spend hours dancing around the house and I remember how excited I’d get whenever someone would come to visit.
The Edge Rules (The Rules Series Book 3) Page 18