I wasn’t sure why Tess, Clint and Samuel had become so quiet. We had done it. We had saved Josh. He was back with us safely. I would become an official Lappell member on Sunday, and it would become just another new complication in my already complicated life. I was already so used to the weird and precarious nature of my own world, what was one more strange inclusion? At least I could go with Josh to meetings and there would be nothing we couldn’t talk about.
“Should we head back to the mansion now?” I turned to Josh, holding both of his hands, still riding high on the fact he was in front of me. “We have a Mercedes in the alley out back. It’s Clint’s sister’s. Wait till you see his home Josh. It’s just amazing. I’ll show you the house, and oh...there’s this massive maze out back like out of that movie Labyrinth I love. You’re going to be blown away. It’s extraordinary.” I was giddy and rambling. I turned to the Clint, Tess and Samuel, “Right guys?”
Their faces looked forlorn. Why do they look like someone had died?
“Right guys!” My voice probed them again, confused by their expressions.
Clint nudged Samuel. “Do it...now.”
Then I felt it. The same feeling I’ve had many times before. That feeling that I was about to get a big reveal. Like I was about to be exposed to a lie. Like I was going to be broken and shattered into a million pieces. I put my hands on my gun. It was the only thing I could do to try and stop every part of my body from breaking down. I knew it. I knew back in Prague they were hiding something that would hurt me. I knew there was going to be another painful, heart-breaking lie.
I saw Samuel’s nostrils flare as he saw me take hold of my gun, my hand dangerously close to the trigger. He closed his eyes for a second, and took another breath. He reached into the inside lining of his leather jacket and came out with an envelope.
An envelope?
He approached me, envelope in hand, trying hard not to look me in the eyes. His face was unable to hide his hurt. His expression was twisted, his eyes hooded and sad, his mouth not smiling, but frowning.
“This,” Samuel said, handing the envelope over to me, “is from your Dad. We were instructed to give it to you the moment we got Josh back safely. So...here it is.” After he gave it to me, he walked back and stood near Tess, who looked liked she was struggling to stand up.
My Dad? A letter?
I took my other hand off the gun and then used it to open the envelope, pulling out the letter. It was indeed from my Dad as I recognized his handwriting. I glanced once more at Tess, Clint and Samuel, wondering what could possibly be happening. When I still couldn’t interpret their expressions, I turned my head down to read.
My dearest Lenorah,
After significant reflection, and much contemplation and planning, and after many years of watching you struggle, the decision has been made. This wasn’t a decision I made lightly. You are my daughter. You are supposed to always be where I can see you, watch you, and look after you. However, this is no longer a viable possibility. I’ve been trying to keep you safe, and have reached the point where I need to do what I’ve always known I would need to do. I’ve allowed this to go on for as long as it can. My reach only goes so far.
I blame myself. I do not blame Joshua, Samuel or Clint. I know that if I had been more lenient with boys and their interest in you from beginning, than we might possibly be in a different position right now. But even if you were never sent to Morewell, and not on the Lappell’s radar, you would still be surrounded by my world. And your life would still be in constant danger. You would always be a target. Your identity will always be my daughter, and as such, will always be subject to assumptions and perceptions which no way define your true beauty and nature. I know this. I’ve watched you hide through high school. I’ve watched you try and keep your identity a secret at McLaren. I’ve watched you constantly be in this state of accepted pain and turmoil because I couldn’t let you go. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve let this go on for as long as it did. You are just so much like your mother in the way you are strong and stubborn but yet so passionate and free. I watch you, and it’s as if I’m watching her. It’s always been as if she was still with me. And I just couldn’t part with that. Some love, just never leaves you, no matter what time passes. It’s always a part of your humanity. But I know she is with you, protecting you, and I know she would want me to do this.
I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time, but I realized that when your only daughter runs off to get married overseas (yes, of course I knew) without her family, just so she can feel safe and comfortable but still ends up in more danger — well that says to me, the time has come. That time is now. Lenorah, please understand, this is not our good-bye. We will see each other again when the time is right and you are safe. This is however, is good-bye to your old life, and the start of a new one I have waiting for you.
On the 15th, there is a small plane leaving London with your name, and Joshua’s name on its manifest. This particular plane will not land. It will crash, and you and Joshua will be declared deceased. The arrangements have already been made for both your funerals in New York. It will be in the media. Everyone will know publically that my daughter and her fiancé died in a plane crash.
At the same time, Samuel and Clint will take you both to a location to meet some of my contacts. They will take you both to an undisclosed airstrip where you will board a small plane. That plane will take you to your new home and to your brand new identities. It is the start you deserve. It’s a real chance for you to be happy, without the Lappell and without the threat of my world.
Please know Lenorah, that your loyalty and your acceptance of me and my lifestyle, has never gone unnoticed. You are special. You are beautiful. You are talented. You see the best in people through their faults. You forgive. You stand your ground. You fight and you know how to love. You are my greatest achievement Lenorah, and I have never been more proud of anything in my entire life.
My girl, please understand this has to happen. It’s already done. Please do as the boys tell you. I am trusting them to make sure they follow all my instructions. I know they love you and will make sure you get to my contacts safely. I told them about this plan because I know they still care about you, and they will never reveal what we’ve done because they want you to always be safe. They wanted to spend this small amount of time they had left with you. They wanted a chance to say good-bye. I know if I was given the chance to say good-bye to your mother, I would have taken it any way I could. I know what it’s like to lose something you love without having that opportunity, so I’ve given this to them because they deserve it. And so do you. I’ve always known they were never bad guys. I would have never allowed you to date them if I thought otherwise. That’s also how I know that Joshua will be going with you, even after what he has done. I know you will forgive him. You probably already have.
Please, do not fight this Lenorah.
Do this for me.
Do this for your mother.
Do this for yourself.
As soon as you are at your new destination, I will be in contact with you.
I love you.
Your Father, Joe.
Lenorah Simona Rossi was about to disappear.
Forever.
I handed the letter to Josh who immediately began reading. I turned and saw Clint, Samuel and Tess staring at me, waiting to see my reaction. Tess was already crying. She knew. That explained her outburst outside. Clint and Samuel’s eyes only stared into mine with sadness, with regret, with something that was already saying good-bye. They had come here knowing it would be the last time we would ever be together. The last time we could ever speak, and see each other’s faces. They helped me get Josh back because it was what I wanted. They were here to protect me, keep me safe and ensure both me and Josh leave together even after what he had done. All for me. I had no words for what I felt in that moment. These guys...were so much more than special. They were all part of my soul. And we were all friends. Final
ly friends. It was all I ever truly wanted. And now it was going to be taken away from me. No. Not now. Not after this. They were too important to me. Clint, Samuel and Tess.
I ran to them. I didn’t care if I was excessively emotional. There was no time left to hold anything back. My arms went around the three of them in a giant group hug, and I let out loud sobs, not holding an ounce of emotion in. It was just sadness. It was sorrow dripping from my pores and onto three of the most important people in my life that I had to say good-bye to. I didn’t want this. I never wanted to say good-bye. I know that now. They held different parts of me. The best parts. I had given them each a piece of my heart and now I was being forced to never see them again.
No.
Just no.
I started shaking my head furiously as they tried to hold me up, but I only gripped them tighter.
“You have to do this Len. I already feel what you are thinking. But this can’t be about any of us. This is about you now. This is your chance. A real honest-to-goodness chance for you to be able to live your life.” Samuel tried to support my Father’s decision, but I knew he needed to tell himself the same thing.
“He is right Norah. I hate that he is, but he is right. Your Dad is right to do this.” Tess moaned in between sobs.
My eyes met Clint’s now. He was the hardest person for me to look at, but I needed his assurance too. Clint only nodded. “You deserve a happy and safe life Norah, even if it’s with...him.”
I continued to cry, holding on my friends like every second was the last. This was just too painful.
Suddenly, Josh yelled out, “It’s my fault Norah.”
His voice immediately silenced my cries. We all turned to look at him walking towards us, my Father’s letter in his hand. “This is all because I forced Samuel’s hand. Samuel went looking for answers from Arthur Wickburn because he knew that hit man, Devon Lockley. Arthur Wickburn is Hamilton’s best friend. When Samuel threatened and then shook up Arthur for answers about what I did, Hamilton took it personally, which is why he came after us. It’s why he came after you Norah. And it’s why your Dad made this decision. If I had never done what I did, you wouldn’t be saying good-bye.” Josh gulped, trying not to look at the guys. “It’s all my fault, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry Clint. I’m sorry Samuel. I should have never have done such a thing.”
“It’s bit fucking late for apologies Hollows.” Samuel’s angered voice was pointed in Josh’s direction.
“I know, I know. Apologies aren’t good enough. I agree. Which is why...I’ve decided something. I’ve decided that I’m not the one going with Norah.”
Wait...what? All of our eyes bugged out at that comment. Josh isn’t going with me? Did I hear correctly?
Josh’s eyes went back to the letter. “You are leaving on the 15th Norah. That’s this Saturday. It’s before you complete the Lappell initiation. You’ll have two nights left here and in those two nights, I want you to go on dates with Clint and Samuel.”
I had stopped crying now, feeling something different. Hurt, confusion and pain from Josh’s words. Why was he suggesting such things?
“What? I don’t understand what you are saying Josh.”
“Look Norah. I love that you want to disappear forever with me. But it’s not right. I wronged you, and I wronged them. They deserve this. So do you. You need to be sure I’m the one you want this forever with. If you don’t do this, I will never be sure it was me you wanted, and neither will you.”
“Josh, you are crazy. Not only do I not want to go on dates with Clint and Samuel, but I’m sure it’s the last thing they’ll want to do. It’s been six months. I’m sure they have both moved on. Right? Haven’t you both?” My head flicked back and forth between Clint and Samuel trying to gauge their feelings.
“I’m in,” said Clint, no hesitation in his voice.
“Me too,” said Samuel.
I stared at them both in disbelief. I knew they still cared about me, but they wanted a chance at forever. I honestly didn’t think they were still carrying that kind of torch. Or perhaps I did know, and was purposely being ignorant? I knew what would happen if I opened my heart up, and I couldn’t do that anymore. Not now, not that I was...
“Norah, I changed how you thought about them because I was afraid you would never pick me over them. I did it because I thought it was the only way you would want me. I need you to do this. You need to do this. If by some miracle, you do still want me after these dates, then our love, our future will have no more lies or regret. It will just be truth. We will fake our deaths and run off into the sunset together. But if you find after the next two nights, you realize that you don’t want to be with me anymore, I will understand. I will step aside and let you go with whomever you choose. I only want you to be happy. It’s all I ever wanted. I was just being selfish because I wanted to be the only one to make you happy.” Josh engaged Clint and Samuel’s face with his own. “They deserve a shot at being your forever, and your heart deserves to know real true love. Please Norah. Please do this. Please date Clint and Samuel for me.”
I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. I broke her heart. I could see it in her face. The way the color drained away from her skin. The cold and glassy look in her eyes. Her lips trying not to quiver. The way her shoulders sank. And then when I walked forward to take her hand, she took two steps away from me, pulling her hands away like she couldn’t bear to feel my touch.
What have I done?
I was standing in the rear alleyway outside the back door of the club. I needed to get away from what I just requested. What I just told her to do. I began pacing, going over what I said in my head. I had just told Norah to spend her last two nights in the public eye with her two ex-boyfriends, to decide if it was really me she wanted to spend her life with in secrecy. All I could see in my mind was the way Norah’s eyes screamed at me, “Why? Why are you doing this to us?”
She had picked me. Wanted me. And then I turn around and throw her back to them. I knew that I was trying to set things right. I wanted her to pick the path that wasn’t tainted. A love that she believed was pure and real. I wanted her to have a shot at the fairy tale. I wanted to be selfless and not selfish. To me, this was real love. I was giving her the choice I never allowed her to have because I made her feel and think things about Clint and Samuel which simply were not true. I was trying to right my wrongs. But it cut deep and far into my soul. And from what I just saw from Norah, I had hurt her in the exact same way. I felt tears in my eyes at the realization I had just made a dreadful mistake.
Just then, the back doors flew open, and Tess came marching out. She looked pissed, like her red hair was about to explode and burst into flames. “There you are,” she said, a hard distasteful edge to her voice. She stomped right up to me, pulled her left hand back, and then ploughed it forward, trying to connect with my face. With the angle her fist hit me, it only managed to graze my jaw and throw me off balance a bit. Her hand would have taken the brunt of that failed attempt of a punch. Tess yelped and then fell to her knees, clutching her fist with her other hand.
“Fuck that hurt!” she screamed out. “It looks so easy to do in the movies!” She began rubbing her sore fist with her hand. “Shit! God damn it!”
I held out my hand, offering to help her up. She looked at her hand, which was obviously hurt, knowing she would need my assistance to get back up on her feet. She groaned, and hesitantly took my hand with her good one. “You didn’t twist your fist correctly when you threw your weight behind it.” Tess was on her feet now, still rubbing her hand and glaring at me. “You’ll need to ice your hand,” I said, trying to help.
“Screw you Josh! What the hell was that in there? Huh? Tell me! Do you have any fucking idea what that girl has been through to get you back? Do you? And then you pull this self-sacrificing shit because you’ve grown a fucking conscience!”
I stood back on my heels, distancing myself from Tess's body shaking in anger. “I’m trying to do
the right thing Tess,” I said, attempting to explain myself.
“No you’re not. You’re trying to appease your guilt. You don’t know what happened after you were kidnapped Josh. She lost it. Completely and utterly fucking lost it. She couldn’t bear to live without you. All that mattered to her was getting you back. And she did everything possible to make that happen. Nothing mattered except you. What you did to Clint and Samuel, joining the Lappell...nothing mattered. I don’t know why she has forgiven you so easily but she did. And you hurt her right now Josh. You completely belittled her forgiveness for you and everything she went through.”
“Tess, I’m not trying to hurt her. She deserves to have a chance to really know if her heart is still with those guys. She deserves the right to choose. Without any lies, without any manipulation. This is her forever. I want her to be happy, even if it’s not with me. She should take the opportunity to confirm with her head and her heart. I don’t want her to regret being with me when she wakes up one day and realizes what I did. How I changed her destiny. How I took away something real for her. Because if that happened, it would kill me Tess. Just kill me. I would never forgive myself.” I rubbed my eyes so Tess couldn’t see how red my eyes had become. “She deserves this, and she deserves the chance to know for sure.”
Tess took a few deep calming breaths as she processed my reasoning. A minute passed before she yelled at me again. “Damn it Josh! Damn you!” Tess flashed me a look like she now understood what I was doing, but still remained defiant in her stance. “Damn it. I’m not apologizing for punching you. You won’t hear it.”
I tried not to smile at Tess, but it was hard not to break into a grin. I found it amusing how much I loved her protective side for Norah. “Well...technically, I really wouldn’t call that a punch...I mean it was probably closer to a slap...the way your hand was...”
Tess rolled her eyes. “Shut up Josh. It was a punch, okay.”
All The Pieces (Pieces of Lies 3) Page 13