Fucking eh!
I reached out, cupping her cheek with my hand. She flinched a bit and pulled back. “Ummm, what are you doing Samuel?”
I smiled a cheesy smile. “You have chocolate near your mouth. I was just going to remove it for you...” I moved my head towards her mouth, my lips aimed at hers.
She flinched again, pulling away, and then started laughing at me. Deep, hard, from the gut style of laughing.
So this is what I get for pulling such a cheesy move. I get laughed at in my face.
“I’m sorry Samuel. No really, I’m sorry. You just surprised me. I never picked you as the type of guy who would pull the ‘you have food on your face, now let me kiss it off, move,’.”
“It’s not funny Len,” I said, honestly disappointed. She stopped laughing when she saw my sad face. Then she moved closer and put her arms around me, hugging me tight.
I hated to admit it, but she was right. My moves had much more style than that, but I had to seize the chance, no matter how lame the attempt. I wanted to kiss her so badly, I didn’t care how I got there.
“I’m sorry. I know it’s not funny Samuel. Nothing about what happened between us is funny.” Now she did something completely unexpected. She climbed over and straddled me, pulling my hands around her waist. She got into this position so she could look deep into my eyes. This was serious Len. A girl who had said something important to say, and by God, in this position, with her on top of me, she had my full attention. “Look Samuel, there is something I need to say. I need to say I’m sorry for not believing you. That day with my Dad when you swore to me that you didn’t put a hit on Clint, I...I did...I believed you. And I couldn’t admit it. I couldn’t accept it. I’m so terribly sorry I said what I said to you. I just didn’t want to think about the alternative...that...”
“Shhh, now.” I put my finger on her lips. “I know why you believed it. I know you’re sorry. So am I, because if I had just fought for you after your Dad separated us to begin with...if I had just damned everything and swept you up in my arms the day after he told us we were over and we ran away, then it would be me leaving with you on Saturday.” I knew why Len and I were not together. I didn’t fight hard enough. I let her think I had given up. I let her go to McLaren without so much as a letter or a phone call. My fear of her father and my safety had stopped our future. I should have never been scared. I should have never have let her go.
“Do you really believe it would have been us?”
“Len, I know it would have been us.”
She swallowed, and then tried to move off me. All she wanted to do was get close, and apologize. Nothing more. But damn this fucking opportunity. Damn it to hell. I was going to get bitch slapped for my next move, but it was going to be fucking worth it.
Before Len could swing her leg over to take a seat next to me again, I pulled her down on top of me in one swift movement, taking her by complete surprise. I spoke the words from Romeo and Juliet as I heard them, using them as part of the poetry of this moment. “Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I never saw true beauty till this night!” She tried to speak, but I crushed my mouth over hers, seizing the chance. It was our night. Our final good-bye. I was making the choice to give her the good-bye I wanted. She resisted at first, and then, just let it happen. Our lips danced with one another like the slow sensual movement of a couple during a love song. It was a slow, deep kiss, full of passion and regret and a future we would never know. She even allowed her body to grind up on mine for the briefest second, feeling once more our symbiotic rhythm we had always shared.
It was a moment I would never forget. It was our moment in this beautiful park, in the moonlight while listening to Romeo and Juliet. This was how I would always remember this girl who took my darkened heart and brought to life a man I never knew I could be. I was better because of her.
And then, her eyes opened slowly, and her lips left mine. She climbed off my lap, and sat next to me, breathing quickly as she tried to focus on the stage. She didn't speak. She didn't do anything but just letting our kiss be frozen in time, for me and for her.
“Thank you,” I said softly as we sat side by side, now listening more intently to Romeo and Juliet. Our moment had come, and now it was gone. It was time now to enjoy this night and what we had left, making it fun and memorable.
As we watched the show, I started cracking jokes, making Len laugh. We spoke about my car, and music and about things we had always loved together. We fell back into a comfortable tune of closeness, as friends. By the end of the show, we both didn’t want to leave the park. Our mood shifted to something serious on the blanket.
“Len, when you think of us, do you think of us like the real Romeo and Juliet. Like a real tragedy? Because as much as I joked that we were like them, it kind of feels like we are. Like the death of our relationship ended the same way.”
“Samuel, I’ve never considered our relationship to be tragic. I will always remember you as my first love. The first guy who opened me up and saw in me something passionate and strong that needed to be brought to life. Tragic...never. Beautiful...always.”
Wow! Hearing Len talk about us like that was really what I needed. It helped the pain that I would surely feel when she was permanently gone. She didn’t regret me. Not at all. She loved me and our memory. I would always have that.
Len sat on her knees, staring up at the stars, her mind ticking over about something else. “Samuel can I ask you do me one final favor after I’ve gone? But it’s a big one.”
Favor? “Of course my sweet...anything.” I said, wondering what was so important that it required my assistance.
“Well Tess told me yesterday that she has a new job in New York and is moving there next month. And it’s just...without me around to keep an eye on her, I worry. I really would appreciate it if you helped her settle in. Show her around some more. Check in on her from time to time. Do you think you could do that? For me?”
Hmmm.
Tess...
In New York.
My little firecracker.
I mean, the little firecracker.
Well...
Ummm.
“No problem,” I said quickly. A little too quickly.
Len smiled at me appreciatively. “Thanks Samuel. It means so much to me to hear you say that.”
“No problem. But just so we are clear, it’s because you asked me to. There isn’t any other reason. None at all.”
Len gave me a sly smirk. “Of course Samuel...Because I asked you to.”
We packed up the hamper and blanket and walked back to the car. Not hand in side this time, but side by side. I put the hamper away in the trunk and then turned on the car, the lights going on and the radio blaring. The radio was stuck on an older radio station, but I still recognized the music of Otis Redding. His deep bluesy voice belted through, creating a scene like out of a 1950’s black and white movie.
“You knew what I was going to do back in Prague didn’t you?” Len asked me out of the blue while she was standing in front of the lights of the car.
Prague? Oh yes. I was wondering if she was going to bring that up.
I walked around to the front of car, and stood in front of her in the beams of light. “Yes well, when you used to get like that, all I needed to do was whisper my name into your ear and you would return to me. This time, it wasn’t until I whispered Josh’s name that you snapped out of it. I realized your heart was long gone with him and I knew I couldn’t change that.”
She looked to the ground. “I’m sorry Samuel.”
I half shrugged. “I can’t say I’m not surprised Len...but...” I stopped myself from saying anymore. I had said too much anyway. It wasn’t my business to be including those types of ‘buts’.
“But what?” she asked.
“Oh nothing Len. Nothing.”
“But what Samuel?” She pressed some more.
“Be honest with her Samuel,” I told myself. “Fine. But I didn’
t want to bring this up...It’s just your forever you know. And well...”
Len's face looked hard. I could see her getting frustrated. “Get to the point Samuel...Please.”
“Okay. But...I gotta say this. I also think if I had said Clint’s name into your ear that it would have snapped you out of that state too.”
Len shook her head shocked, like she couldn’t believe those words actually came out of my mouth.
“Yes Len, I’m surprised I said it as well.”
“Then why...?”
“Because it’s the truth. I haven’t been blind. I’ve seen you two together. How you are with each other. What you want to ignore but is fucking obvious to us all.”
“Samuel...it’s not what you think.”
“Look Len, you might be acting ignorant because you want to do the right thing by Josh, but to the rest of us, the ones who have been with you the last few days, we can see you are choosing the wrong guy. You and Weston spend two days together and it’s as if there are fireworks and explosions and all that love shit. After just two days. C’mon Len. You don’t love Josh the way you love Weston. I hate to fucking admit this, but it’s true. You know it. We know it. Even fucking Hollows knows it.”
She still looked astounded turning her head away, giving what I said some thought. I don’t know how we went from kissing on a blanket, to me telling her she should be with Clint Weston. Am I insane? No, I just love this girl and care about her happiness. It was right to tell her what I believed. She shouldn’t be ignoring what her heart wants.
“And when did you become Clint’s biggest supporter?” she asked me, looking at me intently, amazed that this conversation was even taking place.
“Yeah well,” I said coughing at the comment. “I’ve come to see that he isn’t such a bad guy after all,” I said flatly. The truth hurt. Yes, the truth of admitting your nemesis isn’t a bad guy, really hurt. But at least it was the truth, and the truth should set love free.
Len threw her arms around me in a huge bear hug, pulling me close, putting her head up against my neck, rocking a bit back and forth like we were slow dancing. “You know what Samuel Voltaggio? You are a good guy.”
Me? A good guy? If I was a good guy, it was because of this girl. I would never forget this and the time we shared. I continued to slow dance with Len in my arms, under the stars, holding on to her tightly. Her memory would always have a place in my heart. We were another version of Romeo and Juliet, just evolved and heading in different directions, though so many of their words rang true.
“Good night, good night. Parting is such sweet sorrow.”
I settled on black jeans and a pale blue V-neck sweater for my date with Clint. He told me to dress casual for the evening, which kind of surprised me. Having had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of his romantic gestures in the past, I thought he would be taking me to a fancy dinner or some exotic event that required evening wear, but no, he simply said he wanted me to be comfortable and to dress like me. There was something tremendously sweet in the way he told me to just be myself. I hadn’t felt like my old self since this whole thing with Josh began.
I was sitting in front of the mirror checking my outfit for the third time when Tess walked into my room. “Nervous I see,” she observed watching me primp myself awkwardly in the mirror as I sat facing the vanity. I was moving away another wild strand of hair circling around my face when she came up behind my back.
“What me? Nervous. Why would I be nervous?” I think my voice actually shuddered as I spoke. I was trying to sound calm and collected, but my voice made me sound like a broken mess.
Tess placed her hands on my shoulders, like a parent about to give a pep talk. She even rubbed down my arms like it would help soothe my nerves. “Oh I don’t know Norah...maybe because you’re going on your final date ever with Clint. It’s kind of a big deal. A very special night.”
I shook my head quickly, trying to push the suggestion away. I didn’t need to hear this. I didn’t need a reminder of what I was about to embark on. I needed to pretend tonight was meaningless. That what she said couldn’t possibly be true. That our last night together was very far from being a big deal.
“No, it’s not special Tess. It will be just another good-bye. Just like my date with Samuel. It will be one night, and then it’s done.”
She shook her head like she didn’t believe me, pat my shoulder and went over and sat on the bed. “So, how was your date with Samuel?” Her voice carried across the room. “You’ve said nothing about it except that it was ‘lovely’. I mean, what the hell does lovely mean when put like that? It sounds like the kind of word you use when something happened but you need to cover it up with something sweet sounding — like with the word lovely.” I turned around and saw Tess crossing her legs on the bed, engaging me with somewhat unsettling and questioning eyes. She was searching for something more. Something that maybe told her not to keep her hopes up. But I knew better. I had also been paying attention to the little things. The flirtatious comments, the lingering glances. I knew what she was wondering, and why. I could have tortured her a while longer, but I figured I should put her out of her misery.
“No Tess. Nothing special happened. We just said a proper good-bye. We talked and watched Romeo and Juliet in the park. That is all.”
Granted I didn’t mention the kiss we shared, but it was such a minor detail. I already considered it part of our ‘proper good-bye’ and I didn’t think mentioning it would be worth the twenty questions. There was, however, something I decided I had to do. “Tess, there is something else,” I started. “Something I need to ask you.”
Tess was quick to cut in. “What’s that?” she asked swiftly, like she anticipated more to the story. We were dancing around the subject in girl code. It was fun and silly and I felt like a teenager. Tess still wasn’t convinced my feelings for Samuel were in my past and girl code is pretty clear on the matter of dating ex-boyfriends. You just don’t do it. Well, I mean, good friends don’t do it without permission of course. I was going to have to give her my blessing the only way I knew how.
“Well, I kind of have a favor to ask of you. It’s a big one and I hope you’ll say yes.” My voice was already begging for a positive answer.
Tess looked at me, almost offended that I would think she would say no. Still, she tilted her head, trying to look like she would consider my request. “Norah, there are no big favors. I am sure I’ll be happy to do whatever it is that you need. Ask away.”
I got up off my seat, striding over to where Tess sat on the bed. My hands were thrown up in the air, like it was a huge problem and I needed her help. “The thing is Tess, I’m kind of worried about Samuel. He is such a good guy now. Nothing like how he used to be before I met him. And with me not in New York anymore, I’m going to worry he’ll fall back into old habits. So I was wondering...since you are moving to New York...that maybe you could keep an eye on him. You know, check up on him from time to time and pull him into line if he needs it. Would you be able to do that Tess? For me? Please.”
Tess stared back at me, knowing I was purposely playing dumb for her benefit. I didn’t feel the need to force her to say things no one was ready to admit yet, especially about her crush, although I was sure it wasn’t one-sided.
She shrugged at the notion, trying to be nonchalant. “Well...I suppose I could check on him. Maybe hang out. Make sure he’s being the good guy we know he is. I guess I could...tolerate him. But this is a big favor you’re asking Nor. I hope you know that. I would never agree to this on any other grounds except the ‘faking-death-and-leaving-forever’ kind. So yes...I will do this favor for you.”
I pulled her up off the bed, and hugged her tight, feeling genuinely happy that Tess and Samuel would be seeing each other in New York. “Thank you Tess. I’m sure you’ll keep him on the straight and narrow.”
She turned her head away from me so I couldn’t see her face, but I could tell she was grinning ear to ear. I knew this girl as
well as she knew me. After a minute, she turned back to me, pulling her body away. Her face changing to ‘relaxed Tess’ and she clapped her hands together. “Sooooo...” Tess sang. “Where is Clint taking you tonight?”
I smoothed down my blue top once more. “I don’t know where we are going. It’s another surprise.” I walked over to one of the bedroom windows, staring outside to the grounds below.
Tess must have seen the expression on my face as I gazed out. My eyes were still searching. Roaming where they could. I was looking for Josh again. I had wandered through the house and gardens all day trying to find him. I kept stopping to look out of windows and peering down doorways and halls to see if I could catch a glimpse of him, but with no such luck.
“Haven’t you seen Josh today?” Tess asked, sensing my train of thought.
I turned back around, my mouth turned down into a frown. “No, I went by his room this morning to talk, but he wasn’t there. I’m not sure why he is avoiding me like this. I just don’t understand Tess. I really needed to talk to him before tomorrow.”
“I’m sure he is just giving you lots of space so you can make the right decision. I think he is still feeling guilty about what he did. It would be hard to face you Nor, with all that guilt, but I’m sure it will be okay. I’m sure it’s taking all his strength to stay away.”
I considered what Tess said, but I wasn’t convinced. Josh had never stayed away like this. Josh had never not wanted to talk something out, or try and influence my decisions. He never just let things lay down like he had no fight left. Was this his way of making me go to him perhaps? Pretend like he doesn’t care so I will come running? I hated having to make assumptions about what he was doing and why he was doing it. Setting things right in the universe between me, Samuel and Clint just didn’t cut it. I needed him to see that what I did by not running from him and chasing him down, and agreeing to join the Lappell was my way of picking us and our future together. But he didn’t see that my actions spoke louder than words. And for the first time, in a long time, I believed Josh didn’t know me at all.
All The Pieces (Pieces of Lies 3) Page 16