by Daisy Allen
He crunches up his face and turns to the fireman standing next to him.
“We’ve got some guys in there now, but they might not know to look for him, so we’ll send someone in now.”
Harriet helps me to the ground, as I feel a small sense of hope that they’ll find him.
There’s suddenly a loud crack and the sky fills with glass as the one of the old stained glass windows explodes, scattering the ground with tiny coloured fragments.
We’re all pushed back, further away from the building.
It’s hotter now. The flames are everywhere. I close my eyes and imagine the book stacks and shelves catching alight.
“Harriet.” I say and she turns to me, her eyes as scared and sad as mine. She grips my hand and we watch our home for eight hours a day becoming gutted from the inside by fire. All those books, all that history, all those lives, lost. I push the devastation down as my worry for Kaine bubbles to the surface.
“Kaine. Please. Please be okay. Don’t leave me. You promised me you’d always take care of me. You need to be okay and come take care of me, you promised.” I clasp my hands together and pray, Harriet’s hand rubbing up and down my back.
“Jade!”
It’s Xavier.
He glances at Harriet for a moment before pulling me into his arms.
“Are you okay?”
I nod, glad for his presence, but my eyes tell him everything he doesn’t want to know.
“He’s... he’s in there?” All I can do is nod.
“They’ll find him,” Harriet tells him.
He grabs my hand so hard my fingers crack, but I’m glad for the distraction of pain.
And together we count the seconds. How long, how long can he be in there and come out alive?
“Look!” Harriet finally yells, and we see a figure, limp, being dragging by his arms out of the entrance by two firefighters.
It’s him.
The crash of relief over me is almost strong enough to knock me out. But I hold on and run to him.
“Kaine! Oh, thank God! Kaine!” I say reaching for his ash-stained hand.
But he doesn’t reply.
He doesn’t even know I’m there.
***
I’ve never been a nail biter but the trip in the ambulance to the hospital changes that. By the time we arrive, I’m almost delirious with worry. Why hasn’t he regained consciousness? Why isn’t he sitting up, looking at me like he can see me naked through all my clothes? Why isn’t he kissing me so hard I want to faint from lack of breath?
Why?
Why has this happened to him?
And even more so – why had this happened to him again?
I could ponder the injustice of it all, but as I stand there while they wheel his unconscious body into the emergency department, all I can think is, please don’t let him die.
I wait for his gurney to pass and I follow, never letting him out of sight.
“Darlin’, darlin’ you’re going to have to get out of the way so the doctors can take care of him,” someone calls after me.
I spin around. That voice.
“SUGAR! Fancy seeing you here!” It’s Ruby, the nurse from my own stint in the ER.
“Ruby!”
“Good lord, what happened to you, Sugar? You roll around in a BBQ? You still look a million bucks, though, doncha, you gorgeous thing you.”
Her kindness and familiarity make me burst into tears.
“Oh, Sugar, what’s going on?”
“It’s... It’s Kaine...” I raise a hand pointing to the bay filled with doctors.
“Kaine? Our sexy Mystery Man?”
I nod and her eyes soften and she throws a big, warm arm around my shoulders.
“Well, well, fancy seeing you two together. I heard you were lookin’ for Mr. Handsome, but I didn’t know you found him.”
“He found me, Ruby. He saved me,” I say through hiccups. “So, now you guys have to save him.”
“We’ll do whatever we can, Sugar. Don’t you worry about that. Ruby’s here.”
And I hide myself in her until a doctor finally comes out to see me.
“Are you family?” he asks.
“Yes,” I tell him before I can stop myself.
“Hell yes, she is,” Ruby adds.
The doctor frowns at Ruby, but she stares him down. He takes my hands and pulls me over to the seat in Kaine’s bay. He’s hooked up to oxygen and the heart monitor. I reach out to touch his foot, hoping it will wake him. But it doesn’t.
“He’s inhaled a lot of smoke. We don’t know how long he was in there, but it was long enough to cause some serious damage. The firefighter actually found him under a fallen shelf, so it might also be a combination of smoke and the concussion that has him out. We’re going to take him to get a CT scan now. And then the nurse will bring him back and... well, his hands are pretty burned, he must’ve used them to shield himself from the fire.”
I can’t look. So, I just stand and pat the bed, careful not to hurt him. Murmuring a prayer that, if he gets through this, I will do whatever I must to take care of him for the rest of his days.
***
“Who would do this?” I ask Xavier when he finally shows up at the hospital. He’d stayed at the library helping for the last few hours. Harriet hitched a ride with him to the hospital, bringing a bag of mine with a change of clothes.
I take them from her, grateful for my friend and her instinctive, caring nature.
“We don’t know. It must be tied to the ‘J’ business. It must be,” Xavier tells me, his face streaked with ash, his dark, deep eyes confused.
“People could’ve died. People... could still die,” I stutter.
“He’s not going to die, honey. His body just needs to recover. He’ll come to soon. I’m sure of it. He’s strong and fit,” my friends reassures me.
“And this is the second time he’ll have almost died in a fire.”
Xavier looks down at his shoes, contemplating my words. He sighs and stays calm.
But the revelation slashes through me like a knife dipped in acid, and I suddenly feel an overwhelming sense of anger. I push myself up onto my feet, pacing back and forth across the hallway in front of Kaine’s ER bay. My fists slowly curl into tight, tight balls, my knuckles white when I lift my hand to jab in Xavier’s direction.
“Well, he is NOT going to die on my watch. So, you, you go find whoever did this... and we’re going to make them pay.”
Xavier’s eyes narrow and harden. He glances over at his boss and friend, and bites his lip.
“I’m serious, Xavier. They will not get away with this. I will make them pay for what they did to the library, to the company, to everyone who was hurt today, and to Kaine. And I am going to make it hurt.” My voice starts loud and firm, but by the end, I’m so filled with emotion, the words come out in a stammer, in waves.
Harriet hugs me from behind and wipes a hand under my eyes, catching the tears.
“Shhhh. We will. Don’t you worry, we will.”
“Jade?”
We all turn at the sound of Kaine’s voice, and I run up to the top of the bed, touching his forearm, careful to avoid his hands wrapped in bandages.
“Kaine, I’m here. I’m here,” struggling to keep my voice low.
“Are you... are you okay?” he asks, his lips barely moving under the oxygen masks.
My knees almost buckle with relief, at the sound of his voice. “Yes, God, Kaine, yes, I’m fine.”
“Good. I love you.”
“I love you too, I love you so much,” I say over my happy tears.
“Did I hear Xavier’s voice?”
“Yeah, man, I’m here,” Xavier replies.
“Okay. Xavier. I need you to do something for me”
“Whatever you need.”
“I need you to take Jade to my apartment to collect her things. And then I want you to take her home, her home. And I want you to make sure that she never, ever comes near me again.�
�
Xavier’s head snaps over to look at me as my mouth falls open.
“What? What are you saying? Kaine?” I ask him, reaching out to touch his face.
“You heard me. Go away. And I never, ever want to see you, Jade. Ever again.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing.
“Kaine!” I beg him.
“Xavier,” he says to his friend who doesn’t know what to do. “I’m going to tell you one last time, Jade Sinclair. I don’t want you in my life. I never did. So just go.”
“I’m not going! No, I’m not going!” Something must’ve happened to him in the fire, it’s the only explanation.
“Honey. You should. Just, let’s let him rest and we’ll come back later, okay? Come on,” Harriet says, patting me on the back.
“NO! You can’t make me go! KAINE!” I yell, not caring who can hear me. Just that he tells me this is all a mistake.
I see Xavier give Harriet a look, and she grabs one of my arms as he takes the other, and they drag me from the ward.
I struggle, but together they’re too strong and I’m still weak from the fire.
“NO!!!!! KAINE! Don’t do this! Why are you making me go! KAINE!” I scream, ignoring the people coming out to watch my scene in the hallway.
Xavier wraps his arms around me as I thrash and scream. Harriet hails down a passing cab and throws open the door when it stops in front of us. Xavier pushes me into the cab, and Harriet slides in next to me.
“Nooo, God no. Xavier, don’t make me go,” I beg as he watches me through the taxi window. He gives me a look I can’t decipher, and he leans over and gives the cab driver some instructions.
I’m spent by then, but the sobs still come in hard and fast, and I let Harriet pull me into her arms and hold me.
And wonder why it has come to be, after everything, that Kaine Ashley died for me today.
Chapter Forty-Seven
HIM
My eyes are still squeezed shut when I hear Xavier’s footsteps come back and stop by the side of my bed.
“Want to tell me why we just had to put her through that?”
“Better sad than dead, Xave.”
“She came out of the fire fine, Kaine.”
“Because she was lucky. And it’s all because of me. All this... is because of me. And I’d rather die than be the reason she gets hurt.”
“Too late, buddy. It’s much too late for that,” he says, shaking his head at me. And for the first time ever, Xavier Kent looks disappointed to be my friend.
I turn away from him and the darkness takes hold of me again. I press the mask hard against my face and take deep breaths, fading away into sleep.
***
12 hours of sleep later and I can almost feel my extremities again.
I’m moved to an upstairs ward and Xavier visits, bringing food and the police report.
“Any of our guys hurt?”
“Not seriously. Hamish and Ben got some bad smoke inhalation and Gerri twisted her ankle running out. Most of them got out pretty quickly.”
“Okay, well, make sure they’re okay and taken care of.”
“Already done, boss.”
I snort. Not a laugh snort, a snort derisive of my position as “boss.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Just, I shouldn’t be anyone’s boss.”
“Shut up. I don’t have time for your self-pity. I have an arsonist to find.” He looks at me, long and hard. And in that look, I know I have the right man by my side in this moment.
“Fine. Pity party over.”
“What about Jade?” he asks.
I ignore his question and try to reach for the cup of water left by my bedside. My hands are wrapped and I can’t grab it.
He reaches for it and positions the straw near my mouth.
“Thanks, Florence,” I tease him.
He raises an eyebrow.
“Nightingale,” I clarify, rolling my eyes.
“Well, you can’t be feeling too bad if you’re making jokes.”
I shrug. I don’t tell him that I joke so it doesn’t feel too bad. Because, right now, I could die and it would be okay.
“Anyway, get Jemima to give you a list of all the guests, and bring it here so I can call everyone. Make sure they’re okay.”
‘You haven’t heard?”
“Um. I’ve been in a coma.”
“Sorry. No one knows where she is.”
“What do you mean?”
“No one’s been able to get in touch with her.”
“Well, she didn’t come with me in the car, I ran out of there as soon as I realized the library might be in danger.” Jade. When Jade might be in danger, my head doesn’t let me forget. “Maybe she came afterwards. Do you think she got caught in the fire?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t think of that. Surely, they’d know by now... I mean, they’ve... um, started combing through the wreckage.”
The thought of my assistant lying in the burnt ashes of the library makes me dry retch, my stomach muscles squeezing, pushing the bile up my throat. Xavier grabs a waste bin and holds it up for me.
“Dude,” he cringes, his reaction to seeing me weak.
“Find out. Now.”
Chapter Forty-Eight
HER
Xavier’s car is waiting by the time I walk out of Kaine’s apartment building.
“How is he?”
“He’s getting better.”
“Can I come visit?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
“I think... not just yet.”
“This is freaking stupid, Xavier.”
“I agree, but he needs to be focused on other things right now. You guys have the rest of your lives.”
“Which could’ve been cut very short just a day ago!”
“I know. Just... look, how about you help me figure out what’s going on? You’ve been so close to Kaine lately, maybe we’re missing something, he’s missed something. I’m going to the office now. Tell me everything he’s told you on the way, maybe he’s shared something with you he didn’t tell me.”
“And then maybe you can do me the same favour.”
***
It’s strange entering Kaine’s office without him.
There’s only supposed to be a skeleton staff on today, the core essentials working on the phones, fielding calls about the fire, and those who have urgent assignments. Kaine had his Vice President send out a memo, stating that everyone could stay at home to recover from the ordeal, and even those who hadn’t been there could take a day off to support each other.
But when we get to ASH Industries, it seems it’s busier than ever.
“Why are there so many people here?” I ask Xavier as we watch them while we travel up Kaine’s private elevator.
“I don’t know. They know they have the day off, I guess... I suppose they all just wanted to come to work.”
“Maybe it’s easier to be together right now, than apart,” I say, and Xavier doesn’t miss the meaning.
“Maybe.”
“If only Kaine felt that way.”
“He does. He just... feels other things as well.”
“You know him well.”
“Probably only second to you.”
“How do you two even know each other?”
“Let’s just say... we both have a similar life goal.” A soft smile drifts over Xavier’s face.
“Care to share?”
“No,” comes the curt answer.
“So, same in that regard as well.” I give him a weak smile just as the elevator doors open.
The floor is dark and deathly quiet. Not even the hum of computers or lights.
Xavier throws a look at me, and it conveys his similar uneasiness. There’s something so strange about being here without Kaine. Or even Jemima.
He goes straight to Kaine’s desk, going through the letters and papers there, looking for clues.
I don’t really know what to look for. I might have been his personal conf
idante but I don’t know that much about his business.
I wander around, looking for a light switch. But knowing Kaine and how high tech he is, it could be hidden anywhere, or eyeball activated, or something that will just leave me at a dead end.
There’s a pile on Jemima’s desk and I wander over there. I’m surprised to see how messy it is, compared to the other times I’ve been there. I sit down in her chair and spin it around, surprised at how close Kaine’s desk seems from here, through the glass. I wonder if she spent hours staring at him through it. Dreaming up her day dreams of them being in love, I wonder.
I spin the chair back and my hand slaps up against her computer.
It springs awake. Asking for a password.
“Xavier? Do you know how I can get into Jemima’s computer? There’s a password.”
“Yeah, Kaine has a master password. Only he has it. Let me get it from him.”
I watch him put the phone to his ear, and then faint sound of talking.
I want to run over there and rip the phone from his ear and yell at Kaine, make him tell me why he’s doing this. Keeping me from him. But I don’t. Because I as much as I love him, my heart’s taken a beating.
“Jade? Try this: AI_VA22801_JS,” Xavier calls out to me from Kaine’s desk.
I type it in and as I do, I realize what it is. A combination of his company, my initials, and my grandparent’s zip code in Harrisonburg. The screen goes blurry as I watch it freeze as it attempts log in.
There’s a soft ding, as the company logo appears on the screen, along with some opened programs.
“I’m in!” I announce. “What should I look for?”
“If I knew we wouldn’t be here. I don’t know, see if there’s anything that doesn’t make sense.”
I click on the open programs, there’s an open word document, with a list of names from an internal email server. Nothing that means anything to me.
There’s a browser icon and I click on it. It opens to a Facebook page, Jemima’s. Seeing her face conjures up a mix of emotions. Confusion over where she is, and if she’s okay, to remembering her kissing Kaine that night at the pre-launch party. “She’s done it before,” he said. Like that’s supposed to make it better.