“Ava, if you squeeze any tighter, I may pass-out from lack of oxygen.” She laughed breathless.
“Sorry,” I apologized, letting her go as she took a deep, exaggerated breath. “It was just too short of a weekend.”
“I know. I’ll try to come back out before the baby comes. And you’ll be home soon for the baby shower.”
“Yep! Pick a date. I’ll start the planning,” I said cheerfully.
“Okay, one more hug.” A tear started to roll down her cheek. “This damn baby is making me sappy.” She wiped it away.
I hugged her happily. “Call me when you get back home to New York. And give Mike a hug for me.”
“Will do,” she said as she grasped the handle of her roller luggage. “As long as you do something for me,” she paused, making sure she had my attention. “Give Rhett a chance to explain. Hear him out.”
I nodded my head at her, giving her a reassuring smile. I had already decided I would last night, so it was an easy thing to promise her. I wasn’t sure that I could give us another chance, but I at least needed to know what happened after I left him at his home in Boston. She squeezed my hand before turning to leave. I watched her walk away, part of me wishing I was going with her.
I went for a run along the beach after dropping Lizzie off at the airport. I attempted more than once to call Rhett, but every time I started to, I chickened out. I wasn’t sure what to say when he answered, if he even answered. I knew him seeing me leave with Owen the other day had to hurt him more than anything.
I hated myself for being the one to hurt him like that. No matter how angry I had been with him, I realized hurting him wouldn’t make me feel any better. I just realized it too late. The pain had been inflicted. Both of us had burned each other deeply, now. I didn’t know if we would ever be able to recover from that.
I rested on my favorite bench on the pier, pulling my knees into me. I studied the world around me. Everyone seemed so happy and enjoying their Sunday on the sunny beach of Santa Monica. It made me feel hope for the first time in a long time as I watched all the smiling faces.
Whether Rhett and I ended up together, I knew my pending conversation would at least bring some closure. The closure I think that I’ve needed for a long time in order to move on fully with my life.
The sun started to set, and I realized I had been sitting there entirely too long. I still needed to finish packing before I left for my trip tomorrow. I walked home, savoring the beauty of the sunset.
After I finished packing and eating, I lay in my bed, contemplating my phone as if it held all the answers. In a way, I guess it did. I navigated through my phone to my blocked voicemails. I had deleted most of his blocked messages without listening in the past. I saved the last one, though. After they stopped filling my voicemail, I was too afraid I would never hear his voice again. I knew it wasn’t healthy, but for some unknown reason I liked to inflict pain on myself at my weakest moments.
I pushed the button to play the voicemail, needing to hear it for the first time.
“Ava.” There was so much agony in my name as he said it. “I’m not going to call, anymore. This doesn’t mean I’m giving up on us,” he said his words slow and deliberate. “It’s just too painful to keep calling you with no response. I don’t even know if you’re listening, but if you are, please know this is not over for me. It will never be over. I’ll always be yours and I’ll be waiting, until you’re ready.” He paused, releasing a breath he had been holding. “I miss you, beautiful.”
I hung up the phone as a tear rolled down my cheek. Wishing, for once, I hadn’t been so stubborn over the last three years. I scrolled to our recent text message conversation and stared at his last message from Wednesday night. I typed out my message to him, my finger hovering over the send button. I took a deep breath and then pushed it.
A: Goodnight.
I turned my phone to do not disturb, not wanting to know if he responded or not. It would hurt too much if he didn’t. I rolled over, forcing myself to sleep.
CHAPTER 6
I ran through my packing list, making sure I didn’t forget anything for my trip. My stomach was twisted in knots, knowing I would see Rhett soon. I didn’t know how things were going to play out. We had a long flight ahead of us with nothing but time to talk about everything and no escape. As much as I wanted the conversation to happen, I couldn’t help feeling nervous about the outcome of it. I didn’t know what I even wanted at this point. I wouldn’t know until after we talked.
I was zipping up my luggage when I heard a knock at my door. I expected it was the driver for the car Rhett had sent to pick me up. I pulled my luggage off the bed, rolling it behind me as I picked up my purse. I opened the door to find Rhett, standing in front of me dressed in a perfectly tailored business suit with a stoic expression.
My body wanted him immediately, but my heart felt hollow from the way he regarded me - emotionless as if we were strangers. The guilt paralyzed me. I had hurt him to the point he was shutting down, closing himself off to me.
We stared at each other for a minute. Everything being said in our silence. He looked down at my luggage, taking it from me before turning to walk down the hall, expecting me to follow. I turned, locking my apartment before slowly trudging behind him.
A black town car was waiting for us at the curb. Rhett handed the luggage off to the driver to put in the trunk. He held my door open, allowing me to get into the car first, still saying nothing and giving me nothing but coldness. I slid into the car. He closed the door behind me, striding around to the other side, getting in the backseat with me but being sure to stay on the other side of the car.
The noticeable distance he was putting between us hurt more than anything. Rhett had never been the one to try and distance us. It made me realize how much it must have pained him every time I pushed him away or forced us apart.
I wanted so badly to crawl in his arms and tell him I was sorry, but I couldn’t. Maybe it was too late for us. I sat in the car, silently looking forward as the car moved onto the road headed for the airport. We didn’t speak one word to each other. The silence transformed into my own personal hell. I fought back emotions, trying to remain as resigned as him.
Rhett pulled out his phone and scrolled through it, making a few business calls as we drove. He looked straight ahead the whole time, not glancing over at me once. I wanted to be anywhere but where I was – trapped in a car with tension so thick it was palpable.
As we pulled up to the private jet tarmac, he hung up his phone, ending his conversation with whomever was on the other line. He got out of the car to make his way around to help me out, but I didn’t wait for him. I opened the door, rushing out of the car before he reached me. I immediately boarded his private jet, leaving him to deal with our bags. The tears were swelling. I needed a minute alone to gather myself.
I took a seat in one of the captain chairs towards the back. The flight attendant brought me some water as Rhett talked with the pilot in hushed voices. He took a seat across from me. I was surprised that he didn’t choose the furthest seat away.
The pretty flight attendant approached him. He smiled at her, asking for a water. It was the first emotion I had seen on his face since he picked me up. I instantly felt jealous and hurt that his smile was directed at her instead of me.
I looked down at my water glass, fidgeting as I spun it in my hands. The flight attendant returned, giving him his water and letting us know we were ready for take-off. She moved towards the front of the plane to the flight attendant area. He watched me as I watched her leave us, closing the door behind her, giving us privacy.
“We’ll be stopping in New York to fuel up before heading on. I’ve arranged for lunch to be brought on the plane before we take off again,” he looked at me. His voice still giving nothing away.
I stared up at him, studying his eyes, pleading with him to give me something.
“So you’re talking to me now?” I asked harsher than I meant to. This
was not how I wanted to start this conversation.
He sighed heavily before standing to remove his suit jacket, laying it on the chair he was sitting in. “I have some work to do, Ava. If you need anything during the flight, Amanda will get it for you.”
“I’m fine,” I glanced up at his beautiful eyes, noticing for the first time they looked like they hadn’t rested in days. I worried that it was because of me, but not wanting to add that to my own personal guilt that seemed to be piling up, I hoped it was actually from work. He nodded his head, moving across the aisle where he setup his laptop to work.
I watched him for a few moments before getting up to move towards the front seats to watch a movie. Amanda helped me navigate the menu, and then I sat back, trying to ignore the huge hole in my heart that could only be repaired by the man who sat a few feet from me.
“Ava.” I heard Rhett’s soft, caring voice. I must still be dreaming. “Ava, wake up.” I felt his hand rubbing gently down my arm.
I blinked my eyes open, staring at Rhett’s handsome face. He had an affectionate look on his face as I woke, giving me a glimpse of hope. But as soon as I rubbed my eyes open, looking up at his face again, the emotion I thought I saw was gone.
“We’ll be taking off again in a few minutes. There’s lunch on the table. You should eat before we do. I’m going to step outside to make a few calls.” He stepped forward to leave.
“Rhett,” I said his name, desperately wanting to stop him. His name came out of my mouth before I even knew what I wanted to say. He halted, looking back at me expectantly. I sat there. Insecurity overwhelming me. “Thank you.” That was it. The only words I could summon. He gave me a semblance of a smile before leaving the plane.
I collapsed back into my chair defeated. I watched him for a few seconds outside the plane on his phone. He was so utterly handsome. I wished he were still mine. I got up from my seat to use the bathroom before eating my lunch.
He re-boarded the plane just as I finished. Amanda took my food plate, disposing of it and closing the door behind her after telling us to prepare for take-off. Rhett returned to the chair where his laptop was.
Once we were in the air, I decided to move to one of the couches to read a magazine while he continued to work on his laptop. I took my heels off and pulled my feet up under me as I sat on the furthest end of the couch in front of him.
I could see him watching me from the corner of my eye as I flipped through the magazine. His gaze sent a buzz through my body, causing my stomach to do a series of flips. I wanted him closer to me. As if sensing my longing, he stood from his seat, removing his tie. He unbuttoned the top buttons of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves to his elbows, getting more comfortable. He picked up his laptop, moving to the opposite end of the couch from me.
He looked sexy, refined and rugged all at the same time, sitting in his ruffled suit with stubble growing on his jaw line. I watched him, admiring the man before me, wanting to crawl into his lap to make him mine again, even if it was just for one more time.
I didn’t hide my blatant perusal of him as he worked. I saw the light in his eyes return and a mischievous grin start to spread across his face.
“Ms. Conner, you’re making this hard on me. I won’t be able to keep things professional if you keep eyeing me like that,” he smirked.
“Is that what you’ve been doing? Trying to keep things professional?” I asked curious if that was what all this was about. The coldness. The silent treatment.
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asked, looking at me, studying my face.
“Yes,” I paused. “Maybe… I don’t know,” I finally answered honestly.
He closed his laptop before setting it to the table on the side of the couch. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he rubbed his hands over his face and up through his hair, releasing a frustrated sigh.
“Ava. You’re driving me crazy, woman. We need to talk. I need to know what you want.”
“I know,” I sighed, momentarily looking away from him.
“Is that guy what you want?” The agony in his voice evident as he looked back over at me.
I turned my head abruptly to face him. I could see he was struggling to control the hurt and anger as he watched me closely. “No,” I stated simply without hesitation, because it was the truth.
Owen was not what or who I wanted. I watched the stress slowly leave his body as he relaxed back into the couch, laying his head back to look at the ceiling of the plane. “What I want is answers,” I added.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to give you for the last three years, Ava.” He rolled his head to the side to look at me.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I just…” I trailed off, trying to gather my thoughts. “I know you were there that night. At the hospital. I didn’t know until a few days ago, and I wish I’d known then. I wish Stephen hadn’t gotten in your way. And I feel terrible about that. For blaming you and accusing you of not being there when I needed you.” Rhett’s body tensed with the mention of Stephen’s name. “I should have listened to you about Stephen. You were right,” I said quietly, hating to admit it. Wondering, had I listened would we be in this position.
He sat up, turning his body towards me, staring into my eyes. “Did he touch you?” he asked through clenched teeth. I could tell he was trying to control his temper.
I turned away, not wanting to look at him when I told him the truth. I didn’t want to see him hurt more by my response. “We kissed. Once.” He stood abruptly, moving across the plane, trying to calm himself.
“When?” he asked angrily, turning around to face me again.
“A few weeks after we got to California.”
“Did you kiss him back?”
“Rhett, don’t do this. We have enough to deal with. Don’t do this,” I begged.
“Answer me, Ava,” he commanded.
I locked my eyes with his, as hard as it was, but because I needed him to see that I was telling him the truth. “Yes, but only because I wanted to feel again. It didn’t mean anything to me. And I stopped it as quickly as it happened. I was hurt, Rhett. You hurt me. Then I lost my dad. I was numb and just wanted to feel something. I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s how I felt. We were over with.”
“No, we weren’t, Ava,” he said assertively.
“You kept choosing Serena over me. You believed her over me. I can’t go back to feeling like she will always be between us.” The tears started to fall down my cheeks.
“Ava.” His voice was desperate as he shook his head, coming towards me. I looked down at my hands, trying to fight the tears that were falling. He knelt on the floor below me. “Look at me, beautiful.” I shook my head no. “Ava, I need to see your eyes. I need you to understand.”
When I didn’t move he put his hand gently under my chin, raising it the way he always had. The familiar gesture making my heart skip a beat.
“Ava, I didn’t believe her over you.”
“You-” I started to speak. But he silenced me, interrupting before I could say anything further.
“No,” he stated firmly. “It’s my turn to talk, Ava. I need you to listen.” He paused as I nodded my head that I understood. “I believed you. I just lost control when I saw you and Adam alone on the patio with your hands on him. I lost my freaking mind. And I thought I lost you.” He paused – his face twisting with pain as he relived that moment.
“I didn’t expect you to leave. I only let you go to give myself time to calm down, so I could hear you out. I’m sorry. I never want to lose control like that again. But sometimes you make it hard for me,” he gave me a weak smile. I blushed, knowing he only ever relinquished it for me.
“I knew you wouldn’t lie to me. I went after you as soon as I knew you were gone. I searched all over Wellesley for you until Lizzie sent me a text, telling me where you were. I went straight there. I guess you know that part already.”
I nodded my head.
> “After I left the hospital, I went to talk to Adam. He told me everything and so did Val. I confronted Serena. She tried denying it. I cut her out of my life. I was cutting her out whether she admitted it or not. I went straight to my father and made sure she had no way to interfere in my life. In our lives, ever again.”
The tears were pouring out, and I was sobbing now. He pulled me close, hugging me to his strong chest. I missed being in his arms, so much it made me cry harder. He held me, letting me soak his shirt. I pulled away looking at his beautiful, remorseful face.
“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you come to the funeral? Why did you wait until I was leaving to come find me?”
“I wanted to be there, babe. I did. I hadn’t planned on missing it. But I hadn’t slept in days. I had went to New York to hunt Serena down. I fell asleep. By the time I woke it was too late to make it. By that point, I knew I just needed to fix things. It took some time to make arrangements with my father to get out of business deals I had with her family. I came as soon as I could. I’m so sorry, I wasn’t there. I wanted to be. I regret it more than you’ll ever know.”
I could see the regret and sorrow on his face. I knew he was telling me the truth, which almost made it worse. All the time we lost from stupid misunderstandings. I hated myself for allowing it to happen. Serena made me feel insecure. I never should have allowed her to get under my skin.
“At my apartment in Wellesley…,” my voice shook with nerves and the strain from crying. There was one thing I still needed to hear. I tried looking away to gather the strength to ask the question I needed to. He wouldn’t allow me to, though. He turned my head back to him, holding his hands gently on each side of my face.
“Ava. I need you looking at me. I need to see those beautiful eyes when I tell you this…,” he waited for me to nod my understanding. “I know what you wanted me to say in your apartment, but I wasn’t saying it when you wouldn’t let me touch you and wouldn’t look at me.” He took a deep breath before he spoke again. “Ava, there’s only you. There has only ever been you. You’re my beautiful girl, and I’ll never let you go. I love you, Ava Conner.”
The Only One Page 7