by Anne Conley
What does he think he’s doing? Heat swarmed her face, as murmurs of encouragement along with a few catcalls, cajoled her onstage. Her blood pounded in her ears, as Kathy stared at her feet and began walking.
She climbed the steps, hyper-aware that she had spilled some sauce on her pristine white chef’s coat, and stood in front of Luke, her arms crossed over her chest. She continued staring at the wooden floor of the stage, unwilling to meet his gaze. She knew that once she looked at his eyes, she would cry.
“Kathy, you are the reason I’m here. You are the reason I decided to make the leap of faith and start this business. You are the reason I’m holding a microphone in front of a hundred people and thanking them for supporting me. But the reason I’m thanking you is, you not only gave me the support I needed to start this business, but you gave me the confidence to know it will work. You had faith in me. You believed in me. You loved me, in spite of my chicken-shit attitude.” Titters and giggles met his cursing, and Kathy found herself meeting his gaze in spite of herself. When her eyes rose, she found they didn’t have far to go, as Luke was on one knee.
His hair still dusted his collar, framing his angular face beautifully, begging Kathy to run her fingers through it. But his eyes were what did it for her. Deep pools of cobalt blue stared at her. His expression of hope, eyebrows raised, as he held out a velvet box to her.
A box?
“Forgive me, Kathy. Marry me. Run this nursery with me, and let’s have babies together.”
At the word babies, the image in front of her blurred in tears. He was using her weakness to get what he wanted. If she said yes, he would continue to put her off, lengthening the engagement, putting off the baby thing. Lord knows he’d made his position on fatherhood clear. She could only manage one whispered word.
“Asshole.”
Turning on her heel, Kathy walked to the edge of the stage, unbuttoning her coat as she went. When she reached the side of the stage where Connor stood, gaping at her, she flung her coat at his feet on her way past, not daring to look at anyone’s face.
“I quit.”
Chapter 3
Two weeks later
After Luke’s forty-third voicemail, Kathy threw her phone across the room. She didn’t even care if she broke it. She’d ordered a new phone with a new number and was due to pick it up on her way to the airport. She needed a smart phone, not one of those old-timey flip-phones.
But, her mind couldn’t stop replaying the last phone conversation she’d had with Luke, after New Year’s, almost two months ago…
“Kathy, I love you.” His voice pleaded. She knew he loved her. It was evident in the way he looked at her, the way he held her, the little things he did, like holding her hand, talking to her about nothing. But it was the big things she needed from him.
“Then be with me. I’m tired of this long-distance thing, Luke. Can’t you see?” Kathy was exasperated and tired of having the same conversation.
“I know it’s hard, babe. But we can do this. Just a little while longer.” That’s what he’d said Christmas, when he’d made such a huge deal out of celebrating the holiday alone with her. She’d gotten her hopes up for a proposal, and it hadn’t come.
“I’m thirty-three, Luke. I want to get married and have a baby with you.”
She heard his sigh through the phone lines. This wasn’t a new conversation, but Kathy would be damned if it would end the same way it always did.
“I’m aware of how old you are, Kathy. I’m just not ready to do all that yet.”
“I know. That’s why I’m giving you an ultimatum.” She knew this was bad, but it was her only chance to see where this was going. Luke seemed happy to have their relationship stay in stasis mode, but Kathy really needed to move forward. “You either make a move to end the long-distance thing, or we’re done. I need to see something from you, Luke.”
“I thought we talked about this at Christmas?”
“No. You made a huge deal about Christmas and got my hopes up, only to let me know that you were ‘thinking’ about maybe doing something soon. That’s too vague! I need something concrete! I need a ring, moving boxes, a house, something to show me that you are taking us seriously!”
“You know I take us seriously. What the hell, Kathy? We’re exclusive! I’m not ready to have kids, yet.” His desperate pleading had given way to anger, but Kathy wasn’t going to cave in to his emotions this time.
She tried to calm her breathing, but it was getting increasingly difficult. “Do you have any idea how hard it is on a woman in her late thirties to carry a child? How difficult to get pregnant? It can be a physical hell on the body. The longer I wait, the harder it will be, and I’ve always wanted children.”
“I’m not going to let you pressure me into this, Kath.”
“I’m not pressuring you anymore. I’m telling you. I want babies. If you won’t have them with me, then let me find someone who will.”
Silence, then a soft “Fine. Go have your babies.” An audible click met her ears, and Kathy sighed before hanging up.
“You’re fucking up. You know that, right?” Her sister Amy’s voice scared the crap out of her, when she turned back to her suitcase.
“What’s fucked up is wasting a year on a relationship with no future.” Kathy began throwing clothes from the pile on her bed into the suitcase. “I’m not getting any younger, Amy.”
“Yeah, but this is an over-reaction, don’t you think? I mean, really? Just stop what you’re doing and think about it. You’re fixing to spend every dime of your savings on a hair-brained scheme to have a baby with a stranger! That’s totally dangerous! You have no idea what you’re about to get into!” Amy’s voice had risen with each word, and now her sister was screaming at her. So Kathy screamed back.
“I’m the queen of hare-brained ideas! What else do you expect?” It was true. Kathy was a knee-jerk kind of girl. When something sounded good, she did it, without thinking through the consequences. This time though, the consequence would be a baby, and that’s what she wanted. Kathy had never claimed genius, but when people said her ideas were dumb, it just compounded her desires to succeed. Spite was her main motivation right now. She wanted her friends and family to see she was capable of following through with this. She wanted Luke to know she didn’t need him.
A pounding at the door turned both women’s heads.
“Don’t answer it. It might be Luke,” Kathy warned her sister. They both calmed in the face of a mutual enemy, staring at the door. Jessie’s voice brought a sigh of relief from Amy.
“Kathy! Let me in!”
“Don’t let her in either! She was in on the whole thing.”
To Kathy’s dismay, Amy opened the door. “Help me talk her out of this.”
“Talk her out of what?” When Jessie saw the suitcase, her eyes widened.
“She’s going to Vegas to find a baby-daddy.”
Jessie scoffed. “There are plenty of baby-daddies around here. Why go to Vegas?”
“I’ve never been to Vegas before.” Sitting on the edge of her suitcase, she managed to work the zipper around it completely.
“Jessie, help me! She’s taken out an ad on Craigslist. She’s meeting a bunch of strange men up there to have sex with. Is that even legal?” Turning to her sister, “How fucking stupid can you be?”
Kathy was honestly surprised at her sister’s vehemence. Amy was usually much more mild-mannered, causing Kathy to snare the role of the “crazy sister,” but this time, Kathy was the calm one.
“I’m not having sex with all of them. There’s a series of questions for them to answer, so I can choose the perfect candidate. I’ve got a plan for testing in place; the ad is clear on my expectations. I’m meeting them all in a room that I’m not staying in. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“Luke’s really sorry. He thought his grand gesture would work. Just call him and talk to him.” Jessie’s eyes held sympathy, but Kathy wasn’t in the mood. She turned on her friend, hands
on her hips.
“And you just played right along with it, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me he was going to do that? That was supposed to be a private conversation between the two of us, and instead, he makes a spectacle of the whole thing. I bet the whole set-up was a ruse. Is he even starting a plant nursery?” Kathy hadn’t seen Luke before the proposal fiasco since Christmas, when he’d said he wanted to start a family with her, just not yet.
“Yes, he’s been planning it since Thanksgiving. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.”
Kathy’s jaw dropped. “What?” He’d been planning this? She didn’t know how to feel about that. She was still pissed, but something inside told her she should call him. Hear him out. But the newly liberated part of her wanted to hear none of it. It would only make her second-guess herself. And she was tired of being second-guessed. She wasn’t about to start doing it to herself.
Jessie shrugged, and offered a hopeful smile.
“His last words to me before Valentine’s Day were, ‘Fine. Go have your baby.’ That was January. Almost two entire months between ‘Fine’ and ‘Marry Me’ with nothing. Incidentally, I never heard an apology in that little speech he gave, did you?” There. That made her feel a little better.
“You have every right to be angry, Kathy. But going to—”
“You’re damn right I have every right. But I’m tired of being angry, Jess. Don’t you see? I’m ready to take control of my life again and to stop depending on others for my own happiness. I’m going to go get pregnant. And shoot some craps while I’m at it.”
“So, you’re flying to Vegas alone, to hook up and get pregnant by some random guy that you haven’t even met yet? Do I have that right?”
Kathy nodded. “I have questions, as well as a two-day interview process set up. I’ll get through the preliminary interview to weed out the unsavory ones, then have the remaining prospects get tested. I’ll be back in the interim time period getting everything here ready for me to move, then go back up there for the deed.”
“What move?” Jessie’s eyes were wide, and her hands jabbed her hips, around her volleyball. Kathy sucked back the twinge of envy she felt for her friend and her new little family. Barely.
“You don’t expect me to stay here, with him living here do you? I’m moving to Dallas. I’ve got a friend there who said I could stay with her until I find a place.”
“There are so many things wrong with this plan, I don’t even know where to start.” Amy said disgustedly.
“You’re going to be freshly knocked-up, living on a sofa in some chick’s apartment, while looking for a job and a place to live? Why not just use a sperm bank?” Jessie’s hands were still firmly placed on her hips, and now her foot was tapping.
“Oh, pshaw…Listen to this!” Amy gestured for Kathy’s answer to the question she’d asked an hour before.
“I don’t want to have to go through the paperwork and the waiting periods and all the prerequisite stuff with a sperm bank. They’re awfully particular.” It had sounded better when she told herself. Saying it all out loud made her sound whiny. But she didn’t care. This was her plan, and her friend and sister wouldn’t talk her out of it.
“Shouldn’t you be? This is the father of your child we’re talking about. You don’t know who’s going to show up for your ‘interview.’ Are you taking a gun?”
“What? No!”
“You should. I’ll loan you mine.” Jessie started rummaging through her purse. Everybody who knew Jessie, knew she took her Second Amendment rights seriously.
“Stop! I’m not taking a firearm on an airplane across state lines. Can you imagine the trouble I could get into with that?”
Amy let out a sigh mixed with a groan. “How can you not see the irony in this conversation?”
“Look. I love you both tremendously. But you have to leave. Now.”
“This idea is way worse than clown college,” muttered Jessie as she let herself out.
“I can’t let you do this. You’re my sister.” Amy had tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Don’t be so dramatic. I’ll be fine. And I’ll come home with what I’ve been wanting.”
“Don’t you see? You’ve won with Luke. He’s giving you everything. You don’t have to do this. Please, Kathy? Just talk to him.”
“No. I’ve got to finish packing and leave on time.” Besides, she didn’t love Luke anymore. If she kept telling herself that, surely it would be true. She just needed to quit thinking about him every second of every day. The change of scenery in Vegas would help with that.
Kathy opened her arms for a hug from her sister, who didn’t let go for a long time. “Do you have plenty of money?” Her voice was resigned, and Kathy smiled at her.
“Yeah. Now go home and fix supper for your family.” Her effort at not choking on the words was valiant, and Kathy gave herself a mental pat on the back.
Chapter 4
“She’s what?!?” Luke’s fingers clawed at his hair in an attempt to straighten the whirling thoughts and emotions.
Luke knew hanging up on that phone call in January was hanging up his only chance at happiness, but he’d taken a gamble. One that he’d clearly lost.
He’d been intending to surprise her with the nursery business in Serendipity, along with a house, and a romantic Valentine’s day proposal. He hadn’t planned on her ultimatum, effectively ruining his surprise. He’d hoped that she would see reason and come back to him before his proposal, but when she didn’t he went ahead with his plan. He should have listened to Jessie, who told him it was a dumb idea. But he’d done it anyway, and now look where he was.
“She’s going to Vegas to get pregnant. Nobody’s been able to stop her, Luke. She’s hell-bent.”
“Get me a ticket on the next flight out of Dallas/Ft. Worth airport, will you?” He slammed his phone into his pocket and raced out the door. He could see nothing good coming out of this.
Sure, when Kathy had initially started talking the baby talk, he’d had cold feet. There weren’t very many single men he knew who sat around talking about how great it would be to be a father and how they couldn’t wait to meet a girl and settle down to make babies.
So when Kathy had first brought up the baby issue a few months into their relationship, he’d balked. He couldn’t deny it. There was a fear of fatherhood attached to his emotions. But then, he’d spent more time with Kathy’s extended family and seen their relationships. Kathy’s niece and nephew were great kids, and yeah, he’d admit, he enjoyed watching her interact with them. Then he’d enjoyed interacting with them. And seeing her dynamic with her sister and her parents was enjoyable too. It took a while, but he realized, eventually, he wanted that for himself.
His “eventually” turned into “someday,” then “someday soon.” Then he wanted it with Kathy, and he’d started putting his plan into place.
And then he’d fucked up, royally, and now Kathy was on her way to Las Vegas to do the unthinkable. He had to stop her.
Kathy’s flight was uneventful, even though she looked at every unattached man with new eyes. Every male she saw ran through her mental check-list: good looking, successful looking, clean, good-smelling, nice smile. None of them compared to Luke, but they were all qualities she wanted for her future child. She realized how superficial it all was, but it only added to her list of questions for potential mates: interests, hobbies, intelligence, talents. Things that couldn’t be measured by just looking at someone. She ran over her process again, looking for flaws. She’d made some amendments, after hearing Jessie and Amy’s arguments. For one thing, she wouldn’t meet the men in a hotel room. Too private. She’d meet with them in the bar. She’d let everybody else wait in the hotel room.
The descent into Las Vegas was breath-taking. Flying at night was one of Kathy’s favorite things. All the lights on display on the strip were like a beacon to the party-goers of the world. Too bad she couldn’t afford one of those hotels. She didn’t think she’d done too badly
, getting a hotel room a couple of blocks off the strip. If she was going to take two trips here, stay a couple of days each trip, and still have money left over for her move, she really needed to save where she could.
The cab drive to her hotel with the friendly driver was pleasant.
“You new in town?”
Well, duh. He’d just picked her up from the airport. “Yes. Just flew in from Texas.”
“I love the way you guys down there talk. Say something.” His eyes crinkled at her through the rear-view mirror.
“Something?” She offered, weakly.
“Ah…A sense of humor. I get it, lady. What brings you to Vegas?”
“I’m looking to get pregnant.” She looked the cabbie over. He wasn’t too bad. Hispanic, kind eyes, nice arms, friendly. He might pass the first round of questions. “You interested? I’m having interviews tomorrow at eleven.”
“No thanks, miss. My wife wouldn’t like it much.”
Good point. She made a mental note to add that to the list of questions.
“Gotcha.”
When they got to the hotel, Kathy was a little disappointed to see that it wasn’t as nice as the pictures online had led her to believe. Maybe it was the plethora of pan-handlers outside; she couldn’t be sure. But when she got to her room, her disappointment was palpable. The carpets were stained, the walls were stained, and the bedspread was stained. A musty odor permeated the room with undertones of urine and stale cigarettes. Ugh. She used two fingers to peel the bedspread off the bed, kicking it into a corner of the room. She said a little prayer that the sheets were clean, before locking the deadbolt and taking a shower.
Lying on top of the sheets, Kathy remembered her sister’s words and tried not to doubt herself. Sure, Luke had capitulated and agreed to her terms, but too late. And the wrong way. He’d embarrassed her in front of her friends and a hundred strangers. He should have called her to talk before airing their laundry in front of a pasture full of people. He should have asked her to marry him and have his babies. Not told her to.