to you
would ultimately
bring you here
and our bond
would give me back the strength
I needed
and therefore the ability
to return
to my true home.
What I Know
Stop talking
I said.
Just stop the story.
Sorry
I meant to give you
a little at a time.
I held her at arm’s length now
one hand on each shoulder.
All I know
all I care about
is that I have found you
and we are together.
She smiled then
the smile I had seen in my visions of her
the girl who was the voice in my head.
The girl who had visited me
on the other side of the ocean
was now real flesh and blood
here and now.
Can you love me
the way you loved Liam?
Yes.
What if we rebuild a house
right here?
That would be wonderful.
Words
Even as I heard myself speak the words
I began to believe I had slipped over into
some new kind of fantasy world.
None of this could be real.
The voice in my head perhaps
was the first sign of delusional behaviour
and now I’d taken it too far.
Let’s walk
I said.
You need to tell me what
you’ve been doing
for the last three hundred years.
She explained that she had to keep moving
from town to town
so people did not notice that she did not age.
Friends I made
for short spells
but no lovers.
People stopped believing in witches
and that helped.
But I could not bear
to watch people get sick
get old
die.
Do you mean that you can live
forever?
No.
We all have a limited life force.
I think it was the way she said those words
like a line from one of those science fiction movies
I used to like.
It became convincingly clear
that Rebecca was a product of my imagination
my dementia
or whatever had happened to me.
She stopped and looked at me.
There was something else in her look now.
Something that scared me.
In her
I now saw
anger.
You don’t believe me
she said.
You don’t believe I am real.
And then she suddenly began
walking away from me.
She looked around on the sand as she walked.
I ran to catch up
just as she found
a shard of glass
the neck of a broken bottle.
I did not move quickly enough
to stop her from jabbing it into her arm
wounding herself.
I grabbed the piece of glass and threw it into the sea
and pressed my hand against her wound.
As I held my hand there
I couldn’t believe that I had just doubted her.
I’m real
dammit.
This is real.
As I pressed harder on the wound
the blood continued to spill and drip on the white sand.
I’m sorry
I said
and walked her to the shoreline
where I cupped salt water to pour on her arm.
It stopped bleeding quickly.
The wound was not deep
but something about pouring sea water on it
made her react.
Her eyes grew suddenly wide.
Please don’t leave me
she said.
I won’t leave you
I said.
Ever.
Uncle Seamus
I told her about my uncle and that he would be
worried about me.
Could she go with me to meet him?
She shook her head no.
Please
I begged.
It’s important.
Okay.
But I can’t stay away
from here for long.
I need to be here.
I didn’t ask any further questions.
I walked in alone at first.
Seamus was blustering and angry
wanting to know where I’d been
since the day before
what I’d been up to with his car.
Fell asleep at the beach
I said
I’m sorry.
But I met a girl.
A girl?
he asked.
The girl.
Holy Mother of God
Seamus said.
Would you like to meet her?
Seamus didn’t say a word.
He blinked and just stared at me.
I took that as a yes.
Introductions
Rebecca looked shy and tired
as she entered the house.
Seamus tried to say something
butinstead
he just stared at her.
I fumbled my way through introductions
but I don’t think he was listening.
I know you
Uncle Seamus suddenly said.
I know you from somewhere.
I don’t think so
Rebecca said
sounding sheepish and a bit fearful.
Seamus looked more closely at her.
Oh
maybe not
he said.
I’m getting old
and memory does funny things.
Then he took a deep breath
offered us some tea and we all sat down
in a pool of sunlight
at the kitchen table.
Rebecca now looked drained of energy.
Seamus, his back to us
babbled a bit of his usual blarney
about nothing in particular.
I was growing worried about Rebecca.
I needed to take her back to Streedagh.
Sorry, Uncle Seamus
I think we need to leave
I blurted.
That’s when he dropped the china teapot
and it shattered on the stone floor.
Holy Mother of God
Seamus said again.
I do know you.
But that can’t be right.
No, maybe it was your mother.
His eyes were wider now
his arms flapping.
Or your grandmother perhaps.
You are the spitting image
of a girl I met
way back when.
Rebecca looked deep into his eyes
and a soft sad smile came over her face.
Of course, it can’t be you
Seamus now said softly
but I’ll never forget her
whoever she was.
Seamus Speaks
Declan, remember I told you about Katherine
the love of my life?
After she had left me
after she was dead
I was devastated.
I didn’t want to live
not without her.
So I hitchhiked north
to Mullaghmore and walked out to the point.
The waves were more fierce than I’d ever seen
and it was an ugly
ugly day
a day fit for what I wanted to do.
I knew the currents there were deadly
and death was what I truly wanted.
I filled my coat pockets with heavy stones
and walked out on that ledge of those flat black rocks.
I would have ended my life then
happy to be rid of my pain
and what I saw to be a lonely miserable life ahead.
But then a girl came along
one who looked just like
like you, Rebecca.
She consoled me
and talked to me
and somehow eased the pain.
It was not a cure
but whatever she said
was enough to make me
toss those stones into the sea.
And she walked me back into town
and found me a ride home.
I never saw her again
until now.
Time to Leave
Well
Seamus said finally
you look so much like her
or at least the way I remember her.
Again, I’m an old man
with funny thoughts
so forgive me.
And he bent over to collect the broken pieces
of the shattered teapot
and dropped them
into the garbage can.
Return to Streedagh
Uncle Seamus became distracted and self-absorbed after that.
And I said we had to leave.
I said he shouldn’t worry about me
as he waved a hand in the air
and nodded that it would be okay.
He just wanted to be left alone
with his thoughts
for a while.
Rebecca seemed tired as we drove back to Streedagh
drifting off
but then coming back awake as we neared the shore.
That was you at Mullaghmore
I said.
Yes, I remember him.
There were so many people
I met over the years
so much pain in their lives
and I would try to help when I could.
But all I could do
was try.
A Fire of Peat
We drove over the little bridge
at Streedagh
and out onto the field with horses and sheep.
Here she pointed to a small cottage
among a cluster of other cottages.
That’s where I live
she said.
Inside it felt cold and damp
and she made a fire of kindling and peat
in the stone fireplace.
I looked at her arm
and the wound appeared to be healing already.
It’s not deep
she said.
And then I kissed her
and held her
and said
I want to be with you
and stay
right here.
I don’t want this to ever end.
Never-Ending
We ate bread and cheese
and carrots she said she had grown herself
and drank from a bottle of wine.
And the word “love” was spoken
so many times
that it took on many meanings at once.
Do you remember when
I first made contact with you?
she asked.
Yes.
Do you remember when you
could see me for the first time?
I nodded.
It took a very long time to find you
and to build the bridge
but I needed you.
And now that you are here
I am sad
because I feel that I’ve used you
tricked you.
It’s not like that
I said.
I came here
to be with you.
It was my decision.
It’s you who is making me strong enough
to be able to go back.
I’ve been ashore here for far too long.
It’s not the way things are meant to be.
But it’s this connection to you
this love we feel for each other
that will make me strong enough
to go back to the sea.
And leave me?
Yes.
No!
Rebecca leaving me was the last thing
I wanted.
And now I had discovered
I was the one who would
send her back.
No
I said again, this time more softly.
Please.
Sad Days in Heaven
The next morning
we spoke no more
of the previous night’s conversation.
Instead
we began to live
really live
as lovers
as husband and wife
as if
we were not
from different worlds.
As if
our life together
our time
was infinite.
No talk of selkies.
No talk of either of us
going back.
She knew my thoughts
but I could never fully know hers.
InsteadI read
her eyes
her touch.
I believed I could read
her heart.
Time
There are no clocks or watches or calendars for such days.
No mechanical calculation for such time
such living.
And as long
as I did not question
or plan for the future
or doubt who we were
it went on and on.
Drink of Darkness
And then one day
after a month had passed
(but that is just a guess)
I saw something in her eyes.
She grew sad without apparent reason
and I held her
hoping to never let her go.
And after a while
after I felt our hearts beating
blending into a synchronized rhythm
she pulled away
and went to the cupboard
drew out a small glass jar of a dark fluid.
If you drink some of this
she said
it will help you understand.
What is it?
It’s made from plants found near the shore.
It’s a bit strong but necessary
now that we are here.
Here?
This place where we have arrived.
I didn’t know what she meant but decided not to ask.
I looked at the dark liquid.
So maybe you are a witch after all
I said.
No.
Selkies are never witches.
Trust me.
And of course I trusted her
as she poured a small amount of the liquid
onto my tongue
and I fell into a deep sleep.
Unfolding Story
I was drifting downward
into some dark chasm
but then
the darkness gave way to vision
and the story began to unfold:
I saw the fisherman first
the lonely fisherman.
And then his son.
I saw something in the sea
a sleek beautiful seal
moving toward the shore.
I noticed the eyes
deep and dark.
And then everything changed.
I was not looking at the scene
from the shore.
I was looking
at the shore.
I felt the pity
the deep compassion
she felt
for Liam.
It felt like I was drowning
at first.
But then everything changed
and I began to sense
the transformation
beginning.
It was a powerful
overwhelming
experience
unlike anything
I had ever known.
It was fueled by love
by need
and by
a deep inner force
that cannot
be put into words.
The Arrival
And then something changed again.
I was the observer again
watching as
Rebecca
swam ashore
and stood up
naked on the shoreline.
But I was not just an observer.
I was Liam
watching this unfold.
I felt his pain
his loneliness
transform
into impossible joy.
History
After that
there was another shift.
I was not seeing through Liam’s eyes
but through my own.
I watched as
he took her hand
and walked with her
into his stone house
and time began to move forward.
I could see that Liam
was kind to her
and loved her
and she loved him back
and they were happy
sharing a simple life
by the sea.
And the story
much like the most vivid movie
Thin Places Page 7