by Ella Edon
* * *
He was still with Esther when his mother approached him with her brows raised. She stared at them both and finally turned to him. "Stefan. What is it I hear about you courting a lady?"
Stefan sighed. Of course, Lady Alastair would run to tell his mother what had transpired only minutes prior. He held Esther close and smiled at his mother. "Mother, this is Lady Esther, my fiancée."
His mother gasped. She splayed her palm on her chest and grinned at Esther. "You're so lovely. When I had asked Stefan to find a bride, I didn't know he already had his sights set on such a jewel. And from a reputable family, too."
“I’m so pleased to meet you, My Lady,” his mother said to Esther.
"Thank you, your Grace," Esther spoke lowly. She was shy again, unaware of how to handle his mother's gushing.
"You must tell me about it all, dear. I'd like to know you more. Oh! Was she the reason you stopped staying out late and visiting...random places? Oh dear, she must be the miracle that happened to you," his mother went on. He, too, was becoming embarrassed.
Stefan bent his head and chuckled. Esther stared at him from under her lashes.
He couldn't believe that the Dowager Duchess of York would actually embarrass him in front of her. "Mother," he pleaded.
She glanced at him, and thankfully, she didn't ignore him.
"Alright, I’ll leave the two of you to enjoy each other’s company. But, Lady Esther, you must come for afternoon tea at the Sands Castle."
Stefan cursed internally. His mother had no patience at all. "Mother, Lady Esther, and I would be volunteering at the orphanage. Perhaps in three days, she would visit?"
The Dowager Duchess raised a brow. "I want to see her tomorrow, Stefan. And you will not be her mouth piece—"
"I'll be there, Your Grace. Thank you for your kind invitation." Esther curtsied.
Stefan turned to her in shock. She gripped his hands, begging him not to say a word. His mother leaned in and kissed both of Esther's cheeks. He didn't miss the whisper that followed after she kissed her left cheek. "Thank you."
Once his mother had walked away, he turned to her. "You have no idea what you have done. Accepting my mother's invitation."
"And what would you have me do? Reject it? She only wants to get to know me, Stefan. Nothing more. I will visit Sands Castle tomorrow for tea."
"I will bring the Barouche-Landau to pick you up." He sighed. "But I don't like this idea of sitting with tea with my mother. Do you not feel that we need to discuss a lot, how we met, how — all of this began?"
Esther smirked. He raised a brow at her. "Stefan, we've known each other for weeks. We don't need to lie about anything except this whole — courtship. We met at the orphanage."
"No, we met when you tripped by the river, and I saved you."
She hit his chest lightly again. "That was not a meeting."
"Is that so?" he chuckled. And then it dawned on him that they had never really spoken about that day. How she happened to be there was still a mystery to him. She’d never mentioned their kiss or why she had fled so quickly.
"We met officially at the orphanage, Stefan."
"That is still a lie, in a manner of speaking. We truly met at the river and after that, at your ball, remember?"
Esther blushed and looked away. "I remember."
"Very well." Then he added. "Perhaps we should meet earlier tomorrow. Before you go to have tea with my mother, oh, and you'd be meeting my siblings. There's William, Robert, and Alexandra. Alex is seventeen Will is fifteen. And the youngest, who quite troubles everyone, but is loved all the same is Robert. He's barely nine."
"I'd love to meet the little ones. They'd be quite interesting."
"Of course, they'll be," he stated proudly. They all were interesting.
"You should perhaps dance," an old lady called from beside them. Stefan simply nodded, but he was in no mood to dance. They had danced earlier on, and he didn't want them drawing attention any more than they had already. Also, he was exhausted and wanted to have a rest.
Esther touched his arm. Perhaps she sensed that he was unwell. He would like very much if she did. She was extremely cautious about keeping good health, and her concern always warmed him. If he feigned fatigue, then she would be worried about him. Biting his lips, he was tempted to see her worry about him. But he didn't do such. He simply smiled, so she was assured that he was fine.
"I must head home. I feel dizzy all of a sudden, darling." Lady Kendal appeared beside them.
Esther abruptly turned to her mother. "Mother, are you well?"
"No, my dear. Come on, let us head home."
"I'll walk you outside," Stefan offered.
"Oh, it's fine — no need to worry. Come on, darling," Lady Kendal said to Esther.
As Esther moved to her mother's side, he saw Lady Kendal gaze at him sternly. He froze. However, he was not shocked at the way she stared at him. He was more shocked that she was trying to manipulate Esther just to get her away from him. And had the lady not acknowledged him outside?
He needed to talk to Esther. They had not thought things through before deciding to lie. He wondered if Esther was going to tell her parents the truth or if she was going to lie to them as well. He really hoped she decided to lie to them. Because he had a feeling, that they would want to keep Esther away from him. He didn't like the look the Countess was giving him.
Chapter Thirteen
Her eyes glistened as the tension in the room heightened. The books on the study table were scattered, the chair behind the desk was pushed aside, and Lord Bowen's hands were splayed across the table while the other was raised in a fist and swinging furiously in the air as he spoke.
"You did not stop to think for one second how your actions would affect this family! Of all the young, reputable gentlemen in the society, you have accepted one who had quite the reputation before him! Do you know what the ton will think now? Do have any idea that your upbringing is being questioned? And to think that he never approached me to seek my permission before announcing it to the ton. How is it that I am the last to know of this?" Lord Kendal thundered.
Esther flinched each time his voice rose again. Her eyes glistened. In all her life, she had never seen her papa so disappointed in her, so ready to punch a wall in a fury for what she had done. She knew that he would be furious, that they all would be. She was disappointed, even. But it was the only way – the only way to get Nicholas back. She wanted so badly to tell them that it was all a lie. That Stefan was simply doing this to help her get Nicholas back, but she wasn't sure if that would make it all better or worse.
"You have no idea what you have done. How degrading your decision to court that gentleman has made us all appear. The Duke of York has scores of mistresses at his beck and call. If anything happens to your courtship, if it in any way fails, my dear, then you will be regarded as one of his mistresses. You will no longer be seen as pure. And if he still sees those other women, with your relationship with Lord Milway broken, and His Grace still seeking companionship outside, then it will be said of you that you know not how to keep a man. Either way, you lose in all of this."
Esther's heart plummeted. She was standing by the door, and when the words hit her, she staggered a little. Barely noticeable, her back touched the door, and her glistening tears fell. What had she done? Why had she agreed to it?
Lord Kendal shook his head. "I'm disappointed by what you've done."
"Papa —"
"Leave me." He raised his hand. "I need to be alone."
With that, he pulled the chair closer to him and sat on it. Esther stared at him for a while, sobbing. He busied himself, putting his books together. He was furious. She shakily pulled open the door and walked out. Her mother stood by the door to the drawing-room, her eyes on her. Esther let her feet carry her and was crushed by her mother in a hug. "Mother."
Lady Kendal wrapped her arms around her daughter and patted her hair. "It’s alright my darling. All will be well.
"
"Mama..."
"Shh..." Lady Kendal proceeded to walk Esther into the drawing-room with her. "Your father loves you. He won’t stay mad at you for long."
Esther wasn't sure her mother was happy with her decision, either, but for some strange reason, she had not said any word against Stefan. Even after she had lied to everyone that Stefan had sought permission. On their way home the previous evening, her mother had not asked many questions about him, or said anything concerning him, good or bad. She wasn't sure which was worse: her silence or her outburst. She had anticipated her outburst in order to apologize and perhaps make her see reason. But when Lady Kendal had simply stayed silent, Esther decided not to bring up the issue either.
Esther took a seat beside the hearth and proceeded to fix the pins in her hair. Stefan was coming to pick her for tea with his mother. It was almost noon, and he was yet to arrive. She knew he would arrive very soon, however.
"Are you heading to the orphanage today?" Lady Kendal inquired when she was calm.
Esther shook her head. "I'm...heading to Sands Castle. The Dowager Duchess of York would like to see me."
"Oh, I see. In a carriage?"
Esther nodded. "Yes, a Barouche-Landau."
"Very well."
Esther wanted to ask her mother of her opinion on her courtship with Stefan. But she feared that her mother's response might leave her even more miserable than her father's reaction.
She opted to ask her anyway, for she desperately wanted to know where she stood with her mother.
The door pushed open at that point in time. Angus, the coachman of Kendal Manor, stuck his head inside the room and bowed. "My Lady, His Grace, the Duke of York, is here to see you."
Esther swallowed hard, waiting for her mother's response. Her mother simply nodded. "Tell him that Lady Esther would be with him shortly."
"As you wish, My Lady."
Angus closed the door behind him. Esther sat up, prepared to leave. Her mother rose before her. "You must leave with him now. Your father is still quite furious and seeing the Duke would only anger him all the more."
Filled with so much emotion, she hugged her mother again. "Thank you, Mama." She then left the room, to go and meet Stefan.
Richard, his coachman, stood before the carriage, one hand raising the curtain. She stepped up the step and climbed into the carriage and unknowingly into Stefan's waiting arms. His hands gripped hers until she was well settled beside him.
He had on a black coat, black boots, and black breeches, and he was smiling very broadly at her. When his gaze stayed on her face for long, his smile faltered. Esther sighed. He had noticed her gloomy mood.
"Is something the matter?"
She shook her head. Her conversation with her father still played in her mind. She didn't want to discuss it with him. It was too much to ponder, to think that no matter the outcome of the whole situation, somehow, there was no winning for her. She was, after all, a lady. And her reputation mattered a lot.
"Esther?"
"I'm fine. It's nothing so serious. The ball must have exhausted me."
"Your excuse is ludicrous. Your lies reflect no truth in your eyes. Tell me. What has saddened you?" His gaze softened.
Esther's eyes glistened once again. She looked away from him. He placed his hands on hers making her gasp and look at him. His blue eyes stared into hers, pleading that she speak. Esther felt her resolve to weaken.
Slowly, she told him all that had transpired with her father not so long ago.
"And he is indeed right. If everything ends poorly, I lose as you have nothing to lose. I wonder if I have made the right decision, after all."
"You want Lord Milway back. You have taken a decision, which you know will bring him back. You needn't worry. The only thing wrong here is that I hadn't approached your father before announcing the courtship at the ball. He has every right to be furious for that. I wonder if it'd be right to see him now."
His response irked her. It was so plain, so nonchalant about the reality of the situation. "No. My father is in no mood to see either you or I." She waived his request to see her father off and let out what truly bothered her out of all he had said. "But it seems that you do not understand, Stefan. You say I needn't worry. Yet, I have a lot to worry about. When we eventually end this courtship, everyone will question my integrity. They will question me. They will question if I am still virtuous, and worthy of any man. I will be judged."
"And why would anyone question that?" he snarled.
"Because of your reputation!" she snapped. "Because no one would believe that through all the time we spent alone together that you didn't touch me."
"And did anyone question your integrity with Lord Milway?"
"Nicholas has no reputation as such that he is known for."
"And of course," he chuckled sarcastically. "I do."
"Stefan, this is no time to talk about Nicholas." The carriage bumped, and she was pushed towards Stefan. He gripped her steadily while glowering at her.
When the ride became smooth again, she regained her former position. Stefan stared ahead. It was obvious that he wanted to ignore her. She, however, wanted to make the situation clear to him because he didn't understand the gravity of what she had gotten herself into.
"Stefan, I don't know if this courtship was the right decision to make. We didn't think this through."
"Fine, call it off if you so desire," he said dryly.
"Stefan —"
He turned to her abruptly. "Esther, we have been at this charade for only a day. If you call it off now, you can still save yourself from being questioned because of my actions. You can call it off right now." He turned again and poked his head out. "Richard, return to Kendal Manor."
The carriage halted.
He returned to his position and kept looking out the window. Esther stared at him, flabbergasted. "Stefan, what are you doing —"
And almost immediately, the carriage turned around and headed towards Kendal Manor.
"I am simply tired of you judging me along with other people." He faced her. "What does it matter what people think when truly, deep down, you know that you are pure? In the end, what truly matters is to find your happiness."
She shook her head. It was quite easy for him to say that because he had lived with gossips twirling all around him for a while. She, on the other hand, had always been good. She was always making decisions that made her family proud until her decision to accept his proposal. He didn't understand what it felt like to suddenly have the world turn against you right after they had admired you.
"Perhaps that is true, but I don't know how that feels, to turn a deaf ear to the world and what they say about you. Because since I was a babe, I have been thought to be cautious of how I act around people, what I do, what I say and where I am seen, so as not to be of questionable character. How then can I simply, all of a sudden, stop caring?" she said softly. Stefan still had his face away from her. He didn't turn to stare at her; he just stared ahead. She cast her gaze down and let him be, turning to the side as well.
"I'm sorry that I talked you into this. I only wanted to help," he said after a while.
"Why?"
"I saw how sad you had been, and I knew you loved him deeply, and if he had loved you, even a little, then I knew that the plan to court you would have been a way to get him to come running to you. I didn't consider that because of my reputation you would be hurt. And for that, I'm deeply sorry."
His words had moved her. She wasn't ready for him to know that she had been moved so easily.
"Calling this charade off would be the best option," he added.
His words sank into her ears as a stone would in water. They had started this already. Of what use would it be to stop it now? And he was right, what mattered, in the end, was her happiness. Everyone’s happiness as well. When she and Nicholas were happily married, all would be forgotten.
"You should tell Richard to turn the carriage around else we'd be
late for afternoon tea with your mother."
Stefan creased his brows. "Esther, we are calling this off."
"No." She turned to him. "A wise man once said what mattered, in the end, was happiness, not other people's opinion."
It took a while, but he smiled. "Are you sure? It really isn't a bother going to your home and telling your parents that everything has been called off. So that way everyone is sure that I haven't done anything inappropriate —"
Esther shrugged. "I'm sure that I want to do this. If this is the only way to get my life back, then so be it."
Stefan didn't smile after she uttered those words. He watched her closely, and after a few moments, he called out to Richard to head for Sands Castle.