by Terri Lane
A small, petulant voice in my head argued that I could make it work with Evan, somehow, but I couldn’t be naïve. That would be the worst outcome of this situation, I needed to have some dignity left over otherwise I would never be able to start again.
I’d come here to help me get a fresh start, but now I was going to have to return needing one too. What a damn fine mess I’d gotten myself into.
***
“I can’t believe we have to go home,” Lorna pouted sadly. “That last week went really quickly. Can’t we stay for a few more days?”
“I know, I don’t even know what’s happened over the last week of our trip, it’s all happened so fast,” I replied, just as gravely. “And I wish we could, but I think your dad has to get back for work.”
Much as I agreed with her, much as I wanted to stay too, I’d been preparing myself to get back, to leave this family, for days now. If I hadn’t prepared myself, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to work up the strength to get through it today.
Last night had been the hardest, me and Evan had made slow, sweet love to one another. There was a definite bittersweet tension in the air, but neither of us addressed it. We simply left the unspoken questions silent, and turned over to sleep. Now I could see that we probably should’ve had a chat to see where we both stood… but then again, it was probably obvious. We were done, the holiday was over and so were we.
“Yeah, you too, I bet?”
“Oh no,” I replied absentmindedly as I checked everything was in my suitcase. “I don’t have a job to get back to. I’ve got to look for one.” I was trying my best not to think about home. Much as it’d been good to get away, I still wasn’t totally sure how I’d react when I walked back into that apartment. I had no idea if the entire place would still be tainted with Max and Taylor’s betrayal.
Lorna raced from the room, her eyebrows furrowed in thought, but I honestly didn’t pay much attention. My brain was somewhere else entirely. I didn’t actually pick up on anything until she came back in with James by her side.
“Can I ask you something?” he said shyly, which instantly grabbed my attention. If there was one thing that I’d learned about James during my time in Hawaii it was that he only spoke when he had something very important to say.
“Of course, sweetheart, what is it?” I sat on the bed and patted the sheets for him to come and sit with me.
“Do you think maybe you can come and work with us all the time when we get home? I know that Meghan is going, dad hasn’t told me but I don’t really need him too. It’s obvious, and I really like having you as a nanny. You’re the best person around.”
My face heated up with happiness and sadness all at once. He’d touched me so deeply with those words, it was just a shame that I couldn’t make that decision for him. “Well, it isn’t really up to me,” I tried to be as diplomatic as humanly possible. “I was only hired for the Hawaii trip, so I don’t know what’s going to happen when we get back.”
“But you’d like to?”
I couldn’t tell him no, partly because it was a lie, but mostly because I couldn’t break his heart as well. This boy had been through enough, he’d already lost so many people. The reason I would say no wasn’t because of him anyway, it was because of me and my inability to resist my boss.
“I would like to, but we’ll just have to see…”
“Dad!” he tore out the room like a rocket, with his sister close behind him, leaving me with only a deep fearful pit of guilt forming in my chest. I really didn’t want Evan to think that I was in on this conspiracy, the last thing I needed was for him to feel like I was forcing a relationship. Yes, I liked him a lot, and sure I would’ve done anything to be with him but only if he wanted to be with me.
I didn’t want him to assume that I was a gold digger, or some crazy bunny boiler.
I sighed deeply and grabbed my bags, knowing that now I was going to have to sort out the added complication that James and Lorna has just thrown into the mix.
“Yes, okay kids, just go and get in the car, we need to get on the plane in a minute.” I stopped for a second as I could hear Evan talking in the other room. I just wanted to know what his opinion on the subject was before we actually had to have the conversation. “No buts, just go. This is something that can be sorted out later.”
He didn’t sound too pleased, I was getting the distinct impression that he didn’t need me around, which disappointed me like crazy. He was trying not to show the kids as much, but it felt clear to me that he didn’t want me around as a permeant fixture in their lives. It hurt like hell to know the truth, but it was much better to know before I did anything foolish.
I forced the fake smile on my face and I turned the corner. “Alright everyone? All ready to go?” I breezed past Evan and the children, not stopping to give them a chance to speak to me. “Let’s get in the car now before it leaves without us.”
As the vehicle moved off, taking me away from my dream, I fixed my gaze out the window so that I didn’t have to speak to anyone. My eyes kept randomly filling with tears anyway, so it was probably for the best. Then as we got onto the plane, I was the one pulling a screen out to focus on. With that and my headphones it was clear that I really didn’t want to be spoken to. I had every single one of my walls up, blocking out the family that I adored so much.
Admittedly it was a very sad way to say goodbye to what’d been the best time of my life, but it was the only way that I could survive. Now was the time that I needed to put myself first, just so that I didn’t fall apart. I wanted to be by myself when that inevitably happened.
***
As I found myself back inside the very familiar four walls that had made up my life for many years now, I realized that I was wrong to worry that my brain would immediately go back to Max. Despite the fact that I’d lived with him here, even though I’d found him screwing my friend on the couch, he was the furthest thing from my mind.
All I could think about was Evan and the terrible way we’d left things.
After a very long, stilted flight, I hopped off the plane to make my escape. I’d hugged the kids goodbye, and even held Evan close to me for a moment, but in a bid to protect my fragile heart I hadn’t even looked at him. Why didn’t I look at him? Just one more gaze into those beautiful eyes would’ve helped me get through this agony. It hurt so bad to let him go, it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest, and I honestly wasn’t sure that I’d ever feel normal again.
I dropped my bags on the ground and made my way into the bedroom where I flopped onto the bed. I felt deflated, like every aspect of my personality was gone. My mind kept spinning back over everything in Hawaii, reminding me of what a wonderful time I’d had. I thought about the first few days there, how weird things were until we kissed. Then I recalled the day at the theme park, followed by the drink and the first time we’d had sex.
After that, us spending the night together became very normal, which made the night I felt like a princess even more incredible. That dress, the shoes, the diamond necklace… all of which he insisted that I keep…
I forced myself to stand, to go and grab the necklace, just to give myself something the cling on to. I looked and felt like crap, my emotions were everywhere, but just for a moment I really wanted to wear it. I wanted to feel close to Evan and all that he’d meant to me.
As I slid it over my head, one stray tear leaked down my cheek, and the emotion just started spilling out everywhere. I already missed Evan, James, and Lorna too. I loved the life with them, and not just because it was in Hawaii, but because they made me feel special too. They needed me, they wanted me around, I was important to them… and now I had nothing. How was I supposed to even go on knowing that I’d lost the best thing to ever happen to me? No job would ever feel the same, nor would any man. I was officially well and truly stuck.
Knock, knock.
Urgh, there was no way in hell that I was answering the door now, not after what I’d just been through. K
nowing my luck it would be Max wanting to talk things through, or something equally cringe worthy. No, I would just remain as quiet as I could until the person went away.
Knock, knock.
I didn’t dare to breathe, all I wanted was to be left alone to wallow in my misery, hadn’t I earned that much? All I wanted was some space, why couldn’t I ever get what I needed?
Knock, knock.
Apparently not…
“Ali, are you in there?”
My heart stopped dead in my chest as I recognized the person calling to me. This wasn’t Max, coming for forgiveness, or even Taylor, with her much needed apology. This was the man that I’d left behind not so long ago. Did I want to talk to him again? Was I prepared to face the man that I couldn’t bear to look at because I wanted him so badly? The man that I never thought I would have to see again.
Then again, if I didn’t hear him out, would I regret it forever? Would I always wonder what he had to say? Would I wish that I’d just spent five minutes being brave.
“Y… yes,” I eventually stammered, realizing that I had to at least see what he wanted if I didn’t want to drown in regrets. “What do you want?”
“Please let me in, I want to talk to you.”
I stepped towards the door, trembling with fear the entire time. This wasn’t typical, this definitely meant something, I just didn’t dare hope what it could be. I knew what I wanted, but that seemed impossible. It had to be something else. Maybe the kids had convinced him to let me come back for work.
As I slowly tugged the door open, I could see stress etched on Evan’s face too. Maybe I looked like an emotional mess, but he didn’t seem too much better.
“How did you find me?” I decided to tackle the easiest question first.
“You left your address on the resume, so it wasn’t too hard to find.” His expression was serious, there wasn’t even an element of humor there, which had me even more freaked out.
“Did you… want to come in?” I stepped aside and he moved past me, but he remained in the hallway as he turned his body around to face me.
“I need to talk to you, and this is something I should’ve said at the airport. Actually, I should’ve said it in Hawaii, I had plenty of chances to but I didn’t.”
“Right, okay.” I nodded and waited as patiently as I could manage, but everything was jumping everywhere in my chest. I didn’t dare to dream, but my emotions darted everywhere.
“I guess I’m just not very good at this, and I never have been,” he was babbling, looking everywhere but at me. Whatever he had to say, it was clearly very difficult. “But I don’t want the month to be the end of it. I want you to come back, the kids want you to come back too.”
“To work?” I needed utter clarification here before I could even think of committing to anything. I needed to know exactly what I was giving myself over for.
“No…” he took my hands in his, and stared deep into my eyes. “I haven’t exactly worked out the details of everything yet, but I do want you back in my life, we all do. I’ve explained to James and Lorna that I’m falling for you, and they’re happy with that, they want you to come back in any capacity…”
“You’re falling for me?” To hear him say it in such a blunt way, at home as well, not just in Hawaii, it really took me back. This was actually real, this meant something huge, it was everything that I wanted.
“Of course I am, I spent the last month trying to tell you that.”
Oh my God, everything he told me was the truth, this was almost too much to handle. I’d assumed he meant it in a throwaway manner, but he was actually being honest. “Well,” my voice was thick with emotion. “I’m falling for you too.” This was my dream coming true, but this time it was happening within the context of my reality, making it that much more special.
“So… is that a yes?”
I paused for a second, just wanting him to sweat before my face burst into a happy grin. “Of course it’s a yes, a thousand times yes.”
As our lips crashed together I knew that it would always be a yes for Evan Hawlin, he was the best damn thing to ever happen in my life, and this time I’d never have to let him go.
THE END
= Bonus Book 17 of 20 =
Shadows -
MC Biker Romance
Cold air raised gooseflesh on her skin as Whitney Shearing stepped off the bus in Cedar Breeze, Montana. Spring was on its way, but there was no warmth in her heart for the town she’d left. She wanted nothing to do with the place she’d grown up in. It was like a black hole that sucked people in, and kept them forever imprisoned.
She had the urge to get back on the bus, but she wouldn’t do that to her mother. The passing of her grandfather was enough to force Whitney into traveling the hour to get there, but it didn’t seem like a great reason to stay.
A cool breeze whipped at the nape of her neck. Whitney drew her coat tight about her, and clutched her duffle bag closer to her side. She wished more than anything she didn’t have to face her family. One person in particular she wished to avoid. She intended this visit to be brief.
The sound of a Harley Davidson revving its engine off in the distance sent chills down her spine as she looked up the street for a taxi. None were in sight. Her mother’s house wasn’t too far. All the same, Whitney opted to wait around for a few more minutes.
The home she grew up in wasn’t the warmest place on earth anyway. As long as her mother was still married to Duke, the place would always feel ice cold. There was no way she was going to hurry to get there.
“You’re gonna have to walk down to Mulberry Street to get a taxi,” someone stated from behind her.
Whitney wasn’t in the mood to talk to strangers, she wasn’t even in the mood to speak to anyone she used to know. With a flick of her hands and nod of her head, she refused to turn around as she responded, “Thanks, but I’ll wait here for a few more minutes.”
“Always stubborn, but I can’t say I remember you being this rude,” the voice joked.
The voice was familiar, but she wasn’t interested. His piercing green eyes were unforgettable. She turned to face the man.
Julian Danes was her stepbrother, and all-around good guy. However, he was number one on her list of people she had wanted to avoid. She had hoped to see her mother first.
“I’m not being rude,” she shot at him, rolling her eyes and turning back to stare down the street.
“You are,” he said. “But that’s fine. You can stare down the street all you want. Ain’t no cabs coming back here. This strip is for buses only. So unless you’re getting back on one, then you’ll have to head down to the taxi stand on Mulberry Street. That or you can come with me, and I’ll drop you off at the house.”
“Ugh.” She twisted her face in disgust. “I’m in no rush to get back there. I’d rather walk.”
The truth of the matter was, she didn’t want to be near Julian. There was a piece of her that couldn’t deny how close they used to be. With their history, they could tell when something was off with each other, but she did her best not to let him see he was bothering her.
“Did I do something wrong here?” he asked her.
He always could hit the nail on the head, she thought.
Whitney huffed. “You never did anything wrong. I just can’t stand your sperm donor. So forgive me if I’m in no rush to be under his roof. Not that it’s his.”
“Well when you say smart shit like that, I bet he doesn’t look forward to spending time with you either. Cut him some slack, we’ve been family for a while now,” Julian said. He grabbed her bag, making the decision for her, and walked over to his pickup truck.
The logo on the side was of a dog standing in front of some animated tools with the words, “Great Danes Auto Repair.”
Whitney was proud of him for making a living outside of that damned motorcycle club her stepfather was so insistent on being a part of. Looking at Julian, she couldn’t help but feel ripples of emotions run through h
er body. He made her feel as no other man had. Even when they first met, she had been sure that they’d end up together. Their parents had beat them to it.
Her memories of being a gawky teenager made Whitney blush as she hopped inside the truck. The strength of his hand on her back as he helped her up was a feeling she’d missed more than she’d thought.
“Do you remember the day we met?” Whitney asked, staring out of the window.
He smiled as he pulled into the street. “Of course I do. You were super skinny, and super awkward.”
“Oh, and you were so cool,” she scoffed.
“I was the definition of cool,” he smirked, running his fingers through his jet-black hair. He was tall and leaned back away from the steering column. Her bag was the only thing separating them in the front seat. His tone got a little deeper when he reached reach over and rubbed her knee, “I remember we shared a lot of firsts together.”
Whitney pulled away. “Don’t.”
“I was joking, just trying to lighten the mood. I mean, I don’t want to tiptoe around you. We have history. You just left and we were—well, I just want to be comfortable around you again, you know? Why can’t we joke around with each other, Whit?”
“We can, you can.” She shook her head refusing to meet his gaze. “I just have a lot on my mind you know? School, and Pawpaw. My mother. I don’t even want to imagine what she’s going through right now.”
“I get it,” Julian put his hand back on the steering wheel. “I just thought with the way you took off, it was because of how things ended between us.”
“Oh believe me, that didn’t make me want to stay, but it was a bunch of different stuff hitting the fan at once. Your dad didn’t help either,” she said.
“Yeah, he knows how to make a mess of things. Have you ever told your mother about us? Or anyone for that matter?”
“Of course not! Can you imagine what they’d say at the club?” Her mind wandered to the insatiable gossips at The Shock Bar.