After the Pain

by Gia Riley

  “You like?” I question.

  “I love. If I had known you looked like this under that dress, we would have been in this bedroom hours ago. I can’t believe this is all mine – forever.”

  He pulls me in front of the mirror attached to the closet door. “Look at how sexy you are.” His eyes are on fire, burning into every inch of my skin. I squirm under his intense gaze, waiting for him to make a move. Resuming his kisses on my neck, the amount of patience he’s showing is absolutely killing me.

  “Sean, please,” I beg.

  “There’s no rush, beautiful. Let me cherish you first. I need to love you before I show you any of my promises.”

  Just the thought of his promises makes me moan. He continues to cherish me as promised before picking me up and laying me gently on the bed where he continues to worship my body like a starving man. The adoring side of Sean is just as sexy as his more dominate side. The combination of the two is the perfect blend creating a sexual explosion I will never forget.

  A knock on the bathroom door brings me back to reality. I realize I’ve been standing here in front of the mirror with my toothbrush in my hand for a couple minutes. I reach over and open the door. Sean looks at me with his morning sex eyes making me shiver. His naked body walks over to me and he wraps his arms around me from behind. His lips start kissing my neck and shoulder. “You coming back to bed?” he asks.

  “Yeah. Just needed some water. I feel as bad as I look.” I cringe again from my reflection.

  “Baby, this beautiful body is mine so I’d appreciate if you’d let me be the judge of that. Personally, I like the ravished look. It makes me want you all over again.”

  As much as I want to take him up on his offer, I have to get a shower and get Hope from his parent’s room. I miss her so much and I’m starting to go into panic mode knowing she isn’t coming with us on our honeymoon. Obviously I’m thrilled for our short getaway and for the time to connect as husband and wife, but that little girl is my entire world.

  Instead of thanking him for the compliment, I just rush through brushing my teeth and run for the shower. I have to get to Hope. Sean steps in behind me, but I’m a woman on a mission. “Hey, slow down.” He grabs my hands and laces his fingers with mine.

  “I cried for two days when I went to summer camp and had to leave my dog. How am I supposed to leave my baby?” My tears are mixing with the water and my sniffles begin. Sean’s shoulders are shaking through his silent laughter. “It’s not funny,” I squeak out.

  “No it’s not, babe. I’m sorry. You’re just really adorable.” Huffing, I finish my speed shower and hop out, leaving Sean alone to finish up on his own. By the time he walks out of the bathroom looking sexy as hell, I’m already dressed and throwing my hair into a ponytail on top of my head.

  “Be right back. I’ll go get her and bring her back. We can eat breakfast together before we pack up and go to the airport.”

  “Okay, babe. You look beautiful but you have on two different shoes.”

  “What?” When I look down at my feet, I realize I do have on two different flip flops. Jeez. I’m more flighty than I thought today.

  “Come here, Hallie.” I look at him with my I’m kinda in a hurry here expression and he laughs. “I’ll be quick,” he promises. He comes to me instead and my eyes immediately focus on his lips. “Just slow down. She’s okay. She will be okay.” I shake my head in agreement. Of course I know she’s okay, I just miss her. “And whatever had you in such a daze when I walked into the bathroom a few minutes ago, I promise to do that to you again as soon as the honeymoon starts.”

  I blush and nod my head in agreement. Busted! He kisses me softly on the lips and grabs my ass. “Hurry back with my little princess,” he says. I’m still at a loss for words so I nod my head again and leave the room. I really have to get it together.

  SAYING GOODBYE TO HOPE WAS as traumatic for me as I thought it would be. I’m so upset about not seeing her for seven days; but when we get to the airport, Sean has ring pops, Swedish fish and a Cadbury chocolate bar. I grab the first two but sit and stare at the chocolate unsure if I’ll ever be comfortable eating another one in my lifetime. Sean notices me staring at it.

  “You like those don’t you? I remember you used to always have one in your purse.”

  “The last Cadbury bar I touched was the one Ryan left on my car the night he died.”

  “Shit. Babe, I had no idea.” He tries to grab the candy so I don’t have to look at it anymore now that he knows it stirs up bad memories for me, but I put my hand on top of his.

  “No. It’s okay. You don’t have to worry about me freaking out. I admit it takes me right back to that night, but I felt him with us yesterday, Sean. Maybe you don’t want to hear that, and I know it’s wrong of me to talk about. I had a dream last night too. At first I thought it was just because I drank too much, but it wasn’t a nightmare this time. Ryan was dancing with Hope and congratulating us on our marriage. True, genuine happiness came from his words.” I feel like he showed up yesterday and I’m so glad he did. He looked healthy and very much alive.

  “It’s not wrong for you to think those thoughts, Hallie. He was a huge part of your life, mine too. I’m glad you felt peace yesterday, that’s what’s most important. I won’t lie to you either – I thought about him yesterday too. Part of me felt like I was marrying his girl and the other part of me felt like things were exactly how they should be. That would be the selfish part of me, I guess,” he admits.

  “I’m your girl, Sean.”

  “You are. I’m so thankful, baby. I’ll never stop loving you.”

  I touch the chocolate bar, gently undoing the paper wrapper and foil. Breaking off two pieces, I hand one to Sean and hold my own piece. “To Ryan, may he rest in peace and continue to watch over our family.” We tap our pieces of candy together before popping the treat into our mouths. We solidify the moment with a smile and it feels so incredible to smile. Happy memories of Ryan surround me instead of tragic ones for the first time in a very long time.

  There’s a lot to be said about finding your happily ever after. While some never have the chance to meet their soul mate, I was lucky enough to meet two men who took my breath away. Sean and I have our entire lives in front of us, no matter how long or short our years may be. We’ll cherish each moment together because life’s too short to focus on the negative.

  My moments After the Pain continue to fill my soul with peace. There are no certainties in life – no guarantees. Ryan once challenged me to accept myself for the woman I am and to use my flaws as an opportunity for personal growth. Thank you, Ryan, for believing in me when I didn’t. You saw my inner beauty and helped me fly. May you continue to bless the world with your spirit.

  You’ll never be forgotten.

  Three Years Later

  “DADDY, DADDY, DADDY! You’re home!”

  It will never get old watching Hope run outside to meet Sean in the driveway as he comes home from work. I know some of his patients are very stressful, but he never shows a sign of it once he walks through our front door. Instead, he picks Hope up and swings her three-year-old body around with ease, kissing her face.

  “Guess what we did today, Daddy! You’ll never guess!” Excitement is pouring out of her and I know my secret won’t last long at the rate she’s going. I can’t say I blame her though. Her daddy is her hero, just like mine has always been.

  “Did you go to the park?” Sean guesses.

  “We did go, but that’s not the best part,” Hope says while jumping up and down in place. Sean still hasn’t noticed what she’s wearing.

  “Ummm. Well that’s a lot of fun. Did you eat ice cream?”

  “No!” She jumps over to me with her bright blue eyes shining, just like Sean’s. “Mommy can we eat ice cweam after dinner since we forgot to do that today?” She asks. I look over at Sean and glare at him. She definitely doesn’t need the sugar rush right now. He laughs at my reaction.

  “If you
eat all your dinner, you can have a special treat for being a good helper today,” I assure her.

  “Did you hear that, Daddy! We get ice cweam and babies!”

  Sean looks at me and shrugs his shoulder silently asking me if he’s supposed to have a clue what she’s talking about. I cover my mouth and laugh at his inability to put two and two together.

  “I’ve got it. You went to the toy store today, didn’t you?”

  “No, Daddy. I have wots of toys but Elmo is gonna need wots of toys. Can we go buy him something tonight? Pwease.”

  “Hope, can you go wash your hands so we can have dinner. Then we’ll talk about toys, okay?” I ask.

  “Okay, momma. Wuv you and Elmo so much!” She starts skipping down the hallway when the light bulb goes off for Sean.

  “Hope, wait a minute, sweetie. Come over here,” he tells her. I watch as he squats to take note of her big sister shirt and then tells her to go wash her hands for the second time. He stands back up and silently walks over to me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking and momentarily I’m worried he isn’t excited.

  “Hallie, are we having another baby?” he almost whispers in disbelief. We haven’t been trying, but decided whenever it happened would be okay with us. The first was a beautiful surprise and this one will be too.

  “Yeah, babe. Elmo will be here in seven months. I went to the doctor today to confirm.”

  “You went without me?”

  “Hope stayed with Amie and I went by myself. Honestly, I didn’t think I was. I figured my hormones were just out of whack from stress or something. When they asked me about my last period, I realized it had been longer than normal. We did a urine test and sure enough I’m pregnant.”

  “Have you been sick, baby? Last time was really rough on you. You have to tell me and I’ll get you some help or cut back at work.” His eyes are full of concern.

  “Nothing yet. I promise.”

  “Good.”

  “Maybe that means Little Elmo is a boy.”

  He laughs at the name our daughter has already given him. “Elmo? How did that happen?”

  “She started asking me where babies came from. Sean, she’s only three. I wasn’t prepared so I told her Elmo sent them from Sesame Street. She was so honored Elmo was sending a baby; she insisted we name the baby after her furry friend. I was so relieved she bought my crappy story I left it go.”

  “You know we will have to tell her we can’t name a human, Elmo.”

  “You can tell her when the times right. For now, we are having an Elmo!”

  “Oh, I can tell her, huh.” He pulls me tightly against his body and kisses me deeply.

  I rub my hands over his shoulders and down his back. My pregnancy hormones are alive and well once again. Hopefully he hasn’t forgotten about those. Too bad I can do nothing about it right now. “You’re the psychologist, babe. Not me.”

  “It’s a good thing I love you so much. I’d do anything for my girls.”

  “We love you very much.”

  “I guess I better up my cardio at the gym,” he says very seriously. If he’s worried about gaining weight along with me I’ll smack him.

  “Why?” I question with my dukes up, ready for battle.

  “Because you nearly killed me last time with your raging pregnancy hormones.” He does remember!

  The gloves immediately go down and I laugh at his playfulness. He’s right though, I was pretty out of control. “Try your best to keep up, babe.” I smack his ass and go searching for Hope. It doesn’t take this long to wash your hands which means she must be playing in the soap making a Hope sized mess. My suspicions are confirmed when I see the counter top covered in suds.

  “I make pwetty bubbles momma.”

  “You sure did. Let’s clean up now and go eat dinner.”

  “Wiff Elmo and Daddy!”

  Let’s hope once Sean breaks the news about the name she won’t lose her excitement about being a big sister. I watch her skip out of the bathroom as her dress bounces along with her energy. She’s going to totally wear my ass out for the next seven months.

  The very next day, I’m at the grocery store doing my usual weekly shopping while telling Hope she can only pick one box of cookies instead of the five she has loaded her arms with. I feel tired today so I’m thankful she gives in fairly easily this time. We’re only on the fourth aisle, but my stomach is growling looking at all this food. I’m debating buying a box of chewy brownies as I round the corner to the next isle. They love putting sinful treats on display to temp me. I toss a box in the cart, hopeful it slips past my little cookie monster unnoticed.

  “Sweetie, do you want spaghetti-o’s this week or alphabets?”

  “I like the ones with the meatballs.”

  “Jesus Christ!” I say entirely too loud in the middle of the quiet store.

  “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you, Hallie.”

  “It’s okay. How are you, Colby?” Holy shit. I haven’t seen him in years.

  We spoke to the police department once we returned from our honeymoon and I just couldn’t go through with a restraining order or anything that would give Colby a record. That would stick with him for the rest of his life, impairing his ability to teach music. Maybe it was a risky decision on my part, but I didn’t feel threatened anymore. He knew he over-stepped. Sean’s instinct was to take drastic measures to protect me — I get that. He was upset that he couldn’t have the reassurance of a formal document.

  Once I explained that a piece of paper wouldn’t make me feel safer, he relented. There was nothing stopping Colby from contacting me again. I figured the more action I took, the more he would want to retaliate. Up until this very moment I was positive I made the right decision since he seemed to have left town as well as my life.

  I keep a close eye on Hope dancing around the aisle checking out the products on the shelf. “Momma, do we need chechup? You know I love it with my chicken nuggies.” She asks.

  “No baby, we have enough for now,” I assure her.

  I turn my attention back to Colby who is staring at her in awe. “Well, it was nice seeing you, Colby.” I try to walk away with my cart but he snaps back to reality and starts talking again.

  “Wait. I’m sorry. She looks just like you. Does she like to sing too?”

  I smile and immediately know I’m talking to the old Colby right now and not the one who was arrested at my house. “She does. Loudly.”

  He laughs and the smile reaches his eyes letting me know he’s genuinely interested in hearing my response about her.

  “How bout the mustard? It’s yucky but Daddy likes it,” she asks next.

  “You can pick one of those out, but just one,” I say.

  “I know it’s been awhile, Hallie, but I owe you a thank-you. You could have drug my name through the mud, but you didn’t. There’s no explanation for what I did. Crossing the line was never my intention. I was so out of it from Audrey’s bullshit. Sorry, crap,” he says as he winces checking to see if Hope heard his poor choice of a word.

  “It’s okay, it takes time to change the way you talk. We still slip sometimes.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry, Hallie.”

  “Are you still with her?” I question.

  He shakes his head and looks down briefly. “No, we weren’t meant to be. I can’t make her love me. She’s happy though. I make sure to check-in on her. We’re both seeing other people actually.”

  “And you’re happy? Still singing and playing?”

  “Yeah, I’m finally happy. It took me awhile, but I’m thankful for the second chance you gave me and I won’t mess it up. You have my word on that.”

  “I always knew you were a good guy, Colby. That was never in question for me. I just wanted you to be the fun, carefree guy I had a glimpse of.”

  “Momma, looks at this! Elmo for baby Elmo! Can we gets it. Pwease.” She runs over with a box of Oatmeal that has Elmo on the front. Colby looks at me and his eyes curiously look at my stomach.
/>   “Are you momma’s friend? I’m Hope,” she says to Colby.

  He squats down and holds out his hand for her to shake. “I’m Colby, darlin. Do you like Elmo?”

  Jumping up and down she loudly exclaims, “I do!”

  “Me too,” he says with matched excitement.

  “You can be my friend then. Wanna play in my sandbox? I have a twurtle one dat’s green.”

  I jump in to save Colby from my inviting little girl. She’d have the whole grocery store over for lunch if I let her. He’s smiling from ear to ear at her sweet little face.

  “Momma, I gotsta go pee pee.”

  I know I have about five minutes tops before she has an accident so I have to hurry. “Well, Colby. It was nice seeing you. I’m glad you’re doing so well.” I start to turn my cart around in the other direction, not wasting any time getting to the closest bathroom.

  “You too. I’d appreciate if you passed my apology on to Sean.”

  Looking back over my shoulder I reply, “Sure. I’ll let him know you’re doing well. Bye, Colby.” I push my cart but briefly stop and check if he’s still close-by. “Hey, Colby.”

  He stops walking and turns back to look at me. “Yeah?”

  “Don’t give up, okay? And I’m glad to see your manners have improved.”

  He laughs and nods his head. “You got it, hot shot.”

  FIRST, I NEED TO THANK all of the readers who first fell in love with Between the Pain. Your kind comments and enthusiasm for my characters has been amazing. I give a big shout out to all the Gia’s Gang members for your continued support. You keep me excited and wanting to give you my very best. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me.

  To every blog who has promoted me, had me do a takeover, or given me a shout out. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without you, the Indie world wouldn’t get the love it deserves.

  Christa Holland, you’ve once again created a beautiful cover to showcase my work. Your designs are always stunning and I’ve enjoyed working with you.