Balance of Terror

by K S Augustin

  “So what are you saying?” Moon croaked, her throat tight with emotion. “You’d rather die than give Needann what she wants?”

  Srin’s craggy features looked sad. He seemed to be pondering a difficult question, then he nodded. “Yes. I would like you to use your discussion with Needann to negotiate safe passage somewhere. I’d be happy to help out with any minor project they need doing. But I won’t be a party to genocide, even if it’s of Republic citizens.”

  Moon closed her eyes so she didn’t have to see his beloved features. “I don’t think that offer will be enough to buy a cure for you,” she finally remarked.

  “No,” Srin agreed evenly. “I don’t think so either.”

  She opened her eyes. “So all this has been in vain?” she argued, her voice rising. “The running, the moving from planet to planet, criss-crossing the galaxy to avoid the Security Force, the Space Fleet, a ship full of vengeful Consuls? In the end, when we reach our destination, you’re just happy to give up your life?” She snapped her fingers. “Just like that?”

  He rose from the bed and approached her. “How can you even say that?” he remonstrated gently.

  With firm fingers, he loosened the tight grip she had on her body, smoothing her arms and pushing them to her sides. “We’ve been together all this time, side by side, for much longer than either of us had hoped.”

  Using the backs of his hands, he brushed the tears from her eyes and enveloped her in a hug.

  “Certainly for longer than I’d ever anticipated,” he admitted. “Look at me, months away from Hen and his hell’s mixture of drugs, and I can still hold you and kiss you and love you.”

  Moon gripped his tunic with her fingers. “I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered.

  “Get to safety,” he told her. “That’s all I care about now. Go somewhere where neither the rebels nor the Republic can ever find you. Settle there and be happy. That’s all I’m asking of you.” He held her away from him at arm’s length and looked into her tear-soaked eyes. “Do you understand?”

  She pressed her lips together and nodded. “Yes.”

  Then he was back, and she rested her head on his chest, breathing in Srin again and feeling the thud of his heart against her cheek. She didn’t want to think of a time when that strong rhythm stopped, when the warm arms around her turned stiff and cold. Now that she had found him, she didn’t want to think of a universe without Srin in it.

  But she had to. She had no choice.

  Kad came by their quarters a few minutes before Moon’s appointment with Needann.

  The evening before had passed in false frivolity, with Srin doing his best to keep the mood upbeat. They turned down a casual invitation from Kad to join him for dinner, saying they had to catch up on some rest. Considering that they had already done that on the Unfinished Tale, Srin was half-expecting an objection, but Moon’s ex-research partner proved to be surprisingly chivalrous.

  “See you in the morning, then,” he’d told them and clicked off.

  They chose some vintage vids to run on their console and Srin pulled Moon close to him, savouring every separate sensation, from the weight of her torso against his chest to the warmth of her flesh on his fingers, the fragrance of her hair that tickled his nose and the soft sweetness of her lips as they occasionally kissed.

  They ate sparingly and went to bed late but Moon was still restless. Several times, caught in insomnia’s web, Srin moved closer, hoping to calm her with his embrace. She’d settle against him with a sigh, still asleep, then – minutes later – she’d be fighting for space, pushing him away with one leg while making inarticulate sounds deep in her throat. In the end, he held her hand, a tenuous touch compared to what he really wanted, but it seemed to calm her down and he smiled when he heard her breathing settle into a deep, steady rhythm.

  Still unable to sleep, Srin let his thoughts run free, giving attention to fears he had been afraid to examine too closely while Moon was awake. How would he die? Would Moon use that fragment of towel to wipe his memory before the deed was done? Or maybe Kad would do it? He could imagine Needann watching, as if observing a specimen under a microscope, while his life ebbed away. Maybe an overdose of tranquilisers during one of his drug crashes was the most humane way to go. As long as Moon was safe, though, as long as she could live the rest of her life as a vibrant and free woman, he didn’t care.

  He still hadn’t slept a wink when the alarm chimed the following morning. They had set it to wake them up as late as possible, to avoid awkward conversations and tense silences. Quietly, and with care, Moon got ready for her meeting with the alien rebel leader and he watched, offering encouraging smiles whenever her gaze landed on his face. It fooled neither of them.

  When the door buzzed, he went to unlock it and looked up into Kad Minslok’s face as the panel slid open. The man was an intriguing mix of courtesy and humour and, while he could understand why Moon had chosen him as her research partner, in all honesty, he couldn’t understand how nothing of a romantic nature had developed between them. Both people were attractive, they had at least one interest in common, and they appeared to have similar values, no matter that they were in diametric opposition to each other at the moment.

  Instead, Moon had chosen him – a drug-riddled, aged savant by the name of Srin Flerovs. There must have been a little of his inner thoughts on his face because he thought Kad’s expression softened.

  “While Moon is talking to Needann, I thought I’d show you around,” Kad offered. “There’s nothing worse than waiting and having nothing to do.”

  Srin smiled and nodded. “I think I’d appreciate that,” he said, and meant it.

  Kad looked beyond him. “Moon, are you ready to go?”

  Srin refused to turn his head as he heard her reply.

  “Sure. Let’s go.”

  Her voice was unnaturally brisk. Srin knew her well enough to recognise, beneath the bravado, the bitter despair beneath. But if he turned around…if their gazes met…then both of them would be lost. And they knew it.

  Srin deliberately walked ahead of the pair, looking around as if he was interested in the bland hewn walls and the closed doors that they passed. If he could, he would have tried to hijack a ship and speed him and Moon away from Excalibur, away from everyone. But then what would he do? Where would they go? He knew that the more help the rebels extended to her, the safer Moon would be, safety that was beyond his own meagre capabilities. That thought kept him walking, putting one foot in front of another, pretending all was well, pretending he didn’t have a care in the universe, until they reached Needann’s office.

  He turned and looked at Moon then, schooling his features so he thought he looked both strong and dispassionate, but her glance brushed past his and she spun away, hitting the wall with an open palm of her hand.

  “Let’s get this over with,” she growled.

  Kad went through his ritual knock, the door opened and Moon disappeared.

  “I have orders to take you to our medical bay,” Kad told him, “but that shouldn’t take too long. After that, I’d be happy to show you around.”

  Knowing that his physical condition was going to be used as a bartering token, and would probably be beamed to Needann the minute he was finished, Srin was tempted to resist, but then he looked at Kad and noticed that he wasn’t the only one in torment.

  “All right,” he said to the younger man. “Let’s get the physical over and done with.”

  It only took twenty-five minutes for the medic to go through the battery of tests she had planned and she worked with courteous professionalism. Srin, attempting to relax, looked around, appreciating the range of equipment available. A lot of resources must have gone into setting up the clinic. And while it was obvious that the clinic wasn’t fully staffed, those that hovered by his side appeared competent and efficient. Could they be the ones who had the ability to cure him, he wondered, as they scanned and prodded him, asking him to hold his left arm steady or elevate his rig
ht leg as high as he could while supine. Could they cure him here, or would he need to be taken somewhere else?

  After he got dressed, Kad took him for the promised tour of Excalibur.

  “The place has been a hideout of ours for almost ten years. And Needann moved here almost from the moment it was operational.”

  “She’s been your cell leader for that long?”

  Kad nodded. “Yes.”

  “She seems to be very single-minded,” Srin added cautiously, thinking of her refusal to evacuate.

  “She’s done her time.” Kad’s voice was grim. “More than anyone could rightfully expect. In a way, it’s made her more…focused.”

  “I wonder how she and Moon are getting along.”

  Kad laughed and it eased the taut atmosphere between them. “It’s a little like the irresistible force meeting the immovable object, isn’t it?”

  “You have no idea,” Srin replied in a rueful tone. “You should have seen Moon on Marentim. I’ll never let her get behind he controls of any heavy machinery ever again. She’s capable of destroying an entire planet once she puts her mind to it. Just ask Gauder, the next time you speak with him.”

  Kad laughed again, the sound of it echoing down the empty corridor.

  “You’re not quite what I was expecting,” he told Srin as they kept walking.

  “Really?” Srin paused for a second to look at his companion. “What were you expecting?”

  Kad shrugged. “It’s hard to put in words. We’d done the research on you, especially after I first caught sight of you at Wessness. You certainly presented an intriguing figure that night. We knew what you looked like and what you’re capable of, but it never tells the full story, does it? When I sat down and thought of someone with your abilities, especially with what the Republic put you through, I pictured a man who was more mechanical in his actions, less in touch with his emotions.”

  Srin’s smile was wry. “Maybe I was. That’s the infuriating thing about it, I’ll never know how I appeared to all those scientists I helped. I remember my life…before, and I don’t think I was ever cool or aloof, but maybe that’s just my mind trying to make me feel better about myself.“

  “No, I don’t think so. I don’t think anyone can change such an intrinsic part of himself. Let’s face it, Dr. Flerovs, you’re a nice guy, whether you’d like to think so or not.”

  Srin stood stock still for a moment. “What did you call me?”

  Kad eyed him quizzically. “‘Dr. Flerovs’? But that’s what you are, isn’t it? A qualified physicist with strong cross-disciplinary skills in mathematics?”

  For a moment, the curve of the corridor with its ochre walls appeared to recede, as revelation hit Srin like a punch to the solar plexus. He had been exploited as a super-computational brain for so long that it must have soaked into his being. He had forgotten who he was, what he was. Doctor Srin Flerovs, dammit!

  Kad stepped up to him and stretched out a reassuring hand. “Are you all right?”

  Srin shook his head as if clearing his eyesight. “Better than that. Thanks to you, I just remembered who I really am. Not just a walking Quantaflex, but a…,” he petered out and frowned. “They took so much from me.”

  His gaze met Kad’s and saw his pain mirrored in clear blue eyes. “They took away my pride and self-respect. They reduced me to the level of a simulation tank.”

  “I….” Kad, too, seemed lost for words. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to play out,” he muttered.

  “What did you say?” Srin asked, a frown wrinkling his brow.

  He could see how uncomfortable the man looked. What did he mean by his statement? Did it have anything to do with Moon and her research? A plan of Needann’s perhaps?

  Srin straightened. “What exactly was supposed to happen when Moon and I reached Excalibur?” he asked, his voice tight.

  Kad looked away for a moment, his internal struggle obvious. He opened his mouth….

  A whooping siren echoed through the complex, followed by an announcement Srin couldn’t decipher.

  Kad didn’t wait. Grabbing Srin by the sleeve, he half-ran the both of them back to Excalibur’s accommodation section.

  “What’s happening?” Srin demanded when they skidded to a halt in front of the guest quarters.

  Kad didn’t answer. Slamming his palm on the access panel, he barrelled through the door first and grabbed Srin’s dun-coloured rucksack, rushing out again the moment his fingers closed on the rough canvas-like material.

  “Let’s go,” he commanded tersely. “That’s the emergency evacuation alarm. We’ve got to get out of here.”

  “But Moon—”

  “Moon’s with Needann and Needann knows to follow protocol. She’ll take care of both of them. But for now, you’re my responsibility.”

  Srin wasn’t happy with the sudden turn of events, but he didn’t appear to have a choice. Making a quick decision, he followed the taller man down a series of laddered tubes.

  “We’ll take the Unfinished Tale,” Kad shouted, above the din of the ululating alarm. “It should still be docked here.”

  They hurried down corridors that were eerily vacant and loud with the klaxon’s echoes. Exactly why were they leaving? Had the Space Fleet found them? And, hot on the heels of those questions, were others more urgent. Were they too late? Had the ship already left?

  Then they rounded an extruding rock wall and saw the bright, open hatch of the Tale. Srin vaguely remembered the man at the entrance as being one of the Tale’s staff, but he still stopped short, at the sharp metal edge of the threshold.

  “Are you sure Moon’s going to be okay?” he asked, searching Kad’s face intently as the other also stopped and whirled around.

  “She’s going to be fine,” Kad told him urgently. “And we have to get out of here ourselves as soon as possible. The perimeter alarms are set to give us a three-minute warning, but not much more than that. Get in, Srin!”

  With a grimace, and a backwards glance, Srin allowed himself to be herded onto the ship.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Nothing much had changed since Moon’s last visit to Needann’s office. The alien woman was still standing by her clearboards, as if she was sentry to the information presented on them.

  “You’re very prompt, Dr. Thadin,” she said, as Moon entered. “I like that.”

  Moon acknowledged the compliment and looked around. She had been too tense the day before to notice much about the room but, as she re-scanned her surroundings, she noticed that there weren’t any chairs. Or, at least, not any of the configurations she was used to. Instead, one area was dominated by tall, backless stools. Their small seats were inclined and looked plush but Moon couldn’t imagine spending a lot of time perched on one and they were yet another indication of the general strangeness of her host.

  Needann stopped working on whatever it was that consumed her attention and looked at Moon through a transparent panel in much the same way as Moon used to peer at anyone who distracted her in her lab.

  “We must have a talk,” the alien woman said, stepping down and moving to the stools. She delicately lowered herself on one, keeping both feet on the floor, and gestured to Moon to do the same. After a slight hesitation, Moon walked to the opposite position. Unlike Needann, the seat was too high to enable her to keep both feet on the ground, so Moon settled for one foot on the floor and the other leg bent up with her heel resting on a low support bar. It was comfortable for the time being, but Moon knew she couldn’t stay in that position for very long.

  “I was surprised when Minslok told me you had left the Republic,” Needann said, not bothering with social niceties. “For years, I had suggested he approach you with an invitation to join us, but he always told me you were not ready. In the end, I stopped asking, convinced that you would live, and die, as a loyal citizen of the Republic. Now, you are here. And I am sceptical.”

  That wasn’t what Moon expected to hear. She blinked. “Sceptical?”


  “Minslok is convinced that you are genuine. I am not.”

  Did Needann think she was some kind of Republic…spy? The thought was so ludicrous, Moon had to stifle a smile of amusement. Unfortunately, Needann didn’t look like the sort who’d join in the joke.

  “Your path to Excalibur has been easy—” the alien said.

  Easy?

  “—arranged for you, with little initiative required—”

  What was she saying? Little initiative?

  “—beyond the basic logistics of getting from origin to destination.”

  Moon, expecting more, was silent when Needann stopped speaking. She waited, but the alien remained mute, staring at her with her iridescent gaze.

  Moon took a deep breath. Upon reflection, she could see Needann’s point. The zigzag route from Slater’s End to Excalibur had been mostly pre-arranged, thanks to Kad, but Needann hadn’t experienced the difficulties around caring for Srin – his convulsions, physical frailties and the consequences of his devastating but necessary drug crashes. With two able-bodied people, the journey would have been dangerous. With Srin, it had been harrowing.

  “I risked my life so Srin Flerovs and I could get away from the Republic and their exploitation,” she finally said. “If you’ve read your own intelligence reports, you’ll know what kind of conditions he was kept under. You might consider our escape to be easy – and maybe it was, thanks to Kad – but it was no less genuine.”

  “What are two humans such as Thadin and Flerovs worth?”

  Moon frowned. “I don’t understand.”

  “I am weighing relative values, Thadin. Two humans such as yourselves on one scale. Excalibur, Minslok, my entire network, on another.”

  Was she also thinking of Dokan, and her loyalty to a family member?

  “If you’re talking about the Republic finding your network, it doesn’t look like you needed my help with that one,” Moon countered, bite in her tone. It was time to turn up the heat on Kad’s rebel leader. “Didn’t I hear something about someone called Dokan?”