by Fiona Lowe
As they walked into the living room, the twins came barrelling the other way, dragging Charlotte toward the playroom. ‘We’re showing Charlie our Ninjago dragons.’
‘Charlie might want to talk to the grown ups.’
The twins looked at her, utterly baffled by the concept.
‘It’s fine, Auntie Xar, I don’t mind. It’s not like I can eat soft cheese or drink champagne anyway.’ She lifted a bowl from Xara’s hand and held it aloft. ‘But I can eat chips.’
‘Yay!’ the twins cheered, running after her.
‘Edwina, champagne? Doug, beer or bubbles?’ Steve passed around the drinks as Xara followed, offering the nibbles.
‘So, Ben.’ Xara smiled up at him. ‘Georgie tells me you’re teaching at the same school. Talk about a coincidence.’
‘Mmm hmm.’ Ben nodded, his mouth full of pâté and biscuit.
‘I think everyone’s got a drink now.’ Steve scanned the room. ‘Over to you, Georgie.’
Georgie’s wide smile faltered slightly. ‘Well, first of all, thanks to Xara and Steve for hosting today.’
‘Our pleasure.’ Xara gave her an encouraging smile, wondering why her sister seemed suddenly nervous. ‘Come on, spit it out. We’re all desperate to know what we’re celebrating.’
Georgie shared a glance with Ben, who’d moved to stand next to her. Now he took a step closer and as he slid his hand into Georgie’s, she said, ‘Ben and I have been dating since the start of March. We’ve just moved into together.’
March? March! A sickening sense of betrayal crawled through Xara as her glass slipped out of her hand, landing on the carpet with a soft thud.
Edwina drained her drink in one gulp.
Doug slapped Ben on the shoulder and then he leaned in and kissed Georgie’s cheek. ‘That’s great news.’
‘Thank you,’ Georgie said gratefully.
Steve laughed and dropped a cloth on the spilled champagne. ‘Does Harry know?’
Georgie grimaced. ‘Apparently I’ve joined Mum, James and Charlie in trashing the family name.’
‘Oh, I don’t know. You might have just done her a favour. This is just the sort of gossip to knock her off the most-talked-aboutperson-in-town pedestal.’ He raised his glass to Georgie and Ben. ‘Ripper news. Congratulations.’
‘March?’ Xara finally found her voice and couldn’t prevent her hurt from radiating into it. ‘That means you were together before Easter. Why didn’t you tell me?’
Georgie shrugged apologetically. ‘It was very new then and—’
‘So?’ The word shrieked in accusation as Xara thought of all the times in the past two years she’d listened to her sister pour out her heart and soul. Of the support she’d given Georgie after Eliza’s death and later when things failed with Jason. Surely it wasn’t outrageous to expect Georgie to have told her about this new relationship from the start?
Her breath suddenly caught in her throat as her brain caught up with the timeline. ‘Oh God. You kept dating after you found out that Doug and Mum …’ She couldn’t finish as her body gave an involuntary shudder. ‘I don’t even want to even think about it.’
Ben gave her a wry smile and raised his glass to her. ‘That’s how I deal with it, Xara. It works pretty well.’
‘I know it’s a shock,’ Georgie continued hurriedly, ‘and if it helps, we had a very rocky month after we discovered Mum and Doug’s relationship.’
‘Helps?’
Georgie sucked in her lips and squared her shoulders. ‘When we realised their relationship makes us virtually step-siblings but—’
‘No.’ Xara covered her ears.
‘Darling, are you absolutely sure about this?’ Worry lines deepened on Edwina’s face. ‘You do realise it links the families in a rather complicated way.’
‘You mean if we broke up it would put a lot of stress on you and Dad,’ Ben said succinctly.
Edwina sighed, her fingers rolling her pearls. ‘That makes me sound far more selfish than I am.’ She glanced at Doug before returning her gaze to Ben. ‘Believe me, I’m the last person to prevent two people who love each other from being together. I just want you both to be certain you’re not rushing things. That you’ve thought everything through.’
‘We broke up for a month and it was awful.’ Georgie’s voice pleaded for understanding. ‘It proved to both of us that we don’t want to live our lives apart.’
‘If it helps,’ Ben offered, still holding tightly onto Georgie’s hand, ‘we’d already met and fallen in love before we knew anything about Dad and Edwina.’
‘You fell in love in less than a month?’ Xara’s voice rose on a wave on incredulity. How could Georgie not tell her something that significant?
Georgie grinned at Ben. ‘Well, I fell in lust first. He ruined me for anyone else.’
‘La, la, la,’ Xara said loudly, refilling her empty glass with a shaking hand.
‘Darling, that’s probably more information than I needed to know about my stepson and possible son-in-law,’ Edwina said dryly.
‘You’ve made me proud, son.’ Doug winked at Ben. ‘Very proud.’
‘Righto, Dad,’ Ben said, his face turning pink under his olive complexion. ‘That’ll do.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Steve said, giving Xara’s shoulder a squeeze. ‘I’m sure I can mine this situation and get my own back for all those sheep jokes. So, Doug, if your son’s now your son-in-law what will that make their kids?’
Georgie blanched and Xara growled, ‘Shut up, Steve.’
‘Sorry, Georgie.’ Steve took a pull on his beer, his expression reminiscent of the twins’ after they’d been caught out.
‘It takes a special woman to get the seal of approval from Ben’s sisters, Georgie,’ Doug said conversationally, filling the uncomfortable silence. ‘You’ve scored Olympic gold there.’
‘Even Ben’s sisters knew before me?’ Xara screeched, shooting to her feet, seething at the added injustice. ‘Well, that’s just fabulous. What else haven’t you told me?’
‘Nothing.’ Georgie wrung her hands, her expression now confused. ‘This isn’t personal, Xar. It just made sense to go to Mildura first and—’
‘Not personal?’ It felt incredibly personal. ‘I’m your sister! I was the one there for you after Eliza. After Jason. Not Mum. Not Harry. Me! God. And now, after everything, you …’ She struggled for coherency. ‘You can’t even offer me the courtesy of—’
‘Ben, Doug, would you like a tour of the farm?’ Steve offered loudly while at the same time shooting Xara a take-it-easy look.
It only inflamed her outrage. ‘I’ve got a better idea. You all stay here and I’ll go for a walk.’
‘I’ll come with you,’ Georgie and Edwina said in unison.
‘Please don’t.’ She grabbed her coat and stormed out into the bracing winter air. God, why was she bothering to try to hold things together for her sisters? To keep her family intact and be there for each of them?
Because you’re the glue in the middle. Hah! Right now she was sick of being the glue, sick of trying to see everyone’s point of view. Hell, she was sick of the lot of them.
She stomped up the incline, breathing hard, propelled by fury. She stopped when she reached the top of the hill behind the shearing shed. Looking down onto the rocky but fertile volcanic plains, she thought about her sisters and let out a loud and satisfying scream.
CHAPTER
28
‘I should have worn something colourful.’ Edwina’s fingers fumbled her pearls as if they were rosary beads. ‘I look like the wait staff.’
‘You look beautifully elegant,’ Doug said, squeezing her hand. ‘Most importantly, you look like you.’
‘You mean slightly aloof, on edge and terrified?’
He smiled at her across the table. ‘Well, there is that but I was talking about your grace and style.’
‘Exactly. It’s camouflage.’
He shook his head. ‘Not all of it. Believe me, even when y
ou’re stark naked, Eddy, you’ve got style.’
‘Shh,’ she hushed him as her cheeks burned hot.
‘It’s all right,’ Doug soothed, a laugh in his voice. ‘I promise not to talk about sex in front of our daughter.’
‘How can you be so calm?’ she asked accusingly as her stomach flipped. ‘I’m so jittery my hands shake.’
‘I’m not calm.’ His gaze hooked hers and she read apprehension in their chocolate depths. ‘But teasing you helps.’
She gave his hand a light slap as a tight and nervous laugh tripped over her lips. ‘What if she’s changed her mind?’
He patiently sipped his beer. ‘It’s too early to worry about that just yet, Ed. Let’s look at the facts. Her plane landed on time. According to the Vic Roads app there are no incidents and traffic’s flowing well. By my reckoning, Michelle should arrive any minute.’
She forced her hand away from her pearls, worried that she’d break the string. ‘What if she didn’t get on the plane?’
‘That’s unlikely. She texted us from the departure lounge.’
Edwina lacked Doug’s confidence. There were so many steps for Michelle to take between her home in the Perth hills and this South Yarra restaurant. So many opportunities when she could decide not to take the next one, including arriving at the front door of the restaurant and not alighting from the taxi.
Watching the rainbow refractions of the thin winter sunshine bouncing off the silver saltshaker and dancing on the snowy tablecloth, Edwina tried not to obsess over why Michelle had prevaricated for many weeks after receiving the letter from the Department of Health and Human Services. Or why, over the past few weeks, Michelle had been far more reticent with information about herself than Edwina and Doug had been. Two weeks ago, using speakerphone, they’d finally shared a very stilted phone conversation and with much trepidation, Edwina had asked if they could meet in person. Silence greeted the request; a silence that had rolled down the line as loud as thunder and just as frightening.
Finally, Michelle had said she needed time to think about it. Trying not to fall at that first crushing hurdle, they’d waited. Doug had immersed himself in the restoration of a 1960s Ford Mustang and Edwina had thrown herself into charity work and exhausted herself by minding Tasha and the twins and giving Xara and Steve a weekend off. She welcomed the fatigue; when she was bone tired she couldn’t think.
Michelle telephoned five days later, telling them she didn’t want them coming to Perth. Edwina hated the crippling desperation that filled her and immediately offered to fly Michelle to Victoria. The invitation seemed to take Michelle by surprise and it took her another fortnight to accept. When she did, it was on the proviso that they didn’t make any plans for the weekend other than meeting her for lunch. So here they were on a Friday afternoon in late July at the restaurant, waiting. Edwina felt like she’d been waiting a lifetime, which of course she had been.
Panic fluttered in her veins. ‘Should we have chosen a café?’
Doug ran a finger around the inside of his collar as though it was too tight. ‘We’ve been through this a dozen times, Eddy. We needed somewhere quiet. If I can cope with this swanky place, then she can too. For all we know, she might be just as used to swank as you are.’
‘This waiting’s as hard as giving her up.’ A river of heat rolled through her, burning with the intensity of a blowtorch. A sea of sweat tried to drench the flames. She lifted her glass of water and pressed it against her cheeks, needing the ice-cold chill to vanquish the hot flush. Her other hand used the menu as a fan.
The maître d’ appeared by her side as if he’d teleported and she tried not to groan. She really wasn’t up to coping with solicitousness today.
‘Madam.’
Doug rose clumsily. ‘Eddy.’
The eagerness and anxiety in his voice made her turn and she too stumbled to her feet. Standing behind the maître d’ was a woman of similar height to her. She wore black pants and a long cream top, and she’d wrapped a bright, multicoloured pashmina tightly around her torso like a shield. Or perhaps it was just a Western Australian trying to stay warm in the frigid Melbourne winter air.
Edwina couldn’t have cared less about the clothes, her gaze was fixed on the woman’s golden skin, dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes. Her hand flew to her mouth, stifling a gasp. Susan. A sepia memory of a tiny baby with dimpled fingers and long cocoa lashes—a baby Edwina had cradled tightly to her chest so long ago—flashed across her mind. Now that baby was a middle-aged woman but there was no mistaking her genetic heritage: she was Doug with hints of Edwina, Harriet and Doug’s daughter Josie. Over the years, Edwina had imagined her baby growing but she’d always pictured Susan looking like her, just as her other daughters had grown to look more like her than Richard. This woman who looked familiar yet was a stranger was utterly disconcerting.
Edwina’s heart skittered and her breathing came in ragged jerks. She had to work on making her mouth form words. ‘You’re here,’ she said softly, her voice quavering.
Michelle gave a faint smile. ‘I am.’ Her voice was deep and her accent neither broad nor elocuted.
‘Can you give us a few minutes, mate?’ Doug said, dismissing the maître d.
‘Certainly, sir.’ The man melted away as quietly as he’d appeared.
‘I thought … that is …’ Edwina fought for composure. ‘I’m so glad you’re here.’ Never one for overt displays of affection, she held out both of her hands toward Michelle. ‘Thank you for coming.’
Michelle hesitated, her arms hidden behind the pashmina as if she was hugging herself to keep warm or stay upright. As her hands tangled in the wrap, her handbag slipped, swinging out to hit Edwina on the thigh. ‘Oh shit.’ Embarrassment burned in her eyes. ‘Sorry.’
Edwina shook her head. ‘No need for sorry, Su—Michelle.’ Despite practising for the last three months to call this daughter Michelle, it was excruciatingly difficult when to her she’d always been Susan. It added another layer of separation. ‘I’ve had worse things happen.’ She tried for a quip but it came out stilted and flat.
‘Woman hits birthmother at first meeting.’ A small dimple—Doug’s dimple—appeared on her left cheek as her mouth twitched up. ‘My psych class will read a lot into that.’
Edwina laughed, recognising Doug’s humour as she welcomed the brief touch of Michelle’s fingers against her own. She wanted more—she wanted to fold this woman into her arms and never let her go and yet she couldn’t do it. She had no confidence that she’d survive a hug if Michelle decided that today was their only contact. She wasn’t sure she’d get through Michelle declining a hug either. Tim had tried to explain that ongoing contact could be sporadic and not to pin everything on the first meeting but it was so hard not to ride that hope train.
Doug cleared his throat. ‘Will it overwhelm you if I hug you? You look like you could do with one.’
Michelle’s smile strengthened. ‘I think I could cope with that.’
Not for the first time, Edwina envied Doug’s ease with people. She watched with a small stab of jealousy as he enveloped their daughter in a bear hug before pulling out a chair for her.
‘We can’t believe you’re here,’ Doug said, his voice filled with awe.
Michelle took her seat between them. ‘I’m not sure I can either.’
‘You’ve got my eyes,’ Edwina said, unable to stop gazing at this woman who’d been her baby so very long ago.
‘All my life people have commented on my eyes.’ Michelle fiddled with the edge of the starched serviette. ‘Does that … does it happen to you?’
Edwina nodded, ecstatic at the tiny but shared experience. ‘Yes and it happens to—’ Should she say my other daughters or your sisters? ‘To your half-sisters.’
Michelle visibly startled. ‘I still can’t get my head around the fact I have half-sisters.’
‘You have a half-brother too. My youngest, Ben,’ Doug said, reaching for his phone. ‘Is it too early to show you
photos?’
‘Yes. I think it is,’ Michelle said firmly, nodding to the waiter pouring her a glass of water. ‘Could I please have a lemon, lime and bitters?’
‘Certainly, ma’am.’ The waiter checked for other drink orders before retreating.
Edwina glanced at Doug, who gave her a small but resigned smile that said, Yeah, I know. I rushed her.
Michelle tugged open her dinner roll with the fervour that comes from needing to do something. ‘Your letter. This. Everything. It’s … overwhelming.’
‘Yes,’ Edwina said simply, passing the butter. ‘Sorry. If it helps, it’s very overwhelming for us too, but in a good way. A wonderful way.’
Michelle didn’t acknowledge the sentiment but instead slid a pad of butter onto her knife, her eyes fixed firmly on the action. ‘When I registered two years ago, I wasn’t looking for family. I already have a family. A lovely one.’
The butter knife flashed back and forth against the fluffy white bread as the defensive words landed on Edwina like shot ripping into her skin. The fact that this long-lost baby, who she’d thought about every day for almost fifty years, didn’t need her juxtaposed with Edwina’s enormous relief that loving people had raised her. Joy collided with sadness, leaving her dry mouthed and dizzy.
‘Anyway,’ Michelle continued as if she’d rehearsed a speech and was determined to deliver it without interruption, ‘I’ve always known I was adopted. Growing up, Mum and Dad were very open about it. They told me I was the much-loved and longed-for daughter after three boys. I was. I still am.’ Her mouth moved into a crooked smile—Doug and Ben’s smile. ‘I often felt like I had four fathers.’
The smile faded as she set the knife down and raised her head. ‘None of my brothers are thrilled I’ve come to meet you. In fact, they tried hard to talk me out of it. They’re angry with me and they’re worried about Mum and Dad.’ She sighed. ‘I think they feel I’ve betrayed them in some way. As if they’re not enough family for me, which is totally ridiculous. When I married Phil they didn’t react like this but …’