by P. Jameson
So choose already, asshole, are you avoiding her or not?
Mac’s chuckle brought him out of his own thoughts. “She who? Look, man. The time for pretending is over. The cat is out of the bag. Ragan seeing y’all together… well, I can promise you every vixen, shifter, and human related to them know by now.” Mac’s face grew serious. “Including those new ones.”
Adam frowned. “The foxes?”
Mac nodded. “Those two unmated ones are cravin’ a mate, an I got a feeling they’ll be fighting for Barb. They won’t go for Ragan.” He stared hard at the tool he was polishing. “They consider her all used up or whatever bullshit, because she was already mated.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
Mac’s gaze snapped to Adam. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”
“I hear her mate was a real fucker. They should be glad she stood up to him.”
Mac’s jaw ticked. “She’s too good for either of them fools.”
Footsteps followed by two chattering female voices had Mac and Adam straightening. He knew right away one was Barb, and panic raced up his spine at the prospect of seeing her. Panic mixed with excitement. Isn’t this why you were hanging around?
Shit, he was so confused.
Barb pushed through the swinging door that separated the garage from the rest of the shop. On her heels was Tana, the werecat who was mated to Surge, and little Gracie’s adopted mama. Barb stopped just inside the room, clearly surprised to see him, and he stood to drop his tools in the nearby case.
“Oh, hey Adam!” Tana smiled. “Glad you’re here. Gracie wanted me to ask if Megan could sleep over after the race tomorrow.”
Post race sleepovers had become a whole thing between their two daughters.
“Sure. Yeah, Megan will be thrilled.”
Tana clapped her hands together. “Great.” She turned to Barb. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Yeah, tomorrow. Hug Gracie for me.”
“Sure thing.”
“Oh, lookie there,” Mac murmured, staring at his phone. “Looks like I’m needed at the hotel.”
Barb frowned. “Is something wrong?”
“Naw, just need a lightbulb changed or somethin’ like that…” He was already on his way out of the garage so the rest of what he muttered was lost to the wind.
And just like that, Adam and Barb were alone. It happened so fast that he didn’t even have time to pick up his jaw from the floor before she turned to him.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hey.” His eyes ate her up. Blue jean shorts, pink Harley Davidson tank top, and cowboy boots. Damn, blue eyes so pretty he could hardly breathe.
“I was just coming to clean up Lil’ Barb, but it looks like you already got it covered.”
Adam wiped his hands on a rag and looked the bike over one last time. “I think she’s all ready to go for tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” Her soft voice brought his gaze back to her.
“No big thing.”
Crossing the garage, she hopped onto a workbench and sat cross-legged. “How’s Megan? She was exhausted after Game Palace. I bet she slept like the dead after all that.”
“She’s ready to go again. Already asking when the next time will be.”
Without thinking about it, he moved closer, stopping a few feet from the bench.
“And… how are you?” She asked, her tone more serious than usual.
“How am I?” The question surprised him, and he couldn’t help grinning. “Woman, don’t you know by now I’m an epic mess?”
Barb laughed, a small sound, as she found something interesting to look at on the floor. “Aren’t we all.”
“Some more than others.”
When she looked at him again, it was with a flutter of her eyelashes. The expression made her look younger, more unsure of herself than he knew her to be. But then again, maybe this was more to her truth. Maybe the confidence she normally exuded was a sort of wishful thinking come true.
“Hey, now,” she said. “If you’re gonna imply that I’m the bigger mess out of the two of us… well, then you might be right.” This back and forth between them wasn’t clearing anything up, but it sure made him feel better. She made it easier for him to smile.
Adam crossed his arms as he leaned against the same work bench. “I’d never imply such a thing, vixen. But if I did… you wouldn’t come even close to the biggest mess.”
“Is that so?”
“It is.”
“Shifter whose animal comes out whenever it wants. Raised under brutal males. Gets in trouble all the damn time.” Barb held up three fingers to tick off her points.
“Pshh. Please.”
“Oh, I’m not done,” she said, continuing her list. “Noisy. Opinionated. Unmateable.” With that, she added her other hand. “Always hungry—like I could probably eat an entire cow and still want ice cream afterward. This is a fact. Want things I can’t have. Can’t cook, which actually makes number seven hard to live with. Hopeless, and I do mean hopeless, romantic.” She stopped suddenly. “Damn, see. I’m all out of fingers.”
He had opinions about all her supposed messy flaws. But if he said too much, it would make it easier to pull her down from that table and kiss her all over again.
“I’d need my fingers and yours to get through my list,” he said. “And you know that’s the truth.”
“Yeahhh, maybe. So are we going to have that awkward conversation, or what?”
“Which awkward conversation exactly?” Way to stall, asshole. He was better at it than his own six-year-old.
“The one where you tell me what happened in the laser tag arena was a mistake and it can never happen again.”
Never happen again. The words sent a completely different panic racing through him.
“What makes you think I’d say any of that?”
Barb shrugged, picking at the edge of the table where some duct tape was used to patch a broken spot. “I figured if it wasn’t a mistake, I would have heard from you before now.”
He swallowed hard, all those flirty feelings dissipating as they finally came around to what really needed to be said.
“It wasn’t a mistake,” he croaked.
Barb was silent, continuing to pick at the tape.
“I wanted to kiss you, so I did. It wasn’t an accident and… I don’t regret it.” It had taken him four days to be sure, but it was true.
Still, she said nothing. So unlike her. This more thoughtful side of Barb was new to him, but he wasn’t surprised that there was more to her than what most of the world knew.
“I do,” she said, her voice so quiet he almost missed it.
“What?”
She turned, finally looking at him again. “I do regret it,” she whispered, like the admission broke her some. And shit, it definitely broke something in him.
“You didn’t want me to kiss you.” The words sounded lame falling from his lips. Not a question exactly, even though he definitely wanted her to explain.
Barb shook her head. “No, I definitely wanted that. I… I… it was…” She slammed her mouth shut, a frown furrowing her brow. “It hurt you. I saw pain on your face.”
Adam couldn’t look away from her. How could he explain what he’d felt in that moment? He wasn’t ready for this, and she wasn’t wrong. That first contact, the first brush against lips that weren’t meant for him—lips that weren’t Karly’s—did hurt. But it also reminded him that his life wasn’t over. There was more for him than just going to work and raising Megan. Or maybe there wasn’t, but there could be. And that was… hell, that was everything.
“What I want doesn’t matter if it causes you pain,” Barb said. And she meant it. He could feel the truth in her words.
Say something.
“I’ve never kissed anyone other than Karly,” he blurted. “We met in middle school. She was my first everything.” His throat ached at those lost memories, but he opened his mouth to continue, determined to say what he needed to say.
Except Barb stopped him. “You don’t have to talk about this.” She rubbed at a spot near her sternum as if it ached. As if it mirrored his own.
He could take this exit out if he wanted. He could tell her goodbye and walk out of the shop. Get in his car and drive home. He didn’t have to talk about what happened between them. But he was going to.
“Kissing you was new. And everything new since losing Karly…”
“Hurts?”
He shook his head. “Maybe. Yeah, maybe. But this time, it was different. It was… it was a special kind of pain.” A beautiful kind of pain.
Barb’s eyes turned an even deeper shade of sad. “I never want to hurt you,” she whispered. “That’s more important to me than anything, okay.” She unfolded her legs and eased off the workbench. “My animal won’t let me do something that harms you, so I’ll go. I… I’m sorry.” She headed for the door, and the only thought in his mind was to stop her.
He lunged forward, snatching her hand to pull her close. Their bodies came together like magnets of opposite poles, and the sensation was everything he remembered from before. His breath came faster as their foreheads touched. He could kiss her again, but he needed to make her understand.
“What happened between us didn’t hurt me. This right now, it doesn’t hurt. It…” He frowned, trying to find the right words to describe the tangle of desire and sadness he was experiencing. “It’s fucking uncomfortable. But for the first time, I don’t want to not feel it.”
“It’s uncomfortable.”
“It’s wonderfully and horribly uncomfortable. And I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the next, but I don’t regret kissing you and you shouldn’t regret it either.”
“But… are you sure?”
“I know regret. I’ve lived with it for the past five years. There are plenty of things I regret and kissing you doesn’t make that list.”
“Okay,” she whispered, and he could feel the relief rolling off her.
He broke away, needing some distance. He hadn’t bared his soul or anything, but even this much sharing made him feel raw. And she was so perceptive, she’d pick up on it quick, and blame herself. He didn’t want that.
“I should go,” he said. “Megan will be getting off the bus soon.”
Barb nodded. “Me too. I promised Sally I would help her pick out an outfit for some special date Rider is taking her on.” Rider, that romantic bastard. Adam was glad he’d found happiness.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told Barb. Race day. The day he would be on pins and needles until the final flag when everyone he cared about was still intact.
Barb nodded. “You will definitely see me.”
This time, the notion didn’t feel like a threat. It felt like a promise. A fucking uncomfortable promise.
And that was fine.
Really, it was fine.
Chapter Seven
Barb knew there were times in life when one might question their decisions, and it usually happened after said decisions resulted in catastrophe.
This was not one of those times.
She was questioning her decisions right damn now.
Right now, hundreds of feet up in the air as her bike spun and her body arched backwards to hit the trick, she was questioning everything. The Kiss of Death Backflip was just the jolt of adrenaline she needed to realize life was too short to play it safe.
Take the risk or lose the chance.
She thought of all of Adam’s careful preparations to make her bike safer, and how he would probably blame himself when she inevitably crashed and burned at the end of this trick. She thought of Megan and how terrified she would be in the next few seconds. She thought about her fellow vixens and every freedom they’d fought for. The Dirt Track Dogs pack and all the friends she’d made. All the things she cared about most tumbled through her mind as she—and her bike—tumbled through the air.
Until suddenly, she landed.
Not with a bone jarring splat. Not with her bike broken in pieces. But with both wheels firmly on the ground and a deafening roar from the crowd.
Holy shit, she’d pulled it off.
Adrenaline coursed through her veins as her animal basked in the feeling of triumph. In her mind, Barb saw every trick, every race as a challenge. Something else trying to hold her down like the oppressive leaders of her people. Something else she needed to conquer, and each time she did, she felt herself growing stronger.
Barb threw her hands up in victory as Hot Rod worked the crowd into a frenzy from the announcers booth, and then headed for the pit while Ragan set up for the next stunt.
“Whewy, Barbie-girl!” The excited voice belonged to none other than Surge. “Had me skeered there for a hot minute, but you pulled it off.”
The wolfshifter was one of the original Dirt Track Dogs, and was rumored to have been a little crazy until his mate, Tana, came into his life. They fell in love, and together, adopted orphaned Gracie to be their own. Now he was the fun kind of crazy. Loud and obnoxious, and pretty much Barb’s soul brother, if such a thing existed.
She slid her helmet off and grinned. “No worries, Surgie. I had it in the bag. Easy peasy.” Lies. She’d been just as skeered but she wouldn’t tell him that.
She looked around, noticing both Rocco and Jett standing against a fence. They both stared at her like they wanted to chastise her about what she’d just done. Like they wanted to pinch the back of her neck and bring her to heel. Well, they could take that boat o’bullshit and float it down Fuck-off River.
“Someone needs to tell Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum to back off with those dirty looks they’re tossing my way,” she said.
Surge smirked. “You know they’re just worried about you.”
“Worried about me. Right. Because if I die, who will they mate? What, a lowly human?” Barb gave a dramatic gasp and pressed the back of her hand to her forehead like she might faint.
“Your sarcasm knows no bounds.”
Barb continued putting away her gear. “It’s true. It doesn’t.”
Surge crossed his arms. His mirrored sunglasses sat on his buzz shaved head as he stared at her with a humored expression. “Well, you might want to get used to them being around. They pledged their allegiance to Drake. They’re part of our pack now. Just like you.”
Drake, the DTD alpha, was nothing like what the foxes were used to. She wondered how long until one of them tried to challenge him for control.
“We’ll see how long that lasts.”
Surge sighed, narrowing his gaze on the hounds. “You think they’ll cause trouble?”
“Bet on it. Just a matter of when.”
He looked back to her. “Same was said about you, ya know.”
Barb gave him a shit-eating grin. “Whoever said that was spot-fucking-on,” she said, turning to walk away.
“Me,” Surge called after her. “That was me.”
“I’ll never let ya down, Surgie.”
“Feel free to,” he said lamely. “Anytime. I mean anytime.”
Shaking her head, she walked out to the fence that circled the track, looking for Adam. She spotted him and Megan sitting in the front row. Meg was bouncing in her seat, watching Ragan’s run, but Adam… well, he was staring at the pit as if he’d been waiting for Barb to emerge.
And he didn’t look happy.
Damn, couldn’t someone just high-five her and say how awesome her jump was? But even Surge was okay with what she’d done, so it was no surprise Adam was annoyed.
She watched him say something to Megan and then stand, leaving her there to watch the race. When he started down the stairs toward her, Barb turned away to watch the track. Maybe if she didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t come tell her she was reckless.
But you are, her vixen agreed. You have been for too long.
Maybe that’s why her animal was hypervigilant. Why it forced shifting sometimes. She’d always just thought since it was part of her, it was wild like h
er.
Adam stopped beside her at the fence and stared out at the track while Ragan finished up. At first, he said nothing. But as the crowd cheered another vixen off the oval, he said, “That wasn’t the trick you were slated to do.”
Barb turned to stare at him. How did he know what she planned to do on the track? Only Mac and Drake knew that.
“I changed my mind.”
He met her gaze, his furious. “Changed your mind?”
“Yeah. It worked out.”
“You could have been hurt.”
“But I wasn’t. Look, can you just not hate me for five minutes? It would feel real good.”
She noticed how his hands shook, the way his body wanted to rattle apart, the way his breath came fast and hard, leaving him to gasp to catch it. What was this?
Before she had a chance to ask, he pushed off from the fence and stalked away.
***
It was tradition to head to Red Cap after the race. The local bar and grill was owned by a tiny badass human female who was mated to one of the Dirt Track Dogs. Annie ran a tight ship, but everyone who lived in Cedar Valley would say Red Cap was like a second home.
Barb didn’t know if Adam would show up there tonight, but just in case, she wasn’t breaking tradition.
“Barb. Earth to Barb.” Sally’s voice broke through her thoughts and she turned to find her friend staring at her expectantly. “I asked if you wanted to dance.” Sally backed her ass up, twerking in case Barb needed even more clarification.
Barb smacked it to make her stop. “Naw, not feeling it.”
“No?” Sally pouted. “But you always want to dance. Who’s gonna shake their ass with me tonight?”
Lexington guzzled the last of her beer and slammed her glass down on the table. “I will, Sally. Feeling good tonight. Let’s doit.”
Barb raised an eyebrow. “There, see. And I bet you can get Ragan out there too when she gets here.”
It was true, Barb loved to dance. But today all she could think about was Adam’s reaction at the race track. It was normal for a person to be worried over what she did on the track. What wasn’t normal was for his body to shake like that. Or at least she never seen it before.