by Anthology
He brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers. "I won't let this time be for nothing. And no, I don't want to know. It'll be kind of like your guarantee. You'll know any reactions I have are genuine, not faked trying to impress you and win you back."
My heart surged at the sincerity in his words and expression. "Okay. I'll try. I'm sorry I argued with you earlier."
His body relaxed with my words. "It's to be expected. We're both passionate people, not just physically, but it's what drives our art. Of course, it's going to overlap into our regular lives. But that’s what makes us so great together. We fight hard, we play hard, but we love harder."
"Wise words."
Grinning, he said, "How wise of you to recognize it." He tapped my nose. "Now, how about we compromise? You finish up your work, and then we’ll watch a movie?”
“Perfect.”
Staying up late for a movie turned out not to be my thing. However, falling asleep in Drew’s arms was. It was, indeed, perfect.
Chapter Eight
Exhausted, yet feeling somehow rejuvenated, I pulled into my driveway. I'd needed to get away, even if for just half a day. It had been a long time since I'd had any time to myself, so I packed some snacks and drove to Newport to the beautiful Shore Drive. I'd parked and walked along the path, enjoying the eternal waves that were a backdrop to days gone of beautiful mansions of the obscenely wealthy. I'd taken some great pictures of the ocean crashing against the rocks as well as the 'cottages,' but mostly I just walked and thought, enjoying the salty air and warm sun.
Drew was mostly getting along fine by himself as long as he didn't overdo it. I'd left him with meals in the fridge and a note telling him I'd be back late in the afternoon. He wasn't ready to be completely independent, but I felt safe leaving him for a few hours.
It had been close to a week since our argument and subsequent reconciliation. Drew hadn’t pushed me for more, but he constantly touched me in small ways like brushing against me as he reached for something, letting his hand linger on mine if I passed him an item, or brushing my hair away from my face while I worked. His kisses were affectionate, but he always stopped them just short of us losing control. We’d fallen asleep together on the couch two more times, but we never went to bed together. I think we both knew we wouldn’t be able to hold back.
If his idea was to drive me to want more of his touch, it was working. I was remembering with him.
More than that, I was falling back in love with him. Well, not that I'd ever fallen out of love, I realized now. I'd dated other men, but none of them ever made me feel a fraction of what I felt for Drew. Maybe it was time to tell him that.
"Hey, I'm home," I called out as I walked in the door. I was met with silence. Puzzled, I walked through the house. After searching everywhere else, I found Drew on the back deck, sitting with his legs stretched out on a lawn chair. "Hey, what are ya doin'?"
He didn't look up, just grunted. An uneasy feeling crept in my stomach. "Drew? Are you okay?"
I realized he was looking at a couple of my photo albums; one was full of photos of us and the band guys when we were younger. I’d taken them as an amateur, but I loved them. The other album was much more professional, and the photos were a collection of some that I'd taken in the time that I was separated from Drew. I used a lot of those photos to create portfolios when I applied for job contracts. I was proud of them. But I didn't know why Drew was looking at them.
"You were in my bedroom."
He nodded, not looking the least bit guilty. "I was hoping it would trigger some memories."
"But you've never been in that room before. I didn’t live here when you knew me."
"Right. But I thought maybe being surrounded by you, your smells, your things, that maybe it would help."
"Okay. That makes sense. I don't mind."
"I recognized the desk that used to belong to your grandmother. I saw these. I was curious. I didn’t mean to invade your privacy."
"It's fine." I sat down on the chair beside him. I still didn’t understand his mood. "So, did it help you remember anything?"
He opened the album with our pictures. "We look so young." He turned a couple of pages. "We had some great times, didn't we?"
I nodded, wondering where he was going with this - just a trip down memory lane? He put that book aside and opened the other. It was full of pictures of random people, my favorite thing to photograph. They were candid shots, capturing people when they were the most real. Most of them had been part of an assignment overseas in Thailand, the opportunity of a lifetime that had pulled me away from Drew. He paused on one picture of a woman from a Long Neck tribe, teaching her young daughter the art of weaving. To them, it was just another day at work. To me, it was the sharing of a diminishing heritage and the pride between a mother and daughter. I'd captured wise eyes watching eager fingers, a gentle smile of experience finding joy in the youthful, enthusiastic one. It was one of my favorite pictures.
"This is really good, Emma. They're just pictures, but I was caught up in them, wanting to turn the pages because it was like reading a story, only without words. You caught feelings, not just happenings." He finally looked at me. "You're amazing."
I swallowed hard. He'd understood what I was trying to capture in my work, not just images to share with the rest of the world of how a 'different' group of people lived, but to share that no matter how unique our cultures were, we still felt the same emotions. "Thank you."
"I tried to hold you back from this." His eyes were bleak.
"I..."
"I'm sorry, Emma."
"Does this mean you remember?"
"I remember asking you to tour with the band and be our official photographer. I remember you saying you weren't sure you could live that life, and I remember you choosing an opportunity to travel with someone else instead of me, choosing your career over me."
I closed my eyes. "That's not exactly how it was."
Drew carefully pulled his injured leg to the ground and turned to face me. "No, you're right. But it's how I saw it at the time. Yes, I remember. I remember life threw both of us amazing opportunities at the same time. And I remember us arguing over what we should do, who should go where. But mostly, I remember feeling absolutely crushed when you left me. It almost tore the band apart, did you know that?"
Was he accusing me of something? "No, I didn't. How could I? You wouldn't talk to me. But do you remember what happened next? Because that's what did tear me apart."
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
I shook my head and stood, walking to the edge of the deck. "I'm not sure we should do this, Drew. We're in an odd place with each other right now. Maybe we shouldn't dredge up old memories and feelings."
"When? When would you like to talk about it, Emma? On our first wedding anniversary so we can break up then? Or maybe we should break up first and then talk? I already remember everything, except apparently something big that you’re referring to, but I have no idea what you mean." He stood, too, and limped toward me. "You're right. We are in an odd place, but it's more than what I had with you for the past several months, and I'll be damned if I let you walk away this time."
I whirled around to face him. "Walk away? Is that how you remember it? Because I remember it very differently," I half-yelled. I advanced on him. "I remember walking back to you, only to find you'd already moved on."
He stood his ground, clutching his cane with both hands as he leaned on it. "What are you talking about?"
I was breathing heavily, fighting back tears. "Lauren!" I ground out. "I saw you with her. You'd already moved on. With Lauren."
"Lauren? You must be crazy. I was never with her!"
I threw my hands in the air. "I saw you, Drew. I drove over to the studio that night, and I saw you kissing Lauren out in front."
He took a step backward. "I never kissed her that night! I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
"Really? Well, why don't you ask Ryan? I saw all
three of you."
"You're wrong. That's not what happened."
"Funny. I thought I must have been mistaken, too. But before I could reach you, a messenger stopped me. He said you'd asked him to deliver an envelope to me. He was grateful he'd run into me because it saved him a trip late at night. I almost ignored it until I felt something hard and round inside. I opened it up, and there was the bracelet I'd given you." It had been a black band with a silver accent piece that had a row of tiny black diamonds. It had been a gift from me to him when we were juniors in college. I'd saved my waitressing tips forever to get it for him to celebrate our anniversary of our first date when we were juniors in high school. He'd given me a silver infinity ring. It was like our promise to each other for the future, and neither of us had ever taken the jewelry off the remaining time we'd been together. "When I got the bracelet back, I got the message very loud and very clear, so I turned and left.”
Drew's mouth dropped open. "I never returned that bracelet to you. I thought I’d lost it. I searched for it for days. In fact, I finally decided you must have taken it back, that you were sending your own message to me." He clasped my arms. "I swear, Emma, I never sent that bracelet to you. I remember that night. Lauren told me she had something for me out in her car. We went outside, and seconds later, she grabbed me and kissed me. I was so shocked I'm sure I stood there for a few seconds, but I swear I yanked her from me. You’re right. Ryan was there. He’s the one who hauled her away because he knew I was about to go off on her, and he didn’t want anything to screw up our contract.
I almost forgot how to breathe as I stood there blinking at him. I never wanted to believe that kiss, but standing there holding the bracelet, there had been only one explanation that I could find.
"She set us up." I sat back down on my chair. "Lauren never liked me. She must have noticed me standing there, so she took advantage of it. The timing of the messenger was just icing on the cake for her."
Drew sat across from me. "Why would she do that? That seems pretty extreme."
"Oh, it's extreme all right. But I know she thought I would hold you back."
"That's crazy. You were the inspiration for a lot of the songs that were our hits."
"But I also made you off-limits, and she thought a sexy single lead singer would be a better image, make more money, which benefitted her. Plus, she wanted you for herself. With me out of the picture, she had a chance."
"Oh, my God. That's just twisted."
"That's Lauren.”
"But for the sake a few minutes, if she hadn’t been there, we might have avoided all of this?"
I shrugged. "Maybe. Probably. At least we might have talked through it like we are now."
Drew's fingers fisted. He reached into his shirt and pulled out his phone. "She's done. That wasn’t the first time she’s gone too far. I'm calling the president of the record label. He needs to know about this."
I reached out and plucked the phone from his fingers. "I'm all for that, but it can wait."
He looked at me, bemused.
"I can't have you thinking the wrong thing any longer. I was coming back that evening to tell you I couldn't leave you, that I'd negotiated cutting the time on my trip, so I could join you a month or so into your tour."
Drew's eyes lit up, even as his lips tightened. "But you never had the chance because someone set us up for failure." He slapped his hand on the cushion of his seat. He threw his head backward and yelled at thy sky, "Fuuuck!!" I was stunned to see tears in his eyes when he finally lowered his head to look at me. His words, when he spoke, were choked with emotion. "I'm so fucking sorry, Emma. I should've fought harder for you. I'm the one who should have chased after you. But when I finally swallowed my pride and tried, you were gone. Your cell had been turned off, and you were fucking gone."
I grabbed his hand, tears filling my own eyes. "I had to. It was the only way I could carry on. I was out of the country in a remote place, so my phone was kind of worthless anyway. And I didn't want to hear your name, to be honest. It was too painful."
We sat there for several minutes, our defenses lowering with the sun, finally dealing with feelings that had been buried by both of us.
"There's something else you should know," Drew muttered. I didn't like the way his words sounded so ominous.
"Okay," I answered cautiously. "Tell me. There can be no more secrets."
His hand massaged his leg, but I sensed he was rubbing more than just a physical wound. "I, um, I... there’ve been other women."
His words stung, but he'd only confirmed what I already suspected. "We were broken up. It wasn't cheating," I said with a low voice.
"One of them was Lauren."
This time I couldn't hold back the gasp. Anger and sadness twisted and spun inside of me, gaining strength until it could no longer be contained. I lurched to my feet and smacked him across his cheek, the sound like the crack of a whip in the still air. His head was jerked to the side with the force of my hand, but he didn't respond other than to continue to sit quietly.
"You said you didn't kiss her that night, but you fucked her?"
"No!" He scrambled to his feet quickly. His face twisted in pain as he fought for balance on his good leg. "No, it was months later. Months after waiting to hear from you. I was a mess, drinking and passing out most nights. I began to take the groupies up on their offers, letting them get me off before I kicked them out and passed out. It was during one of those nights that Lauren came on to me. I don't know why I let her get to me, but you have to believe she didn't mean anything to me. None of them did. I was just trying to fuck you out of my system."
"Well, lucky you. It worked pretty well, didn't it? You fucked them so hard you couldn't even remember me!" My laugh sounded almost diabolical.
His expression grew angry. He dropped his cane and grabbed me, pulling me hard against him. "You know that's not true. I remembered you. Even after an accident that left me with a head injury and nearly crippled, I still remembered you. I just forgot the shitty part, and let me tell you, I wish I could forget it all over again. I hate what happened between us. I hate that you left me. I hate that I didn't chase you. And at times, I hated that I even loved you. But all that happened, and still, I love you."
I stopped struggling in his arms.
"I love you," he whispered. "I. Love. You."
He continued to whisper the words to me while I cried softly in his arms. His hands stroked up and down my back, soothing. Comforting. Healing.
“Don’t cry. I can stand to see it when you cry.” His voice was also a little shaky.
I sucked in deep breaths, trying to regain control. I still shook a little, more from my nerves being on edge than the cooling air that accompanied the sunset.
“Shh.” Drew continued to hold me against his chest, placing small kisses on top of my head. Despite his calming touch, I could feel how rigid he held his body.
“Oh, your leg must be hurting! You need to sit.” My voice was low and raspy.
“I’m not letting go or moving until I know you won’t run from me.” I didn’t miss the desperate note in his voice.
I smiled wryly. “Well, it’s my home, so I won’t be leaving.”
He chuckled. “You know what I mean.”
“I won’t leave.” I picked up his cane, reached for his hand, and guided him back inside the house to my living room. We sat on the couch. I tucked my legs under my butt and twisted to face him. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I shouldn’t have hit you. And even though I hate that you did anything with her, we weren’t together, so my reaction was unfair. I thought you’d lied to me.”
“It’s okay.” His voice was somber, and his eyes were full of longing. “There’s been a lot of conclusion hopping going around, but it’s time to put it to a stop.”
I nodded. A sense of calm fell over me. The truth was finally out. All except for one thing.
“I love you, Drew.”
His gorgeous blue eyes light up. “Oh,
baby,” he murmured, “that’s music to my ears.” He cupped my cheek in one hand and ran his fingers down my other one.
I twisted my head and kissed his palm. “We’re finding our rhythm again, aren’t we?”
“Oh, yeah.” He wrapped his fingers in my hair and pulled me to him, softly kissing me. My hands roamed his back, loving this sweet side of him. I moaned and leaned in closer, my breasts rubbing against his chest. He made quick work of ridding me of my shirt, and I did the same of his.
“I think we have some lost time to make up,” I whispered against his mouth.
“Yeah?” He leaned back to look at me, grinning. “Who am I to argue?”
I pulled out of his arms, took his hand, and led him to my bedroom. I turned on the desk lamp and pointed to the bed. “Sit.” His eyes blazed, but he did as I commanded. I shimmied out of my pants and stood before him in just my bra and panties. He linked his hands behind my knees and pulled me toward him. I ran my hands over his chest and over his shoulders while he pressed his lips to my belly. But before he could go any further, I pushed him down on the bed.
His eyes were on fire as I raked my nails down his stomach, following the trail of hair that disappeared beneath his pants. I made quick work of the snap and zipper and pulled them down, careful not to jostle his sore leg. I knelt between his legs as I slid them off his feet, then kissed my way back up, teasing the hard bulge beneath his briefs. I rid him of his underwear. His cock was full and hard, already glistening at the tip. I trailed my finger down his length, then followed the same path with my tongue.
“That feels so good baby, but you know what would feel even better?”
I closed my mouth over him. “Hmm?” He grew even larger with my teasing, and suddenly his strong arms were pulling me up to lie beside him.