I couldn’t feel anything anymore. I could barely think. Dread coated my veins as I wondered if he would make it. I didn’t think I could take the answer right now. Only one thing seemed important enough for me to try to speak.
I turned to the paramedic next to me. “His name is Finn Patrick,” I rasped. My throat felt like I’d swallowed a dozen hot coals. “He’s my best friend.”
She nodded. “I’ll let them know.”
It was getting dark. The sun was probably setting even though it hadn’t really made an appearance all day. Half the school was ablaze but I kept my back to it. Every time I faced it, I could feel the heat and smoke on my skin again. People parked along the street, milling about in groups and speaking in hushed tones.
“Were you the only ones in the school?” a firefighter asked Mia. She stared at him, and then I heard a rough sob escape her lips.
“There was one other guy, in the shop room,” I gasped, against the pain in my throat. “He started the fire.”
Two firemen headed back into the school. The paramedic nodded and pushed me back onto a stretcher. She jabbed an IV in my arm and set an oxygen mask over my face. She kept talking to me, but I couldn’t answer questions anymore. I closed my eyes and tried to picture Addie’s dream, tried to feel the cool mist instead of the hot, choking smoke. I tried to picture her smiling instead of crying. Then I slipped down into my familiar void.
Every piece of me itched and ached simultaneously. I wanted to roll over to ease the irritation, but my left arm was bound tight and held in place. I blinked and saw I was back in the hospital. As my eyes focused, they came to rest on Mia. She wore a hospital robe and was gripping my free hand.
“M—ah?” My vocal cords were so painful they felt like flames licking my throat.
She turned to face me. It was the first time in months that I’d seen her eyes without fear in them.
“No, don’t talk. Here, have some ice to suck on. It helped me a lot.” Her voice was hoarse too, but nothing like mine. She had a small oxygen tank beside her and a tube beneath her nose. A bandage covered the gash on her forehead.
I took the chopped ice and sucked on a few pieces. They brought instant relief, and I relaxed back into my pillow. Memories from the school came to me and only one thing mattered.
“Finn?” I managed to choke the word out.
“He’s going to be okay. They gave him some blood and removed his spleen, but he’s fine.”
I released the breath I’d been holding and all my tension flowed out with it. Mia and Finn were okay. Everything was okay.
“They’re trying to get ahold of your mom, but before she gets here, I want you to listen. Please?”
I nodded, and she continued. “I thought about what you told me—about the dreams. I remember everything, I think. And what I didn’t remember, Finn and Addie told me about. I really owe you.” Her voice was quiet, but her eyes held mine.
Was she crazy? Of course she didn’t owe me. I shook my head, but Mia frowned until I stopped.
“Yes, I do. You saved my life.” She squeezed my uninjured hand and smiled. “Now I’m going to save yours.”
I waited. I couldn’t really talk anyway.
Mia pulled on one strand of singed hair as she spoke. “I want you to watch my dreams. And not just tonight … every night.”
I opened my mouth and got out the one word I really needed to say: “No.”
I couldn’t let her do that. Maybe I wasn’t as bad as I’d thought, but I still wasn’t normal. I’d probably killed Dr. Freeburg. I didn’t send the e-mails, but Darkness was still real. Mia was sitting here, volunteering to be the answer I’d wanted her to be—and what Darkness still wanted her to be. I could feel his delight, see him laughing in the back of my mind. He enjoyed it; he was the reason I’d sat outside her house in the middle of the night. He’d caused my accident. I wasn’t safe and I wouldn’t risk it.
Her jaw tightened. “Yes.”
“No.”
She groaned. “Come on, don’t you see? It will help both of us.”
I opened my mouth to argue again, but her last sentence stopped me. I waited for her to explain.
“I need you to be there.” Her cheeks flushed. She looked down and fiddled with the hem of her hospital gown. “You helped me even when I thought you were a monster. You can help me face my nightmares when they come, and when they don’t—I can help you stay alive.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t trust myself, but how could I refuse to help her? I glanced over at my arm, at the cast that went up to my elbow. Our lives had been filled with such carnage since we’d met. What if it happened again?
Mia stared into my eyes and I could tell she saw my uncertainty. “Parker, I’m so tired of being afraid … aren’t you?” Her eyes welled up with tears, and I knew I’d agree. I had no defense against that. I was tired of being afraid of myself, of Darkness, of my future.
I squeezed her hand with a small nod. This might be the worst plan ever, but I’d never know until we tried it.
A smile spread from her lips and up her face until I half expected it to burst out the top of her head. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. Her lips felt warm and soft on my skin. Just hours ago, Mia couldn’t even trust me. Now she was kissing my cheek? Telling me she owed me? My entire world felt upside down.
“I want my life to be normal someday, and I think you can help me do that,” she said. “Who knows, maybe I’ll even be able to paint again.” Her expression was sad, but hopeful. “It used to be my favorite thing, until all my paintings burned with … with … ” She stopped and took a deep breath. “Anyway, I better get back to my room now. I’ll see you later.”
She walked to the door. Other than having a slight limp, a bandage where Jeff burned her leg, and some blisters, she looked like she’d made it out okay. She stopped in the doorway and watched me for a minute.
“Thanks again, Parker.”
I swallowed a piece of ice and nodded.
Before the door even shut, Addie pushed it back open. I smiled even though it hurt my scorched skin.
“Addie.” My throat was feeling better already—still raw, but much improved.
Comfort filled me as she entered the room, until she turned to face me. Her eyes were puffy and swollen and all I could think of was Finn. I sat straight up in bed and the world skewed oddly to the right.
“What’s wrong? Is Finn … ” My voice sounded low and foreign. My head spun. I couldn’t finish the sentence.
Addie shook her head and gently pushed me back against the pillow. “No. He’s okay.”
She sat in the chair Mia had just vacated and I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. It felt like a dagger slicing clean through my heart.
“What’s wrong?”
She reached into her back pocket and pulled out three white envelopes. The letters I’d left on my kitchen counter. The one marked Addie was open.
“Did you get those from my mom?” The fear that my mom had read her letter hit my chest with the weight of a continent, making it impossible to breathe.
“No.” Addie sighed, her eyes accusing. “I went to check on you this afternoon, and when you didn’t answer the door—well, I was tired of you avoiding me.”
She glanced back at the door to make sure no one else was coming in. “I took your spare key from under the gnome in the garden and I went in. Only you weren’t there. I saw the letters on top of the message about the captains’ meeting, so I called Finn and asked him to go find you before you left. An—and now—”
Her voice broke with a sob and I grabbed her hand again. This time she didn’t resist.
“I’m so sorry, Addie.” I pulled her closer and wrapped my right arm around her.
“You were just going to leave?” Her muffled question came through the fabric on my shoulder. “How could you
do that?”
“I felt like I had to.” I squeezed her closer. “I thought I was putting you in danger. I’m still not sure that anyone is safe around me.”
She sat up and gaped at me in shock. After a few blinks she managed to speak. “So are—are you still leaving?”
“No.” I answered immediately, but she didn’t look reliev-
ed. I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the decision, but for now it felt like the right one.
“How am I supposed to believe you?”
“I’m telling the truth.” I stared her straight in the eye and waited a moment before finishing. “I can’t promise that I won’t leave in the future if I feel like it will keep everyone safe, but I’m not leaving now.”
“I knew the truth about you.” Addie stood up from her chair and touched my hair with her fingers. “Even when you didn’t, I knew the truth, and you wouldn’t listen.” She turned toward the window and walked to open the blinds. Her movements were jerky, like a wounded animal.
Addie was so kind and sweet. She believed in me—always—and all I did was disappoint her. My heart throbbed in painful bursts and I resisted the urge to clutch my chest. I’d been a terrible person, but maybe I could be better. Addie deserved better.
“I know. I’m sorry.” It was lame, but what else could I say? I couldn’t promise to never leave again, because if she was at risk, I would. “All I can say is that I’m sorry, Addie.”
“I know.” She sighed and walked closer. Leaning over, she kissed me. Her lips were gentle and loving, even more incredible than in her dream, but when she pulled back her eyes were the opposite—miserable and defeated. “But I don’t know if that’s good enough.”
She sat in the chair beside me in silence. Everything felt wrong, and yet nothing was wrong—nothing I could fix right now, anyway. After a few minutes, she changed the subject.
“Jeff is dead, you know.” The hatred in her voice surprised me, but I wasn’t sure why. It made her sound different, not like the Addie I’d always known. But she’d been through as much as the rest of us. Jeff had tried to kill her brother, her best friend, and me. I guess we were all a little different now.
“Yeah, I figured.” I was surprised at how little the confirmation of his death affected me. Numbness spread through me and my brain ached. I didn’t want to think anymore.
“Mia told the police what happened, about the e-mails and Finn. What Jeff did … ”
One massive weight lifted off my shoulders and I took a deep breath. It felt good to hear that Mia had told the police who the threats were from, but the other issue was still there. Dr. Freeburg would never really go away. The weight of taking a life—it would always be there.
“Do you feel guilty that he’s dead?” Her eyes bored into mine.
I blinked at her.
“Jeff, I mean.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about one more death when there was already blood on my hands. “He was seriously messed up,” I said. “And he was the one who started the fire that killed him. Besides, I could only get two people out, and I could never regret saving Finn and Mia.”
“How is it different with Dr. Freeburg?”
“He wasn’t trying to kill me, for one thing.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “And who knows how many girls he might have hurt in the past? And the future.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it again before finding the argument I was looking for. “He could’ve gone to jail instead,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Yeah, but how could you prove it? Mia says she doesn’t even remember.”
She wasn’t making me feel any better. I shrugged, the weight of the discussion heavy on my shoulders. “I don’t know, Addie.”
She squeezed my hand. “Even if you did kill him, you can’t change it. All you can do is make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
I stared into her eyes and wished I could have the same faith in me that she did.
Addie cleared her throat and smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Mia’s going to live with us now.”
“Really?” I hadn’t thought about it, but of course Mia needed to find another home. The Patricks were perfect.
Addie swung her legs over the arm of the chair and leaned against the opposite side. “Yeah. They were going to put her in a group home, but you know my mom. She’d never let that happen.”
“That’s awesome. Your family is amazing. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” Addie grinned and looked like her old self for a moment. “And don’t you forget it.”
The door to my room opened and Mom rushed in and hugged me, her skin pale and eyes wide. “I’m so sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I was with a client and didn’t realize my phone was on vibrate … a-and I’m so glad you’re okay, honey.”
“I’ll be back in a bit,” Addie whispered, then gave me a little wave and walked out the door. My chest ached. I didn’t know if things would ever be the same between us. I knew that it was probably for the best if it ended now, with Finn and everything, but I didn’t care. Addie made me happy when no one else could. She made me feel like I could be as good as she thought I was.
My mom kept circling around my bed, tucking in blankets and fluffing my pillow.
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“I know, but this is crazy. I mean, Jeff Sparks? I can’t believe it.” She hugged me again. This time she didn’t seem to want to release me, but the position I was in made my broken arm ache painfully.
“Yeah, it’s definitely crazy.” I pulled away until she let go and sat down next to the bed. “Did you talk to Finn or his parents?”
She nodded but didn’t say anything; her eyes were locked on my cast. When I cleared my throat, she jumped.
“I’m fine.” I watched her until she raised her eyes to mine and smiled.
“Sometimes I forget how much you’re like your dad.”
Now it was my turn to stare. She never mentioned Dad—
ever. I’d tried to get her to talk about him before, but she always said it didn’t matter.
It took me a second to respond. I was afraid that if I asked the wrong question she’d decide she didn’t want to talk about him. “How much?”
“Quite a bit, actually. You look like him, but lately, you’re acting like him. More worried about everyone else than yourself.”
“Dad was like that?” I asked, surprised. It seemed to contradict almost everything I knew about him.
She laughed and squeezed my arm. “Leaving wasn’t the only thing he ever did, you know.”
I nodded. I’d been prepared to leave for my own reasons this morning, and none of them were because I was unhappy. Maybe he had his own reasons for leaving, reasons I’d never been able to understand before.
“I guess him leaving is the main thing I remember.”
A slight frown crossed her face. “Maybe I’ll have to do something about that.”
Mrs. Patrick opened the door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” Mom stood and gave her a hug. Finn and Addie’s mom had obviously been crying, but her mouth curled up in a smile.
“I wanted to say thank you.” She walked to my bed and gave me a gentle hug. “Thank you for getting Finn out of that school. Mia told us what you did.”
“You’re welcome.” I ducked my head a little. “I would never have left him there.”
“We know. That’s what makes you who you are.” She rubbed my head and smiled. “Finn wants to see you. Do you feel up to it?”
“Always.” My body disagreed, but I didn’t care. When I got to my feet, the room spun a little and the nurse brought in a wheelchair even though her expression dripped disapproval.
We passed Mr. Patrick in the hall. Mom and Mrs. Patrick stopped to talk to him and Addie stepped over to push my wheelch
air.
“Finn is fine. Just remember that when you look at him,” she whispered by my ear. “He’s kind of—”
Addie froze just short of Finn’s doorway, and a movement at the end of the hall caught my eye. It was Blind Skull. Just walking toward us like we were old friends. I blinked, but he didn’t disappear or even fade into the shadows like he usually did. I let out the breath I was holding and looked up at Addie.
“You, uh … see him, right?”
Addie nodded but didn’t look at me. When he came to a stop beside us, her brow furrowed. “Where do I know you from?” she asked.
“That doesn’t matter now.” He turned his eyes on me. “I need to talk to you, but not here. It’s not safe here.”
“You’ve been following Mia.” I forced myself to keep my voice level. Now that I knew he was real, I wanted answers. “Tell me why.”
“No.” He bent down a little closer and met my eye. “I’ve been following you.”
“Me?” I glanced up at Addie, but she was still staring at Blind Skull with confusion. “Why? Who are you?”
“I was hoping we were wrong and I could leave you to your business, but there’s no use denying it anymore.” He glanced up and I saw Mom peering past the Patricks, watching us with a strange expression on her face. “Name is Jack. Your dad sent me to talk to you, to teach you.”
I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. “M—my dad?”
“Like I said, this isn’t a safe place to talk. I’ll be in touch. It seems impossible for you, but at least try to stay out of trouble for a few weeks.” Jack pivoted and walked quickly away. He disappeared around a corner just as Mom patted Mrs. Patrick on the shoulder and started toward us. Her brow was furrowed and she looked puzzled, but then the nurse came up with forms for her to sign.
I released the breath I’d been holding and glanced up at Addie.
Her lips squeezed in a tight line, but she shook her head. “Tomorrow. We’ll worry about it tomorrow. No more today.” Her eyes met mine and I felt the vibrations of her shaking hands through the back of my wheelchair. “Okay, Parker?”
“Yeah, okay.” There were no answers today. Not now. Right now we just needed to see Finn.
Insomnia (The Night Walkers) Page 26