by Roya Carmen
My heart breaks. Into a million pieces. It happens so fast, it leaves me completely breathless.
He rises from his desk and makes his way to me. He takes my hand. “I don’t love you the way I loved Mirella,” he tells me. “I love you in a completely different way, Gretchen. You’re a completely different person. How could I possibly love you the same way I loved her.”
I’m frozen, not quite believing his words. I process them slowly as I struggle to reach the individual thoughts expressed. He loves me.
I swallow the lump painfully lodged in my throat. “I love you in a completely different way too. I loved Donovan with all my heart, and I always will. But now I love you too. My life is all about you.”
“My life is all about you too,” he says softly. “I’m so sorry I upset you. I’ll try to be more considerate in the future.”
He takes me in his arms, and I fall into sobs unexpectedly. I cry on his shoulder for what seems like hours, and he holds me patiently. Finally, I tear myself from him, and stare down at my hands. I reach for my finger, and slowly peel my wedding ring off. “Can you help me with this?” I ask. “I’d like to keep it on my chain.”
“I can,” he says softly.
I turn from him, and grab a handful of hair. I twist it and secure it on top of my head. He kisses the nape of my neck softly, and then carefully unclasps my necklace, the one with the diamond heart, a gift from Donovan on our first anniversary.
I turn back to him, and he helps me slip the ring on the chain. I spin around again, and we repeat the process. Once the chain is clasped, he kisses me once more, and I smile.
39
The week is uneventful. I’ve torn up my resignation letter, and Mr. Hanson and I agree to never speak of it again. I make very good inroads with the campaign, and Weston is still very busy dealing with work issues. Yet, he kindly sends me multiple updates, keeping me in the know. We make love only twice, and he spanks me once for not keeping my desk tidy.
When Saturday finally comes around, I’m excited once again. We’ve rescheduled our family date, and I can’t wait to spend time with the both of them together.
Weston’s town car picks us up.
“Hello, Miss Gretchen,” Edward offers. “Nice to see you again.”
“Hello, Edward. This is Ethan.”
They shake hands. “I bet he’s a handful. I’ve got one of my own, just a bit older. He sure keeps me young.”
I’m surprised by his revelation. Edward is not a young man. “Yes, they do that all right.”
He motions us in, and Ethan is wide-eyed, seemingly impressed with the fancy car. He holds Dumbo tightly. He insisted on bringing him. We argued about it for about ten minutes or so, and he finally won in the end. The kid can be quite persistent, just like his dad was.
There’s a booster seat already installed for Ethan, just as Weston promised. I’m thankful for this man’s attention to the little things. It’s small gestures like this that make me love him so. That, and the fact that he’s irresistibly handsome.
As usual, he’s gorgeous in jeans, a grey top and a stylish brown leather jacket. He sits up at the front with Edward, leaving us the back seat.
Ethan reaches for the bottles of Evian water. I hand him his sippy cup.
The drive is not too long, and when we finally get to our destination, Ethan is eager to get out. We’re both awed by the stunning architecture of the building as Weston joins us. I take Ethan’s hand. “Are you ready, buddy?”
He smiles up at me, excited.
I’m surprised when Ethan offers his other hand to Weston. Mr. Boss Man freezes for an awkward second but then he smiles and takes his hand. The sight is pretty damn sweet, almost as cute as those kitten videos Rosetta loves so much.
We walk hand in hand toward the entrance. It takes us forever to walk up the steps. Ethan looks a little exhausted by the time we reach the top. I take him in my arms as we line up to be admitted in.
“I’ll be your official tour guide,” Weston tells us. “I know everything about this place.”
“Sounds good,” I cheer, as excited as a kid.
We start off with the Waters of the World exhibition, and Ethan is wide-eyed, seemingly fascinated by all the animal displays. We leisurely walk among the crowds and keep an eye out.
Ethan points at the iguana and squeals.
“That’s pretty scary, right?” I say.
“That’s a blue iguana,” Weston tells us.
“Well… its more like teal, isn’t it?”
He laughs. “Well, it’s called blue iguana,” he says. “But you can call it the teal iguana if you wish.”
We move along, and Ethan squeals again when he spots a snapping turtle.
“I’m not sure why, but Ethan is fascinated with turtles,” I tell Weston.
“I was too at his age apparently,” he says. “Or so my mother says… sea turtles.”
“That thing is downright ugly,” I point out.
“You can’t say that,” Weston argues. “It’s God’s creation. All God’s creations are beautiful.”
“Not that thing.”
He laughs as we walk around, darting around other patrons, other people with kids. It dawns on me that to a stranger’s eye, the three of us might appear like the perfect little family.
Ethan is now holding Weston’s hand, and he motions me over, excited. “Star!” he shrills, and I smile at the sight of a large starfish stuck to the glass. “Just like Patrick in SpongeBob,” I say. “Pretty cool.”
I venture away seconds later and turn my head to observe the two of them together. Weston points and explains, and Ethan listens attentively. Weston is a natural with him.
I spot seahorses floating leisurely, and the sight of them almost hypnotizes me. They’ve always fascinated me so much. Weston and Ethan join me, and Weston presses a hand at the small of my back. I close my eyes for a second, enjoying the slight discreet touch.
Ethan is excited to see more as we exit the exhibition. We move along to the Caribbean Reef. I’m impressed by the large round aquarium surrounded by people. The three of us wriggle our way through, and stand to observe. Ethan is in Weston’s arms, and he looks very comfortable there, more comfy than he would be in mine. Truth be told, I have a hard time holding him for too long these days. He’s getting so big and heavy.
Ethan points at the very large silver fish swimming by us, clearly fascinated.
“That’s a tarpon fish,” Weston tells him. “They live in warm waters, but they can be found as north as Nova Scotia in Canada.”
I smile. “How do you know so much about this stuff?”
He laughs. “I’m obsessed.”
“You definitely are.”
And leans into me. “And soon, I’ll know all there is to know about you too.”
“Oh, will you now?”
“All in good time. I’m not in a hurry. I look forward to all my future discoveries.”
I laugh. “Oh, damn.”
Such a nerd.
I’m busy watching them when Weston calls out, “Look, Ethan.” He points up high. “It’s a sea turtle. A big one too.”
Ethan looks up, in full awe. The sight of his sweet face almost makes me cry. If only Donovan could have known him, could have seen all his best qualities reflected in him; curiosity, kindness, and humor.
I’m teary eyed when I turn my gaze back to the aquarium just in time to see a stingray swim by. I’m not sure why exactly, but those things have always scared me to death.
The day is still young when we head to the Amazon exhibition. I’m not particularly excited about this part because I don’t like snakes very much, but I know Ethan will probably be fascinated by them.
It’s nice and warm in here. Weston still has Ethan in his arms, seemingly unaffected. I’d be dead on the floor by now. The man must work out every day. Seriously though, there’s nothing sexier than a gorgeous man holding a cute toddler. I’ve seen the stares he’s attracted. All these ladies are pro
bably under the assumption that I’m his wife, and I kind of love that.
Mine, mine, mine, ladies.
I wince at the sight of the anaconda, but Ethan loves it. He pokes at the window, and Weston pulls his finger back and quietly tells him the big snake doesn’t like noise. It’s hard to believe that this thing could smother me and then eat me. The thought makes me tremble.
Everything in this exhibit is scary. The pirañas really freak me out, but maybe that has a little something to do with the piraña movie I saw a few years ago. I shouldn’t have watched it. It is now a phobia for life.
Next are some very scary looking spiders, and Ethan doesn’t like these at all. He fusses and Weston is quick to pull him away. He brings him to the stingrays, and I study them as I watch them swim. They look harmless enough, but they still unsettle me. Maybe it’s their weird little faces, or the fact that I know they can sting. I keep thinking about the Crocodile Hunter. I believe he was killed by a stingray.
We make our way to the Wild Reef exhibition, and Weston tells us we will love it. “There are lots of sharks,” he tells Ethan.
And he’s certainly not telling any stories. There are tons of different species of sharks. “That one’s a black-tip reef shark,” he tells us as the shark swims by us. “That’s a zebra shark,” he says to Ethan, “the one with the spots. Pretty cool, right?”
“Cool,” Ethan repeats and squeals again.
I’m mesmerized by the school of colorful striped fish, and all the species intermingled. I wonder if this is what it’s really like in a real coral reef, or if this is just a hyped version, put together for our benefit. I’m relaxed, enjoying the view, when out of nowhere, this grotesque leopard snake-like fish sneaks out from under the coral. “Yikes!”
Weston laughs. “That’s the honeycomb moray eel.”
“Kind of ugly.”
He smiles and shakes his head. Ethan is captivated by it.
“See that fish over there?” Weston points in the distance. “That’s the white spotted guitarfish. It’s kind of a mix between a shark and a stingray. Fascinating, isn’t it?”
“Yes, very fascinating indeed.”
He cocks a brow. “Are you being smart again?”
I laugh. “Kind of.”
He presses his mouth against my ear. “I think I should give you a spanking later. For being such a little brat.”
I smile. Yes, please.
“No seriously, I’m loving this. It’s like a party for my eyes.”
He raises a brow. “Are you being snarky again, Grasshopper?”
I laugh. “Maybe a little.” I lean into him and whisper, “I want to be naughty and get spanked again.”
He bites his lip and twitches.
“The best is still coming,” Weston tells me as we leave the Coral Reef exhibition. “Ethan will love it.”
“What is it?” I ask, curious.
“You’ll see.”
I’m very eager to see.
Until we get there.
“Hell, no.”
Weston shrugs. “What?”
“No way I’m touching a stingray.”
“It’s fun,” he says, as if there’s nothing to worry about. “Just try it.”
“No,” I say, resolute.
“Ethan will like it,” he insists.
“I don’t want him to touch them either.”
Weston shakes his head. “You’re being ridiculous, Gretchen.”
He takes my hand and leads me to the shallow stingray touch pool. Dozens of them are swimming around, just waiting to sting me.
My pulse races.
“First of all, these are the most docile of stingrays there are. They were especially chosen.”
“Oh, yeah. They’re friendly, are they? If I told you a Grizzly bear was very docile and super nice, would you still want to pet him?”
He laughs. “The tail spines are ground off… they’re short and not sharp at all. They can’t sting you. Here watch…”
He bends down and stretches his arm. He gently pats one of the stingrays and it seems docile enough.
“What do you say?”
“Still no.”
He smiles and presses his mouth against my ear. “I will massage your back for thirty minutes,” he whispers. “Then I will brush your hair for another thirty.”
“Oh…”
“Then I will pleasure you, feast on you, make you come so hard, you won’t know where you are.”
I smile. “Well, that does sound pretty nice.”
“Tonight,” he says, “but only if you touch one.”
“You’re cruel. Playing on the things I like. You’re completely manipulative.”
His grin is impish. “I thought that was one of the things you loved about me,” he teases. “Come on. It’s a win-win for you.”
I inch closer and I study the rays carefully. I lean down slowly, my pulse racing. I reach out and squint my eyes. “Eeeek!” I finally touch it. It’s rubbery and cool.
Weston claps.
I turn to him, suddenly feeling very foolish. I motion Ethan over and encourage him to touch the stingray too. I’m a bit nervous as I watch him, but I really don’t want to transfer my neuroses to him. He smiles widely as his little chubby hand explores the texture of the stingray’s back.
I pull him away before long. “It’s like a squeaky toy, isn’t it?”
Weston takes my hand. “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“No,” I admit.
“Let’s go disinfect our hands.”
We both follow him to the hand sanitizing station. “I can’t wait for my night of pampering,” I tease.
He smiles. “Me either.”
We’ve saved the best for last. The Oceanarium show.
We all scurry and take a seat on one of the auditorium benches, smack in the center, not too far away. We’ve shown up early at Weston’s insistence. We’ll have to wait for a while, but I don’t mind.
Weston is busy telling Ethan all about the sea animals he’s about to see; dolphins, sea otters and sea lions. I watch them quietly for a very long time. Weston is very animated, and I love this side of him. Ethan is attentive and completely riveted. “You really love children, don’t you?”
He smiles. “Yes, always have.”
I think about his two lost baby boys, and how painful that must have been for him. “You’re very good with him. He likes you a lot.”
“Well, it’s easy to be. He’s a great kid.”
I’m not sure what possesses me to ask, but the words escape my mouth before I can stop them. “Do you ever see yourself having more… children.”
He smiles again. “Well, I still feel young and healthy.” He studies me for a beat. “I suppose if the opportunity presented itself… yes, definitely.”
I like hearing that. I like the idea of us possibly having a child together one day. I like the idea of Ethan possibly having a little sister or brother.
“How about you?” he asks. “You’re still very young.”
“Yes… I would. Definitely.”
His face breaks into a huge grin. “Good to know.”
The show host arrives, dressed in scuba gear. He welcomes us and tells us that this is a low sensory show. We are encouraged to be quiet and not clap. We are told to do jazz hands instead. “Well, that’s different,” I say.
Weston does his best jazz hands, and I break into laughter.
The show starts, and Ethan and I love every second of it, from the synchronized dolphin leaps, to the funny sea lion doing jazz hands. Ethan is riveted, and I’m shocked that he’s capable of sitting and paying attention for so long. Weston is in his element too, like a kid at an amusement park.
If I hadn’t fallen in love already, I’d be in trouble right about now.
40
Following the oceanarium show, we head over to the Polar Play Zone to watch the beluga whales and the penguins. I’m mildly disgusted when we arrive at another touch station, and Weston bullies me
again into touching a starfish.
Finally, we head off to the gift shop. Ethan is wild about the giant octopus on the ceiling. He goes crazy over all the stuffed animals. Weston and I nip at his heels, amused. The great thing about seeing the excitement in a child is that it reminds you to stop going through life on auto-pilot, and take a minute to enjoy the simple things.
Ethan spots a large stuffed sea turtle. He’s madly in love. I like it too. It’s one of those pillow type stuffies that you can lay on as you lounge and watch TV. I’m not so impressed when I see the price tag though. It’s sixty dollars. But since Weston has kindly paid for all the tickets, I can afford it. They’re only young once, as they say.
Weston insists on paying for the turtle and we have quite the dispute about it. Finally, he relents and lets me buy my boy his toy. I scowl at him all the way out of the aquarium.
Ethan hugs his turtle like it’s about to leave for college. When I attempt to pry it from his pudgy little hands, he screams. Weston kneels down and explains the situation. “See all those steps, Ethan?”
Ethan stares down the giant stairway dotted with people, walking up and down.
“You can’t carry that big turtle and walk down the stairs at the same time,” Weston explains. “You’re too small. You might fall and hurt yourself.”
Ethan raises a brow, pondering what he’s just been told. He doesn’t say much, but he seems to understand everything. He’s smart, like his dad.
“Do you want me to carry your turtle for you?” Weston asks. “I’ll give it back when we get to the bottom.”
Ethan nods repeatedly and hands the giant turtle to Weston.
Following a long walk down the steps, I spot Weston’s town car, waiting for us in the distance. Ethan stretches to the tip of his toes and grabs at his turtle. Weston gladly hands it back.
We say hello to Edward, and all hop in the car.
As soon as we’re all settled in, I lean back and close my eyes. I’m thoroughly exhausted.
The ride doesn’t feel too long, and when we finally arrive, Edward helps us out of the car, and I thank him again. Weston takes my hand and Ethan’s too as we head into Orchard Heights. “I have a surprise for you.”