TBH, You Know What I Mean

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TBH, You Know What I Mean Page 4

by Lisa Greenwald


  Mwah

  SAGE

  Mwah

  Prianka, Cecily

  PRIANKA

  Hey

  CECILY

  Hiiiii

  PRIANKA

  Can u meet w/ Sage & me to discuss poetry month and help us

  CECILY

  Pri, u totally got this

  U can do it & I don’t think u need my help

  PRIANKA

  Ummmmm

  CECILY

  For real

  CECILY

  I have faith in you

  PRIANKA

  Ok

  CECILY

  Not doing it to be mean, just have a lot going on and I truly think you’ll be great

  PRIANKA

  K love you

  CECILY

  Love you, too

  Dear Journal,

  We have to do an entry during English today and even though this is really something I’d write in my journal at home I’ll write it here since Mr. Cental says he doesn’t read our journal entries. I believe him. He’s very honest. You can tell by his eyes. Anyway, onto my entry. I am so upset about this Hannah bat mitzvah thing but I am trying to play it cool. I don’t want Victoria to get all worked up and then go crying to her mom and cause some crazy drama. Pri’s right that it’s a fact of life that not every person is invited to every event. It’s just how it is. But even when something is a fact of life it still feels really painful. I want to go to that party, too, and get dressed up and enjoy all the fancy stuff. It just sounds like so much fun. Ugh, I am getting upset now just writing this. I feel like I could cry and I really don’t want to cry in class. I guess I’ll just cut this off. I’m so proud of all I accomplished with IWD and bringing up the broboom thing but then I’m so sad about this bat mitzvah drama. It feels uneven. I really really hope you’re not reading this, Mr. Cental.

  Bye. XOXOXO

  Cece

  Omg, Pri, what if each day of poetry month we had a different poetry-related thing?

  YESSSS! Love that, Sage. In love with it. OMG YES YESSSSSSS

  Can we think of thirty poetry-related activities, though?

  YES, of course we can. First of all, the pick a poem thing, from the bowls. Then we can also have a poetry wall one day where people just scribble up short poems. Maybe a dry erase? Or a chalkboard? One day we’ll have people bring in their favorite poem and hang it up. One day we’ll have an open mic poetry slam thing. Um, how many is that? Okay, so we’ll need more. Maybe a day where we focus on all the national poet laureate (did I spell that right?) people? And then also a day for books in verse? Songs that are poems one day? SO MANY IDEAS. I am on fiiireeeeee, baby. I am so inspired by what Cece did with IWD and making it happen & I want to start things & make things happen, too! POETRY PALS for LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  Okay, got it. I love you, Pri. You’re so awesome.

  Duh. I know I am. Okay, you are, too.

  LOL K.

  :) :) :)

  VC Crew!!!!

  MAE

  Hiiii

  VICTORIA

  Hiii

  MAE

  So excited for summer volunteer corps

  VICTORIA

  Me tooo

  MAE

  Did we all agree to do the same project

  MARA

  I am still deciding

  CECILY

  Hi same

  MAE

  Ok

  Am kinda scared bc I only know u guys

  And we are going far away

  Kids from all over the country

  VICTORIA

  It’ll be totes fine

  CECILY

  Def

  MAE

  K but I kinda want to stay together if pos

  VICTORIA

  K we’ll do best we can

  MARA

  Mae u gotta chill

  It’s gonna be fine, dude

  MAE

  Dude

  Who r u rn

  MARA

  LOL IDK

  But u r acting looney tuneeeesssss

  MAE

  I’m fine

  K bye

  Cecily, Ingrid

  CECILY

  Ing?

  R u home

  I could get up from my bed and see but I am too lazy

  INGRID

  Almost home

  Went for a run

  CECILY

  U r running & texting @ the same time

  INGRID

  NO LOL

  Cool-down walk

  INGRID

  You ok?

  CECILY

  Yes come by my room when u get home

  Wanna talk 2 u

  INGRID

  Sure you’re ok?

  CECILY

  Yes

  3:31 PM

  INGRID

  Wait why are you texting me when we are standing right next to each other

  CECILY

  Bc Mom is def eavesdropping

  But she’ll prob see these texts

  She has that app where she can see all my texts

  CECILY

  That’s why I delete them all right away

  Not that I have so many secrets but YKWIM

  We can’t hide from our all-knowing, snooping mama . . .

  INGRID

  K hold

  So what’s going on?

  OK, writing is slower than texting but prob safer. Be patient. So all of this stuff feels like no big deal but then when I add it all up it really starts to upset me and stress me out. I think Mom is on this weird concerned-about-me stretch so I am trying to not make her more concerned which is why I didn’t want to talk out loud.

  Okay . . . So talk to me. Or I mean write to me. Ha!

  Well, first of all, it was just supposed to be Mara and me going to the volunteer summer corps thing but now Victoria is coming, too, and so is Mae, and it feels like too many people going to something together. I like to branch out and meet new people and Mae is already stressing that she doesn’t know anyone and can we do everything together and blah blah blah.

  Okay. Got that. Tell me everything at once and then I can address each issue.

  Okay. So there’s that. And also I wasn’t invited to Hannah Fletch’s bat mitzvah and I really wanted to be. It’s gonna be super fancy and fun and I am so so upset I wasn’t invited. Pri and Gabs were but Victoria wasn’t and I’m trying to stay chill but still so upset. So that’s another thing. Also I just feel like everyone is always leaning on me and saying how I know everything and can rule the world but it’s too much. I guess those are the main issues but I wanted to talk to you about them.

  Okay. Well, first of all, I get the thing with Mae and the trip. But this is always what happens. There’s tons of anxiety before you go and when you get there it’s totally fine. She’ll probably branch out a little and you obviously will and everyone will get settled and it will be fine. I don’t think she’ll hang on you for the entire time.

  As for the bat mitzvah, yeah, it sucks. That definitely happened to me a bunch and it was really upsetting. I remember when everyone in the grade got invited to Becca Emanuel’s. Well, I guess not everyone, but it felt like that and I was so bummed. I made Mom and Dad sit up with me until like 1 a.m. one night crying about it. Seriously! Do you remember this? It was a big deal at the time but then everyone got over it, including me. Maybe the kids at school wore the giveaway for one day and that was it. I mean, it’s not fun to not be included, but you’re right, it is something that will happen. Here’s the thing, Cece my love. You’re awesome. You did such a fab job with the International Women’s Day thing. And you’re def the smartest kid in the grade and you’re just amazing. Middle school isn’t the best and you’re still crushing it. Middle school is just this weird in-between little slice of life that’s awkward and messy and frankly kind of dumb. Everyone just wants to get through it, but you’re really making a difference! You’re doing more than just getting through it. And that’s why people loo
k to you so much. You’re such a role model! Of course that’s hard.

  And yeah, it sucks about Hannah Fletch, but it’s not like you were ever really friends with her. And isn’t it kind of weird to have that fancy of a party for a thirteen-year-old? I mean, it is weird. And the whole thing that went down with her friend Sami—best to stay away from that group, if you want my honest opinion. So what else can I tell you?

  Yeah, I do kind of remember. Ingrid, my wise and amazing older sister, what would I ever do without you? I’m so glad we had this “chat.” I really should come and talk to you more often, LOL. Can we do a sister sleepover like we used to when we were little and camp out in one of our rooms in sleeping bags on the floor and try to stay up late?

  Sure, that would be fabulous. Name the time and I’m there.

  K, will do.

  Also I still need to watch the clip from the IWD thing on the Today show. I know they didn’t interview you and you’re still upset but YOU MADE THE WHOLE THING HAPPEN. And I am so proud. Viewing party tonight?

  YES FAB YES

  Ingrid, Cecily

  INGRID

  K, my hand is tired from writing. Going to get a snack. Also do I smell from my run? How have you been this close to me this whole time?

  CECILY

  You don’t smell. I promise.

  INGRID

  K, but I still need to shower

  CECILY

  Yes, good plan. Love you!

  INGRID

  Love you!

  Miss & Love U Guys

  VICTORIA

  Guys?

  I feel like we’ve barely texted recently

  Where is everyone

  PRIANKA

  Hi

  Very busy with poetry planning

  Gonna be soooo sooo awesome

  Cece, u and IWD were my inspiration

  I wanted to plan something, too, LOL

  VICTORIA

  Woo

  GABRIELLE

  I’m here

  Feeling overwhelmed with hw tho

  Why is this half of the year so much more work

  And all of it is sooooo hard

  VICTORIA

  CECILY

  I’m here

  Have been feeling a little blah

  PRIANKA

  For real, Cece?

  CECILY

  Ya

  PRIANKA

  Whyyyyyyyy

  CECILY

  IDK really

  GABRIELLE

  Cece, we are here for u

  CECILY

  Thanks

  VICTORIA

  Oh no, Cece, my summer buddy

  CECILY

  Ha

  VICTORIA

  U r my summer buddy right?

  CECILY

  Haha ya

  PRIANKA

  Back to poetry planning

  Talk later, peeps

  GABRIELLE

  Mwahhhhhhh

  VICTORIA

  Lates, peeeeps

  Can I make lates a thing

  GABRIELLE

  Lol IDK

  PRIANKA

  Bye 4 real now

  Hi, friends!!!!

  Hello, it’s meeeee!!!! YOUR BFF SINCE PRESCHOOL, VICTORIA MELFORD, and POSTCARD PAL!!!! I miss you soooooo much. I think I am doing this super awesome volunteer corps thing this summer with one of my new besties here, Cecily. You met her! Remember? So yeah. I’m not sure if I’ll be in Philly at all. Maybe for a weekend when we come to visit my grandma, but I think that’s it. How’s everything there? Fill me in. I really miss you guys.

  LOVE YOU FOREVS!

  Victoria Melford

  Nic and Kim

  c/o Landenor Family

  54 Clearview Circle

  Philadelphia, PA 19107

  OUTDOOR EXPLORERS

  HELLO!

  Outdoor Explorers REUNION IS SO SOON!! We’re planning a fun get-together! Please save the date! Saturday, April 25, at 11 a.m. in Central Park by the boathouse! Bring a picnic lunch and some fun stories to share. See you soon!

  Love and hugs,

  Your Outdoor Explorers Summer 2020 counselors

  Darren, Aviva, George, Marley, Everett, and Vee

  Ivy, Gabrielle

  IVY

  OMGGGG

  I am soooooo excited for this

  And in NYC aka my fave place in the world

  GABRIELLE

  I know! U love NYC!

  IVY

  Yeahhhhhhh

  GABRIELLE

  So fun

  I am so excited

  IVY

  Is this only for this summer people or last summer, too

  GABRIELLE

  I think only this summer

  IVY

  Eli is coming back btw

  GABRIELLE

  Oh cool

  IVY

  I am sooooooo excited

  GABRIELLE

  Me too

  Summer feels like so far away, though

  IVY

  Yeah IKWYM

  GABRIELLE

  I am having so much trouble in school

  GABRIELLE

  I am kinda hiding it

  I haven’t told my friends or my mom or dad

  I just keep thinking I will get through it

  IVY

  Oh noooo, Gabs

  What can I do to help

  GABRIELLE

  IDK

  I should prob talk to my mom

  But I hate to worry her

  IVY

  But she’s ur mom and that’s her job

  GABRIELLE

  I know but still

  GABRIELLE

  My teachers are prob gonna call her soon

  I just can’t keep up with the work

  And my friends are so smart

  So I feel so dumb

  IVY

  Gabs, don’t say that

  You’re awesome

  And people can help you

  GABRIELLE

  Ughhhhh

  I just don’t understand how it got so hard so fast

  Like out of nowhere

  IVY

  Maybe it’s just a lot all at once?

  GABRIELLE

  Maybe

  But I can’t even understand what we are doing in math

  And I feel like there are so many tests

  And we have been doing short stories in English and even they’re confusing

  And this poetry unit is gonna be impossibleeeeeee

  IVY

  Sounds super stressful

  Sorry you’re going thru this

  GABRIELLE

  Thx

  GABRIELLE

  I better study

  Ily

  IVY

  Ily2

  Prianka, Gabrielle

  PRIANKA

  Gabs

  R u still up

  GABRIELLE

  Yeah ughhh

  So much hw

  PRIANKA

  Really? I feel like it wasn’t that much

  GABRIELLE

  Oh IDK

  What’s up

  PRIANKA

  Do u want to go dress shopping together for Hannah F’s bat mitz

  Since it’s our first black tie one my mom said I could get a new dress

  Maybe ur mom wants to come, too

  GABRIELLE

  Oh maybe

  This sounds awesome

  PRIANKA

  I’ll have Mama Basak talk to ur mom

  GABRIELLE

  K

  Sounds great

  Back to hw

  Xoxo

  PRIANKA

  Nighty night

  From: Gabrielle Katz

  To: Evelyn Brickfeld

  Subject: Meeting

  Hi, Ms. Brickfeld,

  I wondered if I could meet with you during lunch today or tomorrow. Please let me know.

  Thanks, Gabby

  Hi, Pri—

  Tell everyone I’m meeting Ms. Brickfeld in guida
nce at lunch. Remember no chatting about HF’s bat mitz. K? I feel like Cece’s feelings are hurt. Love you, Gabs

  Gabrielle, Ivy

  GABRIELLE

  Ivy, r u there

  Ik it’s the middle of school day

  But sometimes I sneak and check my phone

  K guess u r not

  Talk later

  Need to talk to u

  From: Cecily Anderson

  To: Summer in Maine Volunteer Corps Staff

  Subject: Question

  Hello,

  My name is Cecily Anderson and I signed up to be part of the Summer in Maine Volunteer Corps. I was so lucky to get a scholarship and I am so grateful. However, some scheduling glitches have come up and I may not be able to attend. I wondered also about your cancellation policy. I hope another student can get the scholarship and enjoy the opportunity. Please get back to me.

  Thank you,

  Cecily Anderson

  I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.

  —Louisa May Alcott

  Ing, are you asleep?

  No, come in

  From: Ingrid Anderson

  To: Cecily Anderson

  Subject: thoughts

  Cece,

  I’m emailing you because I’m in study hall and I finished all my work and I have been thinking about our talk last night. I’ll be home late because I have drama club and I wanted to make sure I got back to you.

  I totally see what you’re saying. I also see the dilemma. I get that you feel stuck and I get that you feel obligated to follow through with these plans. But in all fairness, you made them on your own and then others joined in. Sometimes I do think you need to go with your gut feeling. If you think you’re not going to enjoy the program, you should skip it. There are other options for the summer.

  I know you always feel a loyalty to friends and that’s what makes you so amazing, but sometimes you do have to look out for yourself, too. Also can I just say how happy I am that you’re coming to me with all of these things? I really feel like we’ve gotten closer in the past year and I am so, so happy about that. I’m so proud of you, Cece, and I love you so much.

  X Ingrid

  Gabs, hope all is okay with guidance and everything. I’m so, so sorry but I think I did talk about HF and the bat mitzvah too much. Victoria kept asking me questions! It’s like she wants to torture herself about it. And then Sage came over to our table talking about it and it all kind of unraveled. I’m really sorry. Text me later to discuss in more detail. Xox Pri

 

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