TBH, You Know What I Mean

by Lisa Greenwald

  Gabrielle, Prianka

  GABRIELLE

  Hey

  Major drama going on that I haven’t told anyone

  PRIANKA

  What

  GABRIELLE

  I feel like I may need to do summer school

  I mean I don’t have to

  But Ms. Brickfeld says it could help

  PRIANKA

  OMG, Gabs

  GABRIELLE

  IK

  Anyway what happened at lunch

  PRIANKA

  Everything went crazy

  Vic is obsessed

  She wouldn’t stop asking me questions

  PRIANKA

  Miriam sat with us btw

  So maybe that was why, too

  IDK

  GABRIELLE

  So what happened

  PRIANKA

  Well Cece started crying

  I mean in her Cece way where you can’t really tell but I could tell

  GABRIELLE

  Yeah IKWYM

  PRIANKA

  So she left

  And then Vic ran after her and it was all so awk and dumb

  GABRIELLE

  Ughhhhhhhh blarghshshshh

  PRIANKA

  Exactly

  GABRIELLE

  It’ll be ok

  I gtg

  Wish I could talk more but drowning in hw

  Feeling miserable

  Love youuuuuu

  PRIANKA

  Mwaaahhh

  From: Summer in Maine Volunteer Corps Staff

  To: Cecily Anderson

  Subject: RE: Question

  Dear Cecily,

  We understand that things come up. We are grateful you reached out because we have a waiting list of scholarship applicants. Please let us know by Friday if you are definitely changing your mind about attending the program.

  Best wishes,

  Una Tolaf

  Summer in Maine Volunteer Corps codirector

  One must maintain a little bit of summer, even in the middle of winter.

  —Henry David Thoreau

  SPINE POETRY CONTEST!

  Grab some books from the library and make a poem out of their titles—book spines facing you!

  Get creative! Have fun!

  Display your spine poetry on the shelf in the library!

  First, second, and third place will receive prizes.

  Prianka, Cecily

  PRIANKA

  Cece

  U around

  Just wanted to check in

  CECILY

  Hi

  PRIANKA

  How are u

  CECILY

  Ehh

  I’ve been better

  PRIANKA

  Ugh, Cece, I’m sorry

  CECILY

  Not ur fault obvs

  PRIANKA

  Ik but still

  CECILY

  It’s a lot of stuff

  Not just the Hannah F bat mitz

  PRIANKA

  What else

  CECILY

  IDK

  I just feel like everyone leans on me

  All the time

  PRIANKA

  I’m sorry

  I leaned on u with poetry stuff

  CECILY

  That’s not the main issue

  I just need space

  PRIANKA

  Do u want to talk

  CECILY

  Not rn

  But thanks

  PRIANKA

  K

  Love u, Cece

  CECILY

  Love u too

  Dear Journal,

  I am in the worst mood EVER. I don’t usually get like this, but when I do it’s serious. And this is mega serious! I am so annoyed at everyone. Well, I mean, not everyone. Ingrid has been really helpful lately so that’s been good. But I am so annoyed at Victoria and I feel like I can never say anything since she’s so sensitive and emotional and always cries to her mom. I never want to make it worse but she is driving me crazy. She’s obsessed with this Hannah Fletch bat mitzvah thing and always asking everyone so many questions about it. I mean, we’re not invited, so can she just try and get over it or at least put it out of her mind? Why is she torturing herself with these questions and at the same time torturing me, too? IT’S MAKING ME SO CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!! Also, I don’t think I want to spend the summer with her and Mara and Mae. It was fine when it was just Mara and me but now I feel like Mae is nervous about it and I just want to go and feel free and not be so bogged down by all of these people and their stress. I need to get out of it. My gut is saying get out of it but I don’t even know how. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I just want to not feel so stressed. UGH. Please help.

  Love, Cecily

  Pri! Did we discuss the poem in your pocket idea? We need to pass that along as well. I think it would be so cute.

  Sage! How does it work?

  Basically everyone brings in little slips of paper with poems on them and then they pass them to people in the hallway and they put them in their pockets and then pass and on and on . . .

  Isn’t this like the take a poem, leave a poem thing? The one we are doing with the bowls?

  Kinda but poem in your pocket just sounds so cute, doesn’t it?

  Yeah, we can add it. I feel like we can just do as much as possible with poetry for the full month.

  Agree

  Hiii Journal!!

  So for the first time in forever I feel like things are actually fine with my friends. I am in a good place with Ivy and in a good place with my school friends, even Miriam and stuff. And I am soooo excited I was invited to Hannah F’s bat mitzvah. But this school thing is insane. What am I gonna do? I may need to go to summer school for real and then what about Outdoor Explorers? Why is everything so hard all of a sudden? I should probably stop writing here and get to work but I can’t focus. It’s kind of making me crazy.

  Okay, bye.

  Love, Gabs

  Miriam, Gabrielle

  MIRIAM

  Hi

  GABRIELLE

  Hiiiiii

  MIRIAM

  What are u up to

  GABRIELLE

  Trying to do hw

  U

  MIRIAM

  Same

  But I wanted to ask u something

  Is Cece ok

  MIRIAM

  I felt really bad about her crying @ lunch

  GABRIELLE

  IK

  I feel like she is prob fine

  She holds everything in

  And then bursts at random times

  MIRIAM

  Oh

  GABRIELLE

  I mean obv she wishes she was invited

  But Cece is strong

  And a genius

  She will be ok

  MIRIAM

  Yeah

  MIRIAM

  I feel so bad but I am just sooooo excited

  GABRIELLE

  I know

  Me too

  Did I tell u Pri & I & our moms are going shopping together

  MIRIAM

  Yeah

  My mom said I can get a new dress, too

  GABRIELLE

  Ooh so fun

  MIRIAM

  Ya

  K just wanted to say hi & check in

  GABRIELLE

  Cool

  GABRIELLE

  Back to hw

  MIRIAM

  If u ever want to meet for another hw date I am totally game

  GABRIELLE

  Thanx maybe

  Bye

  MIRIAM

  Bye

  Prianka, Gabrielle

  PRIANKA

  Sooooo excited for our shopping day

  Did u tell the other girls we’re going

  GABRIELLE

  No

  You?

  PRIANKA

  No

  Don’t want to rub anything in

  GABRIELLE

  Same


  PRIANKA

  But what if they ask us for plans

  GABRIELLE

  IDK

  We’ll say we are busy with diff stuff

  Did I tell u my mom and I have a meeting with Ms. Brickfeld in guidance about summer school

  PRIANKA

  Noooo

  But what about outdoor explorers

  GABRIELLE

  IDK

  May shorten the time

  I feel like I need extra help tho

  And I may get tested for ADD or ADHD or both

  PRIANKA

  For real

  This feels like so much to deal with, Gabs

  I’m sorry

  GABRIELLE

  It is too much

  But may explain why school has always been hard

  And why it’s so hard for me now

  PRIANKA

  Yeah could be good

  GABRIELLE

  Maybe I could have been in honors all along LOL

  PRIANKA

  Who even cares about honors tho

  GABRIELLE

  Yeah

  But it’s a thing

  And people take it seriously

  PRIANKA

  Yeah but

  It doesn’t measure your self worth

  I don’t believe in it YKWIM

  We are more than grades

  GABRIELLE

  Haha ok, Pri

  U r seeming really intense rn

  PRIANKA

  It’s how I feel

  We need to dig deeper

  GABRIELLE

  Ok

  Rn I need to dig deeper into my hw

  PRIANKA

  LOL k

  GABRIELLE

  Bye

  PRIANKA

  Bye

  From: Evelyn Brickfeld

  To: Gabrielle Katz, Diana Katz

  Subject: Summer

  Dear Gabby and Diana,

  Wonderful to meet with both of you! I’ve spoken to all of Gabby’s teachers. We’re in the process of lining up some weekly after-school extra help sessions for her as well. I’m also going to recommend an evaluation to rule out ADD or ADHD. Our school psychologist, Ms. Arlo, can help with that.

  Please be in touch with any questions.

  All my very best wishes,

  Evelyn

  Friends

  GABRIELLE

  Hi, guys

  I have to tell u something

  Anyone there

  Helloooooo

  Ok bye

  Dear Mom, I’m happy you suggested this. It’s a little weird but I’m willing to give it a try. You asked if I have anything on my mind and I actually do. I hope you won’t be mad, though. Here goes . . . I don’t want to do the summer volunteer corps thing. It seemed great but I just don’t want to. I feel tied down with Mara and Mae and Victoria and I want to be on my own. I always feel like I am responsible for people and I don’t want to be. I wrote to the program and it’s okay to cancel. Thanks in advance for understanding. Love, Cecily

  Oh, Cecily, wow. I am sorry to hear this. You should never feel locked into anything like this, especially at your age. That said, commitments are important. I think we need to sort out why you don’t want to do it, and see if there is any way to get around it. Maybe summer can be a combination of programs. I know this is our first journal exchange, but this seems like something better discussed face-to-face. I love you.

  Friends

  VICTORIA

  Hi, guys

  Sorry I wasn’t around before

  How is everyone

  GABRIELLE

  Hi

  I am ok

  I need to tell u guys something

  I’m being tested for ADD

  VICTORIA

  Really

  GABRIELLE

  Yeah

  GABRIELLE

  Might explain a lot of my issues all along with school

  VICTORIA

  Wow

  R u ok

  GABRIELLE

  I am

  I think

  A little nervous for the eval

  PRIANKA

  We are here for u, Gabs

  CECILY

  Definitely

  & since we are confessing things

  GABRIELLE

  Well this isn’t really a confession but

  CECILY

  Vic, this mostly pertains to you

  VICTORIA

  Uh-oh

  CECILY

  I think I may drop out of volunteer corp

  My heart isn’t in it

  I want to do something totally on my own this summer

  VICTORIA

  Omg, Cece

  CECILY

  I love u

  U know that

  VICTORIA

  Can we pls discuss in person tho

  CECILY

  We can

  GABRIELLE

  Way to steal my moment, Cece

  CECILY

  LOL

  GABRIELLE

  Not laughing

  Whatever I gtg

  PRIANKA

  Guys WIGO

  VICTORIA

  Things just went from calm 2 crazy in 2 min

  PRIANKA

  For real

  VICTORIA

  Things always feel on the verge of insanity

  PRIANKA

  TBH, IKWYM

  Cecily has left the chat

  Gabrielle has left the chat

  VICTORIA

  Ugghhhhhshshshsh

  PRIANKA

  For real, Vic

  Mara, Cecily

  MARA

  Victoria just texted me

  What is this about u not coming to the summer program

  CECILY

  I just feel suffocated

  I want to do my own thing

  MARA

  But u made a commitment

  CECILY

  I know

  And I feel really bad

  But it just doesn’t feel right to me

  MARA

  I don’t even know what to say

  Is this bc of Mae coming

  CECILY

  No

  Honestly I just want to be on my own

  MARA

  No matter what program u do, u won’t be on your own

  I can’t talk about this anymore

  I am so angry

  CECILY

  I’m sorry

  To: Summer in Maine Volunteer Corps Staff

  From: Cecily Anderson

  Subject: Decision

  Dear Ms. Tolaf:

  I will not be attending the Summer in Maine Volunteer Corps program. Many thanks for understanding.

  Sincerely,

  Cecily Anderson

  I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship.

  —Louisa May Alcott

  From: Mr. Akiyama

  To: Yorkville Middle School Students

  Subject: Poem in Your Pocket Day

  Hi, students,

  See below for an email from Prianka Basak and Sage Zelnick

  Hiiii, fellow students,

  We are SO excited Poetry Month is here! And guess what? We are officially declaring Friday as Poem in Your Pocket Day! It’s an annual NYC thing and we’re bringing it to Yorkville Middle School!

  So here’s what you have to do: make copies or write out your favorite poem on slips of paper and put them in your pocket and carry them around all day! Share them as many times as you can: with fellow students and teachers and people on the street. Anyone, really! There will also be a mic set up in the auditorium, so pop in and read your poem aloud.

  Yay!!! Enjoy Yorkville Middle School’s first annual POEM IN YOUR POCKET DAY!

  Yours in poetry,

  Prianka Basak & Sage Zelnick

  Prianka, Cecily

  PRIANKA

  Cece?

  I wanted to reach out & check in and make sure u r ok

  U don’t seem like urself lately<
br />
  CECILY

  I am ok

  I feel better actually

  CECILY

  A weight off my shoulders

  I may do this program where we help rebuild homes in El Salvador

  It’s late to apply but if I get a scholarship I can go

  My parents can’t afford all these fancy things the kids do here

  People don’t understand that not everyone is rich

  And I just feel like I need some space from it all

  PRIANKA

  Yeah I know what you mean

  That’s sorta how Gabs felt earlier this year with the different groups

  CECILY

  I know but that’s not how I feel

  CECILY

  I just want to literally be on my own

  And do my own thing

  With nobody I know

  PRIANKA

  Wow, Cece

  That feels super intense

  CECILY

  I know

  It’s the truth tho

  Gotta explore

  Be free

  I feel burnt out TBH

  PRIANKA

  Got it

  CECILY

  Glad u understand

  PRIANKA

  I don’t feel the same

  But I know what you mean

  CECILY

  That counts, too

  PRIANKA

  LOL k

  CECILY

  Mwah

  PRIANKA

  Mwah

  Prianka, Vishal

  VISHAL

  Yo

  PRIANKA

  Hey

  VISHAL

  This poetry stuff is cool

  PRIANKA

  Duh I know

  VISHAL

  I didn’t realize it before

  YKWIM

  PRIANKA

  Yeah well glad u like it

  VISHAL

  Good job, Pri

  PRIANKA

  Lol thanks

  Hiiiiiii

  VICTORIA

  Hi, guys

  Putting all the aside

  I had an idea

  Anyone there

  Hiiiiiii

  CECILY

  Hi sorry

  What’s ur idea

  VICTORIA

  I think we should plan a pool day and sleepover just the 4 of us before we all part ways for summer

  Not to be exclusive but just keep it chill

  We r always so happy @ the pool