Wouldn’t that be so fun
CECILY
Ya
GABRIELLE
This could be great
PRIANKA
Hiiii
Sorry just seeing this
I was knee deep in poetry month stuff
CECILY
How is that going
PRIANKA
So great
What did u guys think of poem in your pocket day
VICTORIA
I loved it
And everyone was so into the Shel Silverstein one I brought in
VICTORIA
Not everyone knew it
PRIANKA
So cool
CECILY
I gtg but I luv the pool day idea
GABRIELLE
I’ll help plan it with u, Vic
After all the craziness lately I feel like I need something chill
VICTORIA
Sounds great
PRIANKA
Bye, guys
Get excited to write poems in sidewalk chalk tomorrow!!!!!!!!!
Cecily, Mara
CECILY
Hi
Can u talk
I feel like you’re ignoring me
I’d love to chat with you
Dear Mara,
First of all, I want to apologize. What I did wasn’t right. I know I made a commitment and I know I let you down. I know all of that. I’m not saying it’s right. I’m just saying it was something I needed to do. I feel like sometimes in life we have to make choices, and they’re not always the popular ones. And that’s what happened to me in this case. I just had this anxious feeling that this summer program wasn’t the right thing. I kept trying to convince myself that it would be okay but ultimately I had a terrible feeling about it. I’m so sorry. You have a right to be mad at me but I just wish we could talk about it. Is there any chance you’ll discuss it with me? We could go for a walk if that makes it easier. That’s really all I ask. Please hear me out.
Love, Cecily
d Just had a brainstorm. What if we started a poetry camp for the elementary school kids? Wouldn’t that be awesome?! Prob can’t do it for this summer, but for next summer . . .
Really? Could we do that?
I think we could! Let’s talk to someone. I feel like I eat, sleep, breathe poetry! Also I just want to start things & make a difference & heal the world! HEAL THE WORLD THROUGH POETRY!! :) :)
I love it!
Prianka, Gabrielle
PRIANKA
Sooooo excited for shopping day today
I really want something sparkly
Do u have any idea what u want
GABRIELLE
Hmmm
Tbh I have been too stressed to think about it
This whole thing with the ADD evaluation
I haven’t told many people about it but I am overwhelmed
PRIANKA
Oh, Gabs
What can I do to help u
GABRIELLE
IDK
But thank u
See u soon
Cecily,
Thanks for your note. I’m still really disappointed but I understand that you had to make this decision even if I don’t like it at all. Don’t worry—our friendship isn’t over. And we’ll always be neighbors anyway. :) Well, until college. :)
Love, Mara
Dear Journal,
I’m about to go shopping with Prianka and moms and I just can’t believe the timing of this evaluation. I guess I was happier when I didn’t know the results or didn’t have the results. Now that I do know them, I feel all weird. I have ADD but it’s sometimes called ADHD. The kind I have isn’t so hyper though. It’s confusing, this disorder. It’s why I often feel like I can’t focus and things are all over the place. I zone out when people talk and I have trouble paying attention in class. I guess it’s good to know, but it’s also scary. What can I even do with this information? I just want to go shopping and find a fun dress for Hannah’s bat mitzvah but I can’t even be excited about that. There’s too much stress surrounding the event anyway and now this. UGH. I just want to get back into bed and bury my head under the pillow.
Love, Gabs
Prianka, Gabrielle
PRIANKA
Omg my mom is vetoing every dress
GABRIELLE
Haha yeah why is she so stressed
PRIANKA
IDK
She hates when there is too much exposed skin
GABRIELLE
LOL
I think my mom just wants to find something here and go home
Is ur mom in the dressing room w/ u
PRIANKA
No outside
Yours
GABRIELLE
Yes
Ugh
She looks annoyed
PRIANKA
I wish we could’ve gone shopping on our own
GABRIELLE
Same
Ok put down phone & try on & come show me & I’ll do the same
PRIANKA
K
Prianka, Gabrielle
PRIANKA
TBH I’m glad that experience is behind us
Omg Mama Basak
GABRIELLE
Haha same
PRIANKA
I’m happy with the dress but I just wanted 2 be done
GABRIELLE
Haha same (again)
PRIANKA
Talk later, Gabs Love u
GABRIELLE
Mwah
Hi, Mom,
I couldn’t find our mom/daughter journal but this piece of paper is just as good. I wondered if you and Dad have given any more thought to the El Salvador program. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. I really feel a need to be on my own. If I get in, it’s all free of charge. Let me know if I should apply. It’s really late but they told me when I called there’s still time to apply for a scholarship.
Love, Cecily
Cecily,
Dad and I think it’s a great idea. Let’s go over the forms tonight. Have a good day.
I love you so much . . .
Mom
Dear Mara,
I know I hurt you and I want to apologize for letting you down. Deep in my heart, I truly feel that I am making the right decision. However, I know I broke a promise to you and that makes me feel terrible. Please know how sorry I am.
Love, Cecily
Dear Vic,
We’ve had our ups and downs but I know I really feel we’ve had more ups than downs, and for that reason, I am so sorry I upset you about the summer trip. I just had to do something different and I hope you understand. You can be angry at me, I get it. I just want you to know I am truly sorry.
Love, Cece
Cece!
I totally get it. Honestly. TBH, I’m okay with it, too. Mara, Mae & I are still going & Mae and I have gotten super close over text. I feel like it’s okay. For the first time in forever I honestly feel okay. I am not even that sad about the bat mitzvah thing anymore. I have made peace with it. I am excited about the summer plans. I feel good. So please don’t worry. K?
Love, VM
From: Prianka Basak
To: Gabrielle Katz, Victoria Melford, Cecily Anderson
Subject: RE: MY HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL
Hi! I’m replying for all of us since we’re all in comp lab right now. WE WILL BE THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOVE FOREVS!
Pri
From: Cecily Anderson
To: Prianka Basak, Gabrielle Katz, Victoria Melford
Subject: MY HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL
Hi, guys—
I am just sitting here in study hall and realizing that there is a major disconnect going on. We’re all bogged down. But let’s de-bog ourselves! I want to have a quality hang sesh at my house after school. Just come, we’ll do homework and snack and talk and chill and RECONNECT. OKAY? I know you’re all free today so don’t make up an excuse. We can’t wait for the pool day to really bond. WE
NEED TO DO IT NOW.
XOXO Cece
Ivy, Gabrielle
IVY
Are u coming to the reunion
I didn’t see u on the RSVP list
GABRIELLE
No I can’t make it
I feel too overwhelmed
GABRIELLE
Plus there’s a big bat mitzvah here that day and I need to get ready
It’s really fancccyyyyyy
IVY
Oh
I’ll miss u
GABRIELLE
Same
But I’ll see u sooooo sooooon
And guess what
I can do summer school at the end of the summer & still come to first session of camp
My parents discussed it and they don’t want me to miss all of camp
IVY
OMG that is such great news
GABRIELLE
IK
I am so happy
IVY
We are going to have the best time
Still wish u were coming to the reunion tho
IK same
But why do we need a reunion so close to summer
IVY
Good point
I guess they want everyone to get excited about it
GABRIELLE
Prob yeah
Makes sense
IVY
Do u want me to spy on Eli for u
GABRIELLE
Hahahah what
IVY
Ya know
GABRIELLE
No not really
IVY
To see if he says anything about u
GABRIELLE
Oh haha
That’s not really spying
IVY
U know what I mean
GABRIELLE
Yeah but no thanx
I’m good
IVY
U don’t like him
GABRIELLE
IDK
Too stressed to focus on boys rn
IVY
K
Love u, Gabs
GABRIELLE
Love u 2
Hi, guys. So I know we’re doing another one of these sit in a circle and write to each other things but it’s very important. Do you see why? Have any of you noticed something significant going on with this notebook?
Ummmm??? Cleary Pri is just as oblivious here as I am, Cece! jk, Pri!
XOXOX Gabs
Um, same here, Pri. Confused Victoria as usual . . .
Guys! We only have a few pages left! We are finishing this notebook . . .like, today, probably!!! We need to finish it off on the right foot, or, um, page or whatever. LOL
So what should we do??
Confess our undying love for each other, obviously. DUH!
Maybe we each write a reflection on life and the notebook and how we’ve changed since we started it?
Um, yeah, for real. I mean, I wasn’t even part of it when you guys started it. This notebook has been kinda life changing for me.
LOL, drama queen Vic. But okay. All good ideas.
You go first, Cece. Since you’re the only who noticed we’re nearing the very end of this beautiful collection of paper.
So poetic, Pri. Obv you need to write a poem for your reflection.
Got it. Will do.
I can’t be the one to start. I’m feeling too emotional over here.
I’ll do it. But give me a few minutes to collect my thoughts. Talk amongst yourselves. Hahahahahahahaha
Pri’s Reflections
Isn’t it strange how you can find a notebook at a store
And it can turn into anything at all
This notebook could have been something so boring
Used for taking notes in class
Or a plumber writing down what plumbing work he had to do
Or a person writing grocery lists
Or who even knows what
But when Cece got this notebook
It became something magical
All of these thoughts and conversations
All of our feelings
Right there on the page
I’m so glad this notebook is ours
Such a simple thing really
And yet it connected us to one another
Do we start another one?
That’s what I want to know.
I have to say that I feel like a completely different person from when we started this notebook. The ADHD diagnosis feels like a really big deal. I never knew I was struggling with a real thing. I just thought I was easily distracted. I want to thank you guys for being so supportive and amazing. For standing by me when I wasn’t the best version of myself or the best friend to all of you. I am really grateful. I love you guys. Thank you for giving me the space to make new friends while also welcoming me back.
First of all, can we please discuss how much I have evolved? I didn’t even really freak when Cece changed her summer plans. And I got over the Hannah F bat mitzvah sadness really fast. I kind of think I evolved and changed the most out of all of us. I don’t want to start a fight or anything but think about it. You may agree with me?
Okay, not having a debate about who has changed the most. We all have, duh. Also, did you guys know people change the most in the three years of middle school more than any other time in their lives (except for newborn babies to two years old)? Crazy, right?
Very crazy, Pri. Love all of your scientific knowledge.
So what do we do with that info? Where does that leave us?
Very deep, Cece. Here’s the deal, guys. I’ve narrowed it down. We can change all we want and our friendships will, too, but the heart and soul of it all will remain the same
You should read that at the poetry jam, Gabs!!!!
Ooooh, maybe I will!
Here’s how I break it down: We may be apart this summer and apart in some classes and apart during various times in our lives, and we may feel distant from each other when things like Hannah F’s bat mitzvah come around. And the thing is, eventually we’ll be apart more than we’re together. But here’s the deal (and I think one of you told me this but I don’t remember who, sorry) . . .
TBH, we’re always gonna be apart but still together.
Forever and ever and ever . . .
Glossary
2 to
2gether together
2morrow tomorrow
4 for
4eva forever
4get forget
any1 anyone
awk awkward
bc because
BFF best friends forever
BFFAE best friends forever and ever
BI Block Island
BNF best neighbors forever
b-room bathroom
b/t between
c see
caf cafeteria
comm committee
COMO crying over missing out
comp computer
deets details
def definitely
DEK don’t even know
diff different
disc discussion
emo emotional
every1 everyone
fab fabulous
fabolicious extra fabulous
fac faculty
fave favorite
Fla Florida
FOMO fear of missing out
fone phone
FYI for your information
gd god
gg gotta go
gma grandma
gn good night
gnight good night
gr8 great
gtg got to go
hw homework
ICB I can’t believe
IDC I don’t care
IDEK I don’t even know
IDK I don’t know
IHNC I have no clue
IK I know
IKWYM I know what you mean
ILY I love you
ILYSM I love you so much
JK just kidding
K OK
KIA
know-it-all
KWIM know what I mean
l8r later
LMK let me know
LOL laugh out loud
luv love
n e way anyway
NM nothing much
nums numbers
nvm never mind
obv obviously
obvi obviously
obvs obviously
OMG oh my God
ooc out of control
PBFF poetry best friend forever
peeps people
perf perfect
pgs pages
plzzzz please
pos possibly
q question
r are/our
ridic ridiculous
rlly really
RN right now
sci science
sec second
sem semester
scheds schedules
shud should
some1 someone
SWAK sealed with a kiss
TBH to be honest
thx thanks
tm tomorrow
TMI too much information
tmrw tomorrow
tomrw tomorrow
tomw tomorrow
totes totally
ttyl talk to you later
u you
ur your; you’re
urself yourself
vv very, very
w/ with
wb write back
whatev whatever
WIGO what is going on
wknd weekend
w/o without
WTH what the heck
wud would
wut what
wuzzzz what’s
Y why
Acknowledgments
& to my incredible editor, Maria Barbo, who believed in the TBH from the beginning. I cannot ever thank you enough! for Alyssa Eisner Henkin, dream agent who has been by my side for close to 13 years. for Alice @ Trident and for the fabulous KT books team: Katherine, Stephanie, Camille, Liz, Mark, Molly, Amy, Kristen, Sam, & Vaishali. for my BWL crew, my loves Dave, Aleah, and Hazel and of course all of the TBH fans. Keep reading!!! xoxoxoxox
About the Author
Photo by Peter Dressel
LISA GREENWALD lives in NYC w/ her husband & 2 young daughters . She s: & . Summer is her favorite season . Visit her @ www.lisagreenwald.com.
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TBH, You Know What I Mean Page 6