“I have missed you too, can you come over?” I asked, I needed to feel him. I just needed to feel.
“I’m already out the door …” He said in a husked whisper, I could hear him pulling his keys out of his pocket.
“Hurry, Angel.” I said before cutting off the call.
Tonight I was going to make love to Angel. I was going to apologize to him through my actions. And although we have never gone that far in our relationship, I think it is time to move in that direction. Logan and I will never be, so I needed to move on. I needed a distraction from my thoughts of him and that distraction was Angel.
I decided to unpack my clothes while I waited for Angel to show up. I hated unpacking, but I thought best to get it over with. But when I opened up my case, my eyes locked on my father’s letter and guitar pick, my heart slamming to the front of my chest. As I ran my fingers along the crisp envelope, the sound of his song floated through my mind as I hummed to the tune. Closing my eyes, I let the song drift through me in my mind, absorbing the pained love in the song.
Seconds …
Minutes …
Hours …
Time just seemed to stand still as I lived and breathed the song that meant so much to me. I didn’t know how long I was stood there, trying to soaking in the song. But I was suddenly pulled from the memories when I heard a knock at my door, Angel.
I quickly made my way to the door, butterflies raging in the pit of my stomach as it became acutely aware of what I was just about to do. I inhaled slowly as I tried to steady my breathing when I opened the door, gasping as two beautiful blue eyes locked with mine. Moments passed, not one of us moving for the other. Our eyes locked in an embrace like I have never felt, fire and ice blended together within my body, warming me before pulling my temperature down to dangerous levels, levels that only Angel could bring me to in a heartbeat and without a moment’s notice. Suddenly he flipped the switch, turning on the warm light at the center of my core.
My desire welled and strained, begging me to fuel it, release it and roll in it. Before I even knew what I was doing, I flung my body straight into the strong arms in front of me, pressing my lips to Angel’s. I ran my tongue along the seam of his bottom lip, begging for entry. The groan that released from his throat instantly sent tingles throughout my body, the sinful taste of him washed over me as I was lifted from the ground. With my legs wrapped around his waist and his hands on my ass, he devoured me with his mouth, sucking, licking, stroking my body into a frenzy of tangled guilt and desire.
“Fuck I have missed you. Your taste is intoxicating. So fucking sweet.” Angel growled against my lips. He was pushing me further down a road, a road I didn’t want to come back from.
We were suddenly moving, Angel walked as he stroked my tongue as if searching for something, the taste of coffee hit my taste buds as he took my tongue between his lips, sucking soft and slow. Pulling a moan from my lips, I needed him now.
“Angel …” I moaned. “Please, don’t stop.”
Sensing what I was referring to, Angel placed me gently on the bed before crawling up my body, slowly and seductively. This man would be my undoing. His beautiful blue eyes bore straight through me as he steadied himself above me. His arms either side of my head, holding his weight from my body.
“Are you sure about this?” He asked, leaning into my neck and peppering my skin with sweet, slow kisses.
“Oh, God yes.” I panted back as he took my earlobe between his teeth, nibbling gently.
“Then you are wearing too many clothes, baby.” He whispered huskily into my ear.
The sheer black blouse I was wearing was soon ripped from my body. Buttons scattered across the room, bouncing from the walls only to silence as they fell to the wooden floor. My black lace bra now exposed to Angel’s beautiful eyes as he took in my creamy skin. He ran his fingertips over my rib cage, pulling shivers from my body with the gentlest of touches.
Before I could feel self-conscious from baring my body to him, my eyes went wide as Angel bowed his head and ran his tongue across each one of my ribs. Once he was finished tracing the lines on one side of my body, he swiftly moved to the next, sending my mind spiraling.
“Your skin is even sweeter than those lips of yours. Now I am dying to know what this tastes like.” He hummed against my skin while tracing a line over the seam of my jeans between my legs, pulling an approving moan from my lips.
The moan was enough for him to push us further as my jeans were suddenly no longer on my legs, they were now on the floor alongside my ripped blouse. I was now only in my black lace bra and panties. Angel’s eyes raked over my body as he sat back, drinking me in.
“What are you thinking?” I asked tentatively, Angel hadn’t muttered a word since discarding my jeans. He was completely silent as his eyes took in my body that lay beneath him.
“I’m thinking that my dreams didn’t do your body justice, Neva, fuck you’re beautiful.” He said as he traced the line of my panties at my hip, my desire welling, silently begging him to take them from my body.
As if Angel was reading my mind, I heard the unmistakable sound of fabric ripping. I gasped as I watched a sinful smirk pull at his lips. Frozen with desire as my panties disappeared into the back pocket of his jeans, I was turned on beyond belief knowing he had my ripped panties so close to his damn body.
“I’m only going to ask this one more time baby, because I don’t think I could stop once I have a taste.” His eyes locked with mine before teasing my mouth with his tongue. “Are. You. Sure?”
My mind couldn’t form words, the knot in my stomach became more intense with every passing minute. Nodding, I silently answered his question. Groaning at my response, he quickly lowered his lips to my core, placing the tenderest of kisses between my slick folds.
“You have no idea how fucking addictive your taste is, Neva, no fucking idea.” He growled, as the intense onslaught of his tongue teased me into a place I couldn’t even begin to understand. As Angel intensified the pressure of his tongue, my body hummed in response. My hands flew into his silky hair, taking it between my fingers as I tugged and pulled him closer to my body. He consumed me.
“Angel …” I moaned, his name swiftly dying on my lips when he took my clit between his teeth and bit down, hard. He quickly soothed the sting with a sudden flick of his tongue, it was enough for the dam to burst and throw me over the edge, plunging me into complete and utter ecstasy.
My body purred and glowed as I came down from such an intense orgasm that I almost hadn’t noticed Angel had stripped it body of clothing. He wore only a pair of tight black boxers that did nothing to hide his hardness. I watched as he crawled up my body, trailing light kisses from my hip to my stomach, grazing his teeth across my navel before moving up and landing on the swell of my breasts. Skillfully he swiftly unclasped my bra and removed it from my body, taking my right breast in his hand and rolling my hard peak between his thumb and finger while pulling the other into his mouth.
“I am going to worship your body, Neva. You aren’t going to be able to sit down without thinking of me, thinking of us.” He said against my breast. “Moan once if you understand.” He demanded as he pinched my hard peak in between his fingertips, pulling a moan from my mouth.
“Good girl.” He chuckled, the sound of his laugh turning me on so much more.
“Angel, I need you.” I groaned, suddenly becoming more confident. But on the inside I was a quivering wreck, I needed Angel to erase the memory of Logan, of all the guilt I felt. I needed him.
“I know baby.”
Taking his hands away from my body I could hear the telltale sound of a condom wrapper ripping, his mouth was still torturing my body with every flick of his tongue against my peak, sending jolts of electricity to pierce through my body. His tongue continued its onslaught against my nipple when I felt the tip of Angel’s hardness against my opening.
“Angel, please.” I was begging him to take me, but he was teasing me and he knew it
. I was so fired up that not having Angel inside me wasn’t an option. I took him by surprise, pushing back against his hardness, causing him to plunge inside me so fast I felt dizzy with lust.
“Ah, Christ Neva.” He panted as he stilled inside me. “Are you trying to kill me?” He asked with his eyebrow raised.
I couldn’t think of a witty come back, nor did I want to, I needed him to move.
Pushing myself up on my elbows, I watched as Angel looked down between us, right where we were joined as one. Catching him off guard I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him back down to the bed with me.
“Fuck me, Angel.”
“Fuck.” He growled before his tongue probed my mouth, mirroring what he was doing to my core. Plunging deep inside me, he pulled the most carnal moans from my mouth.
This wasn’t sweet or tender love making. This was rips your panties off, scream-your-name fucking. And I loved it.
A familiar knot was forming somewhere deep inside of me once again as he filled me to the hilt. Stars danced in front of my eyes as sinful groans escaped Angel’s lips. As the knot got tighter, I was suddenly thrown back to the night with Logan. The way he felt inside me, the way he made me feel while inside me. My body screamed yes while my head said no. I shouldn’t be doing this with Angel. I should be telling him what I did. All I could see, all I could feel was Logan, until Angel suddenly angled his hips, tearing a scream from my body as my orgasm ripped straight through me, cutting me in half.
With two more angled strokes that kept my orgasm spiraling, Angel came with a deep growl, his fingers tightening around my hips before dropping his weight on top of me.
That night after Angel left to go home, I silently shed two tears, one for the I man have broken beyond repair, and one for the man who I didn’t deserve.
I bumped into Logan for the first time just a week after we had slept together, and when I say bumped, I mean it literally. I walked straight into his hard chest, not looking where I was going. Awkward would be putting it mildly. Logan looked like shit, his hair was no longer mussed and sexy, it looked like it needed a good wash. His eyes were lined with dark circles and bloodshot, he looked how I felt.
It seemed as though fate was constantly fucking me over from the mistake I made with Logan, but it wasn’t a mistake, was it? I loved every minute of it until the guilt consumed me, the realization that Logan and I couldn’t be together was hard enough to swallow without the guilt dangling down the back of my throat as well.
Fate seemed to be reveling in my silent misery as I saw Logan at every turn. Every time our eyes locked, he would offer me a smirk, clearly enjoying watching me squirm as if seeking revenge. But I deserved it, I fucked him over, so fate was doing the same.
My relationship with Logan was strained to say the least, and people were noticing that we were no longer the happy duo anymore. Even Tate was becoming suspicious, which freaked me the hell out. Low was staying out of it. One night she confessed that she couldn’t be a part of it. If Tate ever found out, then she would deny any and all knowledge of it. Drunk or not, I believed every word.
Now college life was becoming difficult as I tried to avoid Logan at every turn, but somehow he was always within my line of sight. Sometimes he would stand there with his hands in his pockets with a smirk on his face, others he would be sucking face with Georgia or some other willing participant. To say it didn’t hurt would be an absolute lie.
“Logan.” I gasped in shock from his appearance.
“Don’t, Neva.” He gritted, unable to look at me.
“Hey, baby.” I felt Angel’s arms wrap around my waist from behind me. My eyes went wide as I watched Logan’s face fall.
“Walker.” Logan looked as though he had swallowed a sour lemon as he dismissively acknowledged Angel.
“White.” Angel grunted back.
The tension between the three of us was so thick you could have cut through it with a knife. I could only watch as Angel and Logan eyed each other as if sizing one another up. I needed to get Angel out of here.
“See you around, Logan.” I muttered quickly before grabbing Angel by the wrist and dragging him down the corridor with me.
“Yeah, see you around, White.” Angel said over his should with a smug smile, taunting Logan further.
When we finally got out of Logan’s line of sight, I pushed Angel against a row of lockers that lined the wall behind him, pulling an ‘oomph’ from his lips.
“What the hell was that, Angel?” I spat. I can’t believe he had just done that, what was his problem? I had no idea if Angel knew about what happened between Logan and I but this was making me nervous.
“He pisses me off. I won’t apologize for it either. He’s a fucking tool! He treats you like shit and any other female who gains his attention.” He replied, the tone of his voice rising. Making me jump from the sheer boom within it.
“Angel, please just drop it.” I didn’t want to argue with him if I did I could make it worse by defending Logan. And by the look in his eyes right now, I knew it wasn’t a good idea.
“I’m not making any promises I can’t keep.” He sighed before placing his hands on my hips, pulling me towards him. “But I’ll try, for you.” He said near my ear before claiming my mouth with his.
The days that followed flew by without any incident, well that was until the morning after the football game. Tate had asked Low and me to come and watch the game. Football season had just started and Low was looking forward to watching Tate in action. Me, on the other hand? Not so much. As Low and I took our seats in the bleachers, waiting for the game to start, I suddenly decided this really wasn’t a good idea. Not only was Tate on the team but Logan was too. I could just about deal with seeing him briefly on campus but this was going to kill me. But before I could stand to leave, music blared from the speakers and out came the guys. Tate, Logan, Ace, Zane and Colt and the rest of the team made their way on to the field. The whistle blew only a few minutes later.
I couldn’t tell you what the score was. I couldn’t tell you who won, either, as my eyes were glued to Logan and his body as it rippled under his jersey. I knew I shouldn’t be looking at him, but I couldn’t stop. I was a moth drawn to the flame, a very hot flame at that. As the game drew to a close, I gasped as our eyes locked. But instead of the saddened face I had seen just days before, he wore a smirk … his sexy smirk. It completely knocked me off guard, my heart hammering in my chest at finally getting to see his gorgeous face again. He quickly winked in my direction before pulling off his jersey and tucking it into the waist band of his pants, revealing his tight abs. I ran my fingers over those abs that only weeks ago I had touched.
Reluctantly tearing my gaze from his body, my eyes landed on Low who, judging from the scowl on her face, noticed mine and Logan’s moment. Shit!
“Come on.” She said exasperated, before making her way down from the bleachers to the guys’ locker room.
As we waited for Tate, it became apparent who won from the whooping and hollering coming from inside the guys’ locker room. Logan seemed to have that effect on me. Whether I could control it or not, he could make me forget that there is a world outside of us. Time just seems to stop when we are together, as if nothing else mattered as long as we are together.
“Did you hear what I said, baby girl?” I was suddenly pulled out of my thoughts by Tate’s question, see? He wasn’t even around and I couldn’t even pay attention to anything or anyone else.
“Huh? What?”
“Logan said to meet him at ‘The Spot.’“
My eyes grew wide at his reply, only days ago Logan couldn’t even look at me and now he wants to see me? What was going on?
“You okay, sis?” Tate asked, noticing my shocked expression.
“Yeah, fine. I’ll see you guys later.” I said trying to act nonchalantly.
“Call me later.” Low said with a pointed look as she leaned into my brother’s arms, clearly not happy with the situation.
�
��Okay.” I muttered before walking out of the building towards ‘The Spot.’
My heart hammered against my chest as if wanting to escape, my palms were wet with nerves as my legs shook uncontrollably. I didn’t know if this was a reaction for Logan actually wanting me near him or just nerves for wondering what the hell this was about.
Taking the long way around through campus, I watched as other students carried on with their normal routines, not knowing that I was dealing with a battle in my head. As I neared the football field, I quickly noticed a figure leaning against the large oak tree that sat just in front of ‘our’ bench. I didn’t have to look at the person’s face to know it was Logan. His back was pressed against the tree and his right leg bent at the knee, his foot propped on the trunk of the tree. Just the way he leaned against it was enough to know it was him, the last of the evening rays of sunlight peered through the branches of the old oak tree showcasing his stunning chiseled features. I couldn’t help but notice just how beautiful he truly was, he took my breath away.
“You came.” Logan’s voice cut through my thoughts as I stepped towards him.
He was still in his football uniform, his jersey now back on, it was tight against his muscled chest as if straining to escape. My eyes traveled to his gorgeous face, and I think I moaned slightly at the sight of him in a snap back cap that he was wearing backwards, he looked edible. As I raked my eyes over his body, I noticed him smirk. Shit, he had seen me checking him out.
“What’s this about, Logan?” I asked nervously, trying to wipe the smug smile off of his face.
“Look I …” Logan started, pulling his cap off of his head and running his fingers through his hair. “I have tried to do as you asked. I tried to get you out of my damn head but … I can’t nor do I want to. You hurt me, Neva, like nobody else could. But I can’t carry on without you. Without us … I miss us.” He finished on a whisper before placing his cap back on his head.
My mom once said, we hurt the people we love the most, but the ability for them to love you despite the hurt is special and the most beautiful gift, it’s the gift of forgiveness. I never really understood the word forgiveness until that day. Logan was willing to forgive me for what I had done to him, but I knew that he would never forget.
Finding You Page 16