Jake’s anger kept growing, but now he wasn’t sure whether he was angry at Rachel or himself. Or both. He couldn’t deny that she had a point. He’d never thought about it quite like that before, but being born a dragon had given him a certain level of privilege. Still, it was nothing like the privilege Rachel had. He glared at her, thinking that he was so glad he had never acted on his brief feelings of infatuation. He’d been right—all of those feelings had been merely a physical attraction. Rachel was a beautiful woman. No one could deny that. But she was also stuck up and petulant, and Jake didn’t want to get tangled up in that.
As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he almost laughed. He didn’t want to get tangled up with her? He was about to marry her for crying out loud. You couldn’t get much more tangled than that, even if it was purely a business arrangement. In a desperate attempt to shift his thoughts from the uncomfortable realization that maybe Rachel was right about his privilege, and that perhaps he wasn’t the faultless person in this partnership, he lashed out at her.
“I wasn’t sticking my nose in your business. I was trying to help you. But you’re too stuck up and stiff to accept my help.” Jake crossed his arms defiantly, and wished he’d been able to come up with a more sophisticated-sounding insult. He felt a bit like a petty child right now, but he refused to back down or uncross his arms. Perhaps he did have his own personality flaws to deal with, but that didn’t change the fact that Rachel was indeed a spoiled rich kid.
“Stiff?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Jake leaned back in his chair, happy to see that he’d struck a nerve with her. He’d just gained the upper hand. “You try to portray yourself as some easygoing gal who fits in anywhere. You try to act like you’re just another normal, everyday citizen, but you’re not.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“You dress up and try to look perfect even when you’re going to a laid back bar like the Winking Wizard. You always have to be completely polished and put together. God forbid that there’s a hair out of place. You try to be this perfect, model citizen, but all the while you’re hiding money problems and desperation under that flawless exterior.”
Rachel stood to her feet and glared at him. “Now you are just being ridiculous. What does it matter to you how I dress? And what’s wrong with wanting to look nice? That’s not a character flaw, and it doesn’t make me stiff. It just means I take pride in my appearance.”
Jake shrugged. He was losing this battle and he knew it, but he wasn’t willing to admit defeat yet. Perhaps his accusations were a bit ridiculous, but Rachel was too stiff. Too proper. She cared too much about what people thought of her. “I just think you’ll never fit in with my crowd. You’ll never be the laid back, up for anything kind of person that I like to hang out with.”
A hurt look passed over her eyes, and Jake winced inwardly. Perhaps he had gone a bit too far in this argument. He’d spiraled down into petty insults just to be the one who got the last word. Little did he know, Rachel was about to deliver a final blow that he could never hope to top.
“I’m not one of the guys you mean?” she asked. “I didn’t think that was part of the bargain.”
“What do you mean?”
“I agreed to marry you as a business arrangement. I promised to attend official functions with you if you become People’s Governor.”
“When I become People’s Governor.”
“Whatever. But I never made any promises about being laid back or dressing down or being sloppy like one of your crew.”
“We’re not sloppy!”
“Well then I’m not too proper! The point is, you and I have different opinions on a lot of things. Maybe we’re too different to make a marriage work, even a marriage that’s strictly for legal purposes.”
Jake felt his heart drop. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying, I think we should call off this engagement. It was a nice idea. A tempting idea. We’d both get what we wanted out of it. But the cost is too high. I don’t mind missing out on love, but I don’t want to spend my whole life legally attached to a guy who is going to constantly insult me.”
Jake felt sick. He’d gone too far. He’d let himself insult her over and over because he wanted to be right. He wanted to prove his point. And now, he’d pushed her to the point where she was threatening to call off their engagement. But surely she wasn’t serious? She would lose her whole fortune. She needed that money, or she would lose this magnificent house. “Oh come on, you don’t mean that. What will you do for money?”
“I’ll figure it out. I know it won’t be easy, but lots of people before me have figured it out. I’ll do the same. I’m not willing to put up with being constantly berated just to get my money.”
“I’m not constantly berating you.” Jake felt panicked. He was such an idiot. He was about to lose his chance to be People’s Governor. He should be on the floor, groveling and apologizing to her. But dragons didn’t grovel. He couldn’t bring himself to admit he was wrong, even though he had a pretty strong sense at this point that he was, indeed, wrong.
“You take every opportunity to remind me of what an awful person I am, for the stupidest reasons. So I don’t dress the right way when I’m at the Winking Wizard? I thought that bar was all about being who you are and being comfortable. If I’m comfortable in my designer jeans and high heels, then what’s it to you?”
She’s right. Apologize. But he couldn’t. Instead, he opened his big mouth and said more dumb shit.
“You’re not just going to lose your money. You’re going to lose all your family’s heirlooms. You know, the prized possessions that have been in your family for generations?”
“I know exactly what I’m losing,” she snapped at him. “But I’m not going to sell my soul for family heirlooms, no matter how much it hurts to let them go.”
Jake’s panic grew. He realized with sudden clarity that his fear of losing her was about more than just losing his shot at the People’s Governor position. It was about losing her. No, he didn’t love her. He was attracted to her physical body, but he still thought she was too different from him for him to ever truly love. But he had grown used to her. They’d spent a lot of time together in the last few weeks, and he’d grown comfortable with her. There was a certain familiarity and ease between them—the kind of familiarity that usually came after you’d been in a relationship with someone for a long time. He didn’t want to lose that comfortable, easy relationship. Perhaps he’d gotten too comfortable. He’d said things to her that were over the line. And still, he couldn’t find it in himself to apologize. He was too proud to admit that he wanted this marriage more than she did. Instead of manning up and saying he was sorry, he glared at her. So much for being an honorable dragon.
She shook her head sadly at him. “You just don’t get it.”
He shrugged, as though he could care less what she thought of him. Then he stood, taking his still full beer bottle with him. “I’ll move out tomorrow after work,” he said. He tried to ignore the empty feeling that filled him as he turned his back on the beautiful lake vista behind him and fumbled with the patio door. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he left the patio and headed for his room, which would no longer be his room after tonight.
Rachel didn’t try to stop him.
Chapter Fourteen
Jake tossed and turned for hours. His stomach growled and he would have paid good money for another beer to calm his raging nerves, but he didn’t dare head into the kitchen. It was past one a.m., but he could still hear Rachel tinkering around in the kitchen. When things fell silent, he would tell himself to wait fifteen minutes before sneaking to the refrigerator. After that, he figured, he would know that Rachel had finally gone to bed. But she kept coming back before the fifteen minutes were up. It seemed she felt just as sleepless as he did.
He was ready to give up and go to bed hungry, but final
ly decided to take a chance and sneak in after ten minutes of steady quiet. He was starving, and he was acting a bit ridiculous. It would take him less than a minute to quickly rush into the kitchen, grab some food and beer, and rush back to his room. Odds were good he wouldn’t run into Rachel at all. And even if he did, so what? No, he didn’t really want to see or talk to her right now. But he was a freaking dragon, after all. He shouldn’t be hiding in his room just because he didn’t want to face some girl who’d essentially just broken off an engagement with him.
The thought filled him with a sad, empty feeling that was becoming all too familiar. He was such an idiot. He was an idiot for insulting Rachel so much that she’d had enough and ended things between them. And he was also an idiot for ever thinking that a marriage like this would work. It was a nice idea, a last-ditch effort to save her fortune and his career. But at the end of the day, marriage required a certain amount of compatibility, no matter how “businesslike” the marriage was supposed to be. And he and Rachel were just too different.
Ignoring the little voice inside his head that tried to tell him that Rachel wasn’t different—rather, he was just stubborn—Jake made his way into the kitchen. He tiptoed in as silent as a mouse, but his caution was unnecessary. The kitchen was dark, and down the long hallway that led to Rachel’s room, he could see that there was no light peeking out from under her doorway. She must have finally gone to bed. He relaxed a bit, and decided to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He hadn’t had one of those in forever, but he was craving a bit of comfort food. What could be more comforting than a childhood staple? The taste of a PB&J took him back decades, to a time when life was simpler. When he was a boy, he’d been surrounded by family and friends who loved him. No one in his shifter community had even known that wizards still existed, much less that dark magic was brewing. Life had been simple, fun, and full of promise.
Of course, life always lost a little bit of its sparkle with the onset of adulthood and fading away of childlike innocence. But things had still been pretty good until the Dark War. That blasted war had ruined everything. Jake had lost everyone he loved, and all of his possessions. And now, he had lost his chance at the People’s Governor position thanks to his own stupidity. Jake sighed as he wolfed down the last bite of his sandwich, then decided to make a second one. While he ate it, he peeked down the hallway again. Still no light from Rachel’s room. He decided to chance going out to the patio for a while. Perhaps instead of a beer, he needed some fresh air and moonlight to soothe his nerves.
There was plenty of moonlight tonight. A full moon hung heavy in the sky, surrounded by countless twinkling stars. Jake leaned against the patio’s railing and peered out at the moon’s reflection across Torch Lake. He was going to miss this view. From up here, the lake looked magical. Who knows, perhaps there was some magic in it? This town was half wizard, after all.
Jake glanced at his watch. Its face glowed green in the darkness, telling him it was nearly two in the morning. He had to work tomorrow, but he couldn’t bear the thought of going to bed now. His stomach was no longer growling, but his mind still felt restless and uneasy. He stared out at the lake and the mountains beyond, part of him wishing he could just fly away and never come back. He wished he could forget about Torch Lake and the Dark War, and start over somewhere new, with a new life that wasn’t filled with so many regrets and lost chances.
Jake let out a long sigh. He could never abandon Torch Lake now. For better or for worse, he was a dragon, and honor bound him tightly. He had pledged to help and protect the people of Torch Lake, and so that is what he would do. Besides, if he was honest with himself, he did love this place, despite all its flaws. This town got into your blood. He had lived here for two years, and he still felt a burst of pride when he looked around and saw the wizards and shifters living together happily, and in peace. People here might have their differences, but at the end of the day they were all interested in living a quiet life with their family and friends, and in guarding against the threat of dark magic. They were a community, and the things that bound them together were stronger than their differences.
Despite all the good things about Torch Lake, though, Jake had his moments of feeling weighed down by the worries and pressures of his job. Working in the Dragon Utilization Department, he was responsible for convincing any new dragons that were brought to town that they should stay here. He’d been successful with Russ, the last new dragon to come to Torch Lake. But Jake felt a constant pressure to develop new programs to attract and retain more dragons. Rachel could accuse him of being born to privilege because he’d been born a dragon. There was some truth to that. But it wasn’t all fun and games. With privilege came great responsibility as well. She didn’t seem to understand that.
Jake’s heart suddenly sank in his chest with the realization that if Rachel didn’t understand his privilege, perhaps he didn’t understand hers. Here he was, ready to crucify her for having privilege, but it had never occurred to him that maybe her privilege came with responsibility, too. He had no idea what it was like to be rich, but if life had taught him one thing, it was that the grass always looked greener on the other side—until you were on the other side. Maybe Rachel was under more pressure than he thought. Perhaps living up to the Bennett name wasn’t as easy as he made it out to be.
He’d never really given her a chance. He’d judged her from the beginning, writing her off as a spoiled rich kid who didn’t understand life. But just because she didn’t always understand his life didn’t mean that she was stuck up. It just meant she was different. And wasn’t he always championing the fact that Torch Lake was full of diversity, of differences? Wasn’t that what made life truly rich?
“God, I’m such an idiot.”
His words drifted away from the patio on the breeze, and he rubbed his forehead in agitation. He had known all along that he was being a bit of a jerk, but he’d felt justified by the fact that at least he was a jerk with a valid point. Now, he wasn’t so sure how valid his point was. Maybe he was the one who was stuck up, not her. He did kind of view himself as better than everyone else just because he was a dragon, and that wasn’t okay.
Jake hung his head in shame. Was it too late for him to apologize to her? Had he botched everything up beyond repair? His heart pounded in his chest, and unfamiliar feelings swirled around at his very core. He cared about her deeply. He hadn’t realized how deeply until tonight. Until he made an ass of himself and almost lost her. He wasn’t sure he would call this love. He wasn’t allowed to fall in love with her, after all. That was off limits if this marriage of convenience was going to work. Not that he was sure if there was still a chance for them to get married. She’d been pretty angry at him and sounded pretty certain when she told him the marriage was off. But if there was a chance to save this… This might not be love, but Jake found himself with the odd sensation of not wanting to spend the rest of his life with anyone other than Rachel. Where did that leave him?
It left him feeling like he’d screwed things up completely. He was half-tempted to rush back into the house right now, bang on her bedroom door to wake her up, and beg her to forgive him. But he forced himself to show some restraint. He wasn’t exactly an expert on apologizing, but he had a feeling that waking someone up in the dead of night when they were already pissed at you probably wasn’t the best idea. He needed to wait until tomorrow morning, when hopefully both he and Rachel would be feeling a bit more rational.
He knew he wasn’t going to be able to sleep right now though. Not with so many confused thoughts swirling around in his mind. He looked over at the lake as it shimmered silver in the moonlight, and decided to stretch his wings. No, he would never just fly away from here and start over somewhere new. Both duty and the cry of his heart tied him to Torch Lake. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t let his dragon out to soar for a little while. It had been too long since he’d been in dragon form. Perhaps that was where a lot of this restlessness was coming from. It woul
d do him a world of good to let his inner beast out to play for a bit.
His decision made, Jake hopped over the patio railing and started walking away from Rachel’s house. Her backyard wasn’t fenced, and the manicured grass gradually gave way to thick forest brush. When Jake had reached the natural boundary between the grass and the forest, he quickly stripped off his clothes. Even though it was August, the air felt cool on his skin. He took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with it. And then, he began to shift.
He didn’t let out a roar, as he usually did, for fear of waking Rachel or one of her neighbors. The houses up here were spread fairly far apart, but a dragon roar carried far, and might still wake someone nearby. The last thing Jake wanted right now was to add angry neighbors to his list of troubles. And so, silently, he began his transformation. The only noise was the telltale boom as a rush of energy emanated from his body when his human features began to fall away.
There, on the soft grass of Rachel’s backyard, Jake’s dragon took over. His head grew large and morphed into the shape of a dragon. Horns appeared, and the rest of his body began to grow as well. His human flesh gave way to thick dragon hide, with iridescent scales that shimmered in the moonlight. Long claws appeared on his hands and feet, and a long, spiked tail stretched out behind him. His wings, as always, were the last part of his dragon to appear. They sprouted from his back, wide and powerful, ending in fearsome spikes. Jake took in another deep breath, savoring the immense relief he felt.
He was free. His dragon was free. In that moment, nothing else mattered. All of his worries fell away. He pointed his dragon face toward the sky and let out a long stream of fire. The orange and red flames filled his view, and his dragon lips turned up in a smile. He loved the fire that burned within him. No matter what else happened, he always had this power.
Dragon Proposing (Torch Lake Shifters Book 2) Page 11