Kelly and Dylan exchanged a glance, then Dylan shook his head and their tandem grins had a sheepish quality to them.
“Dylan is super calm.” Kelly handed out the glasses, then flopped into a chair with a loud sigh. “I, on the other hand, am a hot mess.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Teddi said.
A loud snort came from the vicinity of Dylan. Kelly scooped an ice cube out of the sangria pitcher and chucked it at him with an indignant “Hey!” Her face held a hint of a smile, though, and when she turned back to the women at the table, she shrugged. “He’s right. I am edgy, to say the least.” She took a big slug of her drink. “I knew it was going to be stressful, but man.”
Teddi sat forward in her chair. Leaned toward Kelly. This was something she knew about. This was her forte. “Listen. Planning a wedding is stressful. There’s no way around that. It’s a ton of money and a ton of decisions and you’re basically trusting complete strangers to keep their promises and get you exactly what you asked for exactly the way you want it and on exactly the day you deem. It’s a lot.”
“It’s so much,” Kelly whispered.
“I’ve been doing this for a long time, you know?” At Kelly’s nod, Teddi went on. “What I have found over the years that helps the most for brides-to-be who are really feeling the pressure is simple. Much simpler than you’d think.”
“Oh my God, please tell me. I’ll do anything.”
“You’ve got to choose your battles.”
Kelly squinted at her.
“By that, I mean you need to decide what’s worth your focus and stress and what isn’t. This is why you have me, you know.” Teddi smiled widely. “Look at your list of things you needed to get done. You’ve checked off a good three-quarters of them, right?”
A nod from Kelly. Dylan had also turned and was watching the conversation, seeming to follow with enthusiasm.
“Okay, so the stuff that’s left is no big deal. You have your list of what needs to be done and when. The invitations go out next week. You’ve got an appointment with the florist, and I’ll be with you then. Your bridesmaids are in good shape with their dresses and shoes?”
“Yes.” Kelly nodded. Drank some more.
“The groom and groomsmen have their suits all squared away?” Teddi turned to face Dylan, who nodded.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Back to Kelly. “You found shoes?”
“I’ve narrowed it down to three pairs.”
“Good. That’s better than the nine you started with.” Teddi winked to lighten the words. “Your dress is being altered as we sit here. Hair and makeup are lined up…” She let the words drift off and waited for Kelly to catch up with her.
“I’m in good shape,” Kelly finally said, almost surprised by the sentence.
“You are in good shape,” Teddi said, covering Kelly’s hand with hers. “See? Take a breath, babe. Nothing to stress about.” Watching Kelly’s face relax, watching her look to Dylan and smile tenderly, was a satisfaction Teddi would never tire of. It was a part of her job that she loved. Taking away some of the stress and the worry from freaked-out brides-to-be was a major role, and Teddi had perfected it.
“Thank you, Teddi,” Kelly said, her voice soft, as she stood and leaned over to hug Teddi.
“You’re welcome.” Teddi’s eyes met Leah’s over Kelly’s shoulder, and for the first time in months, Teddi had trouble reading Leah’s face. Her expression seemed almost shuttered, like she was only letting Teddi have a partial view of what she was feeling. She smiled at Teddi quickly, like she realized she needed to school her features, and it made Teddi uneasy.
The rest of the evening went fairly quickly and Kelly was in a much better place. The tension that had taken up residence on her face had moved out and found someplace else to live—at least until September hit. They ate delicious steaks and roasted new potatoes that Dylan cooked on the grill like a pro. Teddi had made a salad with walnuts and dried cranberries and goat cheese, and the sangria flowed. Leah almost seemed to be back to her regular self by the time they got ready to go. It was clear to Teddi that she and her sister helped level each other out. Teddi loved her own siblings, but had never had the kind of tight bond Leah and Kelly had, and she found herself a bit envious. Still, though, it warmed her heart to watch them hug good-bye.
Leah had gone a little hard on the sangria, so Teddi drove them back to Leah’s place, and Leah was quiet for much of the ride. When they got back to her house and were inside, she went to the fridge, cracked open a bottle of water, and leaned against the counter.
“Do you want to get married?”
Teddi blinked at her, utterly confused by such a weirdly random question. “I’m sorry?”
A half shrug. “It’s a simple question. Do you want to get married?”
Teddi tried for a grin, went for light to level off the dark and heavy tone of Leah’s voice. “Are you proposing?”
A sigh of obvious frustration. “No.” Then a squint. “Yes. I mean, what if I was?”
Teddi had had enough, held her hands out to the side, then dropped them. “Leah, what is going on?”
“Why can’t you answer the question?” A little louder than normal. Lots of blinking. Furrowed brows. Leah was obviously angry or frustrated or both. Teddi had never seen her like this.
“Because,” Teddi said, keeping her voice level and not raising it, “it’s a really random question, and you seem upset, and I’m trying to figure out what’s going on.”
And then Leah’s demeanor shifted from irritated and slightly combative to just plain sad.
Teddi closed the distance between them, rubbed Leah’s upper arms. “Baby. What is it? Please talk to me.”
Leah swallowed audibly, sipped more water, didn’t meet Teddi’s gaze for what felt like a long time. Then, with a clear of her throat, she spoke. “Tilly said you told Jen that you didn’t want to get married again. That once was enough.”
“Well, yeah,” Teddi said. The way Leah’s eyes went wide and the flash of pain that zipped across her face told her she should’ve stepped a bit more carefully. “I mean…” She wet her lips, looked away. “My divorce was awful, Leah.” Her words were a whisper. “I don’t have good feelings around marriage.”
“You’re a fucking wedding planner.” Leah said it much more matter-of-factly than Teddi expected.
“I am. I know. And I love my job. I meant that I don’t have good feelings around marriage for me. Around my marriage. The end of it wrecked me, Leah. You know this.”
Leah nodded. Slowly. Slugged some water from the bottle. When she turned her face toward Teddi and spoke, her voice was hoarse. “And a second marriage is out of the question for you?”
“I…” Teddi let the sentence drop off because she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to hurt Leah. She also didn’t want to lie to her. “I don’t really know that it’s for me.” She spoke slowly, carefully choosing her words. “It’s not really something I think—”
“For God’s sake, can you just answer the question, Teddi? Do you ever want to get married again?”
How did we get here? How had they gone from spending every available minute together, cuddled up to watch TV, dining with friends and family, to this heated argument? To that awful, filled-with-dread look on Leah’s face? How had that happened? “I don’t. No.”
Leah flinched, almost like she’d been poked, and she nodded slowly. “I see.” More nodding. “Okay.”
They were good together. Teddi knew it. Leah knew it. They were good. So why couldn’t they just keep going the way things were? Teddi opened her mouth to speak, to ask that exact question, but was stopped by Leah’s upheld hand.
“I think…” Leah stared at the floor as if searching there for her thoughts. “I’ve had a bit too much to drink tonight, so I just want to think.” She lifted her head, met Teddi’s eyes. “I need to think.”
In Leah’s eyes, Teddi saw confusion, sadness, and a naked, raw pain that grabbe
d her heart and squeezed it. Hard. A lump formed that she couldn’t seem to swallow back down.
“You should probably go home tonight,” Leah said, surprising Teddi.
“What?”
“Yeah. I just need to be alone. I need to think. Please?”
It was the last thing Teddi wanted to do, but Leah’s expression was pleading. Her eyes were so sad, and Teddi wanted to make that go away. “Maybe we should talk—”
“No.” Leah’s one-word interruption was firm, and it startled Teddi. “I’m not in the right frame of mind to do that. I need some time.”
“You need some time.” Repeating the line was the only thing Teddi could do. She had no idea what to say.
“Yes. Please.” Apparently, there was something interesting on the floor, because that’s where Leah was looking again.
What could she do but honor Leah’s wishes? She could stay, sure. Try and force Leah to talk to her now. But there was something about her face, her demeanor, the tone of her voice that stopped Teddi from pushing. Something that told her maybe going—for now—was the best course of action.
“Okay.” A whisper. It was all Teddi could manage as she gathered her things. Leah stayed in the kitchen, remained leaning against the counter. Teddi quickly kissed her on the temple. “Call me later.”
An almost indiscernible nod.
Another beat. Two.
Teddi sighed quietly and let herself out of the house. The drive home didn’t take long but felt awful. The knowledge that she was driving away from Leah, and the weird feeling that this was some kind of foreshadowing, sat on her heavily, like a lead vest, making it hard to breathe.
Something was about to change.
No. Teddi shook her head. That wasn’t quite right.
Something had changed.
What was she supposed to do now?
Chapter Twenty-four
Ignoring Teddi’s calls and texts was not a cool thing to do.
Leah knew that. In fact, she hated doing it. But she just wasn’t ready to talk yet. She hadn’t quite sorted things in her head, and it was about to be a crazy busy week at work, which was maybe a good thing.
Teddi had called last night. To her credit, she’d given Leah a good three hours before doing so, and she couldn’t bring herself to answer. Cowardly? Yes. But she just hadn’t been up for talking. About forty-five minutes after she’d ignored the call, Teddi had texted her good night and told her she loved her, just like she had every night for months now.
Leah hadn’t responded. Also cowardly. And kind of cruel, she knew.
She usually texted Teddi good morning, as her day started first, but this morning, she hadn’t. She’d gotten right up—mostly because she’d been awake on and off all night—showered, dressed, and headed to work. A stop at Starbucks later and she was at her desk, one of the first people in that day.
A little after eight, a text came through from Teddi. Good morning. Are you just not talking to me at all now?
Leah sighed. She wasn’t being fair at all and she knew it. Quickly, she typed back, Sorry. Just super busy at work.
The three gray dots bounced and bounced. Stopped. Bounced some more. Finally the text came: Got it.
An awful lot of bouncing dots for two words, so Leah knew that Teddi had typed and discarded several responses. That she was likely upset. Leah was being childish. She was being a little passive-aggressive. She needed to have a talk with Teddi. She knew all these things yet couldn’t bring herself to do anything about them.
Teddi didn’t want to get married.
Leah absolutely wanted to get married.
“What the hell, Universe?” she muttered into her empty office. Her intercom buzzed and the secretary let her know that her first appointment had arrived and was waiting in the conference room. Leah stood, gathering her paperwork for this particular case. Okay, let’s go talk to yet another person who hates marriage, shall we?
Leah had grown skilled at turning her own crap off while she worked so she could focus on her clients. Compartmentalizing. And honestly? The busier, the better for her. Anything that could keep her brain occupied and not thinking about Teddi was more than welcome into her schedule, and that’s how she looked at that particular day. She stayed busy. Too busy, really, but it was what she needed in order to get through. Teddi texted twice more throughout the day, but Leah couldn’t bring herself to respond. Instead, she focused on the four clients she had meetings with, the ton of paperwork she needed to complete, and a sit-down with her boss to keep him abreast of her current caseload.
It wasn’t until 7:15 that evening, as she sat at her desk answering email, that she was unceremoniously forced to deal with that crap she’d shoved into a box all day because Teddi walked right through her door. And if her determined steps, her furrowed brow, and the hands parked on her hips were any indication, she was angry. Rightfully so, Leah had to admit.
Leah braced herself, as she hadn’t expected Teddi to just show up there. Though why she hadn’t expected that was a mystery because, yeah, Leah had been kind of an asshole all day. Well. Not kind of an asshole. An actual asshole. And she suspected Teddi was about to tell her exactly that.
“Seriously?” Teddi led with that, and it was effective, if Leah was honest. She felt herself shrink a bit in her chair, slid her eyes to the left. Teddi closed the door behind her—didn’t slam it, much to her credit—and crossed the office to take a seat in a chair in front of Leah’s desk. “Have you just never been in a relationship before? So that this is how you think problems are dealt with? You send me away and then decide to pretend I don’t exist for the next day?”
“I wasn’t pretending you don’t exist,” Leah said, slightly embarrassed by the catch in her voice.
“No? That’s what it felt like. You never don’t answer my texts.”
“I know.”
“What the actual fuck, Leah?”
The curse got Leah’s attention. Teddi didn’t use the F-word often, another clue that she’d gone beyond upset to really upset. “I’m sorry.” It sounded kind of lame, and Leah cleared her throat and tried again. “I’m really sorry. I just…our conversation has stuck with me.”
“Totally allowed. But can you at least talk to me about it? Instead of acting like a damn child?”
Fair point. Leah took a moment. Okay, they were going to do this now. She gave one nod.
“Okay. Good.” Teddi seemed to settle a bit more into the chair, folded her arms across her chest. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“You don’t want to get married.” There. She said it. Maybe blurting it out like that wasn’t the best approach, but she said it.
“No.” No hesitation this time in Teddi’s voice. No softness. Leah had obviously pushed her to the point of her being nothing but factual.
“I do. No pun intended.” I can play that game. I can be unemotional, too. See? It felt awful, though. Instantly.
“Yeah.”
A beat went by. There was no other sound discernible aside from the clock ticking on a shelf and Leah’s pounding heart. The reality, which Leah thought had sunk in last night, apparently hadn’t, because that’s what it was doing right now. The woman she’d fallen head over heels in love with didn’t want the one thing Leah had been anticipating her entire life. “But why not?” she asked, embarrassed by the crack in her voice.
Teddi must’ve heard it because her own voice softened just a tiny bit. “Because, Leah. I’ve done it, and it did not end well for me. I lost so much of myself. After my divorce was final, I vowed that I’d never put myself in that vulnerable a position ever again. I work too hard for what I have.”
“But…” Leah couldn’t understand why Teddi didn’t realize there were options. “If you feel that strongly, then we just draw up a prenup. Something that says your stuff is your stuff, no matter what.” Inside, she hated that idea, but she wanted Teddi to know she had choices.
“I don’t want to do that.” Teddi’s eyes slid away, and sh
e focused on the book shelf on the wall.
“Okay, that doesn’t make sense. You don’t want to get married because you don’t like the idea of losing things you’ve worked for. But you don’t want to create a prenup to keep that from happening. I don’t understand.”
“Why is getting married so important to you?” Teddi countered. Her dark eyes flashed and Leah could see the anger still simmering just below the surface.
“Because it’s something I’ve always wanted. Don’t you want a relationship to be working toward something? Growing? Instead of staying still? Stagnant? Marriage is that thing for me. Something I’ve always dreamed of. Being gay doesn’t mean I don’t think of picking a wedding gown with my mom and choosing just the right music and flowers and wanting to celebrate the intense love I feel for somebody with all my loved ones. Watching Kelly plan her wedding has only solidified it for me. I want to be with somebody who wants that, too. Who wants to share our love with all of our friends and families. Who wants to stand next to me, before them and before God, and promise to love each other for the rest of our lives, ask our loved ones to help us keep that promise. I’ve pictured it my whole life, Teddi. I picture it with you. Not tomorrow. Not next month. But one day in the not-so-distant future. I picture it with you.”
Teddi simply blinked at her and looked like she’d been taken by surprise, which was fair, as Leah hadn’t really talked about how very important marriage was to her and why.
Changing tacks, Leah went on. “Look, I can understand how you’re kind of soured on the whole thing. I get it. As a person who sees divorce day in and day out, I get it. Your fear is valid. I understand it.”
“Yeah?”
“Absolutely. So, why not just do the prenup and nip that problem in the bud?”
Another flash in those dark eyes caused Leah to sit back in her chair.
“Tell me something, Leah.” Teddi stood. Began to pace the room. “What the hell is the point of getting married if I have to have legal paperwork drawn up to make sure you don’t take half my business when this ends? What is the point? Why not just go on like we are? Is it so bad? Is it terrible that we don’t have a piece of paper that says we’re legally married?”
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