Everything she said was so true that at first, I couldn’t think of how to reply. I blinked several times. Finally, I asked, “Am I crazy? Am I going to doom the world?”
Closing her eyes, she drifted closer to me. When she opened them, they were full of sorrow. “I don’t know. I cannot see the future.”
My eyes fell, looking down at the dark dirt by my booted feet. “Nobody seems to be able to answer that.”
I felt a cool touch on my chin, and I lifted my eyes. “That’s because the future hasn’t been written yet…your choices are still your own.”
My gaze lingered on hers for a long moment before I looked away. “Belladona believes I cannot overcome the chaos inside of me unless I let go of my longing for Aeron.”
I wasn’t sure why I was telling her this. I believed she truly was my mother’s spirit, but I didn’t know her. There was something about her which compelled me to confide in her, as though perhaps she had some of the answers I was seeking.
My mother’s Ghost regarded me for a long moment. She seemed to be weighing a heavy decision. “That’s what Belladona thinks? Tell me, Valkyrie, what does your heart tell you?”
Sighing, I turned away from her unsettling gaze. “That’s the problem. My heart refuses to believe that he’s gone. It begs me to keep waiting.”
Her voice was slightly muffled when she replied, as though she had moved away once more. “I haven’t always made the best choices…I was deeply in love with two men, and in the end, they both lost me. In many ways, it is like Byron was my Desmond, and Orpheus was my Aeron.”
Twirling around in surprise, I studied her. “What do you mean? You’re speaking of my true father, right?”
She nodded her head, and even in death the act was regal, like a queen. “Yes. I met Byron first. I was enchanted by him. He charmed me, courted me, and desired me. But Orpheus, he lit a fire within me. He was dark, mysterious, dangerously sexy…” she trailed off, and I waited for her to continue.
When she faced me once again, her face was solemn. “I desired him with a blind intensity. I chose Byron. I married him, thought I could be happy with him…but I just couldn’t let go of Orpheus. He haunted me, called to me, whispered to me in the dark…”
I figured out the rest. “Eventually, you gave in to him, and that’s how I came to be in your womb with Valkyrian.”
Her smile was sad. “Yes. I have never regretted it, you know. Knowing that two of the most beautiful children came from that, I have never regretted my choices. If I’ve regretted anything, it was not being able to raise my children.”
Sadness settled over me. “I can’t help but to wonder, if I hadn’t died all those years ago, would my life have followed the path of yours.”
Her crystal-clear blue eyes moved to my face, and I could read the answer before she spoke. “Yes. I believe it would have been. Like me, you would have chosen Desmond. Partly out of loyalty, and partly from love. Aeron, however, is the one you would long for until your dying day. Even now, it’s the same, except it’s not another man that holds you back, but death itself.”
Dropping my gaze, I stared at my hands. “It’s not death, its myself. I am responsible for his death.”
Again I felt the cold brush of her hand on my face. When I lifted my eyes to hers once again, I was surprised to see hope shining back at me. “Aeron isn’t what you think he is…there are so many things you don’t know, my sweet Valkyrie. If your heart tells you not to give up, then don’t.” She was beginning to fade, and I didn’t know why.
“Wait! Corentine…Mom! Wait!”
Her voice was softer. “I’m sorry Darling…have to go now…will find you again soon…go inside the house…”
Like a puff of smoke whisked away in the wind, she was gone, not even the residue of her spirit lingered. I wasn’t ready for her to leave. I had only just found her. Falling to my knees, I screamed. I screamed in pain and frustration and denial. Why did everything get taken from me? Running my hands into the cold moist earth where it lay beneath me, I picked up fistfuls, hurtling it toward the house in my despair.
It came to me then. A vision floating on the air, not a memory, I realized, but something else, a glimpse into someone else’s life, perhaps. He sat there, only a few feet from me, his body was translucent, but not the same as a Ghost. This was the residue of his memory left behind. Dark blond hair fell over his face as he leaned forward, resting on his knees, his palms pressed into the earth just as mine were. For a fleeting moment, I thought he was praying, but then, he jerked his head back, raw emotions marring his beautiful features, and he roared in a savage voice.
It was my name that came out of his mouth. He screamed my name over and over, hurtling stones and picking up statues and throwing them. I sat in stunned silence as I watched the memory play out, as I watched the man destroy the garden in which I sat. His rage was uncontrollable, violent, and certainly worse than anything I’d ever seen. He smashed stones, crumbled structures, and ripped bushes from the ground, roots and all. For a second, I thought I saw something flash around him, almost like a halo of light, but it was there and gone again so quickly I couldn’t be sure. His face was wreathed in anger, and his eyes were glazed with such pain it made me want to weep.
When the garden had been demolished, he fell to his knees again, staring into the face of the little stone girl. His body heaved as he tried to calm his anger, and as he stared into the little stone statue of the young me, he placed his face into his hands, and he…he wept.
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14
Place of Past and Ruin
Haunted by the vision of Aeron I had been shown, I crept quietly out of the crumbled garden, toward the marble steps that led into The house where I had been born. My memories of this place were sporadic, but as I stepped inside, they began putting themselves together, like the long lost pieces of a puzzle. It was like walking into a film, seeing memories play out around me over and over. Sometimes, they made me smile, but other times, they brought forth a great sadness.
I paused in every room, hoping that one of the memories falling back into place would be the one I had been longing for, but again and again I was disappointed. When I reached the room where I had grown from child to woman, my heart stilled. Besides the spider webs, dust and decay, it was nearly the same as I remembered. As though a spell had been cast over this place to keep the hands of time from twisting it, there it was. I could easily envision myself flopping onto the large canopy bed, laughing and crying with my sister as our brother chased and tormented us.
I could remember the first time I had snuck off into the woods deep in the night to make my first kill. I hadn’t been able to hold it in that night, and when I had returned to my room, bloodstained and confused, all I had felt was guilt for the human life I’d taken. I had lain in that bed and wept half the night, until my brother and my sister had come, pulled to me by the connection we shared and the weight of my guilt. I remembered telling them what I had done, and they had soothed me and explained to me the way things were. After that, I never killed again. I learned to curb my hunger, to satiate it without killing.
My chin trembled and heat burned my eyes. I remembered crying back when I was young. I had seen the tears that came from Aeron’s memory in the garden. I knew it wasn’t impossible for us to cry as I had thought, only, apparently, for me. I longed to cry, but try as I may, nothing happened. I was about to move on, when I felt the familiar heat along my back, sliding up and over my shoulder, and along my jaw before dissipating. The decaying curtains near the window with its broken glass fluttered. I stepped into the room, drawn in by the movement.
When I stood directly in front of the window, I peered out, into the garden I had sat in not long ago. There in the shadows, I could see him again. Only, this wasn’t the same time as it had been earlier. This version of Aeron seemed somehow younger, more carefree and he wasn’t dealing with pain. This Aeron smiled mischievously as he stared up at my window, and as I looked down
, I could see the memory there. I had been standing at my window that night, and it was Aeron I had been thinking of. As I looked up at the moon, he had looked up at me.
When I left my room, I felt a small smile grace my lips. Finally, I had remembered something of Aeron. Making my way back down the stairs, I tried to ignore the residue of Byron that clung to the house, but he was hard to ignore. Stopping here and there, I delved into the childhood memories shown to me, and when I exited through the French doors leading out to the back, my mood had become melancholy. It was difficult to know that the loving father I held in my recollections was the same man who had ruthlessly burned me to death.
Outside, the air was still, and with the thick overhang of branches shrouding the mansion, it was dark. Inky blackness permeated everything, but I could see perfectly, and I found my way slowly toward what remained of the once stunning gazebo. Half of it was gone, laying around the dampened earth rotted and eaten by termites. Stepping into it, I went completely still. Standing inside the gazebo was Aeron, suite perfectly tailored, hair falling slightly over his eyes in that sexy way. He looked out toward the side of the house, his eyes riveted on something, and a small smile at the corner of his lips.
Following the line of his gaze, I found myself watching…myself. I was standing just inside the swaying branches of the willow I had loved so much, but I faced out, into the night, up at the sky. My white nightgown billowed around me, and as I watched, I was transported back in time.
The night was unseasonably cool, and the wind seemed unruly. I kept tugging my nightgown back into place. I knew I shouldn’t be outside in such a flimsy gown, but the moon had been so stunning, that I hadn’t been able to keep myself inside. My long hair wrapped around my face, buffeted and yanked by the strong southern breeze, and I laughed as I pulled it from my mouth and off my neck. It was then that I saw him, leaning a shoulder against the doorway of the gazebo. His clothes were dark, and his broad frame was unmistakable. He was one of the tallest men I knew.
Although I tried to keep a stern look plastered to my face, I couldn’t quite hide the small smile that tugged at the corners of my mouth. Alistair La Croix was certainly the most intriguingly attractive male I had met. Since the first night I danced in his arms, I’d felt butterflies in my stomach each time he was near. A lot had happened since that gala, and now I had Desmond, but still…
There was just something different about Alistair, something almost animalistic. He reminded me of a wolf, the way he stealthily stalked toward me, the way he watched me with those insanely attractive eyes. Sometimes, when I thought of him, I wondered, would he accept the darkness in me? His approach stopped my wandering thoughts, and I smiled shyly at him.
“Well hello, Mr. La Croix. I didn’t expect to find anyone out here so late. Might I ask what’s brought you here?”
Alistair watched me with those wild eyes. A shiver ran down my spine at the way they lingered along my breasts, my throat, and my lips. Oh, how I wanted to kiss him…but I wouldn’t. I loved Desmond. I wouldn’t betray him. I knew my father was planning something, and I knew that soon, Desmond and I would have to leave.
With his smooth deep voice, Alistair replied as he pointed above us. “The same as you, I suppose. The moon is exceptionally lovely tonight, so I thought I would come take a better look.”
When I looked at him, he was looking at me, and I had the distinct feeling it wasn’t the moon he had been looking for. Sending him a small smile, I shrugged. “I should probably go inside…”
His multi-hued eyes bored into mine, and in a swift move, he had closed the gap between us, wrapped a thick, strong arm around me, and had me pressed into him. “Is that really what you want, Valkyrie? You know what I want? I want us to stop pretending there isn’t a connection between us.”
My breath hitched, and I sucked in a gulp of air. I was certain he could feel the wild erratic beat of my heart, and I only hoped he couldn’t feel the sensations of lust coursing through my body. “I…I don’t know what you mean…”
His eyes narrowed. “Don’t you? Are you going to deny that you want me? Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that your heart doesn’t skip a beat every time I’m near?”
Well, my heart certainly skipped a beat right then. Staring into his eyes, I fought with myself. Yes, I wanted him, yes I felt something between us, but Desmond… “It doesn’t matter what I feel…” my words were ended abruptly as his mouth crashed down upon mine, and his fangs grazed my lower lip, eliciting a moan from me. My thoughts became incoherent, and as much as I told myself to fight it, the desire in me was too strong. I wanted this to happen, I wanted to feel him, to taste him. I couldn’t bring myself to stop the kiss.
I crashed back into myself with a jarring force that made me stumble. Catching myself, I stared at the receding images in front of me, feeling the force of the long ago kiss as though it had happened only moments ago, instead of centuries. Involuntarily, I raised my hand, running my fingertips along my lips, feeling the heightened sensitivity there. Inside my chest cavity, my lungs were spasming, as though I couldn’t draw in enough air. His kiss had been just as electric back then as it had in more recent times.
Static coursed through me, igniting the fire within my veins, and my hair fluttered, the ends lit with red flames. As though tugged in a breeze, it shifted away from me, fluttering to the right. Swinging my eyes in the same direction, I caught the unfocused mirage that wavered there. To the normal eye, one might see a heat wave on the air, or the invisible fumes of gas, but to my eyes, I saw what I knew was a Spirit. Its shape was unclear, looking as though it was a man with arms spread wide. As the discrepancy in the air moved closer, I realized the outstretched arms were not arms at all. They were, in fact, wings.
The air shifted around the apparition, and for the briefest of moments, a bright orange shimmered around it, like the flames of fire. This spirit, or whatever it was, wasn’t like any other I’d seen before. I had never witnessed this intense heat signature, nor felt the almost palpable beat of a heart. I stared, transfixed, as it stepped ever closer to me. About ten feet from me, it stopped, the air shifting once again.
A strong wind picked up, whipping my flaming hair around me, and sending a melody through the willows nearby. The mist that hung over the gloomy ruins of the gazebo shifted with the strong breeze. As it shifted, so did the form before me, and the vision that stared back at me was one that made my heart stop. His blond hair was disheveled, some of it hanging over his eyes, and his clothes hung in tatters around him. There was something in his multi-colored hazel eyes that held me where I was, something wild.
Bright orange flared in the ring around his irises, and I felt as though I were looking into the eyes of a feral predator, not the man who haunted my dreams. There was no doubt whatsoever in my mind nor my heart that it was Aeron who stood before me, his Ghost, anyway. This Aeron, however, left me feeling unsure. For long seconds, all we did was stare at one another. I watched his eyes as he studied me, feeling like any move I made would spur him into an attack. When I could stand it no more, I took a deep breath, looking deep into his eyes.
“Aeron? Is it really you?”
He blinked, and I saw the battle within him. His eyes contracted, his pupils shrinking and enlarging alternately. His gaze moved down my body, and then back up, and the heat signature around him seemed to be cooling.
“Valkyrie?”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I knew that if I were seeing his Ghost, that I was seeing the unarguable truth that Aeron was dead. “It’s me.”
Aeron’s gaze twitched, and he seemed to be assessing the area around us. “I…I don’t know where I am…can’t seem to find my way back…”
When his eyes returned to my face, the haunted look within them made me want to weep. I felt the hot tears in my eyes, and felt the sting that hit my sinuses. With small erratic breaths, I tried to get control of my emotions. “Aeron…you died.”
His gaze was still locked with
mine, but his jaw muscle ticked, and the animalistic look began to return. I wasn’t sure if he was angry, or wild. “Aeron?”
“I am not dead, Valkyrie. I am…merely stuck…” his eyes bored into mine, willing me to understand, but I didn’t.
“I hear you, sometimes, in my thoughts.”
His eyes softened momentarily. “I know. I hear you too. I see you at all times. I haven’t really left you.”
A small sob tore from my throat, and my legs gave out from beneath me. Pulling my gaze from his, I stared down at the dirt beneath me as I crumbled onto my knees. “You need to leave me, Aeron. I can’t keep going on like this. I’m losing my mind, and if I keep letting your death haunt me, I’ll doom the world.”
Lifting my face slowly, I bit my lip to stop its trembling. I was aware of the tiny, hot tear that tracked slowly down my cheek. “Please.”
Aeron’s face had become pained. His eyes accused me, and I didn’t need to ask what he accused me of. I was the reason he was gone. I was the one who ended his life. I was the one who had haunted him so long.
“You can’t let me go, Valkyrie, no more than I can let you go. You are the fire that lights my way through the dark. The spark that ignites my flames…you can’t live without me…”
Another sob tore from me. “I killed you Aeron! I burned you! Don’t you get it? It’s my fault you’re gone. I didn’t deserve you four centuries ago, and I don’t deserve you now. I’m sorry…but I have to let you go.”
I stood up, the wind seeming to gather strength around me, and I turned away from the tormented expression of the face of the man I loved. I had to let him go, I had to move on, or I wouldn’t be able to stop the gathering darkness in the world, or inside of myself. If I didn’t stop my obsession with a dead man, I would be the reason the world would go dark. I didn’t need the words of a prophecy to tell me that there was darkness in me, that it wanted this world to fall. I didn’t need a Witch, or a demented Corvo to remind me of the finely twisted line I tread every day.
Valkyrie Divided (Pyralis Book 2) Page 15