by CC Bridges
“Well, I assume you had us skip out to get into some kind of trouble.” Although knowing James, his kind of trouble would be ending up at an antique mechanical parts store, if such a thing existed. James liked putting stuff together and taking it apart, particularly older things like classic cars and, in one case, an ancient sewing machine.
James laughed. “No, I just wanted to get away from everyone.”
“Oh.” Cole kept walking. “Any reason?”
James didn’t answer him, and for a moment, that fear rose up again. What if James had noticed and wanted privacy to tell Cole to cut it out? Maybe he was working up the courage to tell Cole he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Maybe he….
James let out a strangled sound, something between a cry of frustration and a sob. He slammed into Cole, nearly knocking him against a tree, and planted a kiss on his mouth. “That.” James pulled away. His face had gone red, and he appeared to be breathing heavily. “I’m sorry. I can’t hide it anymore. I like you, Cole, like, more than just a friend. I understand if you don’t want….”
Cole cut him off before James could utter nonsense. “James.” He stepped close and took James by the shoulders to keep him from running off again. “Give me a real kiss.”
“Oh.”
Cole didn’t wait for anything more articulate. He leaned forward, not knowing what to expect, not knowing exactly how to kiss but knowing he needed more of James. Their lips pressed together, at first hesitant, a soft “getting to know you” kiss. Then Cole tried for deeper, opening his mouth, capturing James’s lip between his, trying to figure out what James tasted like.
James caught his arms around Cole’s waist and groaned into Cole’s mouth. When he pulled away, he was still flushed, but now in a good way. “I guess it’s not just me, then.”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Cole said fondly. He touched their foreheads together, wanting more but not wanting to get caught. “You have terrible timing. We have to get back before Mr. S does a head count and finds us missing.”
“I have wonderful timing.” James took Cole’s hand as they started walking back down the path. “Want to come over after school and watch a movie?”
“Is this a date?”
“Do you want it to be?”
“Hell yes.”
Cole smiled at the memory as he and Liz wandered down what he assumed had to be the same path he and James found all those years ago. He didn’t remember, but somehow James had. His phone beeped. “We have found our marked location.” Cole repeated the words from the app.
Liz looked around. “I see trees.”
“Hmm.” She was right. They were surrounded by trees without leaves, the ground still covered in dry old foliage. It made Cole a little sad, like winter always did. Without snow to blanket everything in white, it just looked rotting and dead.
“James is Army,” he mused, stalking off the path to kick up some leaves. “It has to be camouflaged in some way.”
“But he’d want you to find it, just not any random person walking around.”
“Right….” Cole looked up at the trees, but they stretched too high for anything to be in their branches. Something caught his eye—a carving on the bark with his own initials. They hadn’t done that when they were here as teens, so somehow James must have done this.
But when?
Cole walked over to the tree and pressed his hand against the letters. It didn’t magically open up, and he blew out a breath, frustrated. He stepped back and nearly stumbled over a loose brick.
Wait a minute. Cole bent down and picked up the red brick that should not have been in the dirt. It wasn’t a brick at all. It was a box. “Got it.”
“How the hell do you open that?” Liz came over for a closer look.
Cole flipped it over and slid out the bottom. He took a breath before unearthing the contents. Another puzzle piece and a slim piece of paper in a plastic bag. Upon closer look, the paper appeared to be a coupon for a pizza place not that far from where he lived.
“I guess we’re going out for pizza tonight.”
Liz grabbed the coupon. “Read the fine print, Cole.”
On the bottom of the paper, it read: To be used only by Cole Peters on December 15th. Please hand to your server before ordering.
“Next weekend, then.” Cole carefully tucked both items in his pocket. He looked at the box and frowned. “Should I leave this here?”
“Take it home. You don’t want to leave a mystery behind.” Liz linked arms with him.
Cole grinned. Maybe he should leave something behind for the next kid to stumble into his first kiss beneath this tree. It might have been a long way to come for his next clue, but Cole was glad James had reminded him of that moment. He felt closer to James, like the miles between them didn’t matter.
“YOU’RE AN art teacher, and you have plastic ornaments?” Liz held up one of the golden balls dangling from a silver hook.
Cole looked up from his sorting through the gnarled wires of lights, and grinned. “Those are James’s. He grew up with dogs, so he got used to plastic. Glass is dangerous.”
He’d invited Liz over before their next adventure at Tony’s Pizza. She was serious about wanting him to decorate, so Cole indulged and took all the Christmas boxes out of storage. The artificial tree had held up even after being stuffed into a giant Tupperware container.
James didn’t like real Christmas trees. He preferred them alive and growing in their natural environment. Cole didn’t want to deal with the mess, so artificial it was. It certainly made the setup easier.
Now if he could only get these lights sorted. Next year maybe they should spring for a prelit tree. It would save even more time. He said as much to Liz.
“Cole, the point is to enjoy the journey. Decorating is fun.” She pulled out a box of really old candy canes, still wrapped.
Cole winced. That should have hit the trash a long time ago. “Don’t eat any of those. You’ll break a tooth.” He left the lights on the floor and stepped over them to join her in sorting. “Why do I have Christmas cards from five years ago?” He picked up an envelope from his old college roommate with a return address that hadn’t been right since 2013.
“How long has it been since you went through these boxes?”
“James always pulled stuff out when we needed it. I guess we kept putting things in there without looking.” Cole felt an ache in his chest. He should be doing this with James at his side. Much as he loved Liz, her friendship couldn’t soothe this pain.
“Cole….”
His phone started to ring, breaking into the moment. Cole dug it out of his pocket and checked the display. He grinned as he answered. “Hey, Mrs. C.”
“Cole, how many times have I told you to call me Meg?” James’s mom responded.
“Guess I just can’t get out of the habit.” He gestured to Liz before taking the call into his bedroom for some privacy. “How are you guys?”
“If you called more frequently, you’d know.”
“Oh, ouch, I felt that burn all the way over here.”
She laughed. “I’m calling to make sure you’ll be here for Christmas.”
Cole closed his eyes and dropped down onto the bed. He hadn’t even thought about it. They always spent Christmas with James’s family since Cole had none of his own left. He’d been so lost about James not coming home for the holiday that he’d forgotten he didn’t have to be alone.
“I, uh, didn’t know I was invited. I’m sorry, that sounded stupid as soon as I said it.”
“Cole. You’re always welcome here.” Her voice had gone soft. “Who else is going to keep Jeffrey from opening up all the presents while we are eating dinner?”
Cole laughed. Jeffrey was the dog, and he apparently had a problem with wrapping paper in that he believed it belonged in his mouth, not on presents. “All right. I’ll be there. I’ll bring something for dessert.”
“That something had better be brownies.”
The Carduccis
always loved his brownies. “You know they come out of a box, right? I don’t do anything special.”
“Except bake them with love. We’ll see you soon, Cole. Take care of yourself.”
Cole could feel his cheeks heat. “I will. You too.” He ended the call and fell backward on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to face Liz just yet, not when he felt so raw on the inside.
James’s family had all but adopted him, even before Cole’s mom died. And James was with him during that horrible time.
Junior year in college. Cole didn’t even know she was sick because she didn’t want him to worry. It had been the two of them since his dad had left when Cole was just a kid. But when he went home for winter break, Cole knew something was terribly wrong. Mom just didn’t look right. She finally told him about the cancer before he went back to school.
By spring break she was dead.
Cole didn’t shut down till much later. He remembered sitting in his dorm room, staring at nothing, not even wanting to scrounge up enough effort to get out of bed. James must have knocked, or maybe Cole had left the door unlocked, but he remembered blankness and then James sitting next to him.
“Cole?” James said.
“Hey.” Cole was glad James didn’t ask if Cole was okay. Because he wasn’t, even a week after the funeral.
“You didn’t answer your phone.” James lived at another dorm across campus. They’d chosen to stay in state and go to the same college, TCNJ, about an hour away from their hometown. It was close enough to drive back every weekend but far enough to feel like an adventure.
“I just… can’t.” Cole could feel his eyes fill with tears again, and he looked away, embarrassed.
James grabbed him and hugged him tight. Cole took a deep breath, inhaling James’s scent, finding comfort at being tucked into his embrace. “I’m here.”
“For now,” Cole had blurted, so caught up in his grief.
James sat back and stared Cole right in the eye. “If you think I’m ever leaving you of my own free will….”
“That’s it. You can’t predict the future. Nobody can. People die, James. They die and then….” Cole found he was shaking, and he got to his feet and started to pace.
“So what? It’s not even worth getting to know someone? Fall in love? Life is worth living, Cole. Even if there’s an end.” James got up and grabbed Cole, stopping him from pacing. “New rule.”
“What?”
“I’m giving you twenty-four hours to mope, to dwell in darkness. But tomorrow we go start looking for the light, deal?”
It had made Cole laugh. “You should’ve been an English major.”
“That poetry class turned out useful after all.” James wrapped up Cole in his arms. “I’m not letting you go. Okay?”
“Okay.”
A knock on his bedroom door now had Cole sitting up, shaking off the memory. Liz stood in the doorway with a concerned expression on her face. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s fine. That was James’s mom asking me to spend Christmas with them. Just made me think about some stuff.” Cole grabbed his phone and stuffed it into his pocket. “I actually got their gifts already, so that’s a bonus.”
“Have you found something for James yet?”
Cole liked to make gifts for James. James always encouraged Cole’s artwork, even before it was any good. His first sketch of James had lacked any sense of perspective or life, even, but James kept it, along with many of the other gifts Cole had given him in high school, in a box in their closet. Every so often Cole would catch James sorting through it with a smile on his face. Cole would blush and pretend he hadn’t been watching.
But Liz didn’t know about that. She just knew Cole hadn’t decided on a gift yet. “No. But I think I know what I’m going to get you.” He got to his feet and winked at her. “Let’s see if you can guess over pizza.”
THE MOMENT they walked in the door of the pizzeria, Cole remembered the place. “James and I came here the first night we moved into this neighborhood.”
They’d finished unloading the boxes and took one look at the ones blocking the kitchen before James declared, “Pizza for dinner.” And without any plates or cups unpacked, they decided to eat out.
Liz laughed. “I feel like I’m on a tour of the greatest hits of Cole and James’s relationship.”
Instrumental Christmas music played through the tinny speakers, and lights had been hung along the walls. Green garland surrounded the doorway to the separate dining area to the right. Cole nodded at the guy handing off pizzas to a really young-looking delivery kid before they crossed the threshold to the other room. Here sat booths along the wall and tables down the center aisle, all set with green and red tablecloths. One wall had a mural of the Coliseum while the other had rows of shelves filled with bottles of olive oil.
“Just sit anywhere. I’ll be right with you.” A server gestured toward the empty seats.
Most of the tables were full, so Cole led Liz to a booth in the corner. “It does seem like that.” He slid across from her. “That’s just like James. He’s reminding me of why I fell for him all over again.”
The server returned with some menus, and Cole handed her the coupon. “I, um, assume you know what that means?”
She laughed. “Let me take those back. You have a meal for two already paid for, sir.” The server grabbed their menus and disappeared into the kitchen. Cole stared after her, his hands suddenly empty.
“Just when do you think James set this all up?” Cole shook his head.
Liz wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Probably before he left for deployment.”
Cole took out his phone and checked his email. Sometimes James couldn’t respond for a few days, but that didn’t make the wait any easier. He frowned down at the display.
“Still nothing?”
“There’s no reason to worry.” Even as he said it, Cole didn’t know whom he meant to reassure with that. “Sometimes he’s in the field and can’t respond.”
“Where, exactly, is he? You’ve never said.”
“That’s because I don’t know.” Cole settled down into the booth, his feet tapping in time to “Dominick the Donkey,” which played over the speakers. “James does some top-secret stuff, and he’s not allowed to share his location.”
James had gone to college for engineering. Cole always liked to think that meant James was out there in the world building things. He didn’t like to imagine the darker side of James’s job.
“That’s really hard, Cole. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s hard, yeah, but James is worth it.” Cole swallowed and looked down at the marble tabletop. He missed James all of a sudden in a way he hadn’t since the moment James first left on deployment. Cole missed the way James smelled—that clean pine scent hadn’t been on his pillow in a long time. He missed James’s smile. His sure, confident hands on Cole’s body. Mostly he missed having James by his side, being there when Cole needed him.
“He is,” Liz said firmly.
Cole looked up and smiled at her.
The server returned with a tray of Cole’s favorite Italian pasta dish—Fettuccine Alfredo—along with salads and warm bread. He let himself relax and enjoy a meal out with Liz. She’d been having some trouble with one of her students—a kid who couldn’t sit still during class—so he let her talk and gave some advice, and they had a lovely dinner.
Instead of the check, the server brought him a manila envelope. Cole opened it right away, revealing another puzzle piece and a paper with a grid of letters. “My next puzzle, I guess. How many of these do you think there are?”
Liz wiped her mouth. “I can’t say.”
Cole tipped the server very well.
“MR. COLE, is it okay if I make my snowflake purple instead of silver?”
Cole crouched down so he and Britni were about the same level. “You can make your snowflake any color you want. Let’s see if we have any purple glitter in the cabinet.”
He had the kids making snowflakes for the holiday despite the unseasonable weather they were having. It hardly felt like Christmas at all, even with the decorations up. But his students didn’t seem to care. They were thrumming with energy, and Cole could only hope he could keep their attention.
They had only one week left until Christmas.
Cole found a tube of purple glitter and pulled out a stack of other colors too. Britni might not be the only one who wanted to be unique, and Cole always encouraged that among his pupils.
“Ryan, do not eat the glue.”
Of course sometimes he spent more time being a referee than a teacher.
Back in college he got some flack for switching his major to education. James, however, never accused Cole of selling out, not like some of his fellow art majors. “I think you’d be a great teacher,” James said. It wasn’t like Cole would ever stop creating, and he got to share his love of art with kids, and sometimes the kids appreciated it more.
“All right, the glitter goes on the snowflake, not the floor….”
Cutting out the snowflakes was harrowing enough, but Cole realized he’d be finding glitter in everything for the next few months. He wiped his forehead and came back with stripes of purple. Liz was never going to let him live this down.
He stayed after the final bell rang, taking pictures of the drying snowflakes with his tablet and uploading them to the Artsaver website. This way the parents could log in and see what their kids had been doing and not have the joy of getting glitter all over themselves.
It was long after everyone left by the time Cole passed the front office, only to find the department secretary waving her arms at him. “You have a package!”
“What?” Cole came into the office proper. There sitting on her desk, wrapped in brown paper, was a box just like the one that was delivered to his apartment. James continued to surprise him. “Thank you!”
Cole took the box with him when he went to the coffee shop down the block from his apartment. He needed some space to think, and he might as well enjoy a too-sweet sugary drink in the process. No hot chocolate candy cane concoction for him, though. Unlike Liz, he kept his mint and his chocolate completely separate.