Our eyes meet, held in place without blinking for a few seconds. A shy smile forms at the edge of her mouth. “Yes, it’s my favorite and it’ll go for both sexes. Don’t you think?”
“I do,” I say as I look back over to the screen. The four-drawer dresser, chest, and what I guess is the crib will go perfectly in the guest room.
“I’ll need to get a smaller bed if I’m not moving.”
“We can figure it out,” she says, shifting uncomfortably next to me.
“Belle,” I say her name as if it’s the last time I’ll ever say it. She heard me, but appears to be avoiding her name from my lips. “Belle, we need to figure this out.”
She doesn’t turn to look at me; instead, she focuses on something on the screen in her lap as she responds finally, “Pax, I don’t know what all we need to figure out. I had it all worked out in my head, and then you came home and you’re staying home.”
“Belle, look at me,” I say as I turn her chin toward me. In this moment, I need to have the ability to stare into her eyes when I say this. She has to not just hear my next words; she needs to know that I mean them. That I’m not going to run away from her. I know she’s scared. Her heart is still broken from me running away.
“Listen, I love you, and you know that. This,” I say, pointing back and forth between us. “We’ll figure it out. I can stay here for a few months while I find an apartment. If I have to I’ll sleep on this couch. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll support you any way I can. I just need you to be happy.”
When I finish, I realize that I still didn’t tell her that I know it’s mine. That ball is in her court. Not that I would treat her any different, but I need to hear those words come from her lips, not Brooke, Miranda, or even Jace. Belle is the only one.
She shakes her head but like me, words are hard to find. They’ve become far and few between these days. When I came here tonight, I knew that we’d have to rebuild us before there could be an us again.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Annabelle
Pax has been back for almost a month now. Sleeping next door to me, cooking me breakfast each and every morning before we both slip out of the apartment for work. Even if I beat him home in the evenings, he insists on cooking or brings dinner home. The other day I took off to meet Brooke and Miranda for lunch and came back to a gleaming apartment and laundry washed and folded on the edge of my bed. A part of me freaked out when I realized he washed my new ugly pregnancy panties. Can I even call those things panties? They’re more like morgue underwear. Why do I call them that? It’s simple. When any guy looks at you in those hideous things, it will kill any pleasure or desire that you might’ve had. Hint to the word morgue. His boner will go straight to the morgue where we can bury it for however many more months you have to wear them. Don’t get me started on the plain white bra that now supports my HUGE breasts. It’s a toss-up between them and my belly on which has gained more weight.
It’s Saturday morning, and I’m expected to go see my parents today. I was able to lie and get out of the last trip, using work as an excuse. In the past, I’ve never ignored them like I am now. I’d go up at least once a month for a late lunch, and return back to the city that night. With it being a little over an hour and a half with no traffic it was easy to do. This morning it feels like I’m going on a trip across country with no return pass. If I tell them that I’m carrying Paxton’s child, it’ll get back to his parents which will get back to him. And since I’m too chicken to tell him that it’s his, I’ve gotten really good at avoiding the question, “Why haven’t you told him, yet?” “How is it he lives in your house and still doesn’t know?” “When are you telling him? If you don’t soon, we will.” Not to mention, my sister is about to explode from keeping this secret. I’m pretty shocked that she’s been able to keep it for this long.
It’s September, and I’m five months to the date. I could wear a sweater to cover up the fact that I swallowed a watermelon seed with an extra dose of Miracle Grow on it. But that’s not really going to work since I’ll die from being overheated. Not to mention, none of the ones I have fit the way they need to. Which lands me on the only option that I have. Maternity jeans and a top. Now to figure out which one. I’m standing in front of my closet dragging my feet on changing when Paxton knocks on the doorframe. Turning my head to him, I say, “Come on in.”
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to find an outfit that will hide this,” I say, pointing down to my belly.
“You know you have to tell them. Don’t worry, I’ll be right beside you,” he states, which makes me turn my whole body toward him with my eyes as round as my new midsection.
“What do you mean? Are you coming with me?” I say, breathless.
“Of course, I’m not going to let you drive all the way there and back alone.”
“You don’t have to do that. I make this trip all the time.”
“Yes, but not since you’ve been pregnant. I’ll drive. We leave in ten, so move that ass of yours.”
Just like that he disappears from the room, leaving me standing here with my mouth agape. Pulling it together, I snatch a pair of jeans from the hanger and search for my black maternity boyfriend tee. Changing, I grab my gray cardigan and slip on a pair of flats that I know will only last on my feet until I get in the car. With my purse in tow, I go search for Paxton, who I find in the kitchen packing snacks.
Laughing, I ask, “What are you doing?”
“You might get hungry, and instead of stopping I’m bringing healthy things to eat. I’ve got your apples, some almonds, water, those chips you like and a small thing of juice.”
“You realize this is less than a two-hour drive, right?”
“I do, but do you realize that you eat every thirty minutes?”
“I do not.” My voice hitches in my throat, and even I don’t believe those words because it’s true—I eat all day long.
“Okay, maybe I do.”
“You ready?”
“No, but I guess I have to do this.”
“You do, and once you tell them you’ll feel so much better.” When he says this, I can’t help but look at him. He has no idea that I won’t feel a hundred percent better. I still have to find a way to tell him. That’s been a huge weight on my shoulders, but I’m the only one to blame for this. Every time I bring myself to say something, I shut it down like a nuclear warhead about to attack.
“I’ll take your word for it, but you know my parents just as well as I do, and they are going to flip that I’m knocked up with no ring or man by my side.”
“Give them some credit.”
I shrug Paxton’s words off. It’s now not the fact that I have to explain it to my parents, it’s the fear of the question that will be asked. “Who’s the father?” What do I answer with? I don’t know. Paxton, but he doesn’t know. It just happened… I think I was abducted by an alien and they did this to me. You know how the city is. Okay fine, that last one will totally not go over, but I have to admit it sounds pretty good. I’ll keep that one in the response bank for backup.
Paxton leads me out and down to the sidewalk where my car is waiting for me. I never use it anymore as I hate to drive in the city. It’s quicker to either get an Uber, taxi, walk, or use the subway. Paxton keeps his car in his father’s garage back home. There’s never been a reason for him to have it in the city since he was never here. I half expected him to bring it here weeks ago, but to my surprise, he’s not mentioned it. I can’t help but wonder if he’ll send me back in mine as he drives his back home. I don’t bother to ask as my nerves are on edge as we make our way out of the city. We merge onto I-278 north and before I know it, I’m reaching inside the packed goody bag for a snack.
“Told you,” he says with a snicker.
“Shut it. I’m stress eating.”
“Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?”
“No, and you don’t have to keep telling me that.”
“Yes, I
do, I mean it.”
“Thanks,” is the only thing I can come back with. The last month things have been different between us. We’re still best friends, and I’m not a hundred percent sure if it’s the hormones that are coursing through my body, but Paxton’s been attentive to every single thing that I want and don’t even know that I need. It’s like we’re a couple. Ones who sleep in different rooms. Jace and Paxton seem to be getting along better, but that could be because Jace is so busy with his modeling that I hardly see him anymore. He still brings me his famous hamburger patties when he’s able, and Paxton cooks them for me when I’m craving one.
Leaning my head back, I focus on how two men in my life are polar opposites but seem to be major parts of my life. Take Paxton for example. He’s known me since we were ten years old. He’s been there through a lot in my life and still is. I love Paxton. When he was gone and I needed someone to lean on, Jace took that place. We’ve only known each other for about six months, but he’s become a fixture in my life that I’d miss if he was gone. I love Jace, but in a different way. He’s like a brother to me, not someone that I would see myself with in the future. Plus, he’s not into me that way. He’s expressed how he’d always wanted a sister and finally found one a few doors down. That’s our connection, and I wouldn’t change it. Paxton and I have history—history that is forever engraved into our souls. Today feels like one of those days that could change everything between us. When my family questions me, I know I’ll not be able to hide it from them or him. Pretty sure that the famous question of each and every day will no longer be needed when we return to the city tonight. It’ll be a new one. “What did he say when you told him?”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Paxton
Belle didn’t know that I planned to go with her today to her parent’s house. I knew the moment she turned around to face me that I just rocked her world. There’s no way I was going to let her drive there and back alone. Not to mention, it would mess up my plan that I’ve been working on for the last few weeks. Everything has a moment in life when it needs to be revealed. Every special thing has to be made just as special as the one you’re doing it for. I have to admit that I was chipper when she postponed her last visit home. It gave me time to do what needed to be done. I’ve been waiting on the sidelines for a month. Four long weeks. Thirty days of cold showers. Thirty days of no games, no snuck-in touches. I’ve kept my distance all while being right there next to her. I’ve tried to show her that I can be more than what I was. That I’m here for good. That the running is long behind me. Belle’s the only thing that I plan to run to for the rest of time. I’m just praying that today doesn’t backfire in either one of our faces. Quickly, I glance over to Belle. She’s lost in her own world as she stares out the car window. My mind drifts back to the day we left home for college.
“If you win, you get to drive. If I win, I drive and control the radio,” I say as we stand in the driveway of her parents’ house.
“Fine, but I get to go first,” she says with a smile before placing her O down on the ripped-up sheet of paper we found from her floorboard in the back seat. I watch her as she focuses on my moves. It’s really unfair at this point to even bet her. I know her moves, even if she hesitates before marking her block. I know where she’ll place it before she does. This is one of the effects she has on me. I know every step she’ll make before she will. It doesn’t hurt because I know where to catch her when she falls. I can’t help but laugh when she tosses the keys at me when she realizes I’ve got the winning move.
“You cheated,” she says, rounding the front of the car to the passenger side.
“I did not, you’ve just become a sore loser.”
“I’m not playing with you anymore, Pax. We can’t do this in college.”
“Why not?”
“Because, people will find it weird. What are we going to do, play tic-tac-toe for the rest of our lives?”
“Yes, that’s the way Belle and Pax do things. And if anyone has a problem with that, we don’t need them in our lives.”
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
“I do,” I say, but I don’t continue my sentence. I want to tell her that I’m crazy about her, but I made a promise to her father that I wouldn’t block her from having the experiences of a lifetime while away at college. I know exactly what he meant when he asked me. Even though I can only see myself with her, Belle needs to experience what life has to offer before settling for anything less. I can’t give her the life she should be given, but I promise to make something of myself. To make my life better where I can give her that life. I’ll still be her best friend, but I’ll always be in the background watching over her.
“Did you look at the map for the dorms yet?” I ask.
“I did. Can you believe we’re going to college?”
“I can for you, but I’m still shocked I got in,” I say as I drift back to my grades. It wasn’t until the last year that I pulled my shit together. It took Belle saying she got in and that’s when the realization hit that we were going to be separated. I’m not ready to let her go, yet. With many long nights studying, getting a tutor and bringing my grades up, I was able to get the scholarship that I needed to follow her. It’s crazy how she has no idea that I would follow her to the South Pole and back if she asked. This had been our dream since we were in middle school. We’d go to college, meet our future husband/wife, and grow old together. Belle just doesn’t realize that I’ve already met mine. She’s my life, and one day I’m going to drop down to one knee and ask her to marry me. I just have to get my shit together before that can happen.
We’re pulling up to her parents’ driveway when I notice she’s still fast asleep. Gently I nudge her. “Belle, we’re here,” I say, getting grumbles in return. Her sister’s the first person to step out on the porch. I let out a breath of air before I get out of the car and go around to open her door.
“Can we just leave?” she asks as I take her hand to help her out.
“No, Belle. It’s time.”
“I don’t wanna,” she pouts, and I can’t help but let out a deep laugh at her antics. She’s adorable when she doesn’t want to do something. We both look up toward the house at the same time, which also means we see the expressions on both her mother’s and father’s faces together.
I lean my head down and whisper in her ear, “You’re strong, Belle, and I’m right here.”
We walk hand in hand, like we’re a couple, toward her family. I’m not sure if our hands are tangled together for support, affection, or just a show that we have each other’s back. Either way, I’m not letting go until she does. With each step up, I can feel the tension, the questions, and confusion between her and her parents. I notice Julie, her sister, stepping to the side as if she’s prepared a big bowl of popcorn just for this occasion. I glare over at Julie, who not only is excited but tickled pink that her do-no-wrong sister has been keeping a major secret from her parents. See, you have to understand that Julie has been labeled the troublemaker when it comes to the two of them. Belle was the straight-A student, the one who walked a straight line. Versus Julie who struggled in school and had so many different boyfriends that we had to keep notecards with names to keep them straight. We had a close call with her almost marriage a few years ago, but the stars aligned and she woke up to call things off a week before the wedding. Ever since that day, Julie’s gotten her life in order, and I can’t say that I’ve been more proud of anyone in my life than I’ve been with her. All she needed to do was find something and not someone she’s passionate about. Just so happens she has an interview with Howard next week thanks to me. Her writing and photography are subpar, and she’s impressed the shit out of me with it.
“Mom, Dad,” Belle says, stepping up on the porch. Neither of them says a word; they can’t stop staring at her with blinking eyes. Belle grips my hand a little tighter before letting go. I take my cue to step to the side, closer to where Julie’s observing from.
“Young lady, I think you have some explaining to do,” her father says, but his eyes are trained in on me. She doesn’t have to tell him, nor do I—he already knows or assumes he knows.
Julie leans down and whispers in my ear, “If I were you, I’d run.” This causes me to chuckle, and I realize that it might have been out of place and louder than I anticipated.
“Something amusing, Paxton?” Mr. Quinn asks, causing me to straighten my shoulders.
“No, sir.”
“Come on, everyone, let’s go inside. No reason to make a scene out here for the neighbors,” Mrs. Quinn says, ushering us all in through the screen door. Mr. Quinn stops me before I can enter.
“I think it’s best you go see your parents and let us deal with this.”
“Sorry, I’m not leaving unless Belle wants me to.”
“I see you’ve not changed much.” He says this under his breath, just loud enough for only me to hear. I cut my eyes past him and into the house where I see Belle pleading with me to play nice. I don’t think that her father truly hates me, he just wants the best for his little girl. In the early years, he was like a second father to me. The older I got, things changed. When my parents split, Mr. Quinn became a different person toward me. I’ve never figured out the reason for this change, and I’ve never asked. I’ve always assumed he thought it wasn’t a good example, and he didn’t want to break his daughter’s heart. Not that I would ever do that on purpose. He’s not aware of our ups and downs. If he is, Belle’s never given me the impression of it. Julie motions at me to come on.
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