Feeling clammy from the basement still, he picked up the box of books and headed up the stairs. Taking his time unlocking his door, he took advantage of being able to catch his breath for a moment. His thoughts were struggling between school, the band, and this puzzle involving immortality as he downed a glass of water.
Pulling out the first dusty book his hand grabbed, he wiped off layers of dust. It was a worn-out photo album that looked extremely antique-like. It sparked his interest as he stared at the battered black cover, showing its age. It revealed nothing about what he may find inside; clearly, it had been untouched for a very long time. His cell phone started vibrating and playing TOOL’s Parabola. Throwing the book back in its box, he answered it.
“Kyle just picked me up, we’re headed your way!” Her cheerful tone brought a smile to his lips. “Did you finish up with that work order for Anne?”
“Yea, it was just a light bulb thing. I’ll be out front waiting on you guys.” After short goodbyes, he hung up.
Throwing his shirt to the ground with the rest of his dirty clothes, he decided a change of clothes was in order. He pulled a nicer black shirt out of his closet, one of the few actually hanging, and put it on. As he buttoned it up, he looked up at the TOOL poster that was slightly lit up like a night light from the sun it blocked. He cracked a slight grin as he thought about how much it was like him.
That’s a good way of seeing this whole thing. I’m the obstacle in the way, and in my own way at that. I’m on the verge of seeing it all, but I can’t step out of the way so the information can move freely. Where’s Talib anyhow? I really was hoping he would get back to me sooner than this. Not even one letter lately. They stopped as soon as they started and I can’t seem to bring myself to write a letter to hand to Jake without knowing exactly who he is. What could be so important to abandon me? Leave me to the wind like this when I am clearly the element that caused this mess. What else is happening that I am not aware of? I get the feeling it would still fall back on my shoulders and the knots in my stomach say it has to do with mistakes made by the original Hotan.
He locked his apartment door behind him and headed down the stairs in silence thinking deeply about things. Walking out into the bright warm sunlight, he sat down on the front steps of the old brick apartment building, watching the neighborhood road. Waiting for his ride to arrive, he stared at the doves sitting on a nearby fence cooing softly. They would move every so often on their perches, ruffling their feathers. A car drove pass and they all fled to the other side of the fence, except one. He gave it more attention as he observed the soft brown color of its feathers as it twitched its head, as if staring back at him with the same sense of curiosity. Only difference it had from the rest of its comrades was the dark black marking on the feathers on its neck, making it look like a collar. Another car drove pass and it flew off into the blinding brightness of the sun, instead of the path that the other doves had taken.
Sighing, he now gazed at his bike, admiring the gleam of the light off the curves. He recalled a time where he worried more about it than himself, but now, there were more concerning things to think about.
What scares me the most is I still don’t know if I’m going crazy? Maybe I am stuck in my own reality and I just need to wake up. How do I explain everything? Kyle was able to use his power. There was no explanation for it. It’s so intangible sounding but there it is screaming in my face. It’s real. It wants me to know it’s real. What kind of power sleeps inside me? They must have some way of knowing I have it. Why can’t I use it? What kind of aftermath does it cause when I use it? All the elements are connected. That’s what Callan said. Nothing is ever going to be the same. This always happens to me. Why can’t I be left alone by fate’s changing tides? I feel so naïve in this situation. Everything has a purpose or meaning; how I am supposed to interpret it all into one cohesive answer? I can’t do this for much longer. Groping blindly through this is getting me nowhere.
Kyle’s car pulled up and slowed to a stop. Shellie was in the back and smiled happily as he shut the door and the vehicle began to move. They all sat in silence, each of them thinking of the situation at hand yet unsure how to start a conversation like normal. Sighing, Hotan couldn’t mistake the fact the tension in the car was due to them all stuck on the supernatural chaos that has invaded their lives.
Too many questions, not enough answers.
Kyle broke the silence, his voice was deep as he started, “Should we tell Shellie? Tell her something about what’s going on?”
Hotan shot a look at him then looked into the back of the car at Shellie. “I kind of told her about it, clued her in at least.” Wonder what she said on the drive over.
“Oh?” Kyle gave her a glance through the rear view mirror. “Ok, that makes things less awkward.”
“Yea, I know about it.” Sighing, she looked down at her fiddling fingers. “It’s definitely really weird. That tattoo is massive and the idea of it just appearing overnight is unnerving.”
“Did you tell her about me?” A red light caught them and Kyle slowed to a stop. “Or just about you?”
“No, I didn’t mention you.” Hotan returned his gaze out the window watching the people walk up and down the sidewalks, chatting happily to one another. “I didn’t want to say more than what was needed.”
It took a lot of pressure to get me to tell her what little I did. Now Kyle just wants to throw in the crazier side. I didn’t want to get her that involved. I can barely believe it myself, even if Kyle can somewhat use his element of fire. This is more surreal, where Talib makes me think I should be feeling nostalgic. I don’t think I can handle her looking at me with those eyes I love so much as if I were crazy and a million miles away from reality.
“What about you?” Shellie leaned in between them as the light turned green again. Hotan received her fiery glare for a moment as she spoke, “What do you mean tell me about you, Kyle?”
“I’m basically in the same situation.” Kyle sighed as he switched into the left lane. “I have the same thing.”
“You have the marks, the tattoo-like marks on your back, too.” She pleaded for more information from Kyle.
“Yea,” Kyle glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes. “I have that too.”
“Strange, but does it have a different temperature from the rest of your skin, like Hotan’s?” She leaned back in her seat, but Hotan dodged looking her in the eyes and went back to gazing out his window. “His doesn’t feel, natural.”
“That would be putting it mildly.” Kyle answered angrily. “I melted a chair today, got in-school suspension over it.”
Hotan cracked a smile, but it faded again.
“What?” Shellie gapped. “Melted? A chair?”
“Yep,” Kyle huffed, “And I don’t need a lighter anymore to light my candles. Never again!”
“How come you have it though? You two are best friends, so.” Shellie paused a minute and twisted her face. “You didn’t join some satanic cult or something did you guys? Is this thing contagious?”
“No.” They replied hastily. She finds it just as hard to believe as I do.
“Just woke up with it, just like me” Hotan looked back at her, calm and stern. Please don’t think I’m crazy, Shel. “But there’s still a whole lot I don’t know. That’s why I didn’t say much else.”
“Well.” She sighed giving a soft smile, but it was weak. “Just keep me informed ok.”
Kyle took a left turn into a parking lot and found a decent place to park. “We’re here!”
Chapter Twelve
They walked up to the large gray business building and pushed through the glass doors, entering in silence. Each of them were far from focusing on their purpose for being there. Questions rolled in their heads of the turmoil the unexplainable had stirred. Head and hearts argued on how far one could push the boundaries of the line they once knew as reality. Hotan led them down the hallway to the right where some elevators were waiting.
He had been there a couple of times but always felt a need to double check. A chart hung on the wall that revealed what floor the radio station would be located on. They patiently waited for the elevator to make its way down from the top floor and got on. The fourth floor button lit up in response to Hotan’s finger press and he leaned against the wall, watching the doors slide close. It gave a slight moan as it first started, but met its destination in silence, smoothly slowing to a stop. Walking out into a small lobby, a secretary was stapling pamphlets. They waited patiently for her to gain a free moment.
“May I help you?” She nudged her glasses up on her nose.
“Yes, we’re here about the Big Band tryouts?” Hotan watched as she straightened herself. “How do we sign up for that? Do we need to see someone in particular?”
“Oh. Umm, hold on and let me see if Becca’s busy.” She walked through a door and disappeared for a few minutes. The door opened once more and she motioned them in, “She’s waiting for you, third door on the left.”
Hotan mumbled a thank you as they all wondered down the hall to the door in question.
This is the one thing in my life I have to look forward to, something that I want for myself. Not for mom, not because I’m supposed to do it, not because someone asked me to do it, or pressured me into this; I’m doing it for me.
“Hiya!” The short haired girl greeted them warmly, her glasses propped on top of her head. “I’m Becca and I am in charge of the Big Band signups!”
“Hi.” Hotan lifted an eyebrow as he observed her small tidy office full with jars of candies. “We’re the local band that plays over at 7even’s, Closet Hobos. I’m Hotan, lead singer, and this is my drummer, Kyle, and bassist, Shellie. We wanted to enroll for the Big Band competition you’ve been announcing on your station.”
“So you want to enter for the Big Band huh?” Becca flopped her glasses back to her nose as she sorted throw a drawer that had already been open. “So glad to see you here! I’ve seen you guys play over at Chaz’s club, and your one of the best cover bands around.”
Hotan grinned hearing the praise. “What do we need to do?”
“Just fill out this application and just drop it back off along with CD that has at least three songs. They should be songs your group will be planning to perform.” She handed Hotan a three-page packet. “In short, you should bring back or mail this packet along with a disc in two weeks.”
He scanned the papers over, making sure he got any questions out of the way before walking away. “Why three songs?”
“If you make it through the initial judging and get into the actual concert part of the competition, you will need a minimum of three songs. Two for competing and the last one in case you make it to the final showdown, normally two or three bands are left at that point. Be sure to state where you found your resources such as sheet music and lyrics.” She leaned back in her chair. “Any more questions?”
“Nope, I think that takes care of everything.” Shaking hands with Becca, they made their way back out of the building. Finally, something I can focus on that I have some sort of control over.
“I can record it for you guys.” Shellie commented, “It’s the least I can do since I won’t be making the age requirement.”
Kyle gleamed happily as they waved bye to the secretary as they headed into the elevator. “Where are we going to record it at?”
“I figured we could do it at Chaz’s club. If we show up before opening, we can easily record three songs with no problems.” Taking the papers from Hotan, she began to flip through them as well. “And since I have the best handwriting, I’ll fill this all out.”
“My handwriting isn’t that bad.” Hotan furrowed his brow as he looked at her coy smile. “It’s very legible compared to Kyle’s, if you consider what he does writing. At least, I don’t think it’s in the English language.”
“Hey!” Huffing, Kyle punched Hotan’s shoulder as they started laughing. “At least I try!”
“Hotan, don’t be so mean.” Shellie hugged his arm, joining in their laughter, happy to see the tension in Hotan’s muscles break.
“I still can’t figure out how the teacher’s read anything he turns in.” He winked at her, “Nothing mean about it, just being an honest friend that’s all.”
“No worries, I’m used to it by now.” A grin stretched across Kyle’s face and a sparkle came to his eyes. “But, I did get a step ahead of him! First time that I, Kyle, am more superior than the all-knowing Hotan!”
“A step ahead, how?” Hotan looked over at him with great amusement, pushing the exit door open for Shellie. “I don’t recall any time where you’re one step ahead. Did I miss something?”
“At least I can use my power.” Kyle bragged as he unlocked his car.
Hotan struggled to swallow down the knot that lumped itself in his throat.
No, Kyle! Don’t say anything else!
“Power?” She had felt the tension return to his arm tenfold, his muscles as hard as a rock. “What power? What on earth are you talking about?”
“It’s nothing.” Hotan was abrupt in his response as they got into the car and Kyle started the engine, flipping the AC on full blast.
I can’t think of anything to say!
His mind was failing him, how could he possibly cover something so absurd?
If I would stop panicking I could crack a joke, or laugh it off. What’s wrong with me, has it really gotten under my skin this badly?
Kyle paused deep in thought as he stared at Hotan. The motor purred in the background, it was physically visible that his distraught feelings were wrecking Hotan’s thoughts. “Guess I’ll shut up now. You have a point, I never can be a step ahead of you, Hotan.”
“Ye-yeah,” The car backed out of the parking lot as Hotan’s thoughts crawled their way out of the flurry of concerns.
I need to get a grasp on myself. I can’t shut down like this…
“Hotan, you’re such a jackass.” Kyle mumbled as he pulled onto the road. “Always so smart and carefree about it too.”
“I know.” Hotan smirked looking out his window, relieved that Kyle managed to redirect the conversation.
Since when did Kyle start being so clever?
“So, is someone going to explain what you are talking about?” Shellie leaned in between them. “You made no sense. What powers?”
“Nothing.” Hotan and Kyle mumbled in unison as they avoided eye contact with her.
Kyle’s voice was filled with regret and almost inaudible. “Forget about it.”
Shellie huffed, frustrated with all the secrets being held away from her. “So where are we going?”
“Jessica’s restaurant.” The car paused at a stop sign as Kyle spoke. “I’m starving!”
“Haven’t talked to her in a while anyhow.” Pouting, Shellie flopped back in her seat.
“When we get there I have to run next door.” Hotan was still staring out his window, watching buildings pass as they made their way through the city.
I need to clear my head. Maybe breaking off from Kyle and Shellie will help me gather my composure again. Why am I breaking apart so easily?
“No problem.” Kyle turned the car left, he had lost his normal cheerful mood. “Go clear your head, man.”
Shellie looked over at him watching the reflection of his face on the glass of the car window. “Why? Is everything ok?”
“I have to walk around the block to 7even’s and talk to Chaz. After that I want to stop at that bookstore across the street to ask the owner about something.” He turned to face her with a stern expression, still set on limiting what Shellie should know. “Is that ok?”
“I was just curious. I have no reason to worry. At least you have Kyle involved, and the fact you are no longer trying to deal with it alone makes me feel a tad better.” Looking away, he could see her body language screamed that she was angry that she could not be his shoulder to lean on.
Sorry, Shel. I can’t tell you about things that I s
till don’t completely believe in myself either.
“We’re here!” Kyle chimed as he parallel parked a few feet from the entrance to Benny’s Place. “Hooray! Hamburgers!”
“See you guys in a few minutes.” Hotan was out of the car before Kyle had even turned it off.
“But aren’t you hungry?” Shellie was struggling out of the back of the mustang. She smoothed out her beige skirt and straightened her white petite shirt. “I haven’t seen you eat anything today. In fact, you haven’t been eating much at all.”
“Annie invited me to have dinner with her and my sponsor.” He cleared his throat to reassess himself. “Order me some fries.” She’s right. I am forgetting to eat, and I don’t feel hungry or tired like I normally would by now. Am I really becoming immortal? Or is my mind making me think I no longer need food?
“Ok.” She hugged him tight, kissing his cheek before walking inside the restaurant with Kyle.
Hotan headed in the other direction, making his way through the crowded sidewalk. A meter maid was humming happily as she wrote a ticket for a car near a bum as he walked pass.
Sometimes I can’t help but wonder about the irony in life. That bum has change in his cup, and the person who gave it to him is probably the one getting that ticket right now. Was that really worth the risk? Will you be compensated for taking a leap of faith, small or large, in the long-run? How much risk do I need to take to see a positive result? I’ve never done anything that I couldn’t see the end product right away or knew the definite outcome. Have I been wasting my life this whole time? Was I thinking about life incorrectly? Am I not the aftermath of someone else’s risk? How much longer will this recoil continue? He’s not even here to see what he’s done; let alone the destruction of my life.
I just get the unnerving feeling that it’s more astronomical than what it’s started as. It’s unfair that the person who put this domino effect into play no longer exists. I’m taking the heat for this, all alone, just because I look like him and inherited his element! What was this supposed to be like? How am I to fix someone else’s mistake if I don’t understand how he even used the power? What mistake was made in the first place to have to erase yourself from existence? All I know is that if I figure out what went so wrong with HIM, I might be able to figure out a way to put things in order. I may not be the original Hotan, but I definitely don’t want to see this ordeal stretch out much longer. I just want to be done with this whole otherworldly matter and go back to my simple day-to-day life.
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