Caroline rolled her eyes. “Bless your heart. You probably don’t even know how to work a clitoris. I’ll give you a tip. It’s located near the top of the vagina, sugar. You know what that looks like, right?”
Everyone busted out into laughs and then fake coughs.
“I don’t know why you are being so mean to me, Caroline. Pretty soon I’m going to confess my undying love for you.”
I leaned down into Kirsten’s ear. “Wanna take a walk with me?”
She looked over to everyone else. “We shouldn’t go too far. We are probably leaving for the hall soon.”
“We won’t be gone long, I promise.” I handed our flutes over to Derek and grabbed Kirsten’s hand.
“Why did Derek just wink at you?” Kirsten asked while we walked towards the water.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I didn’t notice. Maybe he had something in his eye.”
I was starting to sweat. Maybe I should ask her now. Then, when we get to the hall, everyone will know that she belongs to me.
“Drew, why are you acting funny?” she asked.
I stopped and pulled my love into my arms. “Because all I’ve wanted to do since the moment you walked down that aisle is kiss you. God, you look beautiful, baby.”
“Then, I highly suggest you kiss me,” she whispered while grabbing my tie to pull me closer.
We heard Derek yelling at us. “Hey, you two lovebirds! Can you hurry it up? We want to get to the hall.”
I placed my forehead on Kirsten’s. “Guess that is our cue to leave.”
She smiled and gave me one quick kiss on the lips. “I guess so.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together and welcome in the bridal party!” the DJ shouted.
Kirsten and I were the last to enter for the bridal party. I walked her over in front of the head table and once Kirsten was standing in front of me, I kissed the back of her neck. I knew the effect it would have on Kirsten because it was the same effect that it had on me. This is going to be a long night.
When Brad and Liz entered the hall, Derek and I started whistling with our fingers, which made everyone else cheer that much louder.
“Morning, Liz. Are you ready to become Mrs. Edison today?” I teased while placing her breakfast on her lap in bed.
“God, yes. I’m thinking we should have just avoided all this hoopla and gotten married on a tropical paradise instead.”
I stole some toast off her plate. “Your mom would have killed you. Besides, you know you have always dreamed of having a fairy-tale wedding.”
“I know,” Liz said.
Liz and I ate the rest of her breakfast in silence.
“Girls, are you up?” yelled Lanie.
“Yeah!” we both shouted while crawling out of bed.
Caroline and Katie popped into Liz’s room.
“Good. Hop in the shower because we are leaving for hair and makeup in twenty minutes,” said Katie.
“Don’t forget to double shave the love nest, honey,” Caroline said.
“Why do I need to double shave down there?” Liz looked at me.
“Because, honey, you never know what Brad will do when it’s time to take off that garter,” Caroline explained before heading to the second bedroom.
I laughed. “Leave it to Caroline to make sure your sex is all up to par,” I joked.
Liz threw a pillow at me. “Come on, let’s get going.”
“I forgot how much fun it is to get your hair pulled in every direction,” grumbled Katie.
“You only say that because you have the longest hair out of all of us, and they need to use a thousand bobby pins to keep your hair in place,” replied Lanie with a relaxed face. “I find this relaxing.”
“That’s because you like rough sex,” said Caroline.
Leaning into me, Katie asked quietly, “Does Caroline always talk about sex?”
I laughed.
“I heard that Katie. When I was your wingman, trying to hook you up with your man, I didn’t see you acting like a whiny bitch.” replied Caroline.
“That’s because he was trying to get away from you!” Katie snickered.
The four of us laughed.
“Does anyone have snacks in her purse?” asked Liz.
“Oh shit! I totally forgot to bring you some,” I said, pretending to panic.
“That’s okay. I guess my baby can starve to death,” Liz joked.
“I have animal crackers in my van,” said Katie. “Want me to go get them?”
“No need,” I replied. “I made sure Kennedy ordered appetizers. They should be here any minute. I wouldn’t want our bride here to waste away.” I fanned myself for dramatic effect.
As Liz and I were stuffing our faces, Logan walked in, shooting pictures.
“Logan, put down that damn camera before I bust it,” fumed Liz.
“Holy spaz!” Lanie laughed.
Logan stood there in his spot, not knowing what to do.
“Logan pissed off the prego chick,” I sang while walking over to him.
“I-I’m sorry?” he stuttered.
Katie strolled over and put her arm around Logan’s neck. “When you see a pregnant woman, never, ever take a picture of her while she is eating. We never want to see evidence of how we stuff our mouths for nine months.”
“I’m sorry, Liz,” Logan said nervously.
Liz started crying.
“Don’t cry, Liz. Here, I’ll put my camera away.” Logan started sliding his bag over his shoulder.
“It’s not that. I’m starting to show now. I’m gonna be huge.”
I marched over to Liz and gave her a hug, “It’s a beautiful thing. Embrace it, gorgeous.”
The rest of the morning went off without a hitch. We were back at Liz’s, and we’d just finished putting on our dresses. When Logan called, “Okay you beautiful bridesmaids’ lets head outside for pictures.” I was in the hallway, looking outside the window toward the street. I was hoping to sneak a glimpse of Drew in his tux.
“You won’t see him from there,” Liz teased.
I turned around to make a smart-ass comment, but seeing Liz in her dress with her hair and makeup done left me speechless.
“I look that good, huh?” Liz joked.
I pretended to wipe drool away from my mouth. “Damn, if I had known how good you would look today, I would have tried harder to muff-dive with you back in college,” I admitted in my man voice.
“You think?” Liz turned around in a full circle.
“Totally. Brad is gonna double cream in his pants up at the altar.”
“I can’t wait to see his reaction when he discovers what I’m wearing underneath. I still can’t believe it was a gift from Logan’s grandma.”
“Come on, we all know that all old ladies sucked cock back in the day.” I snickered.
“Kirsten, why must you speak with such a filthy mouth? I know your mother did not raise you like that,” scowled Mrs. Ward.
“Sorry, Mrs. Ward. I didn’t realize you were still upstairs.”
“Well, yes, I was fixing my makeup.”
I walked over to her. “You look lovely.”
“Thank you, dear.” Liz’s mom kissed her cheek. “Your father and I are heading over to the church now. Enjoy all the moments from here on out.” She cupped Liz’s face. “They go by very quickly, especially when children arrive.”
I saw tears starting in Liz’s eyes as her mother went down the stairs. I stood in front of Liz and shook her. “No more tears, bitch, pregnant or not. The makeup artist is gone, and I sure as shit don’t know how to fix what she did to your face.”
While we were standing by the trees in the backyard, Caroline murmured in my ear, “Who’s the hunk driving the silver Camaro I saw earlier today?”
“That’s Adam. Why?”
“Honey?”
“God, no!” I laughed. “He’s a pig. I don’t know any woman who would want him as a boyfriend.”
“So, y’all won’
t mind if I dance with him?”
I gave her a funny look.
“What? Dancing is like having sex with your clothes on, except without the guilt afterward.”
“Haven’t you ever heard that if a guy can dance, he’s shit in bed?” I asked.
“No, but I’m willing to give that theory a test drive,” offered Caroline.
“Have at him.” I shivered. “See if Meg can hook you up with those condoms. I have a feeling that you’ll need them if you’re going to be bouncing with Adam.”
“What are you girls talking about?” asked Lanie.
“Caroline wants to bang Adam tonight.”
Both Liz and Katie shouted, “No!”
“He can’t be that bad?” asked the horny woman.
“No, I don’t think he’s a man-whore or anything. He just always talks with his penis,” I answered.
“Well, hell. How’s that different from how we talk?” Caroline countered.
“Easy,” replied Liz. “It comes from our vaginas.”
As the limo pulled up to the church, I reached over and grabbed Liz’s hand. “Are you ready?”
“I was born ready to marry Brad.” Liz squeezed my hand. “Are you prepared to give me away?”
Fighting tears, I said, “I’m not sure if I’m or not.”
“Good…because neither am I Kirsten,” said Liz before she got out.
The music changed, and it was my turn to walk down the aisle. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pictured Drew standing there, waiting for me. As I rounded the corner, the first person I saw was my mom. She had tears in her eyes. I smiled and mouthed, I love you, to her. The second person I saw was Brad. My favorite part about a wedding was when the groom saw his bride for the first time. Something told me that Brad would not disappoint my expectations.
Halfway down the aisle, I was finally brave enough to look in Drew’s direction. I almost stopped walking, so I could take him all in. He was breathtaking. His tux outlined every inch of his body. His messy hair was styled just the way I loved it, and his eyes glistened more with every step I took toward him. It took huge amounts of concentration and strength not to go running into his arms and have sex with him right there on that altar.
I didn’t see Brad’s face when he saw Liz for the first time, and I didn’t watch Liz as she walked down the aisle. I was too busy with picturing how many ways I could get Drew out of that tux.
Liz cleared her throat, waiting for me to take her flowers.
“Sorry, I was thinking of how I could convince Drew to have sex with me here,” I whispered.
“I know, right? They look hot,” she replied back.
Both of us looked at Brad, and he let out a chuckle while he shook his head.
“What?” Liz and I both asked him at the same time.
“Brad, I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness, and to have the patience that love demands. I promise to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not. I will always love the warmth of your heart and call it home,” Liz said as she started to cry.
Brad cleared his throat and took her hand. “I vow to fiercely love you in all forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once-in-a-lifetime love. No matter what challenges might carry us apart, I vow that we will always find a way back to each other.”
“With the power invested in me and this church, I now proudly pronounce you husband and wife. Brad, you may kiss your bride,” announced the priest.
“Finally!” yelled Adam.
The whole church busted out laughing. Brad took a hold of Liz, dipped her, and then kissed the fuck out of her. My cheeks were even red from watching the passionate display of affection. Liz gave me a fist pump before I handed over her flowers.
When pictures came to a close, Drew leaned down into my ear. “Wanna take a walk with me?”
I looked over to everyone. For some reason, I felt nervous. “We shouldn’t go too far. We are probably leaving for the hall soon.”
“We won’t be gone long, I promise.” Drew took my champagne flute and handed it over to Derek. Then, he grabbed my hand. I noticed my brother winking at him.
“Why did Derek wink at you?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t notice. Maybe he had something in his eye.”
I saw Drew started sweating, and he was fidgety. “Drew, why are you acting funny?”
He stopped and pulled me into his arms, “Because all I’ve wanted to do since the moment you walked down that aisle is kiss you. God, you look beautiful, baby.”
“Then, I highly suggest you kiss me,” I whispered while grabbing his tie pulling him me closer.
And kiss me he did! My panties instantly became wet, and my clit was throbbing like there was no tomorrow. I was just about to wrapped one of my legs around his waist and move my hand along his thick shaft. When we heard Derek yelling at us.
“Hey, you two lovebirds! Can you hurry it up? We want to get to the hall.”
Drew placed his forehead against mine. “Guess that is our cue to leave.”
I smiled and gave him one quick kiss on the lips. “I guess so.” When I get my brother alone, I’m going to bitch slap him.
“Dinner was amazing. Grace hit it out of the park,” I said to Brad as we walked over to the bar together.
“I know. I had three helpings of her mushroom-stuffed chicken breast.”
I laughed. “Three? Those were huge.”
Brad patted his belly. “What can I say? I wanted to make sure I have enough energy for later tonight.”
I shook my head as he winked at me.
I was playing my maid-of-honor roll, mingling with people in the room.
Liz tapped me on my shoulder. “I need help. I really need to pee.”
I gave her a funny look. “Huh?” I teased her.
“Shut up! I need you to lift the back of my dress or help me take it off. Either way, I can’t do this on my own. Hurry up! The baby is sitting on my bladder!”
I laughed as we headed to the restroom.
After squeezing into a stall together, I held the back of her dress up as I listened to her pee.
“Are you listening to me pee?” asked Liz.
“No.”
“You are to.”
“How can I not? You’re peeing, like, a foot away from me,” I argued.
“Stop listening!”
I couldn’t help it. I bent over, laughing.
“Stop laughing!”
“I can’t. This is so damn funny. With all the shit that we have done together over the years, you’re worried about me hearing you pee. Seriously?”
I laughed harder, but this time, Liz joined in with me.
We heard the bathroom door open.
“What are you two laughing about?” asked Meg.
“Liz doesn’t want me to listen to her pee. What’s worse is that she almost peed on my shoes.” I snorted.
“I did not almost pee on your shoes!”
“What are you going to do when it’s time to have the baby?” questioned Caroline. “Close your legs and shoo everyone way?”
“No, I’m going to close my eyes.”
“Why?” asked Meg.
“Because if I close my eyes, it will be like it never happened.”
“It’s gonna hurt like a bitch,” I protested.
The bathroom door re-opened, and Lanie and Katie walked in.
“There you all are,” said Katie.
“We’ve been looking for you everywhere,” Lanie added. “It’s time to cut the cake and then have the first dance.”
“I just need to wash my hands,” said Liz.
“And my feet,” I joked.
I walked up to my brother and Adam.
“Do you think we can request for them to have a cake fight?” asked Adam.
“Liz would kill Brad if he did that. Did you not see her dress?” I said.
“Yeah, but if she gets dirty, then she’ll want to t
ake off her dress.”
“Why do you always think with your dick, Adam?” asked Derek.
“What? I’m just trying to get my buddy laid. I hear having sex with a pregnant chick is pretty hot. They are, like, horny all the time.”
My brother and I just shook our heads at Adam as he walked away.
I put my arm around my brother’s waist. “You look very handsome today.”
“You don’t look too shabby yourself, sister.”
“Will you save me a dance later?”
“You know I will.”
“Do you know where Drew is?” I asked, looking around the hall for him.
“Yeah. He said he wanted some fresh air before the first dance.”
“Is he feeling all right?” I asked, concerned.
“Oh yeah, he just wanted to cool down. These damn tuxes are hot.”
I looked over toward the entrance door. “Well, well, look who just walked in.” Try and hide her from mom now.
Derek turned to the door. “Jennifer? What is she doing here?”
“I asked her to come.”
“Why?”
You know why, Mr. Thanksgiving Golfer.
“Because I’m a good boss.” Then, I slapped my brother’s butt. “Go get her, tiger!”
I laughed as Derek started walking in her direction.
I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.
“What are you laughing at?” Drew asked.
“Derek.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked Jennifer to come.”
“Jennifer? Your assistant?”
“Yep. She’s sleeping with Derek.”
Drew sounded stunned. “Really?”
“Yeah, I had the pleasure of discovering it when I phoned the office. She was giving him a blow job at my desk while Adam sat in my chair.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“Nope.”
“Gross!”
“You’re telling me.” I cringed.
“Ready to dance, sweetheart?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I said as he kissed my knuckles.
Liz and Brad were just finishing up their first dance when the DJ asked for Drew and me to join them on the dance floor. When the second song started, I stood still.
The Game-Kirsten Backhard Page 19