by Terri Reed
Josh glanced at his watch. “Time for bed, kiddo.”
“Aw, Dad. Come on. Just a little longer, please?”
Josh ruffled his son’s hair. “Nope. It’s time for bed.”
“Will you read to me?” Griff asked as he slowly got off the couch.
He nodded. “Go get ready for bed, then pick out your book. I’ll be up soon.”
Griff walked to the bookcase where Rod Taylor stood with a book in hand. He kissed the older man’s leathery cheek. “Good night, Grandpa.”
Rod gave the boy a hug. “Night, pipsqueak.”
Josh’s heart swelled with love for his boy. Some said Griff looked like Josh. Josh didn’t see it. His son had lighter hair, his eyes were more the color of moss than hazel and he had his mother’s smile. Sadly Josh hadn’t seen Andrea smile much toward the end. He should have tried harder to make her happy. A well-aimed stab of guilt twisted in his gut.
The phone rang.
Rod suggested, “Probably the station again. David Mackafee called earlier, wondering when you were coming back in.”
Josh shrugged. He’d written out his schedule for the crew. Because of Mrs. G.’s illness, he’d been taking some personal leave from his duties as District Ranger for the Forestry Service of Tuolumne County. He would be going into the station in the morning, after he checked on Mrs. G.
He picked up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hello, Josh.”
His brows rose in surprise to hear the female voice on the other end of the line. “Rachel?” His heart contracted painfully in his chest. There could only be one reason she would call him. “Is Mrs. G…..?”
“No, no,” she said quickly. “She’s holding her own.”
The tightness in his chest eased. He glanced at his father and son who both stared at him with anxious expressions. “Hold on,” he told Rachel. “She’s fine,” he said to his family. Both Griff and Rod sagged in relief.
Then Rod arched a brow. “Rachel Maguire?”
“Who’s that?” Griff questioned and moved to stand next to Josh, the top of his head reaching the middle of Josh’s chest.
Josh shook his head and pointed upward.
Griff groaned and shuffled out of the room. As for his father, Josh said, “Do you mind?”
Rod grinned. “Not at all.” And he sat back down in his recliner.
Josh rolled his eyes. Talking to Rachel on the phone while his father casually listened from his chair took him back to the past. But back then they’d had plenty to talk about—school, love, their future. The only thing they had in common now was Mrs. G.
“Sorry about that,” he said into the receiver as he turned his back to his father.
“That’s all right.” Her voice sounded hesitant. “Mom G. would like to see you in the morning.”
“I’d planned on coming by.”
“But she wanted me to call and make sure. She…uh…hmmm…well, she wants to see us together.”
Josh frowned. “Really?” He didn’t want to see Rachel again.
“Yes. I don’t know why, but I hope we can be civil to make her happy.”
“I’ve never been uncivil to you, Rachel.”
A moment of silence passed.
“Well, I mean, we could refrain from fighting. I— I want to apologize for earlier,” she said in a rush.
The corner of his mouth lifted. At least one part of her hadn’t changed. The old Rachel had always accepted responsibility for her actions.
“Forget it.” He didn’t need her apology. He thought about what she’d asked, then made a decision. “I’ll be there tomorrow morning and I can be friendly for Mrs. G.’s sake.”
“Excellent.” She sounded pleased, but he couldn’t be sure. “Goodbye, Josh.”
“Bye.” He slowly replaced the receiver. He hadn’t wanted to see her, but he couldn’t let Mrs. G. down. He’d tolerate Rachel if it killed him.
And when he thought about it, the best way to annihilate any feelings he harbored for Rachel was to be around the woman she’d become. She was so aloof and distant. Much different than she’d been in high school. Then she’d been open and friendly. Always looking for someone she could help. She’d needed to be of use.
Being a doctor must fulfill that need for her. But had becoming a doctor made her so cold? He supposed life in the big city could change a person, take warm people and turn them into an icy reflection of their former selves.
“You’re going to be friendly with Rachel, huh?” Rod broke into his thoughts.
Josh shrugged. “Mrs. G. wants to see us both.”
Rod looked pleased. “I might come with you.”
“Fine.” He didn’t want to discuss Rachel with his dad. Didn’t want to hear Rod’s opinion that he shouldn’t have let her slip out of his life. He’d had no choice. She was determined to go. “I’ll see you in the morning.” Josh turned to leave but stopped at Rod’s soft chuckle. “What’s so funny?”
“I have a pretty good idea what Olivia is up to.”
“You want to let me in on the secret?”
Rod smacked his lips and grinned. “No. I’ll let this one play itself out.”
Josh frowned. His father and Mrs. G. were up to something. Rachel was the only girl Rod had ever approved of and Mrs. G., of course, loved her. But no amount of matchmaking was going to work. “You’re a nut.”
Rod wiggled his brows. “Takes one to know one.”
Josh smiled. He loved his father and was thankful he’d agreed to live with him and Griff when they moved into this house. “Dad, what am I going to do with you?”
Rod laughed. “Hey, don’t forget to call the station.”
“Thanks.”
“Sleep well, son. I have a feeling you’ll need your strength tomorrow.”
Josh shook his head in exasperation. He didn’t relish disappointing Mrs. G. and his father, but nothing could bring him and Rachel back together. Their needs, their wants in life were too different. Rachel wanted success, prestige and a position of power. He wanted a stable, secure life with a woman who loved him enough to commit to him.
And Rachel wasn’t that woman.
Rachel shielded her eyes against the sunlight streaming through the curtains of Mom G.’s hospital room. She blinked several times, trying to moisten her gritty eyes. She’d spent the night sitting beside Mom G.’s bed, too afraid to leave. She didn’t want to get a middle-of-the-night call or find an empty bed in the morning. By staying, Rachel hoped she could keep death from claiming Mom G.
She listened to Mom G.’s labored breathing. Helplessness swamped her, making her head pound and her chest hurt. There had to be something more she could do.
She heard the door open. Expecting Josh, she fortified her nerves against his powerful presence and slowly turned around. The sight of a tall, older gentleman dressed in faded jeans and a dark patterned flannel shirt sent surprised pleasure coursing through her.
“Rod,” she exclaimed softly. She glanced at Mom G., who still slept, then stood and went to the man who, for a time, had been the closest she’d ever come to having a father.
His infectious grin filled her with fondness. He hugged her for a long moment and she savored the steady comfort.
“Here, now.” He drew back to look at her. “It’s good to see you.”
“And it’s good to see you.” She noticed his hair had turned a very distinguished gray and the crinkles around the corners of his hazel eyes had deepened. “How are you?”
“As ornery as ever.”
“Some things never change,” she teased.
He looked past her toward the bed. “How’s she?”
“She had a rough night. The chemo took a lot of her strength.”
He shook his head. “Such a shame.”
“It is.” Rachel knew Mom G. would be going on to a better place, but she didn’t want her to go. She didn’t want to think about the hole Mom G.’s death would leave in her life. Even though they’d been physically apart, Rachel took stre
ngth from both the knowledge that Mom G. loved her and from her weekly phone calls. Mom G. had always been there for her.
“Olivia’s very proud of you, Rachel.”
His words brought her pleasure. Mom G. had always encouraged and supported her goals. But the little girl she kept locked inside shook with dread. She was scared to be alone. “What am I going to do, Rod?”
He hugged her close again. “What are we all going to do? She’s been a rock in all of our lives.”
Rachel nodded, remembering how fond Mom G. was of Rod. Rachel had always wondered if their relationship went beyond friendship. Neither would admit—at least not to anyone else—to anything deeper nor act on it.
Speculatively she glanced at Rod. “You two are close, aren’t you?”
His eyes twinkled despite an obvious sadness. “Yes, we are.”
“How close?”
“Close enough.” He winked.
“You…” A noise from the bed made her pause. Mom G.’s eyes were open.
“She’s awake.” Rachel breathed out a sigh of relief, thankful sleep hadn’t turned into a coma. Each time Mom G. closed her eyes, the chance she wouldn’t reopen them increased.
“She is indeed.” Rod sat next to the bed and took Mom G.’s hand in his. “Olivia, my dear. I’m glad to see you. I came by early yesterday but you were sound asleep.”
Mom G. smiled and her eyes glowed with affection. Rachel swallowed back the sadness that threatened to choke her. Mom G. and Rod obviously cared for one another, but now Mom G.’s illness was robbing them of their happiness.
“Time’s…short,” Mom G. said softly. “There’s much to do.”
Rod nodded. “Yes, Olivia. It’ll all work out, don’t you worry.”
Rachel had no idea what they were talking about, and felt like an intruder.
“Rachel’s…”
“Here,” Rod interjected.
Mom G. shifted her gaze and Rachel stepped forward. “I’m right here.”
“She’s all grown up, Rod. All grown up.”
Rachel savored the motherly words, tucking the tender feelings they evoked away in her heart for safekeeping.
Rod grinned. “That she is, my dear. And a doctor, to boot.”
The praise in Rod’s voice pleased Rachel.
For a brief space of time, Rod and Mom G. silently communicated. Rachel watched, growing decidedly uncomfortable. The look in Rod’s eyes as he gazed at Mom G. was more than affection.
He loved her.
A funny ache throbbed within Rachel’s chest.
She refused to call it yearning.
But even if it was, she wasn’t stepping off God’s chosen path for her life. No matter what the cost to her heart.
Wanting to give Mom G. and Rod some privacy, and needing a moment to cool her thoughts, Rachel went to the window. The dew on the needles of the pines glinted in the sunshine like little teardrops.
“Rachel, would you mind getting me a cup of coffee?” Rod asked.
“Not at all.” Rachel headed for the door, grateful for the task.
“Cream and sugar,” Rod called after her.
She stopped at the nurses’ station and smiled at the four nurses who bustled about. “Where could I get a cup of coffee?”
“I’ll get you one,” said a red-haired nurse who looked vaguely familiar.
“Do I know you?” Rachel tried to remember where she’d seen the striking woman.
The nurse smiled. “My name’s Jamie. You were in my older brother’s class. Bob Forbes.”
“Okay, I remember him.” She smiled back, remembering the red-haired boy who’d been the class clown.
“I’ll be right back with your coffee, Rachel.” Jamie walked away.
“Cream and sugar, too, please,” Rachel called after the retreating nurse.
It was strange being in a place where people knew her. Not the doctor she’d become but the girl she’d been. That girl was gone, replaced by the professional woman who knew exactly what her life was meant to be. Giving hope and health to those who needed it. She never pretended to think she could save their minds or their souls. That wasn’t her calling.
But their bodies she could fix by making sure the care in the E.R. was better so no one else would needlessly lose a mom. Yet a wave of helplessness swept through her. The one person most important to her needed her skills as a doctor and she didn’t know how— She cut that thought off abruptly. She’d find a way to help Mom G. She had to.
Dr. Kessler came down the hall. “Dr. Maguire.”
She tensed. “Doctor.”
“I was hoping to see you before I made my rounds. We found some chaparral tea.”
“Good.” It may be a long shot but it was all she had.
“You realize the use of this tea is only effective when used regularly over a period of time.”
She shot him a hard glare. She didn’t need the reminder that time was an issue. “I’m well aware of the situation, Doctor.”
She gritted her teeth against the gentle, pitying look in his eyes.
“Here you go.” Jamie sailed up and handed her a disposable cup. Steam billowed from the milky, brown liquid.
“Thank you, Jamie. Doctor.” She headed back to Mom G.’s room. She opened the door and slowly walked in, hovering just inside the room. Her throat tightened. Rod leaned in close to Mom G., still holding her hand. They talked in quiet tones. Rachel stepped back, intending to give them more time, but her elbow bumped the wall, making a dull thud. Rod glanced at her, and the corner of his mouth lifted before he turned back to Mom G.
Rachel continued forward. As she approached the bed, she heard Rod say, “I will do my best, my dear. I promise.”
Mom G. nodded. “We have to try.”
Rod stood. “Here’s Rachel, back just in time. I have to take off, but I’ll return this evening.”
“Your coffee.”
“Thank you.” He took the cup and walked from the room.
“Such a nice man.” Mom G. stared after him.
“He is.” Rachel lifted a brow. “You and Rod have become close. You never said anything in your letters or phone calls.”
Mom G. smiled slightly and a blush brightened her pale cheeks. Rachel laughed, loving the life shining from Mom G.’s eyes. If only she could hold on to that.
“Where’s Josh?” Mom G. asked.
Rachel sat in the chair. “He said he’d be here.”
Mom G. took her hand. “I’m going to rest until he arrives. Please wake me.”
“Of course.”
Mom G. closed her eyes. Rachel listened, thankful Mom G. breathed easier than she had earlier, but she couldn’t shake the fear Mom G. might not reawaken.
Dropping her head onto the side of the bed, Rachel squeezed her eyes shut. Lord, Your word says to count it all joy when we fall into various trials. This sickness is a trial that affects so many people. Mom G., Rod, Josh, me. Where’s the joy, Lord? Show me, teach me. I don’t understand.
The low beeping of the machines, combined with Mom G.’s soft breathing, lulled Rachel’s senses. Heart heavy with concern, she allowed herself to rest.
Josh pushed opened the door to Mrs. G.’s hospital room and stepped in. He stopped short when he saw Rachel sitting in the chair, her body bent forward and her head resting against the blue covers of the bed. He could see the steady rise and fall of the blankets over Mrs. G.
They were both resting. He started to leave, but found himself staring into Rachel’s crystal-blue gaze. She straightened and her black hair brushed loosely across her shoulders. She wore the clothes he’d seen her in yesterday. She hadn’t left and he doubted she’d had more than a few moments of rest.
She blinked several times. “Hi,” she said softly.
She sounded young and vulnerable, more like the girl he’d known. His heart twisted with longing. He pushed the unwanted emotion aside and told himself he felt sympathy for her for what was to come. Nothing else. “Where’s my dad?”
&n
bsp; “He left.”
Josh frowned. “We came together, but he sent me to get coffee for him.”
Rachel smiled ruefully. “With cream and sugar.”
“Yes.” He smiled and held out one of the cups in his hand. “I brought you one, too.”
She stood and took the cup from him. Her hands shook slightly.
“Have you eaten?” He didn’t appreciate the sudden need to take care of her.
“No.” She sipped from the coffee cup.
He watched her press the cup to her mouth. He remembered kissing those lips so many years ago. Remembered her soft, pliant mouth beneath his, the way she’d felt in his arms.
Angry at the unwanted course of his thoughts, he averted his gaze. “You shouldn’t drink that on an empty stomach. Why don’t we go to the cafeteria and get some breakfast?”
She shook her head. “She wanted me to wake her when you got here.”
Even though Mrs. G. lay a few feet away, being this close to—this intimate with—Rachel troubled him. It was too easy to remember the past, to remember how he’d once loved her, how she’d looked at him with love in her blue eyes. Too easy to remember that she’d wanted to be a doctor more than she’d wanted to be with him. And being a doctor had changed her. The woman standing before him set his nerves on edge.
“I’ll let you do the honors.” He took her cup and set it, along with his own, on the side table.
Rachel lay a hand on Mrs. G.’s shoulder. “Mom G., Josh is here.”
Mrs. G. stirred. Her eyelids fluttered.
Josh’s chest tightened. Mrs. G. had been such a godsend to him and his family. They’d kept in touch after Rachel left town, and when Andrea died, Mrs. G. had insisted on keeping Griff while Josh had dealt with the funeral arrangements. Then she’d insisted on continuing to care for his son while he worked. She’d become the grandmother that Griff needed.
And now they were losing her. Josh didn’t know if his heart could take much more loss, and he worried what the loss would do to his son.
Mrs. G.’s eyes opened fully and she smiled weakly. “Thank you, Josh, for coming.”
Josh moved closer. “Of course I’m here. I’ll always be here,” he said softly. From the corner of his eye he saw Rachel glance at him.
“We’re both here, Mom G.,” she said softly.