by Noelle Adams
“You’ve never given up on me,” she whispered, more tears sliding down her face now.
“And no matter how scared you’ve been, you’ve always come back to me. Don’t think I don’t know. Don’t think I don’t know how hard that’s been for you, how much it means.” His face twisted briefly for a moment, all the proof she needed that he was completely sincere, in this all the way, exactly like she was.
She sniffed and freed one of her hands so she could wipe her face, and when she moved her hand back to clasp his again, she finally focused on the pink fabric he’d been holding.
It was the little hoodie she’d put on over her pajamas last night.
“Why are you holding this?” she asked, rather breathlessly.
“What?” He cleared his throat. “Oh, you left it here last night, and I was just picking it up.”
She gasped and stiffened her spine. “No, you weren’t! You were sitting here on the bed, holding it. Hugging it!” She raised a hand to cover her mouth as she processed the little gesture and took in what it meant.
He narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t hugging it. Give me a little credit.”
“Then what were you doing with it?”
“I was…” He gave a huff of wry amusement. “I was…smelling it. I was afraid I might have totally blown it with you, that if you thought I’d decided to leave you one time, even if I changed my mind later, you’d never trust me again.”
She choked on emotion and raised herself up on her knees so she could wrap her arms around his neck. They hugged like that for a minute, urgently, a little messily, since she was still shaking with stifled tears.
When they finally pulled apart, Nick’s face was sober again, deep and focused. “Listen, Jenn. I want to make sure things are right between us. Really right.” He found her left hand and slowly slid off both of her rings.
She made a choked sound and tried to grab them back.
“No, wait,” he said, grabbing her hand in his. “I’m going to give them back to you. I promise. As soon as we know for sure that we’re in this together forever.”
“I want it to be forever.”
“I do too. But we’ve managed to make a mess of it, so let’s give us some time to see if we can do it for real.” He searched her face in that way he had. “Is that all right?”
She nodded. “But you have to give me your ring too. It’s got to go both ways.”
He pulled his ring off, staring at it in his hand for just a moment before he offered it to her. She could see a suppressed reluctance on his face—like he couldn’t stand to give it up—and it made her heart swell up with more emotion, more joy.
“We’ll give them back,” she said, closing her hand around his gold band.
“Yes, we’ll give them back.” He took a deep breath and continued, “And there’s another thing.”
Despite her emotional upheavals, she couldn’t hold back a little teasing smile. “You’ve really been sitting here thinking a lot of things through, haven’t you?”
He laughed and cupped her face in one hand. “You have no idea. But I think this is the last thing. I’ve been saving money like crazy for the last two years.”
She frowned. “You have?”
“I know you thought I was a slacker who did as little as possible, but I haven’t been. Not for the last two years anyway. I’ve been working really hard, and I’ve been saving up my money, and I have about half of what you gave me to pay off my loan.”
Suddenly realizing where he was going with this, she cut in, “But, Nick, you don’t have to—”
“I want to. I want to pay you back. I’m not going to be a husband who was bought and paid for.”
“No!” she gasped. “I promise I didn’t mean that! I don’t give a damn about the money.”
“I know you don’t. This is all coming from me. I know you’re always going to make way more money than I do, and that doesn’t bother me at all. I want you to be everything you can be and fulfill all your ambitions—and I know I’m never going to have ambitions that even come close. I’m totally fine with all that. I really am.”
She frowned, since it seemed like he really meant it. “Then why—”
“Because I did let myself be bought and paid for. It’s not what you did. It’s what I did to myself. And I don’t want to have that be true of me for the rest of my life.”
“But it doesn’t mean anything to me. If we’re really married, then the money will be ours, not mine or yours. It’s just a gesture—”
“I know it’s just a gesture, but it’s a gesture I want to make. For me. Please let me.”
She nodded and raised her hand to cover his on her face. “If you really want to, of course you can. As long as you know it’s not anything I care about. The only reason I said it this morning was because I was so hung up on the fact that you only wanted to be with me for the money.”
“It was never because of the money. I wanted what I saw in you from the moment we had that drink in that bar. I wanted all of that passion and drive and energy and generosity and fierce heart. I wanted all of it. And the longer I was with you, the more I wanted all of that focused on me.” He paused briefly. “Not that I don’t want you passionate about other things you love. I just want to be one of the things you love and pour yourself into.”
“You are,” she rasped, emotional again at his words, that he’d seen something good in her that she hadn’t been aware of herself. “You were right about me holding back, but I’m not going to do it anymore. You have all of me.”
He lifted one of her hands and pressed a soft kiss on her palm. “Good. That’s what I want.”
They stared at each other for a minute. And then he reached down and hauled her up from her knees, hugging her with all the strength of the kind heart he’d never been able to fully rein in. Then he kissed her, and she kissed him back, and Jenn was half laughing and half crying when they finally pulled away.
Nick nuzzled her neck. “You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m…really good.”
“Do you have a headache?”
“Actually, I do have a little one, but it’s just from so much tension and excitement. I’m sure it will go away.”
“I can probably think of something we could do that would help you relax.”
She giggled at his teasing tone. “Maybe. But I need to recover a little bit first, and you need to take a shower. Then I need something to eat. But after that, we might be able to do a little relaxing.”
He laughed for real. “It’s a deal.”
***
At just after midnight, they were both breathless and full relaxed. They’d washed up, had a light dinner, and then gone to bed to make love with a slow, deep tenderness that almost rivaled the night before.
Now Jenn’s body and heart were fully sated, completely at rest. She was still tangled up in Nick’s naked body, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love you, sweetheart,” Nick murmured, stroking her hair gently.
He’d told her so over and over again as he’d been kissing and caressing her earlier, but she couldn’t seem to hear it enough. “I love you too.” She felt a familiar flicker of fear—her old friend for a really long time—but decided to admit it, thinking that might take away some of its power. “I still get a little scared, thinking about what it might be like if I would lose you. But I’m in this completely now. I promise.”
“That’s all I would ever ask. Just tell me any time you’re afraid—of anything at all—and we can work it out together.”
“Yeah.” She smiled against his chest. “That sounds good to me.”
They lay in silence for several minutes, and Jenn actually thought Nick might be going to sleep. But when she felt him adjusting beneath her, she asked, “So did anything ever happen with that new lead on your case? With the accident and all the emotional stuff, I never did hear if you found something.”
“Oh. Yeah. I did. I think she’s in Chicago.”
�
��Really? Wow. So are you going to fly down there to check it out?”
“Yes. As soon as I can.”
“Like tomorrow, you mean? Or were you thinking of waiting until next week?”
“I’d like to go tomorrow—or it would be later today now, I guess—if that’s all right with you. I know it’s kind of anti-climactic, to leave you like that just when we got everything worked out. But I really want to find her, and I hate to wait any longer.”
“Of course you shouldn’t wait. You should definitely go right away.”
Nick lifted his head, and she realized he was checking her expression, to see if she was serious.
“I mean it,” she said, completely sincere. “I don’t mind at all if you go. We have plenty of time.”
He smiled, as if what she’d said meant something really special to him.
“But if you’re there for more than a week, I’m going to come visit you on the weekend.”
“That’s sounds like an excellent plan. But don’t think you can sneak in extra work, just because I’m out of town. Our deal still applies. If you work later than six, then you’ll lose your massage privileges for a week.”
She gasped. “That was never our deal! That’s a much meaner deal than we ever had.”
“Yeah, but you’re getting a lot better about not over-working, so I figured it’s time to raise the stakes.”
“Asshole.”
He chuckled and tightened his arms in a little hug. “Hey, you’re the one who married me.”
Jenn smiled against his shoulder. “Yes, I did.”
***
Two weeks, Jenn got home at exactly six o’clock. She’d actually managed to leave work earlier than six today, but Nick wasn’t here to applaud her.
He was still in Chicago.
She had flown out to see him over the weekend, but it still felt like he’d been gone forever. He was making real progress though. Every day he’d found new leads, so she was hopeful he’d find the girl soon.
She really hoped so. For the girl’s sake and her parents. For Nick’s sake. And for her own sake too.
She wanted her husband back.
She dropped her purse and case on the floor and looked around the neat, beautifully decorated apartment. It was lovely and familiar, with everything in its place, but it felt lonely and empty without Nick.
She decided a glass of wine and a bath was what she needed to reward herself for leaving work early. Then she’d try to call Nick and see how he was doing.
She’d poured herself some pinot noir and was on her way to the bathroom when her phone rang.
It was Nick.
“Hey,” she said, smiling as she kicked off her shoes and flopped down on her bed. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Were you? Good thoughts, I hope.”
“Definitely. How are things going?”
“Really good.” He sounded different, excited. “I found her.”
She sat up straight. “What? Really? How is she?”
“She’s okay. Healthy, I mean. She’s had a pretty rough time, and she doesn’t trust anyone. I don’t know if she’s going to want to come home. But at least I found her.”
“Exactly. Oh, I’m so happy! Have you told her parents?”
“Yeah. They’re flying out here tonight, but my job is already done. I can’t be any sort of mediator or anything. They’re going to have to work things out themselves. But at least I was able to tell them she’s all right and where to find her.”
“Of course that’s all you can do! I’m so glad you did it. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to track the girl down. You’re amazing.”
He didn’t say anything immediately, and she knew he felt awkward from the praise. “Yeah, well, I just did my job.”
“You can still be amazing and just be doing your job.”
“I know you can. You do it all the time.”
“Now, don’t get mushy on me when you’re still in Chicago. So when are you coming back.”
“Soon,” he said, sounding like he was walking. “Really soon.”
“Are you heading out to get some dinner? You’re not just eating at fast foods, are you?”
“No, I’m thinking I’ll get something better than that this evening.” It sounded like he was smiling on the phone.
It made Jenn smile too. “Good. And once you’re back, you have to stay at home for a little while.”
“I will, although…”
“What?” she asked when he trailed off.
“I was thinking of driving to see my folks on the weekend, but maybe you wouldn’t mind coming with me.”
She felt a wave of deep happiness, but managed to say in a natural tone, “Sure! Of course, I’ll come. That would be fun.”
“Good.”
“I really miss you, you know,” she said after a moment’s pause. “I want you home with me. Right now.”
“Well, sometimes our wishes come true.”
“What does that mean?” She heard something from the front door and frowned. “Hold on. It sounds like someone is at the door.”
She kept the phone on as she hurried down the hall and toward the entry way. But before she could reach for the knob, the door flew open.
She gave a little squeal when she saw Nick standing in the doorway.
“I told you that sometimes wishes come true,” he said, with his wry, adorable grin.
She flung herself into his arms, still clutching at her phone.
Nick was laughing when he released her. “I guess I surprised you.”
“Yes, you did! Why would you do something like that?”
“I figured it’s good to keep you on your toes. You’re far too brilliant and competent for your own good.”
She shook her head fondly at the compliment, but her eyes were scanning Nick closely. He needed to shave, and he needed a haircut. There were those dark circles under his eyes that proved he hadn’t been getting enough sleep, and his whole presence seemed to exude a kind of fatigue that went to the bone. Her face sobered as she murmured, “You look so tired.”
“I am tired,” he admitted, reaching to pull his suitcase into the apartment and then closing and locking the door behind him. “It was a long couple of weeks.”
“Well, you’re home now. I’ll fix some dinner while you take a shower and get comfortable.”
“You don’t have to fix dinner.”
“I want to. You take care of me when I’m all stressed and overworked, so I can take care of you. I’ll even give you a massage later, if you want.”
“What do you know about giving massages?” he asked, a sweet kind of affection in his eyes.
“Well, I haven’t given any before, but I’m sure I can figure it out. And, if not, how bad can it be to have me touching you.”
“Not bad at all.” He pulled her into a hug. “If it involves you touching me, then I’m all for it.”
“Then that’s the plan for tonight. You go shower and change, and I’ll try to be just a little bit domestic.”
“Well, don’t get too domestic. I wouldn’t want you to be anyone but you.”
She knew he meant it, and the recognition washed over her like a sappy wave. “I don’t want you to be anyone but you either.”
“I guess it’s a good thing we ended up together, then.”
Jenn couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, and she knew that she’d never have to, not as long as Nick was alive. He wasn’t going to leave her. They hadn’t yet given back each other’s rings yet, but she knew it wouldn’t be too long before they did.
Their marriage was as real as anything in her life, and it wasn’t going to go away—not at the end of five years or ten years or forty years.
Both of them were in this all the way.
Twelve
Jenn was running late.
In the three months since she and Nick had figured out they were in love, she had only stayed at work after six twice, and both of those times were for the occasio
nal emergency that invariably came up when you were trying to run a business.
This evening, however, she wasn’t late because she’d stayed too long at work. She’d stopped by a wine shop to pick up a good champagne and then at a favorite restaurant to get takeout for dinner, and both places had been unusually packed, so she’d had to wait.
She’d planned out this evening to the very last detail, but it was already veering off track. So she felt stressed and hassled and a little anxious as she got out of her car in the parking garage, trying to juggle her satchel, her purse, and three bags.
Then her phone rang.
Praying it wasn’t Nick telling her he was held up at work or something, she grabbed it and answered without looking at the caller.
“Hey,” a friendly male voice replied to her greeting. “It’s Jack.”
“Jack!” she said, surprised but pleased. She stood still, since she had a cell signal in her parking place but if she walked even a few feet toward the elevator, she would lose it. “Thanks for calling back.”
“No problem. I got your message yesterday, but it was a crazy day.”
“No need to apologize.” She shifted from foot to foot, afraid to put down her bags for fear she couldn’t get them all arranged comfortably on her arms again. “I don’t have much time right now, but Nick and I wanted to invite you over to our place on the Friday after next. We’re having some friends over.”
“Sure. That would be great. I think I’m free.”
“It’s nothing fancy, so be as casual as you want. We just never have anyone over, so we wanted to start. Nick’s cooking, so it will be good. I’m just responsible for the drinks.”
“Sounds like a good deal to me. What time?”
“You can come around seven if that works for you. I’ll send you an email about it. And feel free to bring a date, if you want. What about your pretty neighbor?”
“Yeah, uh, she’s still not too interested in me.”
“Well, maybe she doesn’t know you well enough yet. If you bring her, I’ll talk you up.”
Jack laughed. “I can just imagine.”