Grace stared at her, shocked. ‘Where’s that come from? What are you talking about? Of course I wanted you.’
‘No you didn’t. Daddy told me how you wanted to have an abortion to get rid of me. So don’t pretend you didn’t. Oh, I hate you.’
She ran out of the lounge and into her bedroom, slamming the door hard behind her. For a moment Grace was too stunned to move. How could he have said that? Without further thought, she followed quickly in her daughter’s footsteps.
Ellie was lying face down on the bed, her sobs muffled by her pillows.
Grace’s felt as if her heart was being squeezed from her chest as she walked slowly into the room. She sat down on the bed and softly reached out to stroke Ellie’s hair. She’d had so much to put up with in her short life – more than any child should have to. And it was all her fault. How on earth did she go about trying to put things right?
She placed her hand gently on her daughter’s shoulder. ‘El?’
‘Go away.’
Acting instinctively, Grace’s grip tightened as she pulled her daughter’s stiff body into her arms. ‘Hey, come on,’ she soothed. ‘It never used to be like us to fight like this.’
At first Ellie resisted, holding herself stiff – the sobs racking her body as years of emotion took their toll; but Grace held on, and after a while her resistance lessened and she slumped exhausted against her mother’s chest, her crying quieter now as she seemed to draw some comfort from the warmth of Grace’s embrace.
‘Oh, sweetheart.’ Grace hugged her tightly. ‘Please don’t cry – I hate to see you so upset. And don’t ever believe that I don’t love you or that I didn’t want you. That’s not true. Ask Aunty Lynette if you don’t believe me – she knows how much I wanted you and how thrilled I was when you were born. You were such a beautiful little bundle lying in my arms.’
Tears welled in her own eyes as she wiped the matted hair off Ellie’s face. ‘I don’t ever want to hear you talking such nonsense again,’ she said in a gentle voice.
For a long moment they sat there, huddled together – reminiscent of other times when they’d sought comfort from each other. Then Grace drew slowly back, knowing it was imperative that her daughter see she was telling the truth. ‘You do believe me, don’t you?’
‘I suppose so–’
‘There’s no suppose about it – look at me. You mean the world to me. My life wouldn’t be worth living if you weren’t in it. You know that’s true.’ She paused before asking softly, ‘When did Daddy say that to you?’
‘When I was little. I couldn’t remember the word he used for a long time and then we learned about it at school and I remembered.’
‘Well you can just forget it again because I never even considered having an abortion. I promise you that.’ She drew a breath as she prepared to deliver the cover story she and Lynette had hatched up between them. ‘And, sweetheart, I do understand that you don’t want to move again but Grandma’s house has been empty for two months now and we haven’t been able to find a tenant. Someone needs to live there, otherwise we could have a problem with squatters.’
She mentally crossed her fingers at this slight stretching of the truth but she and Lynette had talked about it at length and she’d come to realise it was the best way.
‘That way you’re not making the move about her,’ Lynette had said. ‘We’ll back you up, Grace – and she’ll soon adapt, you’ll see.’
‘I absolutely insist on paying you your half of the rent though,’ Grace had said. ‘I’ve got a bit of Grandma’s money left – enough to see me over the summer holidays hopefully, before I look for another job.’
‘Whatever … it can wait until you're sorted. And if it’s any consolation, I think you’re doing the right thing. It’s a fresh start for both of you and that can only be good.’
But as she and Ellie packed up their things a month later – reminding them both of times they’d much rather forget – Grace looked at her daughter’s unhappy face and prayed her sister was right.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Walking up the path of her grandmother’s detached cottage on the outskirts of Cambridge, Grace felt a wave of nostalgia so strong it brought a lump to her throat. The bird table was still there in the front garden and the heavily laden greengage tree brought back memories of days she’d spent as a child picking the fruit for her grandmother’s pies and jam.
‘Look, Ellie, we’ll have our own garden to sit in – isn’t it pretty? And maybe we can grow some vegetables. Do you remember it?’
‘No!’ Ellie’s voice was sullen. ‘And I don’t want to grow stupid vegetables – I’d rather be back in our flat in Barnet.’
Grace swallowed her irritation. ‘Come on, try and make the best of it. I know it was difficult saying goodbye to your friends but it’s not as if we’ve gone to the other side of the world. We can go back and see people – and you can have a friend come and stay here if you want. And we can settle here for as long as we like. Don’t you like the idea of that?’
‘That’s what you said about Barnet.’
‘I know. But this time it’s different. This time we really can stay.’
‘Grace?’
Grace turned in surprise to look at the man who'd just exited the house.
‘Keith!’ Her face broke into a delighted smile. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘It is you – I didn’t recognise you with the blonde hair! I work for David Scott. We’ve been handling your rentals. I insisted on being the one to let you in when they told me you were moving back. How are you? It’s been an age.’
‘Over thirteen years.’ Grace smiled as he bent to kiss her cheek. ‘How’s Marianne?’
‘She’s a qualified GP now and works in one of the local surgeries here.’
‘Wow. Impressive.’
‘This is your daughter?’
His look was almost comical. Grace hesitated, but now wasn’t the time. ‘Yes, this is Ellie,’ she said casually. ‘Ellie, this is Keith – he’s the brother of one of my best friends.’
She broke off awkwardly, aware that Marianne probably wouldn’t share that opinion anymore.
‘Hi, Ellie,’ Keith said carelessly.
He looked back at Grace. ‘Do you want me to go through stuff with you or would you rather wander around by yourselves?’ He held out a bunch of keys. ‘There are three sets of everything here.’
She took them from him. ‘I think I’d rather do it alone if you don’t mind. It’s been a long time.’
She waited until he’d driven off before slowly entering the house. But Ellie stalked in ahead of her, putting an end to any thoughts of self-indulgent nostalgia.
‘I do remember it a bit,’ she announced, looking around. ‘That’s the kitchen through there, isn’t it? I remember Grandma’s cat used to sit in a basket that hung on the radiator in there.’
‘Pickle – you’d play with her for hours.’
Ellie had a brief look around then took off up the stairs, leaving Grace to walk more slowly into the living room. It all looked so different. Everything was freshly decorated with comfortable modern furniture but it lacked the character and homely atmosphere it used to have. She’d need to do something about that.
She wandered over to the window seat overlooking the garden. She’d been sitting here reading her book when her grandmother had come in, pale as a ghost, and gently told her and Lynette about their parents’ accident. She still remembered the bewildering fear that had consumed her as a nine-year-old child. She’d looked to Lynette for strength, as she’d done ever since, but the gaping hole her parents’ absence had created had never fully healed over, despite her grandparents’ sterling efforts.
She blinked at the memory and turned away from the window. Well, she had her own daughter to look after now and hopefully she’d get the chance to do all the things her own parents had been robbed of doing with their children.
Heading upstairs she found Ellie had already chosen a room for her
self.
‘This used to be my room when we visited Grandma, didn’t it?’ she said, picking up her case and dumping it on the bed.
‘Yes. A bit different from the flat, isn’t it? We’ve got much more room here.’
‘Hmph!’ She sat down on the bed and tested the springs; then looked at her mother. ‘Can I really have someone come to stay if I want?’
‘Of course, but we need to settle in first – get it feeling like home.’
She wished that word didn’t have such bleak connotations. She shuddered when she remembered all the accommodations they’d been forced to call home over the past seven years. It had always felt such an inappropriate word – they’d never lived anywhere long enough for it to become home. Apart from the last one, of course, where surprisingly they’d lived in for nearly two years without Rory tracking them down.
She dismissed her thoughts firmly. That was all behind them now. This was an opportunity to start over and she was going to make the most of it.
Leaving Ellie to sort her room, she headed back downstairs in search of her mobile. She didn’t want to do it, but she had no choice. There were still issues to be sorted out over Rory’s estate, which meant she needed to give her change of address to Nicholas Brandon.
‘I know that village very well,’ Nick said, his voice surprised. ‘What made you choose to move there?’
‘We’ve moved into my grandmother’s old house,’ Grace said. ‘I was brought up here.’
‘You’re aware that Ellie’s grandmother lives not that far away, in Burwell?’
‘I suspected as much and I’d rather Ellie didn’t know that. I’m sorry if it puts you in an awkward position.’
She could almost visualise his shrug down the line.
‘I can handle it. At the end of the day if she wants to pursue the question of access to her grandchild, then it’s down to her.’
Grace’s grip on the phone tightened. ‘What do you mean?’
There was a pause on the other end. ‘I doubt if I need to tell you that these sorts of issues are settled in the courts every day. It may or may not get her anywhere, but I think Evelyn will consider taking some sort of legal advice over whether she has any right to see her grandchild.’
‘No – no court cases. Ellie’s been through enough.’
‘It doesn’t have to come to that.’
‘I must go,’ Grace said abruptly.
‘Are you alright, Miss Harper?’
But the line clicked as Grace hung up. She took a deep breath. She hadn’t wanted to hear that. Of course it was probably the woman’s right to have some sort of access to Ellie – she hadn’t thought about that. She’d research it; see what the law said – and what she could do to prevent it.
At the other end of the line Nick Brandon replaced the handset thoughtfully and decided his first impression of Grace Harper hadn’t been wrong. She was one tricky customer, and she wasn’t going to be pleased when she found out. Oh no, she wasn’t going to be pleased at all.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
That first Saturday morning, waking up in the large double bed, Grace looked around her with quiet appreciation.
The sunlight was just beginning to filter through the windows, playing tricks on the walls and, as she lay there enjoying the moment, she found herself reflecting that what had started out as something of a crisis move was beginning to have the feel of being one of the best decisions she’d ever made. They’d been here a week and already she felt settled. The minute she’d walked over the threshold she’d had a sense of homecoming. And whilst Ellie wasn’t about to let her mother off the hook lightly, Grace sensed that even she wasn’t quite as miffed about the move as she made out.
That weekend flew by as she put the final touches to sorting and arranging their belongings. They’d not needed to bring much with them – the house had been fully furnished for the previous let, and to a far higher standard than anything Grace could have brought with her – but it was surprising how much personal stuff they’d accumulated over the years. And as she began to get pictures on the walls, and ornaments and rugs dotted about the place, she loved how quickly the place took shape.
She’d given notice on her lease in Barnet and walked away without a backward glance. Her friendships had been formed mostly through her work and as she and Ellie had rarely been anywhere long enough to settle down, it had been disturbingly easy to shut the door on their old life. Ellie may be mourning the loss of her friends, but it had brought home to Grace how few she had, and how isolated she’d become over the years. Well, she could change that, and she would.
As for Ellie, once she’d unpacked her stuff, Grace had hardly seen her. It was hot and she was making the most of exploring the area. She’d wandered into the kitchen yesterday, with a young lad in tow.
‘Will lives down the other end of the village, Mum,’ Ellie had said, introducing them.
He was a good-looking boy, probably a year or so older than Ellie – and as he held his hand out politely to Grace, she suppressed a smile at the formality of his manner.
‘Hi, Mrs Harper,’
She didn’t correct him on her title, returning his greeting instead with an easy smile.
‘Hi. Nice to meet you.’
‘I can show Ellie around if you like, there are some good bike rides around here.’
‘I’ll need to get a bike first.’ Ellie grinned. ‘Mum wouldn’t let me have one where we lived before. Too dangerous!’ She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
This morning they’d gone off to explore the woods at the back of the house and even now Ellie was gulping down her lunch so she could go over to Will’s and swim in his pool.
‘How cool is that,’ she marvelled, ‘to have your own swimming pool? They must be rich.’
‘Yes, well it’s not polite to comment on such things remember. I feel I should come with you to introduce myself and thank his parents for having you.’
‘To check out that it’s safe for me you mean,’ Ellie retorted.
‘Maybe that too.’
‘Mum, I’ll be fine. I showed you the house yesterday. It’s only a short walk. You need to stop worrying about me all the time. You don’t have to now.’
‘You’ll learn yourself one day that a mother never stops worrying about her children, but okay, as long as you text me when you get there?’
‘Okay.’
As she’d watched her daughter rush through her meal in record time, she’d offered a silent prayer of thanks at the changes she could already see taking shape. They’d only been here a week but day by day it was as if the weight of the world was being lifted from Ellie’s shoulders. Whether it was because of the news about Rory or the move, she didn’t know; but Ellie seemed to be regaining some of her old sparkle and it was great to see. She wasn’t expecting an instant transformation in her daughter, but thank God for the arrival of Will … there hadn’t been one sullen mood all weekend.
‘Don’t be late back,’ she called as Ellie rushed out of the house.
‘I won’t.’
And that had been that. Destined to a Sunday afternoon on her own, Grace anticipated the prospect with nothing other than pleasure. Ellie wasn’t the only one to be slowly relaxing and unwinding. She cleared the lunch things, then walked into the dining room and viewed the last few boxes. With a bit of luck she’d have it sorted by the end of the day.
‘Hello … anyone home?’
Grace rushed into the hall at the sound of the voice coming through the letterbox, and flung open the door. ‘Lynette! What are you doing here?’
Her sister thrust a bunch of flowers into her hand. ‘Couldn’t let you move in all on your own without even coming over for a peek – and to see if there’s anything I can do, of course. I felt so bad about being away in your time of need.’
‘How was Italy?’
‘Fab. We had a great time.’
‘You’ve dyed your hair!’
‘Highlighted, please!’ She flicked he
r new blonde bob carelessly. ‘I’ve always rather envied you going blonde and decided if you could do it, so could I. What do you think?’
‘It looks great. Suits you better than it suits me.’
‘Thanks, Sis.’ She cast a glance around her. ‘It looks so different. The agents have looked after it well. I’m quite jealous – but it’s about time things turned your way.’
Grace smiled, ushering her sister through into the kitchen. ‘It looked pretty boring when we first moved in but now we’ve got our own stuff up, it’s transformed it. Tea or coffee?’
‘Tea would be lovely ... and then you can put me to work. Both the kids had a sleepover this weekend so Leo’s dropped me off while he goes to visit his parents and he’s picking me up about six, if that’s okay? I thought maybe we could get a date in the diary for me to come and stay one weekend?’
After they’d toured the house and had their tea, Lynette helped Grace tackle the last of the boxes and by the time six o’clock came they were more-or-less done.
‘You’ve been a star,’ Grace said as she sank exhausted onto the settee. ‘I can’t believe how much stuff we had.’
‘Well, it’s looking great now. Gran would approve. What time’s Ellie due back. Will I get to see her before I go?’
Grace glanced at her watch, the familiar knot twisting her stomach. ‘I’m not sure. I expected her back by now.’
‘Don’t start worrying,’ Lynette said. ‘She’ll be fine.’
‘I know …’
But now the fear had surfaced, she needed to put it to bed. ‘She’s only down the road; perhaps I should go and get her. She’d hate to miss you, and I should probably introduce myself to my new neighbours and thank them for having her.’
‘If it makes you feel better, then do it. I’ll ring Leo and tell him I’m ready for picking up.’
She escorted Grace to the front door. ‘I see old Ma Hamilton’s house is up for sale. Do you remember her? Grouchy old mare.’
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