“The joy of the Lord is my strength,” Josie whispered the verse. Putting together those lanterns felt like a lifetime ago.
Abby cupped her hand over Josie’s arm. “Hold on to joy. Whatever you do, no matter what, keep holding on to joy.”
Marnie rested back in her chair. “You, more than anyone here, know how fragile life can be and how quickly plans can change. We humans are finite and have no business counting on tomorrow. Which is why we have to cling to the joy of the Lord. That’s not some trite saying. No, it’s the only hope and only true and lasting thing in the world...the knowledge that God loves us and has sacrificed all to save us so our relationship with Him can be right. That, child, is what the joy of the Lord means.”
Josie nodded, but her heart still ached. “I get that. I do. But knowing that...is it wrong to hurt about Heath still?”
“No, sweetie. It’s not wrong at all. We’re created to be in relationships, with God, yes, but with other people, too. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but today, today is a time to mourn for what feels like the end of a relationship that you had hoped would be more.”
Josie dropped her head into her hands and let her tears fall. Abby rubbed circles into her back and started praying out loud. But Josie was having a hard time focusing.
Was it wrong to hurt more over Heath’s departure than she had over her husband’s death? She mourned Dale, but this was different. With Heath—pain sliced through her in a way that felt like the wound would never heal. It was more difficult knowing the man she loved was out there in the world but she couldn’t be with him, than dealing with the fact that someone had passed—gone forever and there was no chance of talking to them again.
Katie Ellis charged down the hall. “I feel so bad interrupting, but something happened. Something really bad. You guys need to head to the church. Everyone belonging to the League needs to go.”
Marnie was the first to her feet. “Josie, why don’t you stay here? Abby and I can go see what it is.”
Josie set aside the pillow and straightened her shirt. “I’m a member of the League.” She lifted her chin. “I care about this ranch.” She swiped under her eyes. “I’m going.”
No matter what they said and despite the personal pain she was wading through, she would fight to go along if she had to. Because if Josie Markham knew one thing with certainty, it was that no matter what happened in someone’s private world, life kept going. She could choose to sit in her problems, or she could get up and be a part of something and be useful in the midst of her mourning.
With God’s help, she hoped she’d continue to be the type of woman who would always choose the latter.
* * *
He didn’t even own a kitchen table.
Never before had Heath noticed how empty his apartment was. How empty his life really was. Not until he realized that this—his lonely, bare apartment—was his future stretching out in front of him. Years and years of this place, a fridge, a bed, a couch, TV and coffee table.
And him.
“You eat in front of the TV.” He walked past his spotless fridge. No Christmas cards with smiling families adorned it. Shouldn’t he have friends who’d want to send him those? At the very least? “You have everything you need.”
He fished his keys from a bowl near his front door and headed outside. Nell’s condo wasn’t a far drive. An hour.
After everything with Josie the day before, Nell had invited him to spend Thanksgiving with her and Danny and Danny’s family. A part of him wanted to say no. Wanted to hole himself up in his apartment and shut out the world—shut out life. But he’d promised himself, promised God, this past month that he’d knock off the isolationism.
So he turned his music up as loud as he could handle without making his ears hurt and made it to Nell’s in record time.
She met him at the door and thrust Carly right into his arms. “Come in. I’m so glad you could come a day early. I need you to help chop vegetables.”
“Nice to see you, too, sis.” He bopped Carly on the nose.
“Put me down! I have to get my ponies.” She giggled, squirmed out of his arms and took off down the hallway in the direction of her playroom.
Nell chucked a dish towel at him. “I don’t need pleasantries with you. Besides, I just saw you yesterday.”
“Wow, you sure know how to make a guy feel loved.” He rubbed his chin and dropped down into a seat at the kitchen table. There was a cutting board, a few knives and a pile of vegetables waiting for him.
Nell slipped her apron back over her head. “Love? Ha. You don’t deserve to talk about love. Not after what you pulled yesterday.”
“Can we not get into that?” He should have known Nell would force him to talk about Josie. It wasn’t in her nature to beat around the bush.
“Oh, we can and we will. Right now.” She jabbed her finger a couple times into the kitchen island so hard he felt bad for the countertop. “What on earth are you thinking?”
He grabbed a carrot. “How do you want these sliced?”
“Chopped. Cut.” She threw up her hands and huffed. “Shaped into little triangles or trapezoids. Who cares? Just make them smaller and don’t change the subject.”
Heath grumbled and started to slice the carrots. The knife made a loud thudding sound with each cut. Might as well give her an answer. “I was thinking that I don’t need Josie or her baby losing someone again and I’m a Texas Ranger. People point guns at me. People ram their cars into our trucks. People—”
“People. Die. Every. Day.” Nell spit out each word as she yanked the garbage bag out of the can.
“You don’t get it.”
“Oh. I don’t, do I?” She swung around the island to stand in front of him. Her hands on her hips. “Because you were the only one hurt when Dad died. Only you had to suffer through that, right?”
He set down the knife. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“But isn’t it?” She sighed as she yanked out a chair and sat down. She rested her hand on top of his. “I lost my hero, too. I know what that feels like. But you know what? I would rather have gotten thirteen years with Dad than none. And that’s really what this boils down to.”
“Love is sacrifice.”
“Is that what this is about?” She jerked her head back in a show of disgust. “That preacher got into your head and jumbled everything around?”
He ran his fingers along the grooves in the table on either side of the cutting board. “You were there yesterday. He said loving means being willing to lay down your life.”
“Yeah, I was there and he didn’t just mean dying for someone. Come on, Heath.” She bumped her knee against his. “Process what you heard a little more instead of just letting fear lead you down the easiest path.”
“Easy? Walking away from Josie was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Staying and being in a relationship. Taking a risk that today may be the only day you’re afforded and loving someone with everything you’ve got. That would be the harder, braver choice. Can’t you see?”
“That verse he shared said—”
Nell held up her hand. “I don’t need a play-by-play of the sermon. I was there. But, Heath, come on. Sacrifice doesn’t always mean dying in the physical sense. Sacrifice could mean dying in your need to be the greatest Texas Ranger in the history of the world.”
“I don’t—”
She rolled her eyes. “Sacrifice could mean giving up anything that you’re holding on to tightly—sometimes that means the shield you’re using to keep everyone away or the lifeboat you’ve climbed into to set yourself adrift at sea.” She scooted her chair closer to his. “Sacrifice could mean that you love Josie and her baby for the rest of your life and you work hard at your job but mentor those boys in your s
pare time and live in a way that points everyone toward the Lord.”
“But that wouldn’t be a sacrifice... That would be the greatest life I could picture having.”
“Maybe—” she lowered her voice and looked him in the eye “—you need to sacrifice your pride. The part of you that whispers your life isn’t worth squat unless you make yourself miserable and isolated and keep love at bay. Sacrifice the part of you that says you’re selling out on your cause—your passion for law enforcement—if you let yourself love someone.”
Lord, help me see reason. Is Nell right? Guide me.
Heath stared down at his hands. “I think...I think I’ve been living in fear my whole life. I prayed recently about it. I thought I’d let it go, but it may still have a hold on me.”
She took his hand and held it between both of hers. “Things like that take a while to work through. I wouldn’t expect success at letting it go to be automatic. You may battle fear your whole life. But keep fighting.”
He pushed his hand against hers. “When did you get so smart?”
“I don’t know. I have a pretty awesome big brother who took me under his wing.”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” She let go of his hand and swatted at his chest as she rose. “But you’re an idiot if you let that woman go.”
“She told me to leave, Nell. Josie opened up to me and I all but walked on her heart. She might not want to see me again.”
“I have a hunch she does. But...take it from a girl who had her heart stomped on before, if you’re strolling back into her life, you’d best be ready to sweep her off her feet. Don’t mosey back halfheartedly.”
What if he’d already messed up too big? What if Josie didn’t forgive him?
Heath grabbed at his hair. “She kept asking me if I was going to leave. All month. And then I did.”
Nell grabbed a bowl and a spoon from her cabinets. She whirled around and pointed the spoon at him. “Then you better do something big to show her that you’re never going to leave her again. Catch my drift?”
“It’s hard not to catch it when you’re lobbing it directly at my head.” Heath got up, crossed the room and pulled his sister into a hug. “Will you forgive me if I miss Thanksgiving?”
She hugged him back and then shoved him toward the door. “Go, Heath. Go get your girl.”
* * *
Red, white, and blue flashing police lights bounced off the church’s white clapboard.
Townsfolk, members of the Lone Star Cowboy League, boys-ranch staff and officers on scene all stared at the three-foot-high black graffiti marring the walls of Haven Community Church and the busted row of windows.
Boys Ranch Was Here.
Josie covered her mouth. “Who would do this?”
Marnie wrapped her arms around Josie and tugged her into her side. “Someone who wants to make our boys look bad.”
The mayor, Elsa Wells, adjusted her horn-rimmed glasses as she pursed her lips. “We’ve never had something like this happen. To our church, no less. Not under my watch.”
Avery Culpepper crossed her arms and smacked her gum. “My granddaddy leaves the boys all that property and assets and this is how they repay the community. Seems awful ungrateful, if you ask me. I know I would never act like this.”
Fletcher Snowden Phillips—the only living relation left of the founder of the boys ranch—tipped his hat to the mayor and moved to stand beside Avery. “I’ve been saying they need to dismantle the boys ranch for years.” He thrust his hand toward the broken windows and graffiti. “Do you know what vandalism like this does to the property value in a town?”
Tanner Barstow scowled at Fletcher. “Nobody asked for your opinion. We all know how you feel about the boys ranch. You tell us every chance you get.”
“And I’ll keep telling everyone until that place gets shut down and dismantled,” Fletcher boomed. “I’m a lawyer.”
“We know,” someone in the crowd groaned.
But Fletcher didn’t seem fazed. “I will find a way to sue the League. My family set up that ranch and I will see to it that I’m responsible for taking it down. That’s a promise.”
Josie turned away from Marnie and looked at Gabe, who stood next to her. “Our boys wouldn’t do something like this. You don’t believe they would, right? Then again,” she said, lowering her voice, “we all know Heath’s father was killed by a staff member. That’s been confirmed now. So anything is possible.”
But in her heart she couldn’t believe one of the boys would harm the church.
Gabe shook his head. “This is the work of someone who wants to make the boys ranch and our organization look bad. That’s all this is.”
Tanner and Macy joined their little circle.
“Did you see Fletcher smirking at the graffiti? I hate to falsely accuse someone...but could he be responsible for the string of mischief we’ve had the past few months?” Tanner looked over at Josie. “Did Heath come to any conclusions about the thefts and calves being set loose?”
Maybe Heath had been right to suspect that Fletcher was possibly behind the string of bad things that had happened at the boys ranch in the past two months. The lawyer had always seemed harmless, but perhaps he disliked the place enough to delve into illegal activity to ensure it would be closed down.
But Josie shook her head. She couldn’t talk about Heath. She was doing her best to focus on the task at hand and that was already taking all her reserves.
Marnie rubbed a circle into Josie’s shoulder. “The Ranger’s gone. It’s up to us to solve this puzzle now.”
Gabe nodded. “Whoever did it stands to gain something by turning the town’s opinion against us. We need to brainstorm. Who would benefit from our doors closing?”
Tanner angled his head closer. “Fletcher just left with Avery Culpepper to take her to lunch. Even if they aren’t involved with this incident, I have to believe the two of them teaming up can only mean trouble for the ranch.”
Josie finally found her voice. “Heath mentioned that some of his interviews hinted that Fletcher might be to blame for some of our troubles, but there’s no solid proof.”
“I’ll store that information away.” Gabe clapped his hands. “Tomorrow is Thanksgiving—I don’t want this casting a shadow onto the festivities. How about we leave here, keep thinking of possibilities, but focus on making it a great, carefree Thanksgiving for the boys who aren’t going home for the holiday. This weekend we’ll all pitch in to repaint the church and replace the windows. On Sunday, no one will even be able to tell this ever happened.”
Josie wrung her hands. If only Heath was here. He’d know what to do. He might have found clues at the scene that the local police could have missed.
Stop trying to factor Heath into everything. He’s gone.
Right... She would do as Gabe suggested.
Focus and rebuild.
Chapter Sixteen
Light wind whistled through the cracked door of the horse barn Heath and Flint were momentarily holed up in. The rainstorms that had threatened to unleash a few days ago never ended up doing anything more than drizzling. Probably for the best. Rain would have meant mud and mud wouldn’t have made for the best outdoor meal.
Heath tried to see through the crack in the door. He’d stashed his truck out of the way, near Flint’s cabin where no one would spot it. Although, he might have been able to hide it among the fifty or more vehicles parked in the makeshift lot on the front field. Some of the boys had gone home to enjoy Thanksgiving with their families, while other families came to the boys ranch to celebrate. However, Flint explained that some of the boys were alone, so most of the staff members attended the buffet and sat with the kids without family that day.
Adrenaline buzzed through Heath’s system, making it impossible fo
r him to stay still for too long. Two baby goats—kids, as they were called—butted heads near his feet. The brown one tripped over his boot and tumbled to the ground with a tiny, offended bleat.
Heath leaned over and righted the animal. “Hush, now. You’re liable to get us found out.”
Outside, seventeen tables were lined in a row, heavy with place settings. Candlelight flickered from jars evenly spaced between orange and mint-green-painted pumpkins. The women had gone all out making the place look nice. Heath hoped Josie hadn’t overworked herself. The thought pulled a smile to his face. Josie was bent on doing her share, so he imagined she had fought to work alongside the others.
The woman would always be a stubborn spitfire. He’d fallen for her on day one because of that trait.
Flint slapped Heath on the back. “I’m not trying to discourage you, so don’t take it that way. But after everything, are you sure showing up here unannounced is the best idea?”
Heath straightened his shirt for the tenth time. “It’s not unannounced. I told her I’d be here for the Thanksgiving buffet. I’m keeping my word.”
Flint cocked his head and smirked.
Heath held up his hands in surrender. “I hear you. I do. Believe me. But I think doing it this way is for the best.” He crossed his arms. “While we’re at it, I also wanted to thank you for your warning earlier.”
“The warning I gave you to stay away from Josie?” Flint picked up the white goat and held it like a football. “The one you didn’t listen to? That one?”
“The very same.” Heath grinned but his gut kicked with nervous energy. “And you didn’t tell me to stay away—you told me to stay away if I couldn’t commit. Well, I’m committed, buddy.”
“So it would seem.” Flint chuckled. “Are you sure you don’t want to wait until you have a ring and a better plan?”
The plan was to walk out of the barn, find Josie and ask her to marry him. That was as far as he’d gotten.
“Stores are closed today.” Heath shook his head. “I don’t want to let one more day pass before I ask. That’s the biggest thing I’ve learned lately—we only have today. So I plan to use it.”
The Ranger's Texas Proposal Page 17