by Cindy Dees
Frustration swirled through her. That was the last thing she wanted to do! She’d just found Mac. No way was she walking away from him and letting a mission tear them apart again!
“Don’t give me that look,” he warned. “You’re not a trained Special Forces soldier. And believe me, it’s gonna take all our training to get through the back end of this mission. Leave this to me and the Squad.”
Susan scowled. He might be right, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.
Mac balled up his sandwich wrappings and shifted his weight like he was going to stand up. “Come on. I’ve got stuff to do to get ready for our visitors. The colonel said to expect them within a couple days.”
A couple of days? Folly thought the assault would come that soon? Oh, God. She wasn’t ready for it! Hah. Like she’d ever be ready for a bunch of criminals to try to kill her.
“I’m not leaving,” she said warningly.
He glanced over at her. She’d swear that was a momentary glint of pride in his eyes. “I warned the colonel that you’d probably feel that way.”
Mac popped to his feet easily. A twinge of jealousy touched her. What she wouldn’t give to be as athletic and graceful as Mac again. She sighed and took the hand he offered her.
He lifted her lightly and she came upright only inches away from him. His eyes had gone a dark, midnight shade of blue. It was a color she could happily lose herself in forever. No matter what had gone on between them, past or present, there’d never been another man like him in her life. Never would be.
“Mac,” she whispered. “I lo—”
His mouth swooped down on hers, stopping the words before they crossed her lips. His arms came around her, dragging her up against him in a crushingly tight embrace. She looped her arms around his neck, pulling his head closer, deepening the kiss.
Their mouths slanted across each other, wet and hot, tongues tangling in a wild dance. Mac’s embrace lifted her completely off her feet. She felt the desperation coursing through him. It vibrated in every fiber of his being. Was he that worried about her safety? She fought off the answering panic that flitted through her. She held him close, cradling his body with hers, silently reassuring them both that everything would be fine. She was his and he was hers.
Eventually he relaxed, accepting what she offered. His grip on her loosened enough for her to slide down his body until her feet touched the ground. “God, I can’t get enough of you,” he groaned. “But unfortunately, duty calls. I’m still under orders to talk you into leaving the ranch ASAP. What’s it going to take? I’ll do anything to keep you safe and get you out of here. You name it.”
She looked deep into his eyes. And said quietly, “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away from you. I’m sorry, but I’m not going anywhere.”
Chagrin filled his dark gaze. “Dammit, Susan, if you stay because of me and get killed, how am I going to live with that?”
She smiled gently. “Then I guess I better not get killed.”
He swore under his breath. But at least he had the good grace not to argue with her any further. He mumbled, “Colonel Folly’s going to have my head on a platter for screwing up this mission.”
She asked reasonably, “How can he blame you? I’m the one refusing to leave.”
He answered heavily, “I’m the one who gave you a reason to stay.”
She frowned and tugged him to a stop. He pivoted to face her in surprise. “Once and for all, Mac Conlon,” she declared, “get over it! I’m a big girl and I make my own decisions. You did not force me into this situation. I’m here acting as bait for Ruala because it’s the right thing to do and because I’m the right person to do it.”
He still looked unconvinced. Nonetheless, he tucked her hand in the crook of his arm and held it there until they came into sight of the house. Then he let go and stepped away to an impersonal distance. Even that tiny loss of his nearness caused an ache in her heart.
He couldn’t leave her—or make her leave him—again. She’d never survive another messy ending with him. So why had she hopped on this runaway train…again?
Mac tried to catch a nap after supper before his turn at the night watch, but he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned in Susan’s bed, the scent of her heady in his nostrils, his thoughts a jumbled mess.
He kept circling back to the same question. What was he going to do if anything bad happened to Susan? He knew better than to fixate on something like that. It could paralyze him if and when the time came to save her life for real.
Colonel Folly had told him to stay focused. Focused definitely didn’t include sleeping with the woman he was supposed to be protecting. Nor did it include putting his career or the lives of his teammates at risk. If he blew a Tango One mission, particularly because he’d gotten involved with a woman in the middle of an op, he’d be bounced out of Charlie Squad so fast it’d make his head spin.
The only option was to give up Susan. Right now. Cold turkey. At least until the mission was over. Problem was, if he abruptly cut things off with her she’d be devastated.
He could explain it to her. She was a smart cookie. She’d understand that he had to concentrate completely on his work for now. But once this mission was wrapped up and she was safe again, he’d take some time off. They’d go away somewhere, just the two of them, spend some time together. Find out if what they had between them was strong enough to last a lifetime.
It was dark and quiet when Susan slipped into bed beside him sometime later. He must have dozed off because he woke up just enough to be aware of her presence. Her body slid over his in the same silken dream he’d imagined a thousand times, seducing him and loving him. Her mouth was warm and sweet and lured him slowly toward consciousness. Finally, when every nerve was tingling, every muscle clenched, his blood pounding hard and fast, he rolled over with a growl, trapping her beneath him.
She looked up at him innocently in the scant moonlight seeping past the drapes. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?”
He gave her a dark look. “I thought I warned you before not to tease me.”
“Who’s teasing? I’m prepared to follow through,” she purred.
“About that—” He cleared his throat. “We need to talk—”
“Later,” she murmured. She wound her arms around his neck and arched up into him in the way that drove him crazy.
Discipline, dammit! He had to stop this. But then her thigh rubbed against him and his body revved to full alert, demanding her hungrily. His heart warred with his logic. His desire for her ran as deep, as fundamental, as his need to breathe.
“Don’t tease me either, Mac,” she pleaded. “I want you. Tonight I don’t want any holding back. No boundaries, no limits. I want all of you. As wild and free as that storm.”
He groaned as his sanity slipped another notch. He had to have her. Just the way she’d said. Now, his heart prodded him. Aww, hell. He was so going to lose the battle with himself. He could feel his resolve slipping, inch by hard-fought inch.
“Come on, Mac. Fly with me,” she whispered.
She had no idea what she was getting into. He was edgy and tense right now. The violence that had been so thoroughly trained into him was bubbling close to the surface tonight.
He grabbed her wrists in a one-handed grip, stilling the delicious roamings of her fingers against his chest. “Suzie, you don’t know what you’re asking. I can’t let go all the way.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Ohh, puhlease. We’ve been over that ground already.”
“I’m serious. I’ve changed a lot in the past ten years. You don’t know me as well as you think you do. Don’t push it.”
“Ohh, you’ve gone all dark and dangerous on me, have you?” she teased.
He scowled at the laughter in her voice.
“Susan, you need to stay away from me for your own well-being.”
Her voice caressed him like velvet. “Mac, I hate to tell you this, but for
my own well-being, I can’t possibly stay away from you. I need you like I need air to breathe.”
He closed his eyes, experiencing actual physical pain at the temptation she offered. What sane man could walk away from a woman like her when she said something like that?
“You’re killing me, Susan,” he groaned.
“Then let me give life back to you like you gave it to me,” she murmured right before she arched up into him again. Her arms wrapped around his neck, and although he refused to sink down into her, she rose to meet him.
It was too much. He couldn’t resist her forever. She was the only woman he’d ever loved, and no matter what he told himself was right, he still wanted her beyond all reason. He gave in to the kiss. Gave in to Susan. Always Susan. Only Susan.
Liberated by the surrender, he cradled her close, savoring every inch of her satiny sleek body pressed against him, enjoying every soft breath she took. He rolled onto his side so he wouldn’t crush her and tucked her close against his body. He murmured into her hair, “What am I going to do with you?”
“Make love to me until we’re both too exhausted to walk.”
In spite of everything, she still made him laugh. “Until we can’t walk, eh? A tall order, but I think I’m up to it,” he joked back.
She groaned and jabbed his ribs. “Behave yourself, Mac Conlon. I’m a lady, and I won’t have such crass innuendoes in my bed.”
He laughed and pulled her down on top of him. “A lady, indeed. Come here and teach me some manners, ma’am.”
Their gazes met and he watched the humor fade from Susan’s eyes. Her pupils slowly dilated, and the expression in their black depths grew limpid. They looked at each other for a long time. There was no need for words. Unspoken promises hung between them as real as if they’d been uttered aloud. Duty be damned. Some things were more important than duty, bigger than notions of right and wrong.
His hand slid under the heaviness of her hair and slowly he pulled her down to him. It was an exquisite journey of slow torture and joyous anticipation. Their lips met and the world fell away, leaving them perched on a summit of their own making, beyond the realm of other mortals. They soared on currents of heat and passion, ever higher.
Their joining took his breath away. It was so perfect it was frightening. Their movements synchronized in a stunning symphony that crescendoed until he thought he would blow into a million pieces. They hurtled over the edge and out into space together, drifting back down slowly in a fog of pleasure for he knew not how long.
They slept.
Mac woke up sometime later and retrieved the blankets. Taking care not to wake her, he arranged them into some semblance of order over Susan’s sleeping form.
He lay beside her for a long time, staring at the ceiling bleakly. After loving her like that, how could he even consider calling their relationship off, even for a few days until the mission was over and Ruala neutralized? He sighed.
He slid out of bed and donned his clothes. Quiet as a cat, he slipped out of the room and eased the door shut behind him. Gliding down the stairs, skipping the step that squeaked, he headed for the kitchen. The other guys were still up, clustered around terrain maps of Susan’s ranch spread out on the kitchen table.
“Hey,” he mumbled. He felt guilty as hell that he’d been making passionate love to Susan while his teammates sat down here and worked. Hoping against hope they didn’t notice the heat in his cheeks, he turned his attention to the battle plan they were carefully shaping.
It was almost 1:00 a.m. before Mac pushed back from the table, shaking his head. For the dozenth time he protested, “There’s got to be another way.”
Howdy spoke patiently. “If Susan won’t leave, then we have to stick with the original plan and lay a trap for Ruala here. We’ve been over a dozen different options. And every one of them keeps coming back to using Susan. She’s the only person who will work as bait.”
“Can’t someone dress up to look like Susan?” Mac asked.
Dutch piped up. “Ruala and his men will see right through something like that. They’re not amateurs. They will all have studied pictures of her and will know what she looks like.”
Howdy again. “Face it Mac. The bait’s got to be Susan.”
The other men were unanimous that if Susan wouldn’t go into protective custody, they had to nail Ruala now. And that meant using Susan to lure Ruala to show himself. No matter how much he argued, he failed to budge any of them on that one.
He scowled in frustration. “Look. Susan functions amazingly well, but I don’t think you guys realize just how serious her knee injury is. She’s ambulatory, but not a hell of a lot more. Just because she lives a day-to-day life without much trouble doesn’t mean she can handle the kind of acrobatics that might be necessary to pull her out of an ambush safely.”
Dutch sighed. “We don’t need the bait to run. We just need it to sit there looking tasty and lure in the sharks.”
Mac’s voice rose. “And I’m telling you she’s going to get hurt. She’s not going to be able to get out of the way once the shooting starts.”
Dutch argued back. “You’re underestimating her, man. I know you’re all hot and bothered to keep every little hair on her head safe and sound, but a certain amount of risk is necessary here!”
Mac stood up, leaning his hands on the table. “Dammit, Dutch! It’s not her job to die out there. It’s mine!”
Howdy intervened. “Nobody’s going to die, Mac. We’ll put Susan out for bait, and as soon as Ruala and his men move in, we’ll pull her out. It’ll be fine.”
They didn’t get it. She couldn’t defend herself. And nothing could happen to Susan!
Mac’s thin control finally snapped. “For God’s sake,” he shouted. “She’s crippled!”
An abrupt, deep silence fell over the room. The kind that falls when people are horribly uncomfortable and don’t know what to say.
Mac looked up.
Susan stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Staring. At him.
She’d heard.
Her face was ashen and her eyes way too big as she gazed at him in dismay. Without a word, she turned around and disappeared down the hallway.
Sweet Mary, Mother of God. What had he done?
Chapter 12
S usan stood frozen in the doorway to the kitchen, staring at Mac. Shock numbed her body. She couldn’t believe he’d just said that. After everything she’d shared with him, after the way they’d made love… He didn’t see her that way. He couldn’t think of her as a cripple. He wouldn’t have lied to her about it. About everything.
He stared back at her, guilt written in every line of his body.
He did. And he had. He’d lied to her about it all. His own words from yesterday came back to her with painful clarity. He said he’d do anything to get her to leave. Apparently including sleeping with her and playing her emotions like a concert violinist. The bastard!
Anguish sliced her heart into tiny shreds. She turned and fled, hop-skipping down the hall. She headed for the stairs but then she heard a chair push back abruptly in the kitchen. Instead, she fumbled at the lock on the front door. She paused just long enough to slip her feet into a pair of sandals on the mat by the door, and then she was outside, fleeing clumsily into the night, its blackness enveloping her. Fleeing from the man who had just broken her heart. Again. Oh, Lord. Not again.
Tears streamed down her face. She could barely see where she was going. She didn’t care where she went, as long as it was far, far away from him. She heard footsteps behind her. Shouting. Mac wanted her to stop. Fat chance. She might not be an Olympic sprinter, but she knew every inch of the ranch. She stuck to the gravel paths to avoid Mac’s various traps, and the smooth footing helped her make better time. She slipped past the barns, past the pond, out toward the thick tangle of scrub pines and live oaks that passed for a forest in this part of the country.
The footsteps were closer now, Mac’s voice clearer. She put on an extra awkward burst
of speed and ducked under the first branches. Shadows closed around her and she slowed down to catch her breath and ease off her protesting knee. She followed winding paths she’d trod since her childhood, heading for her and Tex’s secret playhouse deep in the heart of the woods. Dodging limbs and stepping over logs as much by feel as by sight, she pressed forward in a blind fury of grief.
Mac wasn’t bothering to yell anymore, and she no longer heard his pursuit, but she felt his presence behind her as surely as if he was breathing down the back of her neck.
She made it into the playhouse her father had built for her and Tex not long after their mother left. She ducked inside the child-size door and into the musty darkness. Leaves littered the floor, and she kicked them aside with her good foot. Her knee creaked warningly and gave an ominous hitch. She sat down on one of the low benches built into the walls.
She never heard him coming. One second she was alone, and the next, a black shape loomed in the door. Terrified, she looked up. His eyes were pools of black rage, promising her unthinkable bodily harm. Violence fairly radiated from him. She’d never, ever, seen Mac Conlon this angry.
When he spoke, his voice was a sibilant hiss. “If you ever pull another damn fool stunt like this again, I’ll kill you myself. Understood?”
Her eyes widened as she nodded. He looked like he meant it, too. She began to shiver as the shock of reaction began to set in. He moved fully into the tiny room, filling it with his furious presence. He glanced around and sat down on the only other bench in the space. She watched fearfully as he propped his elbows on his hiked-up knees. But then he let his head hang down, slumping between his hunched shoulders. The fight rushed out of her in a whoosh. Apparently, she’d scared the living heck out of him with her flight from the house.
But then her own pain came raging back full force. “How could you do that to me?” she whispered painfully.
“Do what to you, Susan?” he replied wearily. “Fight to save your life? Argue with my own teammates because they want to expose you to more risk than I’m willing to? Throw my career away because I can’t make the tough decision to put you in harm’s way when I have to?”