by L A Cotton
“Oh, I didn't know.”
“She doesn't say much about it. Especially to strangers.”
I flinched. Lilly felt it since her arm was interlaced in mine. “Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You're not, I mean I don't think of you—”
I let out a strained laugh. “Don't worry about it. I'm the outsider, I get it.”
Lilly stopped, bringing us to a halt. Wiggling out of my arm, she turned to me. “Scarlett let you into our fold, so that means something, trust me. I just meant you're new still. It takes time with her. We'd been friends for like two years before she took me home to meet her mom.”
Two years? That seemed ... excessive.
“Remember what Kendall said at Rogues? About Scarlett taking in strays? Well, she wasn’t entirely wrong. Scarlett helped me through some stuff. Mischa too.”
“Where is Mischa?” She hadn't been around much since The Vault.
“That's her story to tell, not mine. Come on, let's get you home.”
Lilly guided us across the street. I hadn't paid much attention on the ride over, but it turned out Jay only lived in the next neighborhood and before long, my street came into view.
“How will you get home?”
“I'll walk.”
“Is it safe?”
“Safe enough. Don't worry, I can look after myself. Besides, I’m sleeping over at Jay’s.”
I doubted that. Lilly was slim and a good inch shorter than I was. With big doe eyes and long dark hair with a natural wave, she had a softer appearance than Scarlett, who looked fierce with her bright red hair, numerous piercings, and tattoos. Mom would lose her shit if I ever came home with a tattoo.
“Okay, this is me. Thanks for walking me.”
“No problem. I’ll see you tomorrow at school?”
“Yeah. Night, Lilly.” I turned to head up to the house, popping in a piece of gum. Mom hadn’t minded me having the occasional drink back in Montecito, but that was when I hung around at the country club or my friends’ pool houses. Somehow, I didn’t think she’d approve of me drinking in Jay’s garage bar on a school night.
“Hey baby, is that you? I’m in the kitchen.” Mom’s voice greeted me as I stepped inside.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there.” Checking my reflection in the mirror, I slid the beanie off my head. Tucking it into my bag, I smoothed my hair out of my face. It was only just past ten. Mom didn’t go to sleep early anymore, not since that night. Just another thing I had to feel guilty over.
“You want tea?” she asked as I entered our small kitchen. In Montecito, we’d had a big open plan kitchen with high-gloss counters and a breakfast counter where I sat everyone morning before school. Looking around, all I could think was at least Mom had the oven.
“No, thanks.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“He went up a little while ago. He has to be in the office early for his first case.”
“Anything juicy?”
“He didn’t say too much, client confidentiality.”
“Bo-ring,” I sang, smiling at her.
“Good time tonight?”
“We just hung out. Studied a little.”
“With Scarlett, right? The girl you hung out with the other night?”
I nodded, feeling the guilt coil around my heart. I hated this—lying to her—but she wasn’t ready for the truth. Mom preferred to look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. When Dad decided we couldn’t stay in Montecito, he’d meticulously planned to make sure our move out of town was seamless, and Mom had gone along like it was some big adventure. But I already saw the cracks appearing.
“Yeah and a few other kids from my class.”
“Maybe you should invite them over this weekend? So your father and I can meet them? It always was so lovely having the girls over.”
My eyes fluttered shut. We didn’t talk about before much. It was better that way. Easier for me to forget and Mom to pretend.
“Me and my big mouth, I’m sorry, Becca, I didn’t mean—”
I opened my eyes and smiled. “It’s fine, Mom.” Everything is fine.
If I kept telling myself that, then maybe one day it would be true.
Scarlett avoided me for the rest of the week. I tried to heed Lilly’s words that maybe she had stuff going on, but I couldn’t shake the thought that it was me. That I was the reason she didn’t come and sit with us at lunch, or why, when Friday rolled around and everyone was talking about The Vault, I didn’t get invited.
Even Lilly avoided being alone with me. She waved hello and invited me to sit with them at lunch, smiling and asking me how my day was, but she was guarded. Part of me wanted to ask them what their problem was. The words lingered on my tongue, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. But the other part—the part that had spent two weeks roaming Credence High like a social outcast—wasn’t sure I wanted to know the truth. Scarlett had said it herself—I was different. Maybe they’d realized I wasn’t worth getting to know, after all. Maybe an enemy of Kendall O’Hare’s was too much of a burden to bear.
By the time I got home from school, my mood had taken a turn for the worse. Just when I finally felt like things at Credence High might be okay, everything had gone to shit again. And instead of being with my new friends, I sat alone in my room, listening to music and trying my best not to think about my old friends back in Montecito and what they were doing right now. Music, like dancing, was something I used to love, but I hadn't listened to much since the move. The lyrics reminded me of what I used to be. My old life. Like, right now, it was Friday, which meant they were probably at Laura’s house since she had an indoor pool and her parents usually let her invite a bunch of us over to swim.
As I lay there, staring up at shadows dancing across the ceiling, I couldn’t help but wonder if they thought about me. Where I was? What I was doing? I’d left without so much as a goodbye. Dad thought it was best, especially after I’d spent three months off the social radar, recovering from my ‘breakdown.’ The façade wasn’t that hard to keep up. Dad had insisted I return to school initially. It would look too suspicious if I’d just dropped off the face of the earth. I’d been shell-shocked, hardly able to look anyone in the eye. It wasn’t an act, I was sick—scarred from that night—but my friends thought it was signs of the (fake) condition I’d kept from them. I walked the hallways of Montecito Prep barely holding on by a thread, and it had been no surprise when Mom and Dad whisked me away to a private facility for emotionally unstable teens. No visitors—that was the rule. I kept in touch with Laura and a couple of the other girls, at first, but eventually, I was the girl whose life got too much for her, and I became just another thing to add to the gossip mill.
My phone bleeped, and I sat up, wondering who it could be, given the only person’s cell phone number I had was avoiding me.
It’s Lilly. Sorry for being a complete bitch the last couple of days. We’re all heading to The Vault later. You should come. Please come!
I’m sorry xo
My first reaction was relief, but as I read the text again, it drowned in confusion and questions … lots of questions.
What about Scarlett? She doesn’t want me there.
She won’t be there.
You’re sure?
I felt bad even asking, given that Scarlett was the one who had brought me into their group. But I wasn’t ready to be around her; not until I could be certain her problem was life and not me.
Promise.
Okay, see you later.
Yay!! You won’t regret it, I promise.
Trudging over to my wardrobe, I wished I’d gone shopping. Aside from the tank top I wore last weekend, I had nothing to work with. Grabbing my oldest pair of True Religion jeans, I took them over to my desk, pulled the scissors out of the pen caddy, and started hacking.
“Becca?” Mom’s voice filtered through the door. “You didn’t come and say hello.”
“Sorry, I, hmm, bad day.”
The handle rattled, an
d Mom slipped inside, her eyes widening with alarm when she noticed the scissors in my hand. “What on earth are you doing?”
“I, hmm, I need something to wear tonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Hmm, yeah, a few of us are hanging out at Scarlett’s again.”
“And you couldn’t just wear jeans?” Her eyebrow quirked up.
“I wanted a change.”
Concern creased her face, but she didn’t say whatever was on her mind. Instead, she said, “Don’t be home too late, okay?”
“You got it, Mom.”
She left, and I changed into my new jean shorts. They rode low on my hips and showed a lot of skin, more than I was used to, so I wiggled out of them and found some black stockings to wear underneath. Slipping into my wedge sneakers, I went to my wardrobe and chose a loose fitting white t-shirt with a black heart motif. Tucking it into my jeans, I slid some chunky bracelets back over my wrist before adding mascara to my eyelashes and gloss to my lips. When I positioned myself in front of the full-length mirror, my eyes widened with surprise. The girl staring back at me barely resembled the old Becca, but I couldn’t deny the spark of excitement swirling inside me. A year ago, I would never have imagined myself wearing something like this, but I liked it. The individuality, the freedom to express yourself. At Montecito Prep, we all looked like carbon copies of one another—at Credence High, everyone rocked their own style. Slipping my cell phone in my bag, I headed downstairs.
“Mom, I’m leaving. I’ll be back before midnight.” I rushed to the door, eager to avoid another ‘scene.’ But just as my hand reached for the door, she appeared in the doorway.
“I don’t think it’s ever going to get easier seeing you dressed up like that.”
“I’m not dressed up, Mom. This is what all the kids at school wear.”
She frowned. “It’s so- so different. It’ll take some getting used to.”
Jogging back to her, I pressed a kiss to her cheek and smiled. “I’m still me, promise. I’ll see you later, okay?”
Mom’s lip pulled into a flat line, but she managed a small nod. “Just be careful. I love you, Becca.”
I was almost out of the door as I replied. “Love you too, Mom.”
I’m on my way. Meet outside?
I texted Lilly as the bus turned down the road leading to the club. My service was already depleting, but my cell phone vibrated straight back.
We’re already inside. Come and find us. Cell phone almost dead.
Great. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to go in alone again. The bus stopped at the end of the street, and a couple of guys got off before me. The line was shorter than the last time I’d been here, and after a few minutes of waiting, the security guy beckoned me forward.
“Over twenty-one?” He gave me the once over, and I nodded, too nervous to speak. Flicking his head toward the door, he let me past, and I slipped inside.
I walked into the same wall of heat and music that had greeted me the week before. My eyes immediately went to the section of the club where Scarlett and the guys had been at last time, only they weren’t there. Walking the perimeter of the room, I strained my eyes to catch any glimpse of Lilly or Jay or even Vin. But by the time I’d done a full lap, a sick feeling had taken root in my stomach. It left two options: the dancefloor—packed with bodies—or the bar, which was three people deep. I checked my cell phone to see if she’d texted again, but a blank screen stared back at me. Something nudged into my back, and I stumbled forward, gripping an unsuspecting guy. He glared at me, shirking me off. Muttering an apology, I moved over to the wall next to the bar, pressing against the brick. Adrenaline pumped through me, but it wasn’t the excitement I’d felt earlier.
What if …
No, Lilly wouldn’t do that to me. She was nice. There was no way she’d play such a cruel joke on me. But as the irrational thoughts swam around my head, I caught a blur of red.
Bright red.
Sure enough, Scarlett, Lilly, and the guys were moving through the club toward the familiar group of seats. Jay hugged his girl close as she laughed at something Scarlett said. Even Mischa and Eric were there, Vin and Malachi too. In fact, they were all there … all except me.
My heart quickened, dropping into my stomach, and a rush of tears burned behind my eyes. Blinking them back, I slid along the wall using my hands to guide me. I needed to get the hell out of here, fast. When my hand found the corner of the wall where the main room met the long hallway leading back to the entry, I turned to make my escape, slamming straight into a wall of flesh and black.
Amused eyes glared at me, cutting me to the bone. “How sad. Did you really think you could play at being one of us and fit in? Even your so-called friends didn’t really want you here.” Kendall stepped up to me, toe-to-toe. I moved back instinctively, but someone closed in behind me, forcing me forward. Her breath licked my skin, churning my stomach. “No one wants you here. No. One.”
Kendall shoulder checked me hard as she barged past me. Her friends followed, each throwing me a look that could kill. I ignored the curious stares and the snickers of pity as I all but ran out of the club and into the cool night air. I’d seen it the second my eyes collided with hers. Smugness shining in them. Lilly had never text me inviting me to The Vault—it was Kendall. She’d set me up, and I walked right into it.
“Whoa,” a deep voice said. “You’ve got to be shittin’—” The words died on Evan’s lips as he took in my disheveled appearance. “What the fuck happened now?”
Now? There wasn’t time to stand around dissecting his veiled words. Shaking my head, I kept walking. I didn’t know where I was going. But I couldn’t be around him—not now, not on the verge of tears.
“Becca,” he called after me, but I kept walking. “Becca.” This time, it was more of a growl, and then I felt him. Behind me. Catching my wrist, his fingers imprinted on my skin. His grip tightened, and I stopped. “Fuck’s sake! Just tell me what happened.”
I sagged back into him, letting him catch me. One hand still grasping my wrist, the other held my waist awkwardly. It was pathetic—I was pathetic. Evan didn’t want to be here, not really. I could feel his irritation building, rolling off him in angry waves. But right now, I really needed someone—anyone—to restore my hope that people weren’t all total jerks.
“Just give me a second,” I whispered. “And then I’ll be fine.”
We stood there, at the end of the abandoned parking lot, my back against his chest while I fought against the tears still threatening to fall. His hand released my wrist and slipped around my waist, and he held me. It was awkward and uncomfortable and embarrassing, but Evan Porter stood there holding me while I silently broke and time stood still. He didn’t press me for answers or brush me aside like the crazy, unhinged girl I was. And when I finally felt able to pull away from him and turn around to meet his steely gaze, he still stood there.
“Come on.” He motioned to his car. I hadn’t noticed it tucked away under the shadows of the far wall.
“It’s fin—”
“Becca, get in the damn car.” His tone was final, and I followed him to the Impala, slipping into the passenger side. “You hungry?”
“I guess I could eat.” Eating meant not talking, which was something I definitely didn’t want to do—not with Evan, not ever.
He gunned the engine and peeled out of the parking lot.
“I’ll get the double cheeseburger with chili fries, onion rings on the side, and a large chocolate milkshake, please.”
“And for you?” The waitress struggled to tear her eyes away from Evan to get my order, but I sensed her judgment.
What was a girl like me doing here with a guy like him?
“Hmm, I’ll just take some fries, please.”
She nodded, shot Evan another smile, and left us alone.
“You could’ve gotten something else.”
“Guess I’m not that hungry, after all.” I avoided looking at him, even though I could fe
el his stormy eyes set on me.
“Ready to tell me what happened?”
Peeking up at him through my lashes, my lips pressed into a tight line as I shook my head. He blew out a frustrated breath, raking a hand over his face. “Let me guess. Kendall?”
“How did you know?” I grumbled, remembering the look of satisfaction on her face as she barged past me.
“It doesn’t matter. You need to stay away from her, Becca.” His voice was eerily calm. I think I preferred it when he sounded annoyed or even angry. This felt … well, it felt personal somehow. Like we had reached some common ground. Only I wasn’t in on the big secret, yet.
I didn’t know what to make of it all.
“It’s not like I’m trying to get in her way.” I dropped my eyes again.
“Fuck, I know, I know. Just try and lay low and don’t go back to The Vault or Rogues, yeah?”
“Why?” My head snapped up. “Everyone else goes.”
“You’re not everyone.” He sighed. His eyes burning into me. Through me.
The waitress reappeared with our drinks, and Evan shifted his focus to her. She lapped it up, batting her eyes and giggling when he thanked her. A pang of jealousy shot through me as I watched them. It was crazy—he wasn’t anyone to me. Just a guy who had a weird habit of bailing me out. Like an annoying older brother, really.
When she finally left the table, something changed between us. Evan didn’t ask me any more questions, and I had nothing to say. We drank and ate in silence. Moving fries around my plate, I couldn’t get Evan’s words out of my head. You’re not everyone.
What the hell was that supposed to mean? That I was from money? That I thought I was too good for Kendall and her friends? For Scarlett and Lilly? Did Evan think that was who I was?
More importantly, did I care?
“Ready to get out of here?”
I nodded stiffly. Evan pulled out his wallet and threw some cash down on the table, and we left. The waitress lingered near the door, her smile growing when she noticed Evan and I weren’t walking together, that I was trailing after him. When he gave her nothing more than a curt nod, I couldn’t help the smug smirk that tugged at the corner of my mouth. Evan waited for me to climb into his car before getting in.