by L A Cotton
“Atta girl,” Scarlett said with an air of approval. Lilly chuckled, taking the bottle from me. “I think I need some of that. I still can’t believe she did that.”
“Really? She’s been waiting for the perfect moment.”
“Bitch.” Lilly took a big gulp, wiping her mouth on her sleeve. “That’s disgusting. What the hell, Scarlett?”
“It’s my special brew.” She waggled her eyebrows. “And this, girls, is a special occasion.”
“Are the guys meeting us there?” I asked, needing a change of subject.
“Yeah, they’ve gone to fetch supplies.”
I nodded and leaned back, thinking about nothing—and everything. Evan. Kendall. The look of judgment on my classmates’ faces. I would have never done something like this back in Montecito. The most daring thing we ever did was sneak off campus during lunch hour, but then, the most drama I’d ever encountered was when my ex-best friend Miley had cheated on her boyfriend-at-the-time with a guy from out of town. Until him, I’d been the cookie cutter daughter, outstanding student, and all-around good girl. Maybe this was karma catching up with me.
The fairground came into view, and I sat a little straighter. I could imagine it in all its glory; the noise and lights, shrieks of excitement, the smell of cotton candy lingering in the air. In a strange way, I could relate. Something once so vibrant and full of life now an empty, desolate shell.
“Come on, I need a smoke.”
“You always need a smoke,” Lilly said, climbing out of the car.
“What? It calms me. You know, Becca, if you’re still feeling tense, it might help. No pressure or anything.”
I climbed out and stretched my arms out in front of me. Blood still pumped around my body, adrenaline and nerves churning my stomach.
“I’ll take another drink.”
Scarlett handed me the bottle. “Just go easy, it’s strong stuff. No repeats of the other night, yeah? Did you get home okay? I never had a chance to ask.” She smirked.
“Oh, that’s right, Evan swooped in.” Lilly sang, looping her arm through mine. “How was that?”
“Seriously? You’re asking me this now?”
“What?” She pouted innocently earning her an eye roll.
“He told me you called him.”
“Of course, he did.” Scarlet huffed and walked ahead of us, ducking between the hole in the fence.
“He didn’t?” I asked Lilly quietly. Something about the way Scarlett talked of Evan made me wonder what had happened between them. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer to that particular question, though. Not yet.
“No. Why would I ask Evan? I don’t think I’ve ever said two words to the guy. He’s like the original unsolved mystery of CH.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on. You must have noticed. You’re looking for him enough.” She elbowed me in the ribs. “He’s always alone.”
“Scarlett knows him.”
“Yeah.” Her voice dropped off, and she sighed. “They go back.”
“Because of Ami? Who is she?” It felt like it all revolved around her somehow.
Lilly sucked in a sharp breath, and her eyes widened slightly as if she was undecided about what to tell me.
“BOO.” Jay leapt into our view, and we both shrieked.
“You should see your faces.” Vin grinned like a fool, but I couldn’t make eye contact, not with the rumors about him … us. “Oh, come on, Becca, don’t be like that. If it’s any consolation, I heard you give great he—”
“Dude, filter.” Jay slapped him upside the head. “Seriously, I apologize in advance for this dipshit.”
“What?” He feigned innocence. “I’m just repeating what I heard.”
“More like what you started.” Malachi stepped up beside us and threw me an apologetic look. I returned it with a weak smile. “Sorry about what happened, Becca. If it helps any, I’ve denied it.”
“Thanks.”
“Don't worry, Becca, it'll be old news tomorrow.” Vin slipped between Malachi and me, slinging his arms around our shoulders. “Isn't this cozy? Hey, if you guys are game, I know I am.”
“Vin!” Lilly and Jay yelled in tandem. He sighed dramatically, grunting when Malachi punched him in the stomach. I shrugged away from him, stifling a laugh.
“This is some good shit.” Scarlett blew rings of smoke expertly as she handed the joint to Malachi.
“You want another beer, ladies?” Jay offered, but I declined. I'd finished Scarlett's special brew and already felt the lingering buzz of the alcohol working through my system. But for as much as I wanted to forget all about today, she was right; I didn't want a repeat of Friday night.
“Won't the teachers figure out we're all gone?”
“They won't care.”
“In case you haven't noticed, CH isn't exactly a center of academic excellence.” Jay winked at me, taking a long pull on his beer and wrapping Lilly closer to him. I envied them. Their closeness. I missed that. Even though it had been built on lies and ended in devastation, I missed feeling like the center of someone's world.
“Earth to Becca, you want a smoke?” Scarlett held out the joint, and I stared at it. Smoking wasn't my thing; in fact, I hated the smell, but I'd watched the guys get high. They always seemed so chilled ... so relaxed. I was strung so tight I felt like I might implode at any second.
“Becca, you don't have to,” Lilly whispered, but I found myself nodding as I slipped my fingers around the end.
“I just inhale?”
Scarlett nodded back. “Don't take too much, though.”
I brought the joint to my lips, pausing for a second to give myself time to back out.
I didn't.
Closing my mouth, I inhaled. A rank taste filled my mouth as the smoke hit the back of my throat, and I started choking and spluttering everywhere. Scarlett rolled her eyes in amusement, taking the joint from me while the guys found my inexperience hysterical.
“Maybe stick to beer, Becca, huh?” Jay handed me a bottle, and I unscrewed it, taking a long pull to try to wash away the god-awful taste.
I tried not to watch as Jay whispered in Lilly's ear, running his hand along the inside of her thigh. She giggled, turning her face to him and then he helped her to her feet. “We'll be back in a bit. If the rooms a rocking, don't come a knocking.”
“Jay.” She batted him in the stomach, her cheeks working a serious blush. “Seriously?”
“I'm just saying ...”
“Well, don't.” She stormed off with him hot on her heels. Scarlett kicked her feet up on the bumper car and leaned back, taking a long drag on her joint. “Don't look so surprised.”
“I'm not, I mean, I wasn't ...”
“You really need to lighten up,” Scarlett said harshly. I'd learned now that it was just her way. She didn't mean anything by it; she just didn't sugarcoat things. “If you want to survive CH, you need to toughen up. Kids get drunk. They get high. They fuck in dark corners of clubs or in the backseat of their cars. I don't know what you were doing in the school you went to before, but out here, kids do whatever they can to forget their shitty existences.”
She made it sound so sad. I knew all about wanting to forget. About wishing you could change things. But it hadn't led me to do any of those things. Yet. Well, if you discounted my lame attempt at getting high.
“I'm available, ladies,” Vin piped up, stretching his arms behind his head. “Just saying.”
“I wouldn't touch that”—she swept a hand down—“in a hazmat suit.”
“Easy, I'm not that bad.” He looked genuinely offended.
“Vin, I hate to break it to you, buddy, but you're one of the worst.”
He jumped up and rubbed his hands down his jeans. “I'm going to take a piss.”
“Wait up, I'll walk with you; I need to get something from my car.” Scarlett jumped up and went after him.
“Scarlett,” I called, glancing at Malachi as he sat on the edge o
f the track.
She waved me off. “I'll be right back. Drink more. Today is a good day for drinking and getting high and ...” She paused rubbing her stomach. “Food, I need food.”
“They're not ...” I looked at Malachi.
“Scarlett and Vin?” He laughed. “No way.”
“Oh, okay.” Not that it mattered. I wasn't interested in Vin, so the two of them could do whatever they wanted, but I couldn't imagine a stranger couple.
“It was rough, what Kendall did. She doesn't like outsiders.”
“So I've heard.” I sighed, mentally recalling all the times I’d heard that.
“She'll back off eventually. Get bored and move on. You just have to ride it out.”
Sliding my hands into my hoodie pocket, I bunched it closer. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He twisted around. “Shoot.”
“Who’s Ami?”
His eyes flashed with something, and he dragged a hand down his face. “Where did you hear that name?”
I felt like I was missing some vital piece of the strange puzzle that tethered this group of friends.
“Kendall said something earlier. I get the feeling something happened.”
“Have you asked the girls?”
“I tried to ask Lilly. We were interrupted, and I get the feeling she won’t tell me.”
Malachi blew out a long breath and stared out. A flash of black caught my eye, and he said, “I think someone wants you.”
“I—”
“You should go to him. Just be careful, Becca. Sometimes, the ones you care about hurt you the most.”
I glanced back at him slack-jawed. What the hell did that mean?
“Malachi,” Evan said as he approached.
“Porter.”
The air changed. I felt it pressing against me, thick and heavy. What was I missing?
Evan motioned behind him. “Take a walk with me?”
“I—”
Malachi must have sensed my reluctance because he said, “Go, I’ll cover for you.”
I followed Evan as he made his way around the bumper car track. I hadn't been in that direction yet. We passed the old Tilt-a-Whirl, coming out on the other side of the Funhouse. When we turned another corner, I almost walked straight into him, but he caught me, crowding me against the wall. My face pressed into his shoulder, and his chin rested on my head. He didn't say anything, but I could feel his torment.
“Evan, I—”
“Just give me a second, okay?”
My throat thickened. His voice was so full of an unnamed emotion that I couldn't do anything but wait. After a few seconds, his hands glided up my sides and into my hair, anchoring me to him.
“What are you doing to me?” he whispered.
“I'm sorry.” As my hands curled into the black tee molded against him, I didn’t know why I was apologizing. The words had just fallen from my lips. Evan's finger slid down the column of my neck and underneath my jaw. Tilting my head up, he stared at me. “What happened in the closet, Becca?”
Fear gripped my heart like a vise, and I stopped breathing. “Evan, I—”
His lips brushed against mine. It was tender, unhurried, eliciting a soft moan from me. When he pulled back, I knew a blush had worked its way up my neck and into my cheeks. “What happened?” Evan’s eyes searched mine.
“Don't do this.”
He sighed, his eyebrows bunching together. “If we're going to do this, you need to be honest with me.”
“You don't know what you're asking of me.” My voice was small. “I should go.”
I went to move away, but Evan's hands shot to the wall on either side of my head, caging me in. “Stay. Please ...”
Swallowing hard, I nodded. My heart was beating so hard against my chest, I thought it might rupture.
“You good?”
“Yeah.”
His eyes darkened, drinking me in. “I want to kiss you so much right now. But something’s going on with you; I see it in your eyes.”
I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes fluttering shut, and I whispered, “Kiss me.”
Evan slid his hand into mine and pulled me into the building. Even though it was still light outside, darkness cloaked us, but he moved with easy familiarity.
“Evan?” I whispered, straining my eyes to see him. I realized we were in the Funhouse, only we had come through a service door around the back.
He yanked me forward, and I stumbled, but strong hands steadied me. Evan's laughter filled the eerie silence. “I've got you,” he whispered against my hair, and I suppressed the shiver threatening to vibrate through me. A burst of light came from his other hand as he shined his cell phone before us, illuminating our path. “C’mon, it’s this way.”
Nervous energy bounced around my stomach, and my heart fluttered with anticipation. I'd panicked in the closet—Evan’s words had transported me back to a time I'd forced myself to forget—but this felt different. And I didn't want to screw it up. Evan was finally here—with me—and I wanted to make the most of it. But I couldn’t ignore the little voice in my mind.
“Was it you?” I tugged on his hand, stopping him and Evan glanced over his shoulder, his eyebrow cocked.
“Was what me?”
“In the mirror room, last week?”
The light from his cell cast eerie shadows over his face, but I was almost certain I saw a slight smirk play on his lips. “Maybe.”
“Evan!” I hissed. Had he been watching me that night? Was he always watching me? And if he was, why?
“C’mon.” He didn’t say another word as he guided us to a small back room, and I didn’t ask. Inside what I imagined was once an office, he let go of me and placed his cell down on a dust-covered desk. The glow reflected off the walls cascading shadows over us. “Come here.”
I went to him, letting him draw me into his arms as he leaned against the edge of the table. He made easy work of picking me up and spinning me around until my butt hit the desk. The whole thing rocked under my weight. I gasped, but it held steady. “Evan?” My mouth was dry.
He swept my hair away from my shoulders and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my collarbone. My head fell back, overwhelmed by how good it felt, and as his lips traced a path to my earlobe, my body arched into him. “That feels ...” I moaned, threading my fingers through his hair, tugging, desperate for his kiss. He moved up, touching his forehead to mine, staring at me with such intensity, shivers worked their way up my spine.
“Are you cold?”
I bit my lip, shaking my head. Evan's hands skated around to my butt, and he dragged me against him. My legs clasped around his waist, and he hardened against me. I froze the feel of him there too much, but then he was moving us again, and he plopped me down onto an old couch covered with an old blanket. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask what he was doing, but his face ducked into the sliver of light coming in through a small boarded-up window, and the words fell away at the desire shining in his eyes.
“Is this okay?” His voice was steady, unlike the erratic beat of my heart. My head bobbed, and I swallowed hard as Evan crawled over me, pressing me back against the tattered material. His hand slid under my legs as he lifted them up until I lay flat, and he moved over me. Tracing the contour of my stomach, Evan’s hand dipped underneath my t-shirt, and I sucked in a sharp breath when he covered my breast and squeezed gently. He sealed his mouth over mine. Hard and consuming, it ignited a fire in me, and I looped my arm around Evan’s neck, pulling him closer. But I knew it wouldn’t be enough. Something was building in me, consuming me, and I kissed him until I couldn’t think straight.
Overcome with the need to touch him, my hands skated down his broad shoulders, finding the hem of his t-shirt and I yanked it away from his firm stomach. His skin was warm under my fingers, and he groaned as I dipped them into the waistband of his jeans. “Becca,” he rasped. “Fuck.”
A switch flipped, and I became desperate, fighting with the button of his je
ans, our kisses growing more frantic. When I finally popped the first button, there was enough room for me to slip inside, and I wrapped a hand around him. “I need you, Evan,” I murmured into his mouth.
It was like an out-of-body experience. I heard myself say the words. The desperation in my voice. The plea. I needed him to erase everything. Memories of that night. The shit with Kendall. The way my heart had twisted when Evan asked if it was true. I needed it all gone—the poison that was slowly gnawing at my insides.
My hand pumped him slowly, and Evan jerked above me. But too quickly, his body went rigid, and he broke off the kiss with a heavy sigh. “Wait,” he said.
I rolled my head to the side and choked out, “Are you kidding me? I thought—”
Evan’s hand moved my hand out of his jeans, and he sat up on the edge of the couch, raking a hand through his hair. The air around me turned cold, matching the ice coursing through my veins. Dousing the flames that burned for him.
“I want to; you have no idea how much I want to, but not here, not like this.”
“So why did you bring me here?” It came out a shaky whisper.
“I don’t know. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted privacy. But things are moving too fast. We need to slow down, catch a breath.”
I managed to maneuver off the couch, wrapping my arms around my waist as I stood. “Didn’t you hear? I’m a slut. I’ll fuck you anywhere. Bathrooms at parties, up against the wall at abandoned fairgrounds. Just name your place.” I swallowed back the tears.
“Becca.” Evan’s eyes snapped to mine. “Don’t say that shit.”
“Why? It’s what everyone thinks. You said it yourself, for a second you believed it. Might as well live up to peoples’ high expectations of me, right?”
What the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t want to fight with Evan. The truth was, I didn't know what I wanted. All rational thought left when he was around me, but I didn’t want to do something I’d regret. Something that, if it got out, could make things even harder for me at Credence High. So even though it stung, I couldn’t blame him for cooling things, not really. But the back and forth, the mixed signals, the constant white lies, the shit with Kendall—it was exhausting.