by T. F. Walsh
Chapter 18
Wynter settled into the fancy ergonomic chair in Sam’s office. He’d offered her the use of his computer to do a little research. It had been a few days since she’d dragged the menfolk out to dinner, and she was anxious to put some ideas to the test.
Her original assessment of the bleak stretch of businesses that made up downtown Braeden was seconded by Sam and Riley. The entire vibe was depressing and downright hostile. They had agreed this was not the town to raise Charlotte. Collectively, as the makeshift family they had become.
Wynter recalled, with a smile, how Sam pointed out the lack of color in the buildings, the absence of flowers or any kind of decoration to spruce up the local businesses. He regaled Riley with tales of Scallop Shores, the friendly rivalry of the shop owners as they tried to out-beautify their neighbors. The brilliant colors of the awnings. The whiskey barrels full of riotous blooms. The intricately carved signs, overhead.
Riley had cast a look around, his frown showing just how unimpressed he was with Braeden. He grudgingly admitted it was a little early for fresh flowers but insisted there were other ways to make a building stand out. He’d asked her what she would do if she owned a business on this monochromatic street.
Wrapping her fingers around a cup of hot coffee, Wynter leaned down and let the rising steam tickle her nose. Charlotte seemed to be doing just fine with a little caffeine mixed into her breast milk, God bless her! And so she breathed in the comforting scent of roasted beans, the flavored creamer adding a hint of nut to the mix. Yet another thing Braeden was missing—a decent coffee shop.
She thought of Ruby’s bookstore. The Book Nook was painted on the huge storefront window, gold lettering and gorgeous script. A brilliant, emerald green awning stood out against the lighter colors on either side. Ruby always spent a great deal of time designing the front window. Spine-tingling horror novels matched with an equally chilling Halloween display, for example. One year she even set up a bed in the window to recreate a scene from “Twas The Night Before Christmas.” Visions of sugarplums, indeed!
Wynter had a notebook full of her own ideas. She’d always imagined it would be The Book Nook where her ideas would take root. It was odd, and more than a little scary to be thinking of setting up shop elsewhere. But if it meant keeping her new family together, then that’s what she’d have to do. She refused to acknowledge the niggling voice in her head that chided her for settling for less than her dreams.
No. She wasn’t settling. Scallop Shores had given her a wealth of happy memories and the foundation for the kind of childhood she knew she wanted Charlotte to have. Surely there had to be small towns scattered throughout New England that were comparable to her hometown. Wynter just wished it didn’t feel quite so much like she was cheating on Scallop Shores by considering life in a new town.
She wasn’t even sure where to start looking. Census logs? Maps of the states, showing each town by population? Scrunching up her nose and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she brought up the search engine screen and frowned at the blinking cursor. Head back to Maine? Would Sam be open to even living in the same state he’d worked so hard to leave behind?
It would be nice to live on the coast again. If Wynter closed her eyes, she could almost hear the crash of the waves against the rocks during a storm. The sweet perfume of the beach roses, the sugary scent of pulled taffy from the penny candy store. She could even remember the differences in the feel of the sand beneath her feet, depending on which stretch of beach she was traversing. Harbor Beach had the coarsest sand, Long Beach the hardest packed, and Short Beach had the softest sand to walk on. Though with all the shops and attractions along Short Beach, it was hard to find time to sit and relax by the water.
Wynter took a sip of coffee, gagging over how cold it had gotten. She’d spent more time traipsing down memory lane than she’d realized. The baby would be wanting to eat soon and she’d made no headway in her search for a new hometown. Maybe she should save this until Sam could join her, after they put Charlotte to bed for the night. Then again, she could think of better ways to spend their precious one-on-one time.
Her cheeks were flushed and she knew the smile on her face was a goofy one. Her thoughts already headed down an equally unproductive track, Wynter nearly fell out of her chair when Sam’s cell phone rang. He’d left it behind again. She’d never known anyone who misplaced their phone so often. It made messing with his ringtone way too easy.
Caller ID showed it was Sam’s sister, Paulie. Glancing toward the doorway, not picking up the sound of footsteps that would suggest Sam was trying to reach his phone in time, Wynter shrugged and hit the answer button.
“Hey, Paulie. It’s Wyn. I’m not sure where Sam has gotten off to.”
“Wynter, how are you? How is that delicious little girl of yours? I just want to eat her up, every time Sam sends me a new picture.”
Unaware that he’d been sending photos of Charlotte to his family, Wynter had to swallow hard past the lump in her throat. He must really think of her baby as his, too. Oh yeah. She was totally smitten.
“Charlotte is absolutely wonderful. I swear she’s gaining a pound a day. She’s such a good eater and she’s already sleeping for blessedly long stretches. We just love her.”
“I’m so happy for you. For all of you.” Paulie’s voice held a hint of confusion.
“What is it, Paulie? Everything is great here. Are you worried about Sam?”
“No. Sam sounds thrilled that you’re back in his life. It’s the happiest I’ve heard him in years. It does my heart good. It’s just that I’m wondering what your plans are.”
“Plans? As in the future? Funny you should mention that. We were just talking about finding a new town to live in, a place just like Scallop Shores.” Wynter hoped it wouldn’t sting too much for Paulie to hear that Sam wanted to move . . . Just not near his family.
“But what about The Book Nook? I thought you wanted to run it? That’s why I was calling. Grandma said she hadn’t heard from you.”
“Wait. Now I’m confused. I sent her a letter, a few weeks ago but I never heard back. I figured she was happy with the way things were and that she wasn’t ready to give it over to someone else to manage.”
“She called Sam. She asked him to let you know she was giving you the store. We’ve been clearing out the apartment upstairs. I got a fresh coat of paint up on all the walls.” Paulie paused. “It’s because Sam won’t come home, right?”
“No! I didn’t know. I am so sorry.” The next words were the hardest to push past her tongue. “Sam never told me.”
She choked down the sour taste in the back of her mouth. A rushing sound filled her ears and salty tears stung her eyes. She wanted to hug herself, to curl into the fetal position and rock until this horrid feeling of betrayal, that stabbed like a hundred knives, went away. A faint buzzing reminded Wynter she was still on the phone.
“Damn it! He knew a good thing when he saw it and he decided to keep you for himself,” Paulie spat out.
A sob bubbled its way out, though she was quick enough to slap a hand over her mouth before Sam’s sister could hear the keening wail that came right behind it.
“Aw, baby. My brother is an ass. Seriously. He’s chickenshit for not facing the past. He needs to just get over himself and come back here, even just to drive through town without getting out of the car. Argh!”
Wynter winced as Paulie practically screamed her frustration.
Wiping her eyes and sniffing hard, she took a deep breath to try to calm the roiling snake pit that was her stomach.
“I want the job, Pauline. Is it still available?”
“The job. The apartment. Heck, Grandma Ruby is even throwing in her old Buick if you don’t mind taking her to the occasional doctor’s appointment.”
“Can you come get me?” Her voice was eerily level, considering her current emotional state.
“Are you sure? I know I said he was an ass, but he’s an ass that loves
you, Wyn. You two have a good thing going and Grandma would understand if you’d rather stay with him.”
“I was willing to give up my dream of running The Book Nook for him. I was willing to give up living in Scallop Shores. What was he willing to give up? Nothing. He deliberately kept me from achieving my goals, to suit his own selfish needs.”
Charlotte’s howl blared through the baby monitor on the desk and Wynter wanted to bawl along with her.
“I’ve got to go, Paulie. If you don’t mind driving down to get us, I’d sure appreciate the lift.”
“Call me when you’re ready. And Wyn? I’m so sorry.”
“You and me both, girlfriend.”
Wynter ended the call, turned the volume down on the baby monitor and gave herself a few minutes to indulge in a crying jag that left her exhausted, her face swollen, and her head pounding. But for the time being she was numb. And that was what would get her through what she had to do next.
• • •
His last precious few minutes left to spend with his girls and they weren’t even here. Wynter had taken the baby over to Riley’s to say goodbye. Searching frantically out the living room window, Sam waited for a glimpse of her before his sister arrived to pick them up. Not that it would matter. She’d said all she intended to say, and therefore wasn’t speaking to him.
He tried to avoid looking at the pile of bags and boxes by the front door, a grim reminder that he had brought this all on himself. Already so close to losing it, Sam spied the little bunny he’d bought for Charlotte at the hospital, the day she’d been discharged after the doctor had determined her home birth a miraculous success. Snatching up the stuffed animal, he brought it to his cheek, struggling against the tears that choked off his airway.
This wasn’t the way things were supposed to happen. They’d spent twelve years apart and they deserved their happily-ever-after. He was in, this time. He wasn’t going to leave. He wasn’t going to run. They were a family. Families stuck together.
Uh huh. So then why hadn’t he had the decency to visit his grandmother in all these years? Why hadn’t he spent time getting to know his nephews and the adult his sister had grown up to be? Why hadn’t he gone to the resting place of his parents, to say goodbye, to tell them how sorry he was for not being there like he should have been? When it came to family, Sam sucked.
With a primal roar, ripped from the very center of his being, he threw the toy against the wall. As if to mock his pain, it barely made a sound, sliding to the floor in a fluffy heap. For one manic second, Sam looked around for something to break. Something that would make a more satisfying crash, cause damage worthy of the roiling emotions churning in his gut.
“Should we come back after you’ve finished your little tantrum?”
Crap.
Wynter hovered in the doorway, a protective arm slung across Charlotte’s body. Her eyes were wary, red-rimmed from crying. She shifted from one foot to the other, frowning. She kept looking from the battered bunny to Sam and back again.
“I, um. You weren’t supposed to see that.”
“Clearly.” She sniffed.
“Wyn, babe, I just wanted to say . . . ”
“What, Sam? That you meant to tell me your grandmother offered me the job managing her store? You just never got around to it?”
She had him there. He ran both hands through his too-long hair, tugging hard when he got to the ends. He needed to hurt. He deserved to feel this pain. Grinding his teeth, he stared hard at the floor. What could he say at this point? Really?
“I love you. Does that count for anything?” He poured all his grief into his countenance and winced at the cold ‘tsk’ and shoulder shrug that he received.
“Love is wanting the best for someone. It means encouraging them to follow their dreams, not deliberately standing in the way of them.”
“I was doing my best, Wyn. I know I’ve got major hang ups with regard to Scallop Shores. But I was trying to give you everything you wanted in the only way I knew how.”
“You meant well, Sam. I get that.” She snuggled the baby closer and gave him a watery smile. “But I can’t settle again. Not this time.”
She began to pace the room.
“I applied to UCLA just to be with you and Holt. I put my own dreams on hold to help Holt achieve his goals.” She sank to the couch and leaned her head back against the cushions. “The Book Nook? That’s all I’ve ever wanted. Not some store that I can make into my own.”
“But The Book Nook is my grandmother’s store. If you had another one, in another town, it would be completely yours. No preconceived ideas.”
“Her ideas, what she had built that store up to be—that’s what made it so special. Any other place would be . . . lacking. And if I were to try to set up shop in any other town, I’d be settling. I can’t do that again, Sam.
I owe it to Charlotte to show her that a strong woman follows her dreams, that she doesn’t sit back and let others decide her fate.”
She sounded so reasonable, so calm, while she ripped his heart from his chest and stomped it into a bloody pulp on the floor. Sam stood motionless in the center of the room, knowing that any attempt to touch her would be rebuffed.
They turned as one at the crunch of tires on gravel, their gazes focusing on the SUV pulling into the driveway. Paulie was here. They were out of time. Sam’s eyes narrowed when he realized his sister had rented a small U-Haul and was towing it behind her. There would be no second trips to pick up anything they couldn’t fit.
He met his sister at the door, accepting her chastising glare with a slight nod before waving her into the living room on the right. She had to do the obligatory oohing and aahing over baby Charlotte. Fatherly pride had him puffing out his chest before he remembered he’d lost that right. He slumped against the doorframe and tried to view the scene in front of him as dispassionately as possible. It wasn’t working.
“I should make a quick pit stop before the long ride.” Wynter stood up. “Paulie, would you mind?” She started to hand the baby over.
“Wait! Can I hold her . . . one last time? Please, Wyn?” He knew he was begging, knew he sounded pathetic. But he didn’t care. He was desperate.
Without a word she placed Charlotte in his arms, ducking her head and stepping away quickly. She couldn’t even stand to be near him anymore, it seemed. Sam blinked away the tears he was finding it harder and harder to hold at bay.
“What did you do, little brother?” Paulie whispered after Wynter had left the room.
“I blew a perfectly good thing. I had love, real love, for the first time in my life and I blew it.”
“Oh, Sammie.” Paulie rubbed his back and he had to jerk away, before he started bawling like the pathetic jerk he was.
“I’m going to start loading up the truck.” She hurried from the room, thankfully realizing how close he was to losing it.
Sam sat down in his comfy old brown corduroy recliner. He laid Charlotte out on his legs and studied her miniscule features. Bright, alert brown eyes tracked his every move. Her midnight black hair came from Holt, but her pert little chin was all Wynter. Her perfect Cupid ’s bow mouth opened in a huge yawn that ended on a smile when she realized she had his undivided attention. This little thief had stolen his heart.
“So Riley says to tell you he hates your f’ing guts.” Wynter stood in the doorway, clasping and unclasping her hands.
“He’s going to have to get in line. I’m hating myself enough for all of us.”
She came in, perched on the corner of the coffee table.
“I still love you, Sam. I understand why you did what you did. I’m not leaving because you didn’t tell me about Ruby’s offer.”
“I know. I get it. You have to follow your dream. If you love something, set it free, right?” His bitter bark of laughter startled the baby on his lap.
They sat for a moment, neither knowing what to say to make the situation any less difficult.
Paulie came in for another
load of baby gear before disappearing back out the door. Wynter bounced up and grabbed the Pack ’n Play in one hand and a large duffle bag of Charlotte’s clothes and blankets in the other. Without a backward glance, she hefted them to the car. Since he couldn’t pull Wynter into his arms like he so desperately needed, Sam drew her daughter against his chest and cuddled her for all he was worth.
Too soon the women had the SUV loaded down and were ready to hit the road. The weenie in him wanted to run in the house and hide, avoid saying goodbye. Paulie probably sensed this was the case, because she’d taken his hand and dragged him to the driver’s side of the car.
“I love you, idiot brother. Don’t make it so blasted hard to keep in touch with you.” She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed, ending with a loud smacker of a kiss on his cheek.
“I love you, too, Paulie. Give the boys my love. Tell ’em Uncle Sam will have another demo ready for them by next month.”
He shuffled around to the other side of the car. Wynter had settled the baby into the back, closed the door and was waiting for him before getting in.
“Come with us.” Her voice held a tinge of desperation.
“I . . . ”
“You can’t. I know. Just had to try.”
“Keep trying, Wyn. Don’t give up on me.” He pulled her into his arms, not the least bit embarrassed that his tears were soaking the top of her head.
“I love you, Sam. I wish we could find a way to make this work.”
All he could do was nod, his throat only capable of making gurgling noises. He kissed her forehead and set her away from him. Her chin quivered as she appeared to try for a smile and didn’t quite succeed. Quickly, she ducked into the SUV and strapped the seatbelt across her body. She wouldn’t look at him.