by Abby Brooks
Thoughts of Gabe help me find the strength to pull myself off the floor and back to the bed, where I plop into the pillows and curl into a ball. I grab my phone from the bedside table and discover half a dozen unread messages waiting for me.
Gabe: How are you this fine morning?
Gabe: Everything okay?
Gabe: Getting a little worried Doll. Let me know if you need anything.
Gabe: Uh, never heard back. Mer?
Gabe: I’m thinking I might drop by to say hi. At least then I’ll have the chance to confirm you’re alive.
Gabe: Seriously, is this thing on? Hello?
How do I respond? What can I say via text? I suppose I could call. Call? Really? Just pick up the phone and call Gabe. Bring his whole world crashing down with two little words. I’m pregnant. Ha, this is not the time for jokes and the man has earned more than that.
Me: Sorry, I just saw the messages. It’s been a confusing day. Can I see you tonight? There’s something I need to talk to you about.
Chapter Seventeen
Gabe
She needs to talk? What the hell does that mean? She didn’t say we need to talk, so it’s not the talk. Or, is it? I close the front door behind me on my way into the house. Things are great with us. It doesn’t make sense. Did she deliberately word it like that to throw me off? Is she having second thoughts about us? About me?
Wait. This is Meredith. Calm down.
I sit at the counter, pinching the bridge of my nose hoping it might slow the migraine that’s started. Don’t freak out, man. Keep it together.
I dropped what I was working on and came home when I received her reply—in case this conversation needed some privacy. I stare at the words for several minutes before responding.
Me: Sure thing. I can make dinner again.
Damnit, why on Earth would I offer to make dinner again? The last time I needed two full days to figure out a meal and get everything together. Shit. if you say yes, Doll, I hope you’re in the mood for steak or chili.
My phone buzzes.
Doll: Thanks, but I don’t have much of an appetite. Alright if I come by around six?
Me: Sounds good. See you then.
Phew. Dodged a bullet there.
I reach for the radio on my belt. “Chet. You out there?”
The radio squawks back. “Yeah. What’s up?”
“You probably aren’t going to like this, but—then again, you don’t like anything.”
“What is it, Gabe?” Chet’s words are broken by static from the tinny speaker.
“I’ve got to bail early today. Sorry, I know we were going to work on vaccinating, but something came up with Meredith.”
“Alright.”
Alright? That’s it? I say something has to do with Meredith and I get a pass with no grief? I’ll have to remember that.
The sight of Meredith’s Honda kicking up dust as she rolls down the drive launches my nerves into high gear. I take a pull from my beer. Storm clouds roll in the distance as I stand. Steady as she goes. You’re an adult. Whatever she has to say, everything will be fine. I step off the porch onto the gravel as I stroll over to greet Meredith as her car comes to a stop in front of my place.
I pull open the driver’s door with one hand while I lift the brim of my ball cap with the other. “Evening, beautiful.” I expect to feel better the moment I see her, I always do. But today, I can’t get a read. Her face is a mixture of discomfort and nervousness and she’s not doing a good job of hiding it. “What’s the matter? Not feeling well?”
Meredith eases out of her seat. “No, but I’ll be making a doctor’s appointment soon.”
“Good.” I help her out of the car and pull her into my arms. “Oh, it’s good to see you.” I pause, hesitant to continue. “So, what did you need to talk about?”
She looks at me anxiously. “Is there somewhere we can go?”
“Uh, sure. Looks like it might rain, you want to go inside? Or—we can sit on the porch—maybe catch a summer thunderstorm?”
Meredith wraps her arms around her stomach. “Okay.”
“Okay? How about I follow you?” Meredith leads us to the Adirondack chairs on my porch and I continue on towards the door, intending to get her something to drink. “What’s your pleasure?”
“I’m fine, thanks.” She looks at me with tear-filled eyes. “Gabe?”
The need in her voice stops me in my place. “What is it, Doll?” The doubt behind her words is foreign and has the hair on my neck standing straight. I cross the porch to comfort her and she takes my hand as tears stream down her face.
“I haven’t been able to decide what the right way is, so I’m just going to say it, okay?”
Oh God, this is the talk.
“Mer—”
Meredith leans forward. “I’m pregnant!”
I fall back into the seat beside her, stunned.
Tick—Think something. But I can’t. My mind is frozen. The best I can manage is to think about how I need to think of something. And fast.
Tock—Say something. I recognize the longer the silence, the worse things will be, but my brain is numb.
Tick—Do something. Hug her? Kiss her? I search for the right response—something comforting—but find nothing.
Tock—She’s looking for a reaction.
Tick—Anything is better than sitting here frozen, like an idiot.
“How?” I don’t know where the word came from, but it leaps out when I open my mouth.
Great question. Well done. On second thought, sitting here frozen might have actually been better.
Meredith chuckles as she wipes at the edges of her eyes. “Uh. Well, you see when a man and a woman care about one another…”
“No. I mean. Are you sure? We’ve always been, you know, careful.”
“Almost always,” Meredith corrects.
I shake my head. “When weren’t we? I made sure…”
“Our first time.”
The holes in my recollection of that night are big enough to drive a semi through. I can’t pretend to be surprised that I missed a step. I feel the muscles in my face shift.
Meredith’s face twists with confusion. “Gabe Wilde. Why on Earth are you smiling such a big, cheesy smile?”
“How could I not be? The last piece of the puzzle just fell into place. This is amazing,” I say, as I pull Meredith to her feet. I wrap my arms around her waist and spin us in a circle. “I’m going to be a dad?” My brain hasn’t had time to fully process the implication of the words, but I’m over the moon at the thought. Thunder claps in the distance as the wind picks up.
Meredith stops and backs away to look me in the eyes. “You’re happy?” Her shoulders relax and her look of confusion fades into one of hope. “I thought you’d be devastated.”
“Devastated? Are you kidding me? I’ve been on cloud nine for weeks. The woman I love—the woman I’ve always loved—is back in my life. And now you tell me we’re going to have a family. It’s more than I could’ve wished for. Wait. Why do you seem…less than excited? I thought you wanted kids?”
“I did. I do. I know the timing is all wrong and I should be completely terrified, but being a mother to your child has been a dream of mine since forever. I'm not sure how to take your reaction though. Of all the scenarios I imagined on the drive over, none of them came close to this. I was afraid you'd think this was the worst thing that could ever happen.”
“Not at all. Okay, it’s not the traditional way. I get that. We’re still trying to figure us out. But Mer, if it was ever going to happen, I couldn’t ask for a better woman.” I brush a tear from her cheek. “As for the little Wilde-thing growing in there—” I point to her belly “—I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he—or she—has everything…uh…they need. Just wait and see.”
“But…” Meredith perches on the edge of her seat. “I don’t know what I’ll do about the how and the where?” Her head falls, and the tears return, spilling into her lap. “A baby need
s so much. And I don’t exactly have the kind of job to enable me to keep up with diapers and clothes and car seats. I don’t even have a place of my own. It’s overwhelming to think about.”
“Mer. Babe. Hey, look at me.” I crouch in front of her and lift her chin with the tip of my finger. “Everything will be alright. What makes you think you have to solve this all by yourself? We can pack your stuff and move you in here, tonight. As for the rest, we’ll figure it out.”
Meredith shakes her head. “I hardly think that’s a good idea. I mean, it's a sweet thought. It really is. But we're still so new and the last thing I want is to put too much stress on our relationship.” She sighs. “As if a baby isn't stress enough... ”
“Well, respectfully I disagree, but I figured that’s what you’d say. Anyway, it’s an option. A good option, in case you’re keeping score. Consider it a standing invitation. Now, come here, you.”
I take my seat again, and pull Meredith onto my lap. She buries her head in my chest and we sit like that for a while as the thunderstorm moves in. Neither of us seems to know what to say next. Finally, I break the silence. “How did your folks handle it?”
Meredith looks away. “I haven’t told them.”
“Well, that explains why your dad and brothers didn’t beat you here to skin me alive.” I rub my chin. “Seriously though, why not? Want me to go with you to talk to them?”
Meredith sits back and looks up at me. “Oh God no. Don’t you realize Daddy might shoot you dead then and there?”
I squeeze her hand. “Doll, Jim Still isn’t who I’m worried about. However, wherever—I’m with you.”
Meredith smiles and brushes my cheek. “Thanks, I know. But if we want you around when this baby comes, I should probably talk to my family on my own. Don’t you think?”
“Alright. I give. It’s your family, so I guess it’s your call. It’s just, I don’t know what else I can do. I want to help. I want to take the burden away from you, ya know?”
Meredith sighs as she cuddles back into my chest. “You continue to surprise me, Gabriel.”
I puff my chest out a little. “Good. That’s what—wait, you mean that in a good way, right?”
“Yes. In a good way. I was terrified to tell you. I thought you’d be angry, or accuse me of lying, or something. Never in a million years would I have bet on this being your reaction.” Drops of rain begin to dance off the tin roof.
“Truthfully, Doll? In a million years, I wouldn’t have bet on this being my reaction either, but it feels…I don’t know. I guess the best word I can come up with is, right. It feels right.” I look out at the dark sky, appreciating the intensity of a summer storm. “Now, when was the last time you ate?”
Meredith puts her hand over her stomach. “I don’t know, the nausea comes and goes. I try to grab crackers or soup or something in between. Why?”
“Well, I was thinking we could stroll on over to the main house and share the news with Mom. I’m sure she’ll know just the thing to help settle that uneasy belly and get you some calories.”
“Gabe, I’m not ready to tell people. I haven’t told my parents yet, what if word got back to them before…”
“Doll, it’s my mom. Do you honestly believe if we share this most intimate of secrets with her, she’d betray your trust?”
“No. I know she wouldn’t.”
“And can you begin to guess how excited she’s going to be at the thought of another grandchild?” I ask.
The edges of Meredith’s mouth curl into a tiny smile. “I would have to guess she will be a fan of the idea.”
“Exactly. Besides, unless chili or beef sounds appetizing, she’s your only bet for food.” I laugh as I stand, pulling at Meredith’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go share our news.”
Chapter Eighteen
Gabe
It’s been days since Mer’s news changed my life. I can barely sleep. I feel a newfound purpose in everything I do. These last days have been torture, having been sworn to keep my trap shut about something so big, so epic, so amazing. If I don’t talk to someone soon, I’m going to explode.
“Alright Gabe. That’ll be enough of that,” Chet states.
“What? I’m not doing anything.” I totally am, and I know it. I can’t help myself. I’ve got the biggest news of my life bottled up inside and I’m about to burst at the seams. I’ve been dashing back and forth like a fool since we got the cattle moved up by the barn this morning. Considering Chet is depending on me to keep the cows calm while he vaccinates them, it’s kind of a big deal. “You talk to Mom at all the last couple days?”
Chet doesn’t look up from his work. “Nope. Haven’t had a reason. Why? Everything okay?”
I nod. “Oh yeah. Sure. Everything’s right as rain.”
Chet shakes his head dismissively. “Go on. What is it?”
I intended to keep things to myself, but obviously that plan is a bust. “What’s what?” I ask, hopeful Chet presses the issue.
He looks up and whistles at the open barn door. “Fine then. Could you at least settle this one down, so I don’t hurt her?” he asks, indicating the cow in the stall. “I’d have been better off working with Hank today.”
Just as Chet and I are settling our attention back on the cow nervously mooing in the chute, Christy’s engagement gift, Marry, trots into the barn and stops at my side, panting and looking up at me. “Whoa, girl. I’m not the one who called you. And I don’t have any bacon with me so don’t ask.” I look back at my brother. “No need to be a dick. If you knew what I know, you’d understand.” I rub Marry behind her ears—just the way she likes.
“Gabe, if you have something to get off your chest, get on with it,” Chet says with exasperation as he tags the cow. “She’s done. Let’s get the next one in.”
“Something to get off my chest? No, not really.” Yes. Please, I need to tell someone, or I might go crazy. I’m so desperate I’m even willing to confide in your sorry ass. I open the front gate of the stall to let the cow through.
Chet looks to his dog. “Okay Marry, you know what to do girl—help her find her way back to the others.” Chet whistles his instructions to the canine and Marry responds to his cue. She barks and nips behind the cow, prompting it forward. The shepherd follows behind, zig-zagging back and forth to keep the animal moving in the direction she wants.
“Watching her do that still boggles my mind. Herding really is a part of her nature, isn’t it?”
Chet smiles. “Christy trained her well, but the fearlessness that dog shows bullying an animal thirty times its size…I suspect that comes natural.”
I throw my hands in the air. “Alright fine. Shit man, you’re like a dog with a bone—refusing to drop the issue until I spill the beans. Mer’s pregnant.” I open the rear gate of the stall to make a path for the next cow.
Without making eye contact, Chet raises the Stetson off his head and scratches his scalp, while a look of bewilderment spreads over his face.
“Hold that thought.” I hurry out of the barn, questioning if I made a mistake by oversharing with a man who might as well be a tree stump when it comes to conversation. To my surprise when I return with a cow in tow, Chet is leaning against the stall, staring right at me. “What?” I ask defensively.
“How are you feeling about it?” The quiet, thoughtfulness of Chet’s tone is familiar, but frankly, a bit unsettling.
“About the pregnancy? How do you mean? It’s terrific. Why?” I know you brother. This is a setup. What’s your game here?
Chet comes up beside me and puts his arm around my shoulder as I close the gate behind the cow. “Congratulations.” His typically flat, straight lips crack into a smile. “I’m real happy for you both.”
“Jesus, enough with the touchy-feely man,” I joke as I pretend to recoil. “Thanks brother.”
Chet takes his place back at the stall and the serious look he usually wears returns. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”
“Of c
ourse, I have.” Be an awesome dad. Make sure they both never want for anything. I mean, they’re sort of broad stroke ideas at this point, but those are definitely my goals. “Why? Do you have advice, or something?”
Chet brings his hand to his face and strokes his chin. “Nothing you shouldn’t already know.” He pauses. “But life isn’t about you any more, you have other people counting on you. Their needs have to come first from now on.”
“Yep. I get that. Totally.”
“Gabe? Have you and Meredith talked about how the two of you are going to handle this?”
“How do you mean?” I’m not quite sure why but my jaw clenches, holding back a more defensive response while I wait to see where this is going.
“Well, from what I understand, she moved back to Logan to sort her situation out, right?”
“Yeah?” The more Chet speaks the less I think I want to hear what he has to say.
“And the two of you have only been seeing one another for a short time?”
“Your point?” My shoulders raise.
“I think it’s worth reminding you—whatever you may be feeling or thinking about the situation—this affects her in a much bigger, and more permanent way.”
“How do you mean?” I ask through gritted teeth.
“I know you’re not the type of man who would do a thing like this, but as a man, you have the option to walk away. She doesn’t. That baby growing inside her will be with her morning, noon, and night.”
I take a deep breath and relax my torso a little. “Yeah, I get that. And I would never walk away. Ever.”
Chet lowers his voice and leans in. “I know. But, for both your sakes, don’t go making plans without talking to her first. No matter how good your intentions.”
I stand back, the hairs on my neck bristling with contempt as my back stiffens. “Thanks for the vote of confidence. Asshole.” I stomp to the far side of the stall. “If you’re finished gabbing away, we should get back to work.”