Romen came and said, ‘Go, Dada, give Boudi her medicine and help her sleep, don’t delay. Don’t let her talk in any circumstance. It is very late.’
After Aditya left Sarala asked Romen, ‘Don’t you have a meeting at Shraddhananda Park tomorrow?’
‘We do.’
‘Won’t you be there?’
‘I was supposed to. But this time I shan’t be there.’
‘Why?’
‘What is the point in telling you all this?’
‘People will criticize you, saying you’re a coward.’
‘Those who dislike me will certainly criticize me.’
‘Then listen to me. I will release you. You must attend the meeting.’
‘Make yourself a little more clear.’
‘I will go to the meeting as well, with a flag in my hand.’ I see.
‘The police may stop me, I’ll accept that, but if you stop me I won’t obey.’
‘Well, I won’t stop you.’
‘It’s a deal then?’
‘A deal it is.’
‘Both of us will go together then, at five in the evening.’
‘Yes, we’ll go; but these wicked people will not let us be together afterwards.’
Just then, Aditya joined them. Sarala asked, ‘What, you came away so soon?’
‘After saying a few words Neerja grew exhausted and fell asleep, so I slipped away slowly.’
Romen said, ‘I have work, I have to go.’
Sarala smiled, saying, ‘Keep the place ready, don’t forget.’
‘Don’t worry—it s a known place,’ saying which he went away.
8
NOW SARALA STOOD UP AND SAID TO ADITYA, ‘WHAT YOU AREN’T SUPPOSED to say, don’t tell me tonight, I beg of you.’
‘I won’t say anything, don’t be afraid.’
‘But I have to tell you something. Promise me you will do as I say.’
‘If it is not impossible, I shall, you know that.’
‘It’s very clear to me that I should not stay here any longer. I would have been happy to tend to Didi, but it isn’t my fate to do so. I have to go away—wait, let me finish. You heard the doctor say she doesn’t have much longer. In this short time you must pluck away the thorn from her mind. At least for these few days don’t let my shadow fall over her life.’ ‘If the shadow is cast from my mind over hers, what can I do?’
‘No, don’t belittle yourself, talking like that. Is your mind like the ordinary Bengali boy’s, cloying and unstable like wet mud? Not at all, I know that.’
She took Aditya’s hand and said, ‘Keep this vow for me. Fill Didi’s last days with your generosity and caring. Make her forget that I ever came into her life to shatter the vessel brimming with her good fortune.’
Aditya stood silent.
‘Give me your word.’
‘I will, but you must also promise me something, say you will.’
‘The difference between us is that if I ask you to do something it is always possible, but when you ask for a promise, it may be something quite impossible for me to do.’
‘No, it won’t be.’
‘All right, tell me.’
‘The words I utter aloud reflect what I feel in my heart and that cannot be a crime. I will obey you and do what you want without fail, if I know for certain that one day you will fill my emptiness. Why are you silent?’
‘I don’t know, there may be all kinds of obstacles in our way.’
‘Are there any obstacles in your mind? Tell me that first.’
‘Why do you give me grief? Don’t you know that there are some things which when uttered lose their lustre?’
‘All right, I have got my answer. Now I shall leave for work.’
‘And you won’t look back now?’
‘No, but I want to stamp the seal of this unexpressed promise, on your face.’
‘What is simple need not be forced. Let it be for now.’
‘All right, but let me ask something. Where will you live now?’
‘Romenda has taken that responsibility.’
‘Romen will give you refuge? Has that vagabond have anything to call his own?’
‘Don’t worry . . . he will provide me with a good enough refuge. It’s not his own, but there won’t be any problems.’
‘Will I know where you are?’
‘Indeed you will, I promise you that. But you will not try to come and see me, promise me this.’
‘Won’t you feel worried?’
‘If I am, nobody except my inner self will know.’
‘All right, but will you say goodbye leaving my begging bowl entirely empty?’
Aditya’s eyes brimmed over. Sarala drew near him and raised her face.
9
‘ROSHNI!’
‘What, Khokhi?’
‘Why haven’t I seen Sarala since yesterday?’
‘What are you saying ! Don’t you know she’s been sent to jail?’
‘Why, what did she do?’
‘She plotted with the guard and stole into the viceroy’s wife’s room.’
‘To do what?’
‘To steal the Queen’s seal from the box in which it’s kept—what a nerve!’
‘And what would that achieve?’
‘Listen to that!You can do anything with that seal. She could have sent the viceroy himself to the gallows. That seal runs the country.’
‘And Thakurpo?’
‘They found a tool to cut a hole through a wall in his turban, so he’s been sentenced to rigorous imprisonment, and will be made to break stones for fifty years. Khokhi, let me ask you something. Before leaving the house Saraladidi gave me her saffron-coloured sari. She said, ‘Give it to your son’s wife.’ My eyes filled with tears. I have given her so much grief. If I keep the sari do you think the police will catch me?’
‘Don’t you worry. But I want the newspaper; it’s in the drawing room, go get it, hurry.’
Neerja read all about what had happened. She was surprised that Aditya had not told her this news. ‘See her arrogance! That girl won by going to jail! If I were well, could I have not gone? I could go laughing to the gallows.’
‘Roshni, did you see your Saraladidi’s doing?’ she said. ‘In front of a crowd of commoners, a girl from a decent household
The ayah said, ‘I get gooseflesh thinking of that den of thieves and bandits she will have to live in! Shame, shame!’
‘She has to show off in everything she does. No sense of decorum, whether she’s in the garden or in jail. Arrogant even while she’s being crushed.’
The ayah recalled the saffron-coloured sari.
‘But Khokhi, Didimoni has a generous heart.’
This gave Neerja a severe jolt. She seemed to wake abruptly and said, ‘You are right, Roshni, you are right. I had forgotten. If the body is ailing the mind ails too. I have become so mean. I am so ashamed, I feel like hitting myself. Sarala is a pure woman, she does not lie.You won’t find another one like her. She is much better than I am. Quick, call our manager Ganesh.’
When the ayah left Neerja found a pencil and composed a letter. Ganesh came in. She asked him, ‘Can you deliver this letter to Saraladidi in jail?’
Ganesh Ganguly took pride in being able to manage things. He said, ‘I can. I will just need some money. But let me hear what have you written, Ma, because it will be checked by the police.’
Neerja read aloud, ‘You have been noble. Now, when you are released from jail, you shall see my path has merged with yours.’
Ganesh remarked, ‘That path business doesn’t sound all right. I’ll have to ask our lawyer to check it out.’
Ganesh went away. Neerja silently saluted Romen and said, ‘Thakurpo, you are my guru.’
10
ADITYA CAME INTO THE ROOM WITH A CUP OF MEDICINE.
Neerja asked, ‘What is this, now?’
Aditya answered, ‘The doctor says you must have this every hour.’
‘And is there no other person in
the house to give me my medicine? You can keep a nurse for me during the day if you are so anxious.’
‘In the pretext of taking care of you if I can get close to you, why should I let go of the opportunity?’
‘Better if you take the opportunity to work in your garden. I lie here and with every day that passes the garden is going to weed.’
‘Let it. Get well first, then we’ll work together in the garden the way we used to.’
‘I know, Sarala is away, you are alone and you don’t feel like working anymore. What can be done? But don’t run into losses because of that.’
‘I am not thinking of losses, Neeru. You had made me forget that the garden is also my source of income. I was happy to work. Now I’m just not able to concentrate.’
‘Why do you lament like this?You worked well until the other day. For a while if there is an obstacle don’t get so agitated.’
‘Shall I turn on the fan?’
‘Don’t overdo your bedside manners; it doesn’t suit you, and it disturbs me all the more. If you just want to pass the time, you have your Horticulturists’ Club.’
‘I searched the garden for the colourful lilies that you love, but could not find any. It didn’t rain well this time, the plants don’t have that lustre.’
’What are you going on about? Why don’t you call Hola, I shall lie here and organize the garden. Are you saying because I am bedridden the garden shall be bedridden too! Listen to me. Uproot the withered seasonal flowers and tend the soil there. The room below the banisters has sacks full of mustard skins. Hola has the key.’
‘Really? Hola never mentioned it at all.’
‘Why should he? Haven’t you insulted him enough? Just as a new sahib comes and ignores an old and experienced clerk.’
‘If I wanted to speak the truth about Hola it would turn unpleasant.’
‘All right, I will lie on my bed and supervise his work; you’ll see the garden get back its glory in two days. Give me the map of the garden. And my garden diary. I will mark the spots with a pencil on the map.’
‘I won’t have a say in it?’
‘No. Before I go I shall impress my personality on this garden. I tell you, I am not keeping any of those bottle palms bordering the road. I will plant a cluster of casuarinas trees there. Don’t shake your head like that. Look at it after it’s done. I shall not keep that lawn of yours either; I shall have a marble patio there.’
‘Will the patio look right there? A bit like—nouveau riche.’
‘Be quiet. It will look absolutely right there. You will say nothing. For a few days the garden shall be mine, only mine. Then I shall bestow my garden on you before I go. You thought my strength had left me, didn’t you? I will show you what I can do. I need three more gardeners and about six labourers. You said I hadn’t learnt to decorate the garden. Whether I can or not shall be proved to you before I go. You will have to remember this is my garden, my personality can never be separated from it.’
‘Very well then, but what will I do meanwhile?’
‘You can be in your shop; there’s plenty of office-work for you there.’
‘I am forbidden then to be at your side?’
‘Yes, for I am no longer the one who is worth being occupied with always—now I can only remind you of someone else—what is the use of that?’
‘Well , fine. When you are able to tolerate me, I shall come then. Today I have some wonderful white gondhoraj in the flower basket, let me put them on your bed. Don’t mind me.’ Saying this, Aditya rose.
Neerja caught his hand and pleaded, ‘No, don’t go, sit awhile.’
She pointed to a flower in the vase and said, ‘Do you know the name of this flower?’
Aditya knew what answer would please her, so he replied, ‘No, I don’t know.’
‘I know. Shall I tell you? Petunia. You think I know nothing, that I’m ignorant.’
Aditya laughed and said, ‘You are my life partner; if you are ignorant then you are my equal in ignorance as well. The affair of ignorance in our lives is divided equally in two.’
‘That affair for me is fated to end now. That guard there chopping tobacco, he will be there in the porch, but after a few days I shall not be here. That cowcart that’s returning after delivering its load of coal, its journey will carry on every day, but my heart will not carry on.’
She suddenly gripped Aditya’s hand and said, ‘Won’t I really be here? Not in any way? Tell me, you have read so many books, tell me honestly.’
‘The wisdom of the authors I have read is the same as my own. I reached a standstill in my mind on the question of death, and could not venture further.’
‘Tell me, what do you think? Will I not exist in any way at all? Not even a tiny bit?’
‘If it is possible that we exist now, then our existence later is also possible.’
‘Definitely possible. That garden is possible and I won’t be possible—that cannot be, never. In the twilight hour, when the crows return to their nests, the branches of the betel-nut tree will sway in the breeze, even as I see them doing now. Think then that I am there, I am there occupying the entire garden. Think, as the wind lifts your hair, those are my fingers that caress your face. Tell me, will you remember?’
Aditya had to say, ‘Yes, I will remember.’
But he could not say it in a tone that was convincing.
Neerja caught the forced note in his voice and grew restless, ‘The people who write your books are hardly wise, they know nothing. I know for certain, trust my words. I will exist, I will exist here, I will be by your side, I can see that clearly. I tell you, give you my word before going, I shall take care of your trees and plants better than I used to earlier. You won’t need anybody else. Not any one.’
All this while Neerja was lying on the bed but now she sat up and propped herself against the pillow, saying, ‘Have mercy on me, have mercy. Recall how much I love you and have mercy. The loving place you gave me in your home, keep me there always. In every season as our flowers bloom, put them in my hands in your mind. I will not be able to stay if you are cruel. If you wrest my garden away I shall wander unfulfilled in the void and never find rest.’ Tears flowed down Neerja’s cheeks.
Aditya rose from the stool and sat on the bed. He held Neerja’s head to his chest and stroked her hair gently. He said, ‘Neeru, don’t wreck your body.
‘Let my body go. I just want you with everything that is here. Listen to me, let me say something, don’t be angry.’
Saying this her voice choked. Calming herself a little she spoke, ‘I have wronged Sarala. I touch your feet and promise, I will not do any more wrong. Forgive me for what has happened. But love me, love me please, I will do whatever you want.’
‘Your mind was ill, the same as your body, Neeru, which is why you were tormenting yourself with wild fantasies.’
‘Listen to me. Since last night I resolved over and over that when we meet this time, with a pure heart I would embrace her like a sister. Help me fulfil this last vow of mine. Tell me that I shall not be deprived of your love, and then I shall leave my own love here for everybody else.’
Instead of replying, Aditya kissed her on the lips and on her forehead. Neerja’s eyes closed slowly. After some time she asked, ‘When will Sarala be released? I am counting the days. I am afraid of dying before that; what if I cannot tell her this before going, that today my mind is pure? Turn on the light now. Read to me from Akshay Boral’s Esha.’
She took out the book from under her pillow. Aditya read aloud.
Listening to him read, she was dozing off when the ayah came in and said, ‘There’s a letter.’ Neerja awoke with a start. Her heart pounded. A friend had written to Aditya saying that due to lack of space in the jail, some prisoners would be released before their term ended; Sarala was among them. Aditya’s heart leaped injoy.With great effort he supressed his ecstasy. Neerja asked, ‘Whose letter is it, what news?’
In case his voice trembled while reading out
loud, he handed the letter to Neerja. She glanced at Aditya’s face. He was silent but there was no need for words—she read his mind in his silence. Neerja too could not speak for a while. Then she forced herself to say resolutely, ‘Then there’s not much time left. She will be here today—bring her to me.’
‘What! What happened! Neeru! Ayah! Is the doctor here?’
‘He is in the outer room.’
‘Get him immediately. Here, doctor. She was talking quite easily just now, and then she fainted suddenly.’
The doctor felt Neerja’s pulse and did not say anything.
A while later Neerja opened her eyes and said, ‘Doctor, you must save me. I cannot go without seeing Sarala. That would not be right. I want to bless her. Give her my final blessings.’
Again, her eyes closed. But her fists were clenched; she muttered, ‘Thakurpo, I will keep my word, I will not die a miser.’
Sometimes her consciousness faded and the world turned hazy, but then, like a dying earthen lamp, the flame of life flared up again. She kept asking her husband, ‘When will Sarala be here?’
From time to time she called out, ‘Roshni!’
‘What, Khokhi?’
‘Call Thakurpo right now.’
Sometimes she spoke to herself, ‘What will happen to me, Thakurpo! I will give, give, give, give my all.’
It was nine at night. In the corner of Neerja’s room flickered the dim light from a candle. The breeze carried the fragrance of dolon champa from the garden. Through the open window could be seen the outline of the trees plunged in darkness, and above them, in the sky, the constellation of Orion. Thinking that Neerja was asleep, Aditya left Sarala standing at the door and slowly approached her bed.
He saw her lips moving. As if she were praying silently. Between consciousness and unconsciousness, her face was strained. Aditya bent to whisper in her ear, ‘Sarala is here.’
Opening her eyes slowly, Neerja said, ‘You go.’ Aditya obeyed.Then she called out, ‘Thakurpo’—but there was no response.
As soon as Sarala touched her feet in salutation, Neerja’s body seemed to vibrate, as if electrified. Her feet retreated swiftly. In broken tones she cried, ‘I cannot—I cannot, I won’t be able to give.’
Tagore Omnibus, Volume 1 Page 81