by Ellen Wood
“I hope to win his love in time,” she said quietly to Amy, “to feel he loves me before he knows he is bound to do so. I cannot hope now for the first strong love of his heart — that deep earnest love with which he loves his wife; but I feel nevertheless that I shall be satisfied with my son’s love. His face is like his father’s, and he must be as noble and as good, to have won such love as yours.”
Then Mrs. Archer went away to seek Mr. Linchmore, and hear the story of her wrongs, leaving Amy to watch sadly and alone for her husband’s awaking. Sadly, for how would his eyes meet hers? Would they have the same stern, severe look that had shivered her heart for so long? Would he still think she loved him not? But she would tell him all by-and-by. She could not live as she had lived: he must hear and judge whether she was as guilty as he thought her.
Robert awoke to consciousness: awoke to see the soft eyes of his wife, looking mournfully, doubtfully, but oh! how lovingly at him. As his eyes met hers, a tender light played in them; he even pressed the hand she held so tremblingly in hers; but only for a moment, the next, as she bent down and pressed her lips to his, he gave a deep sigh, and turned his face away wearily.
“He has not forgotten!” murmured Amy mournfully, as she rose and went to seek Dr. Bernard, “He has not forgiven!”
CHAPTER XVI.
THE CLOUDS CLEAR.
“Nor could he from his heart throw off The consciousness of his state; It was there with a dull, uneasy sense, A coldness and a weight.
It was there when he lay down at night, It was there when at morn he rose; He feels it whatever he does, It is with him wherever he goes.
No occupation from his mind That constant sense can keep; It is present in his waking hours, It is present in his sleep.” Southey.
Mrs. Elrington could not resist Anne’s pleading letter, but decided on going at once to Brampton; her heart was too compassionate to refuse to aid those in distress, and especially one who had ever held, as Amy had, a high place in her esteem and love.
As soon as Anne received the answer so favourable to her wishes, she prepared at once to return home, and went to Amy — not with the glad news of the now expected guest, that she decided had best not be mentioned — but to say good-bye, and a very sorrowful one she felt it.
Amy was sitting working in her own room, once poor Bertie’s; her mind as busily employed as her fingers, only more mournfully; when Anne burst open the door in her usual hasty way.
“Here I am!” she said, “Did you expect to see me? Did you think I should come to say good-bye?”
“How should I?” answered Amy, “I never knew you were going to-day, and I am sorry to see you cloaked for your journey.”
“And so am I; but Tom would not rest quiet without me any longer, so dear, I must go; the pony chaise will be round directly, and yet I should have liked to have sat with you for an hour or so before leaving.”
“Then why did you put off coming to see me until the last moment, Anne?”
“I did not know I was going until half an hour ago. How is that wretched Frances? Will you say I had not time to stay and see her; I should so hate — although, mind, I pity her with all my heart, — giving her a sisterly embrace.”
“But,” said Amy, “What occasion is there for such a warm farewell?”
“Ah! thereby hangs a tale. The fact is I don’t wish to see Frances Strickland.”
“Poor girl! She has suffered so much.”
“I wonder you can find it in your heart to pity her; but you were always an angel of goodness.”
“You are wrong, Anne,” sighed Amy, “and I think you should go and see Miss Strickland.”
“You are evidently in the dark, Amy; I thought Julia would have written to you, and told you, as — she has me, — that she has been so stupid, so foolish, as to engage herself to cousin Alfred, Frances’ brother. Is it not tiresome of her?”
“But the marriage will scarcely affect you, Anne?”
“Oh, but it will, though; for I had made up my mind Julia would be an old maid; she always said she would, and come some day and look after my children, if I ever have any,” said Anne, blushing; “for I am sure I should puzzle to know how to dress them, much less understand how to manage them. Mamma says Aunt Mary — Mrs. Strickland — is very angry about the marriage, so I really do think Julia ought to give it up.”
“Why does your Aunt dislike it?”
“Because Julia is penniless and a nobody; meaning, I suppose, that Alfred should marry some high born girl, who would, I have no doubt, snub him in the end. But then it would be so nice for Aunt to say, ‘My daughter-in-law, Lady so-and-so-that was,’ or the Earl of somebody, my son’s father-in-law. Instead of which she will only have to recall the plain and poor Miss Bennet, that was. Fancy Alfred coming to stay with us in our nutshell!”
“I never thought Mr. Strickland gave himself airs,” replied Amy.
“Nor does he. But it is disagreeable to see a man sitting over the fire all day; or in summer time basking lazily in the sun.”
“But Julia will probably change all that laziness and inaction. She is full of life and work herself. I think he has chosen well.”
“Of course he has; but I consider Julia to have sacrificed herself. And now, do come down and see me off.”
Amy put down her work and went.
“I shall see you again soon, Amy dear,” said Anne, with tearful eyes, as together they stood on the terrace. “Tom has promised to drive me over some day next week, not entirely for his dear wife’s sake though; but because he has taken a great interest in some dreadful sinner in this parish, and she as violent a liking to him. The old rector has given Tom permission to visit her whenever he likes, glad enough, I dare say, to be rid the trouble of it himself. Poor woman! she cannot live long — a breaking up of nature, or something of that sort; but Mrs. Archer knows more about it than I do.”
“Anne! Anne! What are you talking about?” asked her husband, catching a word here and there, of her rambling speech. “Come! jump in, the pony is quite impatient to be off.”
“And so is his master,” laughed Anne; “we shall drive off in grand style, and then dilly-dally for half-an-hour, or more, at the turnpike, while he chats to his heart’s content with Jane; that’s the name of his new friend, dear. There, I really must say good-bye, or perhaps Tom may go without me.” And almost smothering Amy with kisses she sprang down the steps and in another moment was seated by her husband, and they drove off.
A few hours after, Mrs. Elrington arrived at the Hall; but as she had truly said, long ago, it was pain and grief to her to look on Mrs. Linchmore’s face again; and she leant heavily on Mr. Linchmore’s arm, as she passed from the carriage.
She paused a moment, as he would have led her into the drawing-room to his wife; and pointing through the half-open door, said simply, “We meet as strangers.”
And so they did — the once adopted daughter and fondly-loved mother; but it cost them both an effort; for while Mrs. Elrington’s hand trembled and shook like an aspen on the top of the stick with which she steadied her footsteps, Mr. Linchmore thought he had never seen his wife look more proudly beautiful and magnificent.
Anne’s letter represented Amy as heart-broken, not only with the loss of her child, but sorrow stricken with the anxiety caused by the fresh trial of her husband’s illness. Anne said not a word of the living grief consuming her heart, but Mrs. Elrington had not been many days at Brampton ere she suspected it; that pale, sweet anxious face, so thin and care-worn, told its own tale, with the faltering, uncertain step; the mournful yet loving way with which she tended her husband now rapidly approaching convalescence. How she anticipated his every wish. Yet there was a hesitation, an uncertainty about it, all too evident to a watchful eye; it seemed as though with her anxiety to please, there was an evident fear of displeasing. Surely the wife needed the most care and tenderness now: the first she had, but the latter, where was that? Where the nameless attentions and thousand loving w
ords her husband might speak?
Mrs. Elrington saw with sorrow the coldness, and estrangement, that had crept between the two. Was that fair young wife so recently afflicted — so loving, so doubly bereaved at heart — to blame? or Robert?
Mrs. Elrington loved Amy, and could not sit silently by without risking something to mend matters, so one day, when she and Robert were alone, she spoke.
“I trust you are feeling stronger this morning, Mr. Vavasour?”
“Thank you. Yes, I am I believe, mending apace.”
“I am glad of it, as I think your wife needs change, she is looking far from well; the sooner you take her home the better.”
“Bertie’s death was a bitter trial; and she felt it deeply.”
“Bitter, indeed, it must have been, to have changed her so utterly. She is greatly altered since her marriage.”
Robert Vavasour sighed.
“You are right,” he replied. “I myself see the change, but without the power to remedy it now.”
“How so?” she asked.
“You say altered since her marriage. It is true; for when Amy married she wilfully shut out from her heart all hopes of happiness.”
“You speak in riddles, Mr. Vavasour, which I am totally unable to comprehend.”
“I am a rich man, Mrs. Elrington, and that alone might have tempted many a girl, or led her to fancy she loved me.”
Mrs. Elrington drew up her head proudly. “But not Amy Neville,” she replied, “no amount of wealth would have tempted her to marry a man she did not care for.”
“Care for,” he repeated bitterly, “caring is not loving.”
Mrs. Elrington had arrived at the bottom of the mystery now; he fancied Amy did not love him! Amy who was devoting herself to him day after day, never weary of, but only happy when she was in his sick room, nursing and tending him as few wives would, treated so coldly, giving him all the loving worship of her young heart; while he refused to believe in it, but gloomily hugged the morbid fancy to his heart that she loved him not.
Mrs. Elrington could have smiled at the delusion, if Amy’s happiness had not been at stake; as it was she replied gravely, “You are mistaken, Mr. Vavasour, wilfully blind to what is openly apparent to all others who ever see you and your wife together. Why I verily believe Amy worships the very ground you stand on; but I fear no words of mine will convince you of the fact, while the indifference with which you are treating her is well-nigh breaking her heart.”
No, Robert Vavasour was not convinced.
“She did not love me when she married me; her oath was false, she—” but no, his pride refused to allow him to tell of her love for another.
“I cannot listen to this,” replied Mrs. Elrington, rising, “whatever her love may have been in the days you speak of, I am convinced Amy has never acted falsely towards you since you called her wife; neither do I believe there lives a man who now claims or holds one thought of hers from you. I am an old woman, Mr. Vavasour, and have seen a great deal of sorrow, and one heart broken through the cruelty of another; let not your wife’s be so taken from you, but believe in her, trust in her, watch over her as the apple of your eye, for indeed she needs and demands all your love and tenderness; crush not the love that is even now struggling in her heart, at your hardness and neglect, or take care lest you build up a wall that you will find it impossible hereafter to knock down, or when falling, will bury her you love beneath its ruins.”
Robert’s heart was strangely ill at ease and stirred by these words of Mrs. Elrington’s. Perhaps he began to fear that even if his wife loved him not, he had been unnecessarily hard and severe, and pitiless, very pitiless and unloving. Might he not yet succeed in winning her love — the only thing in the wide world that he coveted? But then again, the thought that she had loved another, had cruelly deceived him, when he had loved and trusted her so entirely, was gall and wormwood to him, and turned his heart, when he thought of it, to stone. No; even allowing that she might love him, he could never love her so passionately again. So Vavasour thought, and so men and women have thought, and will think again, as long as the world lasts, and yet, do what they will, the old love will come again, with all its old intensity, overthrowing all their wise and determined resolutions.
Deep in thought, Vavasour sat, until the minutes crept into hours, and then Mrs. Archer came, looking very different from the Mrs. Grey of old. The frown had not, it is true, disappeared, but it had faded and given way to a mild, happy expression pervading every feature of her face. There was still a mournful look — how could it be otherwise? — the mournful remembrance of the past; but even that was growing dim beside the ever-living presence of her son, and of her love for him. She had gained her wish, too, for Robert loved his mother, and, I think, was somewhat proud of her. There was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing he need blush for; she was his mother, he her son, acknowledged to be so by all the world.
She was dressed in black silk, and grey-coloured ribbons in her cap; her glossy, almost snow-white hair, still beautiful in its abundance, rolled round her head. She had grown quiet and gentle, and had none of the wild passions or fits of half-madness now. As Robert sat gazing at her, he thought she must have been very beautiful in her youth, when that mass of hair was golden.
“Amy is not here,” she said, looking round.
“No. I am alone, and rather tired of my solitude, with a don’t-care feeling of being left any longer by myself just creeping over me.”
“I thought Amy had been with you, or I should have been here before. Ah! I see she has been, by the fresh flowers on the table. She is always thinking of you, my son; her love always in her heart.”
Robert moved impatiently. Had every one combined together to din his wife’s love into his ears? Was he the victim of a conspiracy? So he replied, touchily.
“Amy is kind enough, and I dare say I am an ungrateful wretch.”
“Not ungrateful; but you might be a little, just a little, more loving to her sometimes. She is such a loving, sweet young wife.”
“You think she loves me?”
Mrs. Archer laughed. “Are you in earnest, my son?” she asked.
“Never more so in my life,” was the reply.
His mother looked at him almost reproachfully.
“Can anyone doubt it?” she answered. “I believe her whole soul is wrapt up in you, and I thank God that it is so, my son.”
Robert was silent,
“She is a fragile flower,” continued Mrs. Archer, “one that the slightest cold breath might crush, yet withal strong in her deep love for you. It must be that, that has enabled her to bear up as she has, for she has had enough to try the strongest of us, and, I fear, looks more thin and shadowy every day.”
“Mother!” cried Robert, in alarm. “You do not think Amy really ill?”
“I don’t know what to think. She suffered an agony while she and I sat watching those dreadful weary hours by your bed-side; and I know Dr. Bernard has now prescribed a tonic; but she does not gain strength, and seems more feeble than ever. Forgive me, my son, but I sometimes fear there is a coldness, a nameless chill between you, which makes my heart tremble for the future of both. For hers — because she will die, loving you so intensely, and—” Mrs. Archer hesitated a moment, “and with little return; for yours — lest, when too late, you will see your error, and the remorse may break your heart. Oh! my son, if she has erred, it cannot have been wilfully, and surely she has been sufficiently punished. Think,” she added, laying her hand on his, as she was leaving the room, “think well on my words, for I can have but one wish at my heart, and that is my son’s happiness.”
And Robert did think — think deeply all the rest of that day. He seemed never tired of thinking, while his eyes rested oftener on his wife, and he watched her intensely.
What if she did love him? Ah! if only she did. His heart leapt wildly at the thought, and his jealous hatred seemed to have no place there now, but to be a far-off dream; or if it did intrude,
he set it aside as a bugbear, or felt less savagely inclined than heretofore.
Could it be for him — she, his wife, brought fresh flowers for those already fading? How graceful she looked as she arranged them; not hurriedly, but slowly and tastefully — as though her heart was with the work, — in the glass. Was it for him she trod so softly over the room, while everything she touched assumed a different look, and slid quietly into its place, as though under the influence of a magic wand.
Hard and cruel! How chill those words of Mrs. Elrington’s fell, like a dead weight on his heart, and had been ringing in his ears ever since. If Frances Strickland had told him a lie, then he had been hard and cruel. But his wife had never denied the facts, hideous as they appeared; but had Frances exaggerated the story, and why had he refused to listen to Amy’s explanation? Might she not have cleared away half its hideousness? His heart surged like the troubled waves by the sea-shore, and his breath came quick and hot, as he felt that he might have been mistaken in fancying his wife loved him not. If all this long time it had been so, then, indeed, he had been hard and cruel; and would she ever forgive him? or could he ever forgive himself? Tormented with doubts and fears, he watched and waited, and gave no sign to his wife that he did so, while she grew paler and paler, fading imperceptibly.
The days crept on — three more slipped by, and found Robert still undecided, still undetermined. Again Amy brought fresh flowers, and stood at the table arranging them as before, and again her husband’s eyes watched her, and had she only looked up as the last flower was being placed in the glass, her heart would have found its rest, for her eyes must have seen the love trembling in her husband’s; but Amy never looked, but went and sat over by the fire, without a word. Then Robert spoke —
“Those flowers are very beautiful, Amy.”