by Amanda Abram
“Seriously? It looks like a bedroom.”
“Oh,” was all I could think of to say.
He studied me for a moment. “Do you really want to see my bedroom that badly?”
I glanced up at him with puppy dog eyes and nodded.
Jase rolled his eyes, grinned and muttered, “Weirdo.” He moved closer to me, so close that his chest brushed up against mine slightly as he reached out and pushed the door open all the way.
“After you,” he said, motioning me into the room.
I took a step into the dark abyss as he quickly flicked on the light behind me.
“See? What did I tell you? Just a bedroom.”
He was right. It was just a bedroom. I wasn't exactly sure what I had been expecting, but this wasn't it. For a bedroom belonging to a teenage boy, it was surprisingly neat. Only a few articles of clothing were strewn about here and there, on the floor and over the back of his computer chair. On the dark blue walls hung just a couple movie posters. On his bookshelf sat a single row of books and a handful of hockey trophies. His bed, decked out in a black and blue striped comforter, was neatly made. On a small table in the corner sat his laptop, some school books and a few pieces of paper strewn about.
All in all, pretty unremarkable.
However, I found myself frowning as I stood there glancing around the room. Folding my arms across my chest, I asked, “Where are all your Ninja Turtles and G.I. Joe dolls?”
Jase cringed. “Okay, first of all, G.I. Joe was not a 'doll', he was an action figure. Second of all, I'm eighteen. I grew up. I got rid of all that stuff around the same time you got rid of your Barbie dolls and that Easy Bake Oven that never quite cooked anything all the way through.”
He wasn't lying. That oven didn't cook anything all the way through. I used to make him partially baked brownies all the time and he would somehow always manage to choke them down while giving me a thumbs-up.
“That's sad.” And it was. Because those toys were not the only things he'd gotten rid of.
He'd also gotten rid of me.
“That's life,” he said with a shrug.
I nodded solemnly in agreement as something over on his nightstand suddenly caught my eye: a framed photo sitting next to his alarm clock.
“Oh my God,” I said with a huge grin as I made my way over to side of his bed. “I remember when this photo was taken.”
I picked up the frame to get a closer to look at it. It was a photo of me, Jase and Trish, taken at least seven years ago by their mom. I remember Mrs. Turner had wanted to get a good picture of the three of us and we'd agreed to pose for it one hot summer afternoon. The plan, I recall, had been for the three of us to sit on the front stoop of their house and simply smile for the camera. But right before Mrs. Turner snapped the picture, Jase had done something to piss off Trish who, on the far right-side of the picture, was reaching out to strangle him while shooting him a nasty glare. Meanwhile, Jase had a playful smirk on his face while one of his arms was outstretched to presumably keep Trish and her rage at bay. His other arm was around the shoulders of a ten-year-old me, hamming it up for the camera with my signature fist-under-the-chin pose and a goofy grin on my face. The two of us sat close, our heads tilted toward each other. We looked like the best of friends.
What the hell happened?
Jase cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, me too. Man, was Trish livid.” He joined me at my side and grabbed the photo from my hand. “I keep meaning to put this away.”
My heart sank slightly in my chest. Here I was thinking he maybe he kept it displayed because he liked to remember the good old days when we were all friends.
Guess not.
Biting my lip, my gaze dropped to his bed and a smile emerged on my face as another memory flashed in my mind.
“Hey, remember all of the blanket forts we used to build in here?”
“Of course I do, since I was the one who had to do all the work putting them together.”
“That's not true.”
“Yes, it is. You and Trish were more interested in decorating the inside of them.”
Okay, maybe that was true. “Decorating was the hardest part.”
“Sure it was,” he said with a snort.
“Remember we'd all plan to spend the night in them, but every time, at the very last minute, Trish would decide it just wasn't comfortable enough and then sneak off to her bedroom for the night?”
“Yep,” Jase nodded. He paused for a moment and then said, “You know, Lex, you were the first girl I ever slept with.”
My jaw dropped open in shock. Without thinking, I reached out and punched him playfully in the shoulder.
“Hey, ow,” he said through a fit of laughter, rubbing the spot where I'd just hit him. “Oh my God, you should see your face right now.”
I didn't need to see it. I could feel all the blood in my body rushing to my cheeks all at once and I could only imagine what shade of red I was at the moment.
To make matters worse, he took a step closer to me, stared down at me with twinkling eyes, arched an eyebrow and asked, “Was I your first?”
I shot him a glare. “You were my only, Jase.”
In an instant, all signs of mirth left his face as he took a step back. “So,” he said, averting his gaze to he floor. “You mean, you and Jeffrey never...”
“Slept together?” I finished for him. I took a seat on the edge of his bed and lowered my own gaze to the floor. “No. Not literally, and not...well...you know.”
“Oh.” He dropped down next to me on the bed. “I guess I just assumed...”
“You assumed wrong,” I said bitterly.
“Lex, I'm sorry.”
“Don't be. It's not a big deal. I was planning...I mean, he didn't know this, but I was going to suggest...it...on the day he just happened to break up with me.”
Jase let out a breath of air. “Guess you dodged that bullet, huh?”
“Yeah.” I stared down at my hands resting loosely in my lap.
“Hey.” He placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...I mean, it's none of my business what you and Jeffrey did or didn't do.”
“It's fine,” I said with a shake of my head.
We fell into a moment of silence before he spoke again.
“You know, Lex, you're lucky you didn't do it. Take it from me, when it's with the wrong person, it's not all it's cracked up to be.”
I glanced curiously over at him. I'd never made it a habit to wonder about Jase's sex life. I had my assumptions. I figured he had probably slept with every girl he'd ever dated, because that's what high school boys did. And I guess I assumed he had enjoyed it every time.
But judging from the look on his face at the moment, apparently at least the latter was not the case.
“You've had a bad experience, I take it?”
“Yeah, you could say that,” he muttered. “Do you remember Ashley Moren?”
Ashley Moren. I did remember her. She was the only one of Jase's girlfriends who wasn't like the rest. She wasn't blonde or busty or ditzy or a cheerleader. She was still pretty and popular, but also very studious and quiet. I always liked Ashley the least of all of Jase's girlfriends, and I never really could figure out why.
“What happened with Ashley?” I asked, even though a part of me really didn't want to know.
He shrugged. “There really isn't much to tell. We were at a party. We were both incredibly drunk, we were making out, and it just happened. It was clumsy and awkward and over before I knew it. I can't remember much else about it, other than the fact it was terrible.” He paused for a moment as an almost sad expression came over his face. “I regretted it so much, I haven't done it since then. I guess I'm just...I don't know...waiting for the right girl this time.”
“Kylie,” I whispered without even thinking about it. He was waiting for Kylie, of course. His dream girl. The girl I was sure a lot of other guys were waiting for as well.
His gaze flickered over to me and for a moment our eyes locked. Suddenly, the air between us changed. It became thicker, harder to breathe. I couldn't explain it, all I could do was just hold my breath as I waited for him to respond.
“Yeah,” he said finally, looking away. “Kylie.”
I nodded as I began to breathe again. I wanted to change the subject, and quickly. “So, hey, have you decided yet how you're going to do it?”
“Excuse me?” He blinked in confusion, and I immediately realized it was because I hadn't exactly worded the question the way I'd wanted to.
He thought I was asking him how he was going to have sex with Kylie.
“I mean, have you decided how you're going to tell Kylie you love her?” I quickly corrected myself as I felt my face start to burn.
“Oh, um...no, I guess I hadn't really thought about it.”
“You should start.” I rotated my position on the bed so that I was facing him. “I mean, you and I will be breaking up soon and you need to figure out how you're going to approach her after that happens. Are you going to wait a while and run the risk of somebody else asking her out first? Or are you just going to swoop right in after our break up and declare your undying love for her?”
“Um...” Jase looked uncomfortable all of the sudden. “I don't know...”
“You need to figure it out! You've wanted this for so long. You can't risk screwing it up at the last second.”
Jase narrowed his eyes at me. “Lex, I'm just asking her out on a date, not proposing to her. It's really not a big deal.”
“You're wrong. It may not be a big deal for you, but it's a big deal for her, I guarantee. You're going to be asking her out after breaking up with somebody else. You will need to find a way to assure her that she's not just some rebound to you.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “So what's your suggestion, then?”
“I don't know. Just don't let the fact you're a teenage guy get in the way of telling her how you really feel. Don't just look at her and grunt, 'Me like you' like the rest of them would.”
Jase chuckled. “You don't really think that's how most teenage guys talk, do you?”
I ignored his question and continued. “You need to be honest with her. Tell her you love her. Tell her how long you've loved her. Tell her why you love her. Make it as sappy and heartfelt as possible, but not just for the sake of it. You need to really feel it when you tell her. She needs to be able to look into your eyes and know she is the only girl in the world for you.”
“Wow.” Jase nodded slowly as he digested my advice. “You think that will work?”
“I know it will.” I began picking at a loose thread in Jase's comforter. “That's all a girl really wants—to know how much she means to someone. I mean, I would have loved for Jeffrey to have confessed feelings like that for me when we started going out, but instead I just got a casual, 'Hey, we should date.' Granted, we were fourteen at the time, but still, it would have been nice to hear it at least once during our relationship.” I stopped for a moment, the corners of my mouth threatening to turn down. I guess until I'd said it out loud, it never occured to me that Jeffrey had never told me he loved me.
“Well Jeffrey is an idiot,” Jase said, in a voice that indicated he really meant it.
“Yeah,” I agreed. Suddenly I was no longer in the mood to talk about feelings, so I quickly changed the subject. “Hey, when are those cookies going to be ready?”
I could tell Jase knew I was done with our conversation, and I could also tell he knew why. And like a good friend, he dropped it and just answered my question.
“According to you, they were ready before I even took them out of the package,” he quipped. He stood up and held out a hand for me to take. “Let's go check on them.”
As I got up off the bed, I couldn't help but feel a little sad. I was about to leave Jase's bedroom for what was probably going to be the last time now. I'd gotten a taste of memory lane and I liked it, although it made me realize how much I missed having Jase in my life as a friend...not just as the temporary partner-in-crime he was at the moment. After our pretend relationship was over, he'd be out of my life again. Most likely for good this time.
And that sucked.
I was just about to step foot outside his bedroom door when something over on his bookshelf caught my eye and I stopped.
“Oh my God,” I gasped, covering my mouth with my hand.
“What?” he said, giving me a curious look.
How had I missed it? The whole time I'd been in his room, it had practically been staring me in the face.
I made a move toward his shelf and Jase immediately stepped in front of me to block me. “Lex, what are you doing?”
I took a step to the side. He followed.
“I think you know exactly what I'm doing.” I quickly darted around the other side of him. Before he could stop me, I reached out and grabbed the object from the shelf and grinned.
“Doc Sniffles,” I said affectionately, staring down at the old, tattered teddy bear that donned light blue scrubs and a stethoscope around his neck. I'd given Jase that bear about eight years ago when he was sick with the flu. He was so sick, he'd had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. I'd picked out the bear for him in the gift shop and my parents bought it for me to give to him. I remembered being so scared he wouldn't get better and that he'd have to spend the rest of his life in the hospital.
“Lex, give me the bear.” He reached out to grab it from me, but I promptly hid it behind my back. He arched an eyebrow and said, “Do you really think that's going to stop me from getting it?”
“I can't believe you still have Doc Sniffles,” I said, unable to wipe the grin from my face. “And proudly displayed among all of your sports trophies nonetheless.”
He rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I'd forgotten he was even there. I don't pay a lot of attention to that bookshelf.”
“Jase, it's okay to admit you still like stuffed animals.”
“I don't.” He took a step closer to me so that he could try to reach around and grab the bear.
I took a step back to avoid him and my legs grazed the edge of his bed. I had nowhere else to go, especially after Jase closed the gap between us and placed a hand on my hip, pulling me to him.
Suddenly, I forgot all about Doc Sniffles. In fact, Jase's proximity and his touch was enough to make me forget just about everything.
Leaning down so we were eye-to-eye, he said, “Lex, you can either hand me the bear peacefully, or I will fight for it back.”
I shook my head. “You would never fight a girl.”
“No,” he agreed, “but I would tickle her.”
His words sent a cold chill down my spine. Jase knew how I felt about tickling. I hated it. More than anything.
“You wouldn't,” I said, silently cursing the fact it came out sounding like a challenge.
“Give me the bear, and you won't have to find out if I would or not.”
I stood there for a moment, considering his offer, but apparently I took too long and before I knew what was happening, his fingers were on me, digging into my sides, tickling me with reckless abandon.
“Hey!” I protested as I immediately buckled under his touch. “No fair!”
Luckily, he only tickled me for a few seconds—just long enough for him to distract me so he could retrieve Doc Sniffles from behind my back.
Once the bear was in his hands, he grinned, clearly satisfied with himself. When I quickly reached out to try and grab it back, he held it high above his head. “How do you like that?”
I'm not sure what came over me, but the smugness in his voice inspired me to try to grab the bear again. But because Jase was so much taller than me and had long arms, putting Doc Sniffles impossibly out of my reach, I literally jumped on him in an attempt to climb up to get it.
He was caught off guard by this, lost his footing, and suddenly I felt myself falling backwards onto his bed, bringing him down with me.
I landed first and he landed on top of me, his weight pressing me firmly into his mattress.
Doc Sniffles ended up on the floor.
We simultaneously broke out in a fit of laughter. “Were you seriously trying to climb me?” he asked.
I nodded. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
After a moment of silence, our laughter subsided as we both began to realize the position we were in. Jase had yet to attempt to remove himself from me, nor I had I made any attempt to push him off.
Never once during my relationship with Jeffrey had we ended up on his bed. I'd always made it a point to steer us clear of it because I wasn't ready for what us being on his bed could lead to. Even seeing his bed from afar was at times enough to give me a mini anxiety attack.
My mind, as well as my heart, began to race as I waited. Waited for either one of us to make the first move to break apart. But then our eyes met and we froze.
I figured now was the perfect time to say something. Anything. Something that would break us out of whatever this was. So I opened my mouth to speak, but my words were instantly halted by Jase's lips pressing up against mine. Or was it mine pressing up against his? I had no idea who made the first move. Maybe it had been both of us at the same time.
I was shocked. So shocked that my body went rigid beneath him. What was happening? Jase and I were kissing. On his bed. With the entire length of his body pressed up against mine. And no one was around to see it. Not Jeffrey. Not Kylie. No one. Just him. Just me. Kissing with no real reason to be.
Briefly, I considered pushing him away. But I pushed away the thought instead as I began to relax beneath him...as I began to kiss him back...as I began running my hands through his hair...as I hooked a leg around his waist and angled my hips up to meet his...as he deepened the kiss by lightly brushing his tongue up against mine...as he placed his hand on my thigh and let it travel up the side of my body and back down again...as the tips of his fingers slid gently under the hem of my shirt to rest against the bare skin of my stomach...as his hips bucked against me suddenly, causing an involuntary moan to escape from my throat...
Something that felt like a jolt of electricity shot through me as I realized Jase and I were dangerously close to doing something I'd never even done with Jeffrey in the three years we were together. Something I had planned on doing the day he broke up with me. That's when an alarm went off inside my head. And the alarm sounded an awful lot like my own voice: