by Amanda Abram
I reached out and took it from him. “Thanks.”
“You're welcome.”
And then a brief moment of silence ensued.
“Well, I'll catch ya later,” he said a few seconds later and turned to leave.
“No, wait,” I said quickly.
He stopped mid-turn and glanced back at me curiously.
“If you have a minute, I'd like to talk to you.”
He nodded. “Sure, okay.”
I turned around to look at my mom. “I'll be back in a minute.”
My mother gave a slight frown but nodded and headed into the kitchen. I could tell she didn't like Zach, if only for the fact that he was not Jase.
I led him out the front door and onto the porch.
“So what's up?” he asked.
I took a seat on the top step and motioned for him to join me.
I glanced down at my hands, which I had rested loosely in my lap. “Actually, uh, I wanted to apologize.”
He blinked in surprise. “Apologize? For what?”
I pointed to his swollen lip. “Well, for that.”
He reached up with one hand and touched the bruise. “This little thing? But you didn't punch me. Jase did.”
“I know. But it's my fault he did. Zach, I am so sorry for throwing myself at you.”
“Whoa.” He placed a hand on my arm. “Let me stop you right there. For future reference, girls never need to apologize for throwing themselves at a guy. We like that sort of thing, in case you didn't know. So you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. If anything, I should be the one apologizing, not you.”
“Not even. You were nothing but a perfect gentlemen last night.”
Zach cleared his throat and glanced down at his own hands, looking somewhat guilty. “That may be true, but...I'm going to be honest with you. Me asking you to that party was anything but innocent.”
“What are you talking about?”
He sighed and paused for a moment before continuing. “I know you and Jase were never really going out.”
I groaned and covered my face with my hands. Was there anyone in the world who didn't know? “Let me guess. Eric told you?”
“Yeah,” he admitted. “He told me the same day I talked to you by the tree, during lunch.”
“Okay...”
“Look, he told me everything. About how you and Jase had only been pretending to date, but that you'd developed real feelings for him and that when you caught him kissing Kylie, you were devastated. He also told me how you'd said you were going to date the first guy who asked you out and that's when...well, that's when he came up with a plan.”
A plan. I remembered there being the mention of a plan the night before. “And that plan was...?”
Another long pause. “Eric thought that if I was the first one to ask you out, it would...”
I stared at him in anticipation. “It would what?”
“It would drive Jase absolutely mad with jealousy.”
I snorted and then proceeded to laugh. “Well, Eric thought wrong.”
“Did he?” Zach's tone of voice serious now. “Because this fat lip of mine kinda tells a different story.”
My laughter stopped as I clenched my teeth together. I thought long and hard about how to respond to that before finally speaking.
“Jase and I used to be really good friends,” I said stiffly. “His reaction to what he saw last night between me and you came strictly from his platonic desire to prevent me from getting hurt. Trish would have done the same thing.”
Zach smirked and nodded. “While I agree Trish would not have hesitated to lay the smackdown on me, I have to disagree with your assessment that Jase's desires where you are concerned are anything close to platonic.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“I've been friends with Holloway ever since Freshmen year. I've witnessed him dating tons of girls over the years, and I can tell you right now, he wouldn't have hit me for being alone in a bedroom with any one of them. I know this for a fact, because he caught me kissing one of his girlfriends behind the bleachers last year. You want to know how he reacted? He dumped her on the spot, and then he asked me if I wanted to go grab a burger. He couldn't have cared less that I had just put the moves his girl. But last night, when he saw me on that bed with you—an ex-girlfriend who had never been his real girlfriend to begin with—he couldn't wait to introduce his fist to my face. And I can tell you, Jase is not a violent guy, but last night, I was practically fearing for my life before he left to take you home. And if you actually believe his anger was sparked by feelings of friendship toward you, then I have to say, you're not as smart as I thought you were.”
I opened my mouth to say something, even though I had no idea what to say. I was speechless. But it didn't matter, because he stood and walked down the remaining stairs. When he stepped off the last one, he turned around and glanced back up at me.
“So I'm sorry I asked you to that party for the wrong reason. But Eric knew there would be no real chance of you actually falling for me, therefore no chance of you getting hurt. He was just trying to help, and so was I. But for what it's worth, I do think you're pretty cool. Weird, but cool.”
I think I smiled then, but I wasn't sure, because my face felt numb. “Thanks, I guess. And apology accepted.”
He grinned. “I'll see ya around.”
I watched as he started to make his way over to his car. When he got there, he turned back around and said, “He never came back, you know. To the party last night. We all thought he would, but he didn't. If that doesn't tell you something, I don't know what will.”
And then he waved, got into his car and drove off, leaving his parting words to echo inside my head.
Chapter Thirty-Three
I spent the rest of my afternoon in bed, berating myself for being such an idiot the night before. I felt so guilty about getting drunk that I couldn't even look at my parents. They would have been so disappointed in me if they knew, and I was afraid if I hung around them long enough the truth would just come spilling out uncontrollably from my mouth, so I avoided them altogether.
Luckily for me, they had a friend's barbeque to attend. They'd invited me to go but I politely declined. I decided the only way I could stop feeling so bad about my actions was to punish myself, which meant I couldn't go anywhere or do anything even remotely entertaining for the rest of the weekend. If not longer.
About an hour after my parents left, the doorbell rang again. Figuring whoever was on the other side of the door wouldn't be for me this time, I yelled to Aaron to get it as I pulled the covers up over my head.
Half a minute later, there was a knock on my door.
“Lex?”
At the sound of Jase's muffled voice, I shot straight up and quickly stumbled out of the bed.
What was he doing here? I began to panic as I rushed to the full length mirror on my closet door to check out my appearance. As expected, I looked like I was suffering from a hangover: dark circles around my tired eyes, pale skin and disheveled hair from spending the day in bed. My outfit was equally unattractive: a gray, oversized Star Wars T-shirt—another hand-me-up from Aaron—and a pair of black yoga pants that had yet to see one yoga pose since their creation.
The only thing I could easily fix at the moment was my hair, so I pulled it all back and tied it into a messy ponytail. Although I don't know why I bothered. It wasn't like I had to try and impress Jase. He didn't like me and never would.
“Lex? Are you in there?” came his voice again from the hallway.
“Yeah,” I called out, rushing over to the door and throwing it open.
At the sight of him standing there in front of me, I felt a sharp pain shoot through my heart. No matter how much I wanted to convince myself I was over him, or never even liked him to begin with, I knew the truth. And the truth was I was in love with him, maybe always had been, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was suffering from unrequited love and there was no
cure. And seeing him right now was only making my condition worse.
“Hey,” he greeted me with a warm smile.
No, not the smile...I took a deep breath and forced one of my own onto my face. “Hey, Jase.”
He looked me over, taking in my appearance. “Were you sleeping? I hope I didn't wake you. Aaron said it was okay to just come up.”
“Yeah, I'm sure he did,” I grumbled, making a mental note to kill him later. “You didn't wake me, I was just resting.” I stepped aside and motioned for him to come in.
His smile turned sympathetic as he entered the room, closing the door behind him. “How are you feeling?”
“I've been better,” I replied, thinking more about my emotional state at the moment than my physical health. “So what's up?”
“Actually, I came by to give you this.” He held out an object for me to take.
I glanced down to see what he was holding onto. “A thermos?” I said, taking it from him. “What's the special occasion?”
“The occasion is your first hangover. And inside that Thermos is what's going to cure it. Or at least make it more tolerable.”
I glanced at it warily. “What's in it?”
“Don't ask. All you need to know is that it works. I stole the recipe from my dad. It's been handed down in my family for generations. I've shared it with most of my friends, and it's become the number one go-to remedy for most of them.”
I opened it up to take a look inside and instantly regretted it. Whatever was inside the container smelled like trash that had been fermented and then stewed inside a slow cooker for a week. I nearly gagged as I brought my hand up to cover both my mouth and nose to keep the stench at bay, as I shoved it directly back into his hands.
“No. No way.” I took a step back, out of his arm's reach, for fear he may try to give it back to me.
“Oh, come on, Lex,” he said, still holding it out. “It's good for what ails you.”
“I'll take whatever ails me over that, thank you very much.”
He shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He set it down on top of my bureau. “I'll just leave it here in case you change your mind later.”
“I won't,” I assured him.
“Okay, okay. Don't say I didn't try.” He paused for a moment, glancing down at the floor. “So, hey...I just wanted to come over and apologize for last night. I was way out of line, barging in on you and Zach and then, you know, assaulting him.”
I couldn't help but nod in agreement. “It wasn't one of your finer moments, I'll admit.”
“I had no right to do that,” he continued. “Whatever was going on between the two of you was none of my busines and I'm really sorry.” He stopped for a moment to study me. “What exactly is going on between you two, anyway? Are you guys, like, a couple now or something?”
With a chuckle I replied, “Me and Zach? No, we're not a couple. Our date was a one-time-only thing.” I opted not tell him about the fact Zach only asked me to the party because Eric told him to.
“Oh,” was all he had to say about that. He ran a hand across the back of his neck. “Look, Lex...”
He returned his gaze to mine. I held my breath for a moment in anticipation of what he was about to say.
“I also wanted to apologize for the way things ended between us. And I'm not just talking about our fake relationship. I'm talking about our friendship. I'm talking about how it ended years ago, and about how I managed to screw it up again this time around. I've been a jerk to you this past week, and I hate myself for it. I said things to you I didn't mean, and I'm so sorry—for everything.”
“Apology accepted,” I said with a dismissive wave. “I'm sorry too. I also said some things that day I didn't mean.”
An overwhelming sense of déjà vu washed over me then, as a memory of last night flashed before my eyes: me lying in Jase's arms on Trish's bed, my actions still uninhibited by my earlier alcohol consumption, basically admitting I had feelings for him.
My heart began to pound against my rib cage as I started to panic.
“Does this mean I'm no longer banished from your life?” he asked, apparently not noticing the mild anxiety attack I was having in front of him.
Play it cool, Lexi. Don't let on to the fact you remember anything you said to him last night. Maybe he'll forget all about it. “Uh-huh,” I managed to croak.
“Good, because I really want us to still be friends.”
My racing heart stopped beating for a moment. He'd spoken the dreaded “F” word. The one word nobody wanted to hear come from the mouth of the person they were in love with.
Friends. Even though he knew how I felt about him, he wanted us to be friends. Just friends. Nothing but friends. Because that's all we'd ever been, and all we'd ever be: friends.
And why would I be surprised about any of this? He was with Kylie now. Beautiful, sweet, perfect Kylie, who never had a hair out of place or even owned an old Star Wars shirt, who was pretty without having to get a makeover from her best friend, who had never been dumped for another girl because she was the girl other girls got dumped for. And me...I was just plain, boring Lexi Turner, who couldn't even keep a fake boyfriend, whose wardrobe could be easily mistaken for her brother's, who was doomed to always be the girl guys just wanted to be “friends” with.
“Lex?” Jase stared down at me, his brow furrowed. “Are you okay?”
I blinked up him, hot tears beginning to form in my eyes. “Yeah, I'm fine.”
But I wasn't fine, and he knew it. Reaching out, he placed a gentle hand along the side of my face. “Hey,” he said softly. “Talk to me.”
I didn't want to talk to him. I wanted him to leave so I could crawl back into my bed and stay there for the rest of my sad, pathetic life.
“There's nothing to talk about.” I removed his hand from my face. “I know how this goes, Jase. I tell you we'll still be friends, but we won't be. Not really. We'll engage in small talk here and there, sure, but that's it. We won't ever hang out because we don't share the same friends, and most of your time will be spent with Kylie anyway. And then you'll be graduating in a couple of months, and at the end of summer you'll be heading off to college, after which it's possible we may literally never see each other again.”
I couldn't even begin to describe the look on Jase's face by the time I stopped talking. He looked dejected, his shoulders slumping forward slightly, his mouth agape, his eyes wide. “Lex,” he said, his voice strained. “You don't really think that, do you?”
“Am I wrong?” I asked, a lump beginning to form in my throat.
He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He was trying to say that yes, I was wrong, but he couldn't. Because he knew I was right.
“That's what I thought,” I muttered. I walked over to my dresser, grabbed the thermos he'd put there, and thrust it in his direction. “Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice life.”
He didn't take the thermos, though. Instead, he just stared blankly down at it for a moment before returning his gaze to mine. “What's happening?”
I swallowed hard as the lump in my throat began to dissolve. I needed him to leave, because I didn't know how much longer I could keep my tears at bay and I really did not want to cry in front of him.
“We're saying goodbye,” I said, still holding out the thermos. Why wouldn't he just take the damn thermos?
Well this had escalated quickly. I knew I was being harsh, but at the moment it was my only option. If I wasn't harsh, I'd break down. I was, once again, pushing Jase out of my life. Even though he had apologized. Even though I was still in love with him. Everything I'd said to him was true. There was no room in his life for me, and the sooner we both admitted it, the sooner I'd be able to move on and put all of this behind me.
But I could tell Jase was having none of it. With a defiant shake of his head, he said, simply, “No.”
“No?”
“That's right. No.” He took the thermos from me and placed it back onto the dresser. “Lex,
I didn't come over here just to give you this disgusting hangover cure and to apologize. And I sure as hell didn't come over here to say goodbye to you.”
“Then why are you here?”
Intaking a shaky breath, he stepped back and ran a hand through his hair. “I'm here because...because, Lex, I'm tired of pretending.”
I bit my lip, not knowing how to respond to that. Did he not get the memo? We hadn't been pretending since last Monday. “Jase, we ended our fake relationship, remember? You don't have to pretend to be in love with me anymore.”
He threw back his head and laughed.
I stared at him in confusion. “What's so funny?”
“What's so funny?” he echoed, no longer laughing. “Lex, I'm tired of pretending I'm not in love with you.”
My jaw dropped. “W-what are you talking about?” I stammered as my heart fluttered inside my chest.
He ignored my question as he took a step closer to me. “I'm tired of pretending I'm interested in any of the girls I date when all they've really ever been are distractions. I'm tired of pretending Kylie is the one I want. I'm tired of pretending it doesn't drive me absolutely insane with jealousy to see you with other guys. I've spent a third of my life now pretending I'm not in love with you, and I just can't do it anymore.”
He took another step forward. “I love you, Lex. I've always loved you, but for the last five years or so, you're all I've been able to think about. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but I waited too long, and I lost you to Jeffrey. It's why I've hated him so much these last few years—because he was the one you wanted, not me.”
I was in a sudden state of shock over what he was saying to me, to the point where I couldn't move, couldn't speak. But that was just as well, because he wasn't finished yet.
“I thought Kylie was going to be the one, you know? The one who would finally help me get over you. I liked her. A lot. But it wasn't enough. Because as soon as you and I started hanging out again, I knew. I knew my feelings for you weren't gone. If anything, they'd only gotten stronger. So instead of using our plan to pursue Kylie like I had originally intended, I used it to pursue you.”