by Linda Howard
“I had to come home,” Mary explained.
“I would have brought you.”
“I know.”
He sat down at the table beside her and took her cold, tightly clasped hands in his. She looked at him steadily, and his heart clenched like a fist in his chest.
He would have given anything never to have seen that look in her eyes.
She had always been so indomitable, with her “damn the torpedoes” spirit. She was slight and delicately made, but in her own eyes she had been invincible. Because the very idea of defeat was foreign to her, she had blithely moved through life arranging it to suit herself and accepted it as only natural that shopkeepers quaked before her wagging finger. That attitude had sometimes irritated, but more often entranced, him. The kitten thought herself a tiger, and because she acted like a tiger, other people had given way.
She was no longer indomitable. A horrible vulnerability was in her eyes, and he knew she would never forget the moments when she had been helpless. That scum had hurt her, humiliated her, literally ground her into the dirt.
“Do you know what really horrified me?” she asked after a long silence.
“What?”
“That I wanted the first time to be with you, and he was going to—” She stopped abruptly, unable to finish.
“But he didn’t.”
“No. He pulled up my skirt and pushed against me, and he was tearing my clothes when Clay—I think Clay shouted. He might have fired a shot. I remember hearing a roaring sound, but I thought it was thunder.”
Her flat little monotone bothered him, and he realized she was still in shock. “I won’t let him get near you again. I give you my word.”
She nodded, then closed her eyes.
“You’re going to take a shower,” Wolf said, urging her to her feet. “A long, warm shower, and while you’re taking it, I’ll fix something for you to eat. What would you like?”
She tried to think of something, but even the thought of food was repugnant. “Just tea.”
He walked upstairs with her; she was steady, but the steadiness seemed fragile, as if she were barely holding herself under control. He wished that she would cry, or yell, anything that would break the tension encasing her.
“I’ll just get my nightgown. You don’t mind if I get my nightgown, do you?” She looked anxious, as if afraid she was being too troublesome.
“No.” He started to reach out and touch her, to slide his arm around her waist, but dropped his hand before contact was made. She might not want anyone to touch her. A sick feeling grew in him as he realized she might find his, and any other man’s, touch disgusting now.
Mary got her nightgown and stood docilely in the old-fashioned bathroom while Wolf adjusted the water. “I’ll be downstairs,” he said as he straightened and stepped back. “Leave the door unlocked.”
“Why?” Her eyes were big and solemn.
“In case you faint, or need me.”
“I won’t faint.”
He smiled a little. No, Miss Mary Elizabeth Potter wouldn’t faint; she wouldn’t allow herself to be so weak. Maybe it wasn’t tension holding her so straight; it might be the iron in her backbone.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to coax her to eat much, if anything, but he heated a can of soup anyway. His timing was perfect; the soup had just boiled and the tea finished steeping when Mary entered the kitchen.
She hadn’t thought to put on a robe; she wore only the nightgown, a plain white cotton eyelet garment. Wolf felt himself begin to sweat, because as demure as the nightgown was, he could still see the darkness of her nipples through the fabric. He swore silently as she sat down at the table like an obedient child; now wasn’t the time for lust. But telling himself that didn’t stop it; he wanted her, under any circumstances.
She ate the soup mechanically, without protest, and drank the tea, then thanked him for making it. Wolf cleared the table and washed up the few dishes; when he turned, Mary was still sitting at the table, her hands folded and her eyes staring at nothing. He froze briefly and muttered a curse. He couldn’t bear it another minute. Swiftly he lifted her out of the chair and sat down in it, then settled her on his lap.
She was stiff in his arms for a moment; then a sigh filtered between her lips as she relaxed against his chest. “I was so frightened,” she whispered.
“I know, honey.”
“How can you know? You’re a man.” She sounded faintly truculent.
“Yeah, but I was in prison, remember?” He wondered if she would know what he was talking about, and he saw her brow furrow as she thought.
Then she said, “Oh.” She began scowling fiercely. “If anyone hurt you—” she began.
“Hold it! No, I wasn’t attacked. I’m good at fighting, and everyone knew it.” He didn’t tell her how he’d established a reputation for himself. “But it happened to other prisoners, and I knew it could happen to me, so I was always on guard.” He’d slept only in light naps, with a knife made from a sharpened spoon always in his hand; his cell had hidden a variety of weapons, a lot of which the guards had seen and not recognized for what they were. It would have taken another LRRP to have seen some of the things he’d done and the weapons he’d carried. Yeah, he’d been on guard.
“I’m glad,” she said, then suddenly bent her head against his throat and began to cry. Wolf held her tightly, his fingers laced through her hair to press against her skull and hold her to him. Her soft, slender body shook with sobs as she wound her arms around his neck. She didn’t say anything else, and neither did he, but they didn’t need words.
He cradled her until finally she sniffed and observed dazedly, “I need to blow my nose.”
He stretched to reach the napkin holder and plucked a napkin from it to place in her hands. Mary blew her nose in a very ladylike manner, then sat still, searching in her depths for the best way to handle what had happened. She knew it could have been much worse, but it had been bad enough. Only one thought surfaced: she didn’t want to be alone tonight. She hadn’t been able to tolerate the women fussing around her, but if Wolf would just stay with her, she’d be all right.
She looked up at him. “Will you stay with me tonight?”
Every muscle in his big body tensed, but there was no way he could deny her. “You know I will. I’ll sleep on the—”
“No. I mean—if you could sleep with me tonight, and hold me so I won’t be alone, just for tonight, I think I’ll be all right tomorrow.”
He hoped it would be that easy for her, but he doubted it. The memories would linger on, springing out from dark corners to catch her when she least expected it. Until the day she died, she would never entirely forget, and for that he wanted to catch her assailant and break the guy’s neck. Literally.
“I’ll call Joe and let him know where I am,” he said, and lifted her from his lap.
It was still early, but her eyelids were drooping, and after he called Joe he decided there was no point in putting it off. She needed to be in bed.
He turned out the lights and put his arm around her as they climbed the narrow stairs together. Her flesh was warm and resilient beneath the thin cotton, and the feel of her made his heart begin a slow, heavy beat. His jaw clenched as blood throbbed through his body, pooling in his groin. He was in for a miserable night, and he knew it.
Her bedroom was so old-fashioned it looked turn-of-the-century, but he hadn’t expected anything else. The delicate lilac smell he associated with Mary was stronger up here. The ache in his loins intensified.
“I hope the bed is big enough for you,” she said, worrying as she eyed the double bed.
“It’ll do.” It wasn’t big enough, but it would do. He’d have to spend the night curled around her. Her bottom would be nestled against him, and he would quietly go insane. Suddenly he didn’t know if he could do it, if he could lie with her all night and not take her. No matter what his mind said, his body knew exactly what it wanted; he was already so hard it was all he could do to
keep from groaning.
“Which side do you want?”
What did it matter? Torment was torment, no matter what side he was on. “The left.”
Mary nodded and turned back the covers. Wolf wanted to look away as she climbed into bed, but his eyes wouldn’t obey. He saw the curve of her buttocks as the nightgown was momentarily pulled tight. He saw her pale, slim legs and immediately pictured them clasped around his waist. He saw the outline of her pretty breasts with their rosy nipples, and he remembered the feel of her breasts in his hands, her nipples in his mouth, her smell and taste.
Abruptly he bent down and pulled the sheet up over her. “I have to take a shower.”
He saw the brief dart of fear at being alone in her eyes, but then she conquered it and said, “The towels are in the closet next to the bathroom door.”
He was swearing savagely to himself as he stood in the bathroom, jerking his clothes off. A cold shower wouldn’t help; he’d had a lot of them lately, and the effect was remarkably short-lived. He needed Mary—naked, beneath him, sheathing his swollen and throbbing flesh. She would be so tight that he wouldn’t last a minute—
Damn. He couldn’t leave her, not tonight. No matter what it cost him.
His entire body was aching as he stood under the warm, beating water. He couldn’t crawl into bed with her like this. The last thing she needed right now was to have him poking at her all night. She needed comfort, not lust. Not only that, he wasn’t entirely certain of his control. He’d been too long without a woman, had wanted her for too long.
He couldn’t leave her, but he couldn’t go to her like this. He knew what he had to do, and his soapy hand slid down his body. At least this would give him some modicum of control, because he would rather slit his own throat than see that fear and vulnerability in Mary’s eyes again.
She was lying very still when he rejoined her, and she didn’t move as he turned out the light. It wasn’t until his weight depressed the mattress that she shifted to lie on her side. He positioned himself on his side, too, and hooked an arm around her waist to pull her firmly back into the cradle of his body. She sighed, and he felt the tension slowly ebb from her body as she relaxed against him.
“This is nice,” she whispered.
“You aren’t afraid?”
“Of you? No. Never of you.” Her tone was liquid with tenderness. She lifted her hand to reach back and cup his jaw in her palm. “I’ll be all right in the morning, wait and see. I’m just too tired right now to deal with it. Will you hold me all night?”
“If you want me to.”
“Please.”
He brushed her hair to one side and pressed a kiss into the nape of her neck, delighting in the delicate little shiver that rippled through her body when he did so. “My pleasure,” he said gently. “Good night, sweetheart.”
It was the storm that woke her. It was barely dawn, the light still dim, though the black clouds contributed to the grayness. The storm was fierce, reminding her of the ferocious thunderstorms in the South. Lightning ripped the dark sky apart, and the booming thunder made the very air vibrate. She lazily counted the seconds between the lightning flashes and the thunder to see how far away the storm was: seven miles. But it was pouring rain, the sound loud on the old tin roof. It was wonderful.
She felt both acutely alive and deeply calm, as if she were waiting for something. Yesterday was, by its very definition, in the past. It could no longer hurt her. Today was the present, and the present was Wolf.
He wasn’t in the bed, but she knew he had been there during the night. Even in sleep she had sensed him, felt his strong arms holding her. Sleeping together was a joy so deep she couldn’t express it, as if it had been meant to be. Perhaps it had been. She couldn’t stop herself from hoping.
Where was he? She thought she smelled coffee and got out of bed. She visited the bathroom, brushed her hair and teeth, and returned to the bedroom to dress. Oddly she felt suddenly constrained by the bra she put on and discarded it. A subtle pulsating sensation had enveloped her entire body, and the sense of waiting increased. Even underpants were too much. She simply pulled on a loose cotton house-dress over her nude body and went downstairs in her bare feet.
He wasn’t in the parlor, or the kitchen, though the empty coffeepot and the cup in the sink explained the lingering scent. The kitchen door was open, the screen door no barrier to the cool damp air, and the fresh smell of rain mingled with that of the coffee. His truck was still parked at the back porch steps.
It took only a few minutes to boil water and steep a tea bag, and she drank the tea while sitting at the kitchen table, watching the rain sheet down the window. It was cool enough that she should have been chilled, wearing only the thin dress, but she wasn’t, even though she could feel how her nipples had tightened. Once that would have embarrassed her. Now she thought only of Wolf.
She was halfway between the table and the sink, empty cup in hand, when suddenly he was there, standing on the other side of the screen door, watching her through the wire mesh. His clothing was plastered to hiss kin, rainwater dripping off of his face. Mary froze, her head turned to stare at him.
He looked wild, primitive, his eyes narrow and glittering, his feet braced apart. She could see every breath that swelled his chest, see the pulse that throbbed at the base of his throat. Though he was very still, she could feel his entire body pulsating with tension. In that moment she knew he was going to take her, and she knew that was why she had waited.
“I’ll always be a half-breed,” he said in a low, harsh voice, barely audible over the drumming rain. “There will always be people who look down on me because of it. Think long and hard before you agree to be my woman, because there’s no going back.”
Softly, clearly, she said, “I don’t want to go back.”
He opened the screen door and entered the kitchen, his movements slow and deliberate. Mary’s hand shook as she reached out to place her cup on the cabinet; then she turned to face him.
He put his hands on her waist and gently drew her up against him; his clothes were wet, and immediately the front of her dress absorbed the moisture until the damp fabric was molded to her body. Mary slid her hands up his shoulders to join at the back of his neck and lifted her mouth to his. His kiss was slow and deep, making her toes curl as hot excitement began to dart through her. She knew how to kiss now and welcomed his tongue while she teased him with her own. His chest lifted with a deep, sharp intake of breath, and his grip on her tightened. Suddenly the kiss was no longer slow, but hungry and urgent, and the pressure of his mouth was almost painful.
She felt him gathering her skirt in his hand to lift it; then his callused palm was sliding up her thigh. He reached her hip and paused, shuddering with violent arousal as he realized she was naked under the dress; then his hand moved to her bare buttocks and caressed them. It was surprisingly pleasurable, and she moved her bottom against his hand. He had opened up an entire new world for her, the world of sensual pleasure, and he was constantly expanding the limits.
He couldn’t wait much longer, and he lifted her in his arms. His face was hard and intent as he looked down at her. “Unless the house catches on fire, I won’t stop this time,” he said quietly. “I don’t care if the phone rings, or if anyone drives up, or even knocks on the bedroom door. This time, we finish it.”
She didn’t reply, but gave him a slow, sweet smile that made him burn to take her right there. His arms tightened as he carried her up the narrow, creaky stairs and into her bedroom, where he carefully placed her on the bed.
He stood looking down at her for a moment, then walked to the window and raised it. “Let’s let the storm in,” he said, and then it was with them, filling the half-dark room with sound and vibration. The rain-chilled air washed over her, cool and fresh on her heated skin. She sighed, the small sound drowned out by the din of thunder and rain.
There by the window, with the dim gray light outlining the bulge and plane of powerful muscle, Wolf remov
ed his wet clothing. Mary lay quietly on the bed, her head turned to watch him. The shirt went first, revealing his sleek, heavy shoulders and washboard stomach. She knew from touching him that he was unbelievably hard, with no give beneath his smooth skin. He bent down to tug off his boots and socks, then straightened and unbuckled his belt. The noise of the storm made his movements a pantomime, but she imagined the small pop as he unsnapped his jeans, then the hissing of the zipper as metal teeth pulled apart. Without hesitation he pushed down his jeans and underwear and stepped free of them.
He was naked. Her heart jerked painfully in her chest as she stared at him, for the first time feeling remarkably small and helpless beside him. He was big, he was strong, and he was undeniably male. She couldn’t look away from his hard manhood. She was going to take him inside her, accept his heavy weight as they joined in the act of mating, and she was a little frightened.
He saw it in her eyes as he eased down beside her. “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered, brushing her hair away from her face. His hands were gentle as he reached under her and unzipped her dress.
“I know what’s going to happen,” she murmured, turning her face against his shoulder. “The mechanics of it, anyway. But I just don’t see how it’s possible.”
“It is. I’ll take it slow and easy.”
“All right.” She whispered her acquiescence and let him lift her so he could pull the dress off of her shoulders. Her breasts were bare, and she could feel them tightening, swelling, her nipples puckering. He bent to kiss both nipples, wetting them with his tongue, and her back arched as heat spread through her. He quickly stripped the dress down her hips and legs, the need to have her bare under his hands too urgent for him to ignore it any longer.
Mary quivered, then lay still. It was the first time since babyhood that anyone but herself had seen her completely nude; her cheeks heated, and she closed her eyes as she struggled with the sensations of embarrassment and painful exposure. He touched her breasts, gently squeezing them; then his rough palm slowly moved down her stomach until his fingers touched her silky triangle of curls. She made a small sound, and her eyes flew open to find him watching her with such a fierce, heated expression that she forgot her embarrassment. She was suddenly proud that he wanted her so intensely, that her body aroused him. Her legs relaxed, and one finger delved between her soft folds, lightly stroking the ultra-sensitive flesh he found. Mary’s entire body tensed again, and she moaned. She hadn’t known anything could feel like that, but she sensed there was more, and she didn’t know if she could survive it. This was pleasure too intense to be borne.